Notebook.ai

@Becfromthedead June 07, 2021

Tw for death stuff

Spoiler - click to show.

So my partner's grandma might be about to die. She's been in and out of the hospital recently, and now she's back in and not doing well. That'll be their first time losing a grandparent. I lost my first grandparent just over 3 months ago, so like… ahhh. It's really fucked up. I know that's just how it is, but still! It just feels so cruel. Anyway, I've offered to help out with the family while their mom goes to visit my partner's grandma and all that. Help with driving people places, petsitting if it becomes necessary, that sort of thing. But God. It's a lot. I mean, I'm still grieving my grandfather. Not as hard as I was, but I visited his grave on memorial day (he was in Vietnam and Korea and was buried in a national cemetery) for the first time since he'd passed, and things are still heavy. So I know how it feels. And it's rough, man.

@Becfromthedead June 07, 2021

Shoutout to my mom making the passing of a local police officer about how "people don't respect them enough."

@Katastrophic June 08, 2021

that sounds like a driver issue, what brand is it?

It's a wacom bamboo tablet CTH 460

if you're still haveing this issue, first make sure you don't have any tablet drivers installed. If you're using windows, check and see if window's ink interferes (if it does, just turn it off) and then restart your device, reinstall one correct driver, restart to enable it, and then see if it's fixed!

@StarkSpangledMayflower_Mad_Elder June 08, 2021

How do I see if I have drivers installed? Would it just be un the downloads file or a different place?

@saor_illust June 08, 2021

in my experience, with a wacom cth-490, the driver comes with an app (mine is wacom desktop center)

and since yours is also a wacom
perhaps it would also use that?

try looking around for an app called "wacom desktop center"

Deleted user June 08, 2021

Hey how is everyone, Ik ive been gone and never really talked on here? WHAT DID I MISS? also update I got a gf a few weeks and life is good.

@philosophicalmess June 08, 2021

hey hey y'all

@Althalosian-is-the-father June 08, 2021

✌️

Deleted user June 08, 2021

sooooooo anything new happen?

@StarkSpangledMayflower_Mad_Elder June 08, 2021

in my experience, with a wacom cth-490, the driver comes with an app (mine is wacom desktop center)

and since yours is also a wacom
perhaps it would also use that?

try looking around for an app called "wacom desktop center"

Ok, I'll mess with my computer a bit then come back to report my findings

@Katastrophic June 08, 2021

How do I see if I have drivers installed? Would it just be un the downloads file or a different place?

sorry for the late reply, if you have a search bar by your windows/on the task bar area, you can usually search "tablet" or "wacom" and it will bring it up. If you haven't used any other tablet before, then you probably wont have drivers but wacom is very picky and will break if anything else is installed.

@StarkSpangledMayflower_Mad_Elder June 08, 2021

I'll check it out, its my first tablet and I just want it to work 😭

@saor_illust June 09, 2021

Hey how is everyone, Ik ive been gone and never really talked on here? WHAT DID I MISS? also update I got a gf a few weeks and life is good.

WAIT
IS THAT
IS THAT YOU LEO
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

askjdfkjlflkd you've been gone forever i missed youuuu
but yay !!! happy to here thatttt

@Althalosian-is-the-father June 10, 2021

Wait is this same Leo?

@tungsten June 10, 2021

No I don't think that's Leo

@tungsten June 10, 2021

That cool moment when tw// angry rant about depression and my meds which include a lot of things.

Spoiler - click to show.

that cool moment when your dad thinks you're taking your years long battle with depression (since as long as I can remember tbfh) because you want a higher dose of your meds and you're struggling to explain why means you're faking it. I want a higher dose of my meds despite the muscle spasms and anxiety because I actually have the motivation to get up and move daily, because I can shower now without feeling bad about wasting water, and how I can clean and do dishes without feeling angry or remorseful. I want to take more because I still have rapid mood swings where I get angry to the point where I know it's not normal and I still feel that apathy that I know isn't right. I still forget things, a lot of things. I still can't cry. I haven't cried since I got on the meds. It's good but I need more. I love this medicine and how it makes me feel but I know my symptoms of depression. My dad himself is depressed and you'd think he'd understand because he's on Zoloft too. It's literally genetically proven that depression is passed down, especially MDD. Essentially after years of exhausting emotions of down down lows that have torn relationships apart and literally made people feel like I AM my depression, and when I couldn't s/h because it didn't feel like I deserved to be happy and it blatantly didn't fucking work, I deserve help pushing myself upwards to a life I can confidently bounce off of into success. He just thinks I'm faking it. Yeah. Sorry I can't talk to you correctly because you never established your fucking relationship with me to a point where I felt comfortable enough to tell you everything you entitled pos. I know my body and my emotions and I need a higher dose.

