Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

(Sorry if I'm interrupting anything)
I just got my AP scores back and while Chemistry was a 2, we all expected that, I got a 4 for both English and History so, yay me.

Congrats!! I only had one (APUSH) and I pulled a 5!

Nice! I remember you talking about it, I'm very proud!
I didn't think I would get above a 2 on APUSH so I'm pleasantly surprised.

I actually feel you on that Brooklyn. I come from a hispanic household and it's basically the same thing. Even now, I'm being taught to take whatever shit my family throws at me, but there comes a time where you snap dude. You have to set boundaries or you'll just get taken advantage of because parent's think they own you half of the time. Or at least, that's how it was in my experience. The way I snapped was not the healthiest and it completely broke my relationship with my mother. Now I'm just full of anger and bitterness. There's not even a hint of sadness in me anymore.
The people who knew me from two years ago on this site can tell I've been through a drastic change. Sure, I was probably better off not defying my mother- and I may or may not have cried for ruining the one thing I had left, but it was the only way. I tried to set boundaries the peaceful way, but when she wouldn't listen I had to yell and get physical, because enough was enough.
You're growing Brooklyn, into an adult. And as an adult you have to be willing to make sacrifices. No family, no friendship, nothing- should be put over your happiness, your health. Because when you do, it ends up fucking with your head.
And hey, maybe it's just me saying this because I literally have no one who cares left in my life, but it shouldn't matter if you end up messing your relationships up a little if it means that you will be safe and happy. You can always work to fix them over time, and besides, if they're your family or any relationship for that matter, they more than anyone should understand. If they don't and give you hell for it, then I'm sorry to say this but maybe they don't have your best interests in mind. Of course, when I say this I don't mean for miniscule things, I'm talking about having your own space when you need it without them interrupting, staying out of your stuff, and not forcing you to do things you don't want to do.
Standing up to your family is probably one of the most hardest things you will ever do. I know it was for me. There will be disagreements, there will most likely be yelling (if your parents are that type) and it might get physcial as well.
All in all, when too much oversteps boundaries you're not comfortable with you have to be willing to put your foot down. Sometimes you have to be firm in the way you say things or else they won't get the hint and keep doing the same things over and over again.
I may have just gone on a tangent that will probably mean absolutely nothing to you, but it all starts with family man. Once you're able to stand up to your family, you'll find it much easier to say "no" to some of the other things. But take my words with a grain of salt because half of the time I don't even know what I say.

Thank you @PsychedelicMind for the advice, I realize that there are times that saying No is really important and I'm trying to improve myself in that aspect. I do say that another thing that contributes to this is that I care more about other people than I care about myself. I've been trying to take care of myself more and I realize that learning to say No is a very important step forward. I've been trying to practice by saying No to people whenever they try and offer me a snack at BJ's, I think its been pretty successful so far, lol.

Nice! I remember you talking about it, I'm very proud!
I didn't think I would get above a 2 on APUSH so I'm pleasantly surprised.

I thought I'd get a 3 tops, since DBQs are a major weak point for me, and it was on my weakest era

I remember! I'm insanely proud of you, pulling off a five is not easy and here you are! Yours was on manifest destiny right, that's not an easy era to write about either.

Thank you @PsychedelicMind for the advice, I realize that there are times that saying No is really important and I'm trying to improve myself in that aspect. I do say that another thing that contributes to this is that I care more about other people than I care about myself. I've been trying to take care of myself more and I realize that learning to say No is a very important step forward. I've been trying to practice by saying No to people whenever they try and offer me a snack at BJ's, I think its been pretty successful so far, lol.

no problemo ! and i actually think that's a great way to start- baby steps my dude, baby steps <3

Zoom meetings are one of the awkwardest things I've ever done, but that's just me

in a zoom call rn
it's very awkward
someone teach me how to conversation

I’m so over waking up unsatisfied. I’m over sleeping for over nine fucking hours and still opening my eyes feeling as if I got two seconds of sleep as opposed to the nine. I’m tired of struggling to get out of bed because I know it’ll be painful. I’m tired of the shoulder and neck pain, I’m tired of the physical aches my body has in the morning that no dose of ibuprofen can help. It’s always there. I want my left shoulder to stop hurting already. I want my back to be as young and limber as it should be. I don’t want my calves to ache anymore. Why doesn’t anything work anymore

We're gettin old, babe.

ughhh hh h I swear Nate said the same fucking thing

you both are the same lmaooo

I just want to vent to/about myself, for having a nightmare last night and now being exhausted. What the fuck. Why did that bother me so badly, it wasn't even that bad, but nooo. You had to be all freaked out in the middle of the night from a fucking nightmare

in a zoom call rn
it's very awkward
someone teach me how to conversation

With whom?

Technically it was a discord call with facecam but it's basically the same thing
and I don't know the usernames of everyone there but altrince, lee, swim, izzy, ocean, aft, iri, and qxeen
we've been doing almost daily calls lately and it's really entertaining-

Sorry Ella I can't help you there, Cry's in socially awkward

in a zoom call rn
it's very awkward
someone teach me how to conversation

With whom?

Technically it was a discord call with facecam but it's basically the same thing
and I don't know the usernames of everyone there but altrince, lee, swim, izzy, ocean, aft, iri, and qxeen
we've been doing almost daily calls lately and it's really entertaining-

I was just chilling there like
wow this is awkward, why is this so awkward

_{what's the notebook discord}

my dad put screen time on my ipad which means I can only draw for 3 hours a day which is not enough for my slow hands and also this means i have nothing else to do all day

hey nerds
I'm just stopping by yet again

Please keep my grandma in your thoughts
After a long fight with Alzheimer's, she's officially been unresponsive– aka, basically asleep without waking up– since Sunday morning. She has a very high fever and they think she may have coronavirus. She also has a Do Not Resuscitate order and is about 50 pounds. If it's COVID, they will likely discontinue treatment and place her in hospice. If it's anything else, they still have no way to wake her up. It is most likely she is going to die.

For you religious fuckers, it'd be great if you could pray for her if you'd like– not for her to be okay again, but for her to go peacefully.

she doesn't remember how to eat. they try to feed her but can only give her so much before she breaks down.

fuck alzheimer's, dude. my grandma is the sweetest old lady out there. fuck it.

my grandpa just called.
it's not covid.
they don't know what's going on but they know she's in pain because she tenses up every time someone touches her and she's going to die.
we're going to visit her sometime next week. to say goodbye.
she's also on my dad's side of the family, which means that my dad's siblings are also going to be there. I don't remember the last time I spoke to them. They don't like us because 'we left him.'
my tall as fuck, 200-something pound grandpa is sobbing, he's known her since they were kids.

For you religious fuckers, it'd be great if you could pray for her if you'd like– not for her to be okay again, but for her to go peacefully.

Of course! I’ll be including her in my prayers, you have my word. I’ll also ask my family to pray for her when they go to church

hey, I had a dream about you the other day.
I love you.
but also fuck you.
even though i love you.