Virtual Creative Writing Club, anyone?

So this is what I wrote based off today's prompts. Imagine it like a movies scene, with that song playing in the background (or even better, listen to the song while reading it) and the sound of rain and everything. I'd love some feedback.

Catherine screamed.

Screamed out of despair, screamed out of pain, screamed out of sorrow.

Screamed 'til she couldn't even scream anymore.

It was all wet. Her face was wet from tears. Her entire body was wet from the rain. The ground was soaking too. And his body was wet. His body was wet in her arms, but not only from water. Not only from the rain. His body was soaking of blood.

She paniced, she sobbed, she couldn't see clear. She was shaking, she was leaning over his body and she couldn't breath. This couldn't be true.

The second time she screamed, all the crows lifted from their spots in the trees and flew away. Not even they could stand the deathening feeling of pure pain that excisted in the forrest at that moment.

When her lungs barely could breath, when the black ink of sorrow had spread through her heart and out her system, Catherine looked up. She sat there for split of a second and she carefully closed his eyes. She got up, looked at him for the last time and then she ran.

She didn't stop. And neither did the rain. She had miles to go and a mission to complete. None of them stopped when she got to the city. None of them stopped when she walked the streets. None of them stopped when the crows came back and sat down on the sidewalk around her. None of them stopped when the crows flew and none of them stopped when she saw the door.

Catherine stopped when she knocked on the door. The rain didn't. But something else would stop just seconds later.

The heart of his killer was behind that door. And Catherine would be the reason that it stopped.

Soooo this is embarrassing….I can't view Pinterest links, so which part of the poem is the writing prompt?

Aahh thank you so much!

Inspired by the writing prompt:

The tall man looked up at the woods around him. He was deep inside them, and through patches of leaves he could catch glimpses of the stars. It was so quiet, peaceful. But he still had a long way to go. So long, and so far, before he could rest. The duties of an immortal never ended.

He sighed, and continued walking. His strides covered the miles as if they were but inches, his pace quick and tireless.

"You promised."** Said a soft voice when he arrived. **"Will you follow through?"

"Of course I will." He replied, ruffling the hair of the little girl. "I always make good on my promises." He snapped his fingers, and her family appeared. Back, from where they had been taken to.

The little girl squealed with joy, and ran to her family, forgetting all about him.

He smiled, and continued walking. He was stopped by an old man.

"You promised." Said the old man in a raspy, creaky voice.

"I know." Said the immortal, and he pressed his thumb to the old man's head.

The old man's body became young again, his eyes bright with youth. And he ran off to enjoy his new life, and forgot about the immortal.

The immortal continued on, until he met a young prince who knelt in the ashes of his burned kingdom, a broken crown on his head. "What is your wish?" He asked the prince.

"I want my kingdom back." The prince said.

The immortal took a deep breath, and returned the prince his kingdom.

"Thank you." The prince said. He left, but soon forgot the immortal.

The immortal gave a sigh, and continued onwards. All he wanted was his eternal rest. All he wanted was to no longer have to do this. But until a mortal mind remembered him, he was doomed.

Miles to go before I sleep.

Am I too late to join

Dear mom,
God it’s really been a while, hasn’t it?
Since either of us has been home.
You remember the hours I’d spend, staring up at the sparkling night sky?
And wishing to be something greater?

Oh, the stars were always calling
Oh, whispering my name
You would call me in for bed at half past ten
Five more minutes, please, I swear

Now we’re both up there among them,
Each in different ways, I’ve finally got my wish
I’m part of something bigger now

Oh, the stars were always calling
Oh, whispering my name
You would call me in for bed at half past ten
Five more minutes, please, I swear

But God, mom, all I want to do now is go home
My feet on solid ground, and the trees I used to climb
I’m dreaming of the ocean and the warm and golden sand
But most of all I’m dreaming of what it was I had

Oh, the stars were always calling
Oh, whispering my name
But now I just want to go home
Want things to be the same

And, besides the hardships, the pain and yet no gain
I had people beside me, in spirit and in faith
But mom, I miss the way things were, when I controlled my fate

Oh, the stars were always calling
Oh, whispering my name
But now I just want to go home
Want things to be the same

I want to go back home
I want to feel half sane

————————————————

Here it is y’all, another character song thing that’s half old and half new, as I’ve been adding and scrapping bits. Advice is always appreciated, as I know there are bits that are kinda funky

Crocs, it's amazing!

OH MY GOD Crocs, that's awesome!! I love it so much!