That's all, bye

@Althalosian-is-the-father June 10, 2021

That’s too bad. Too bad mate. Much sympathy.

@Dayzed June 10, 2021

No, I definitely feel you on that Em. You’d think that since our parents have gone through some of the things we have, they would be a little more understanding. It completely fucking baffles me when my mom blames me for not doing enough to help myself even though I’m trying a number of things. Just because something worked for you, doesn’t mean it’s going to work for me. We are different people with different personalities.
Anyways, I do hope you feel better. Depressions a bitch and quite frankly I’m over the fact that people claim to care for you when they really fucking don’t.

@SpookyScarySnoteleks June 10, 2021

I'm losing it, on our virtual daily announcements, this kid said this would be the last day we see him and from the other room we hear a quiet 'yes!'

@Becfromthedead June 10, 2021

I am this close to ditching my roommate and just applying for a place to live with my partner.

@tungsten June 10, 2021

No, I definitely feel you on that Em. You’d think that since our parents have gone through some of the things we have, they would be a little more understanding. It completely fucking baffles me when my mom blames me for not doing enough to help myself even though I’m trying a number of things. Just because something worked for you, doesn’t mean it’s going to work for me. We are different people with different personalities.
Anyways, I do hope you feel better. Depressions a bitch and quite frankly I’m over the fact that people claim to care for you when they really fucking don’t.

ufgh thanks. another thing he said was that he'd been taking it for over ten years, and I a seventeen year old who's only been taking it for a month doesn't know anything about the medicine THEY THEMSELF are taking 🤨. I appreciate the understanding and well-meaning words. I'm doing better but my dad casting doubt into the pot is just making me rethink everything. am i depressed? well idk you apathetic bitch who hasn't cried in months and mostly just been angry and neutral you tell me?
i'm just ugh. I have my good days and I have my bad days and my bad days are still BAD and CONSISTENT that I know it's my big bad brain so I just ufjgh fjibgkmhlptorfij hi I'm talking to my dad rn lmfao. thanks again mumu big preesh

@Becfromthedead June 10, 2021

Yeah, no, meds are weird. I'm on Lexapro. I started on a low dose and it didn't do much, so I went up, and things were still kinda wonky so I went up again- but it was too much, and it made me essentially emotionally flat, and I had to go back down again. Antidepressants can take a hot minute to work, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't mess with your dosage at all. It took me probably almost 6 months to get it right.
Point is, antidepressants are fucking weird and it's okay to mess with your dose. You know your body better than anyone else does, and as long as you and your doctor are communicating about that, it'll work out

@tungsten June 10, 2021

thanks bec, I appreciate it! I'm also not sure how it's supposed to be making me feel but I know it's not 100% of what it could do? My mom understood what I meant but my dad didn't lmao. I'm not emotionally flat but I also am emotionally flat all the time so it's hard to tell the difference. but me and my doctor are talking about it and she said what I'm feeling about it is normal, and I'm depending on that.

@Becfromthedead June 10, 2021

It's tricky bc emotional flatness is also a symptom of depression- one that I never had. I had the opposite, where I was overly emotional, and I would cry like allllll the time. So for me, emotional flatness was new and incorrect, but that's probably not the same for you.

@tungsten June 10, 2021

I'm sorry if I'm making it unclear– apathy is the main symptom I have and I'm just finding it hard to tell the difference between me on meds and me not on meds other than small things. The reason I wanted to go up is because I'm still really emotionally flat, but I'll have to ask my doc about it once I start taking my higher doses yet I have a feeling I'll know the difference lmao

@Becfromthedead June 10, 2021

Yeah, that's what I figured. I just wanted to clarify that when I was talking about my own emotional flatness, it was a side effect and not a depression symptom.
But yeah, go for it! It sounds like you probably should go up, based on what you've said so far.

@berlioz June 10, 2021

New pain meds aren't working at all and I look like a ghost. I just want this to be done.

@Althalosian-is-the-father June 10, 2021

Go be spooky my ghost friend.

@berlioz June 10, 2021

I'll try Dom, I'll try

@Althalosian-is-the-father June 11, 2021

Good

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