Aaaa thank you guys! That means a lot, all of my characters are so close to my heart and the things I wrote about them are too, so people liking them is. Aaaaaaaaaa

You're welcome!! I really really got the feeling of either like an astronaut (at the beginning) or just someone who's lost a lot and just wants their childhood back. Idk, just the feeling i got XD

The astronaut bit isn’t too far off, actually! The character it’s written for, Cammy, finds herself in space and fighting to save the universe, but she misses home and her siblings. So the whole thing is kind of like a letter, to her deceased mother, talking about all of her fears and the things she can’t talk to her friends she’s with about

Oooh that's cool!!

Cool stuff!

Can I join? Response to the picture prompt.

Another hunched black figure, indistinguishable from the crows surrounding it, walks before me. Hard to see from rain dripping from my hair to my eyes. A blast of music from a passing car makes the figure turn its head, and it has sopping brown hair and eyes hidden by the hood…no one important or recognizable. Doesn't notice me. I can hear heavy metal playing from hidden earphones, so it can't hear me either.
A peal of thunder. How I love the rain, but even more the ferocity of its creators, the clouds. Great enough to kill the sunlight. They summon everyone outside to their cars, they've been given the day off now…the rain pulls up their identical black hoods to make them forgettable copies of each other…soothes their ears and puts them to sleep as they walk, and later I'm the only one left alive.
The Face Snatcher, the California Crow, the New Saint Francis, all nicknames for one simple human, just like the rest of them. Born and raised by normal parents, went to a normal school, ate cheeseburgers and drank coffee and watched YouTube. Later saw his face on every YouTuber's channel, every news report, every stranger's phone. Just took a flick of the switch, a sway of the flame, a flap of the wings. A drop of rain.

Hey y'all! I've really enjoyed reading all of these this week; thanks to everyone who shared something! I haven't had much time to respond yet, so get ready for a big block of response haha
(if anyone is uncomfortable with getting feedback in the bigger group, you can let me know and I'll PM you in the future. Generally, this is meant to be a space where we all try to give each other helpful feedback, but I understand that having a lot of strangers on the internet "judge" - or, rather, review - your work can be really intimidating.)

@IHaveADamProblem You've created an amazing tone!! I listened to the piece while I read your movie scene, and it really came together! The repetition slows it down and really put me in the moment, and the descriptions are on point! I love the varied sentence lengths, the focus on "stopping" later on, and the paragraphing.
Favourite phrase: "black ink of sorrow".
Some things I'd recommend looking out for:
Spelling/Grammar. It's not a big deal, but I noticed some small errors - maybe check the words "paniced", "breath", "excisted" and "forrest". And in the third-to-last paragraph, I think "neither" might work more effectively than "none"?
Also, this is purely a style thing, and it's totally fine the way it is, but maybe it'd be helpful to look at your use of the word "was" and words like it. It can be an indicator that you're doing more telling than showing, and while your piece is great the way it is, it might benefit from using more different and stronger verbs. (I can explain this more if you're interested.)
All in all, a really amazing job!! Well done!!

@izzyandviolins Really strong imagery in yours! I won't pretend to understand everything that happened in here, but I really enjoyed reading it either way!
Favourite lines: the dichotomy of "I am everywhere, I am everything. I am nowhere, I am nothing."
My two cents:
The lack of paragraphs makes this really hard to follow. I'm not always sure who's speaking, how many speakers there are, or what parts I should be drawn to because it's a very dense block of information. I recommend spreading it all out a bit!
I also noticed some grammar issues, mainly when it comes to punctuating dialogue. @Riorlyne has a super helpful tutorial on punctuating dialogue over in the Sharing and Critiques page which I definitely recommend checking out!
But overall, this looks really interesting! I'm definitely intrigued by what's happening even if I don't understand it all!

@Icefire This is such a cool concept and so well executed! I'm on board all the way haha
Really cool description in the beginning that sets the scene without being over the top. The ending is my favourite bit though. It lays out everything so well and adding the quote at the end gave me chills.
I'm not sure how attached you are to this or if this is just an exercise to a prompt, but I genuinely think it might benefit from being longer? I could really see this as a fairytale/short story! Right now it does seem a tiny bit rushed.

@crocs-needs-a-drink-and-death This one made me really sad but in a good way! The tone and emotion is set up beautifully - through innocent but meaningful phrases like "five more minutes" or "I just want to go home".
Favourite line: "Now we're both up there among them/ Each in different ways"
I have to admit I didn't initially understand this as a song, because I had to read it a few times to get behind the structure and the rhythm. One thing I wonder is if the last line is as effective as it could be? It seems like kind of an odd note to end on.
But once again, this is done really well!!

@Bandito Thanks for joining! I also really enjoyed reading what you wrote, even though I'm not 100% sure I understand all of it.
I love the mood you've set up, especially the description in the first paragraph is top notch!! (I got caught up a bit on the use of the word "it" to talk about a person, but I guess it makes sense since we're talking about a figure.) I love the narrator's voice and how strongly their personality comes across in just this one short text.
Favourite description: "ferocious" clouds. what a line. what an image. what a mood.
My question is mainly about the third paragraph - I don't really understand. Why are we suddenly talking about Youtubers and cheeseburgers? I'm guessing it makes sense in a wider context, but for now I remain confused.
But reading this, you really have a way with words!! It's a powerful text and it's put together really well. The metaphors and descriptions are amazing!

And now, before I forget, here are this week's prompts:

Music: Miserere mei, Deus (performed by the Tenebrae Choir)

the image, part of the series Girl Chasing Giantsby Yun Ling. I highly recommend checking out the entire series of images on her website (which I've linked):

As for the word prompt - this week, if you have time, you could go back to something you wrote a while back and edit it or even rewrite it! If you do this and want to share, it'd be cool if you could paste both the original and the edited version into a document and link them here, along with a short summary of the things you were looking for as you edited or the things you wanted your rewrite to improve on.
(editing is hard, so here is a video that breaks down the process a bit!)

Happy writing!

Not as impactful, huh? That makes sense, especially if you don’t know the character well. I’ll see what I can plug in instead

Thank you! I can see how it's confusing, but it's about a mass murderer about to kill again. You have to read it carefully to be able to tell I guess.

Aaaahh thank you! I just wrote it as an exercise, but maybe I'll come back to it

Could I submit something? I'm only mildly proud of this but oh well. This is from the music prompt.

The cloaked figure burst onto the roof before either person had time to register what was happening.
Meya, standing at the far end, looking out at the fog-enveloped landscape, whipped around just in time to see her loved one fall. Wesley was falling, and the figure’s hand was still outstretched from the push.
She was frozen on the spot, watching the one person she trusted in the world topple over the side of the roof and plummet towards the cobbled streets of the city to his death. As everything moved into place in her mind she sprinted to the railing, so fast it caught her in the stomach as she leaned and looked down towards her Wesley. He had already hit the ground.
Her knees buckled beneath her, almost sending her careening over the edge herself, but someone caught her from behind, pulling her into their tight hold. Without turning to look she twisted around to bury her head in their chest, eyes wide open, heart faltering, splinters of pain amassing in her soul.
Just as the person holding her loosened their grip she looked up at them, and saw nothing but a hood. And then everything hit.
With a sob tainted by rage she pushed away from the figure and stumbled to her feet, unbalanced in her sudden heavy heartbreak. Her screams of anguish echoed across the domed arch of the roof, alerting the people tending to the corpse that things were still happening.
Meya threw her hands out in front of her, barely able to aim for her tear-blurred eyes and shaking hands, and blasted half the railing while barely skimming the agile cloaked figure.
“Who are you?” she shrieked. Without a word, the murderer vanished.
Only then was she allowed to break. Shaken to the bone, she collapsed on the stone floor, her spirit crushed by this hurt as Atlas lay crushed by the sky itself. With convulsive sobs she tried to scream, and yet everything except the pain itself seemed to be drowned in the raging ocean inside of her, demolishing any sanity she had left. She fell into herself, digging her nails into her arms, soaking the floor around her with an ever-growing flood of grief.
They only found a shell of a girl on the roof that night. Both lovers had been killed, one in body and one in mind.

I'd like to join as well. I've been stalking for a while, but that image prompt is really cool.

"Where did the Giants go?"
That was a question she asked many times, many years ago. Her mother said they disappeared, the Elder said they went out when civilization died out a hundred years ago, and her friend said "I don't know. Maybe you should go find them!"
And so she did, setting off from her small village in the remnants of a northern country. Its original name was lost, though the Elder said it used to be Norway. An ancient name in a long-forgotten tongue, but the Giants could supposedly speak all languages. There was evidence of the Giants living all around them, clearings in forests where they used to tread, vast deserts where they made bonfires to cook their food, and great longboats left derelict at the sides of tall mountains.
Did they ever travel? Migrate? Did they ever have towns and cities like humans? There were many large cities a hundred years ago, at least one of them could have been big enough, right?
Did they ever have families? Did they celebrate birthdays? Anniversaries? Was marriage even a concept to Giants? She thought t she could marry a Giant. They could travel great distances together, and she could see the whole world atop their shoulders.
As the girl walked on the great ice sheet, she saw something in the distance. Being careful not to step on the large cracks that seemed to have formed eons ago, she found that bubbles had formed under the ice. Humans apparently used these bubbles before the great calamity, they were filled with methane. Tearing her eyes off from the scene beneath her feet, she realized that what appeared before her was far more interesting.
A massive sword, its blade buried within the frost. All of the cracks seemed to spiral from where it touched the ice. The sword was rusted, chipped and broken in a few places. However, another question burned in her mind.

"If the Giants had swords, then what were they fighting?"

I met with a friend of mine for coffee the other day, excited to see someone I hadn't seen in over a year
We talked and caught up, reminiscing and noting how each of us had changed
It was quite a bit, on my part.

On my second coffee, sweeter than it should be for coffee, she asked me a question.
"How did you did you do it?"
Confusion was one thing to call it, as I echoed the question back at her, "How did I do what?"
And her clarification, somehow, managed to catch me off guard even more

She told me, as I sat there, the ice in my coffee melting from the heat in the air and the warmth in my hands
That I had always looked sad.
"Sad?"
"Yes. Even when you were smiling and laughing." She told me the sadness seemed to be a permanent fixture in my eyes

Then she asked again, rephrasing her question
"How did you stop being…sad?"
The thing is, I didn't.

She wanted a trick, some fix all that I didn't have
Because I hadn't just stopped.
"What do you mean?"
You just have to keep going

The days got bad, so bad I didn't want to move or keep going
But I pulled myself out from under the covers, even if it took an hour to do so
If I couldn't take a shower, I put on clean clothes.
I brushed my teeth for as long as I could, some days a quick brush, some the full brush

I did what I could for myself, and I kept going
When the feelings choked me, overwhelming until I couldn't sleep
I wrote, I cooked, I cleaned, late at night because it demanded my focus
And kept going

When the therapy wasn't helping, when all it felt like was small talk and nonsense
I talked to my mom, to my best friend, to whoever was willing to just listen
Maybe next month would be more helpful
But until then, I kept going

I didn't have a trick, not really, no 'spite for the world' or 'thinking of the little things'
When the sadness grew too much, I worked around it
Maybe that is a trick, but it's not much of one in my mind
The best I could do was work around it and keep going

Because some days, it feels hopeless
Some days, giving up looks like a good option, looks like the best
But it wouldn't always be that way, and I knew the only way to reach the sunny days was to keep going
If I took each step, as many as I could, eventually those clouds would clear

And they did.
My eyes don't look sad anymore, and the sadness
The sadness is still there.
It shows up at night, some nights, hoping to catch me at my weakest

But it never lasts for long, if I keep going
And then I can smile again.

So I guess that's the best to offer, I told her, shrugging my shoulders
It won't go away completely, but it won't be at your throat forever
"Oh." She said, the familiar crease between her brows appearing as she thought that over
A smile tugged at my own expression as I focused back on my coffee, taking a sip of the now-watery liquid

And the text she sent me later that night, a simple 'thank you'
Made every dark night, every 'just keep going' worth it

So. This is obviously not inspired by any of the prompts, and I wrote this one just today. But with school coming up, my first year back in an actual school after two years of online schooling, I got to thinking about some things, and this became a thing. It's pretty rough, because I was more focused on the message and the feelings I had than making it neat, so yeah…

Ahgfffdgfh the appreciation is much appreciated as well

I've been super busy this week, so I don't have time for very in-depth critiques… sorry about that! I nearly forgot about this completely

@amber_demeter Welcome! I'm really glad you joined - yours had so much emotion and tension!! Your descriptions really drew me in and you have a way of narrating action that's really clear and easy to follow. I'm definitely intrigued by it (why would they murder one but comfort the other???) so that's a job well done.
I wonder if the ending is a tiny bit over-written, but it definitely fits with the tone of the music prompt, so that's just a style thing. Either way, I really enjoyed reading this!

@Yamatsu Welcome to you as well! Glad to have you on board!
Yours was super interesting to read because it includes a lot of worldbuilding and exposition, but it's done well enough that I don't feel beaten over the head with it! Some really cool descriptions, interesting characterisation (she wants to marry a Giant??) that definitely piqued my interest!
I guess the question is whether it's a bit too much exposition in one go. Obviously in an exercise it's fine, but if I read this in a book I'd feel a bit overwhelmed by all the information.

@crocssant-has-a-cat-now-ig Thank you so much for sharing again! I really love reading your poetry!
And I honestly can't think of a single critique point to say about this. You're right that it's not "neat" in the conventional sense, but in this case I don't think it has to be. The message and what you want to say is powerful enough that I think adding too much of a structure or form might even take away from it.
So yeah
Really really loved it, really really related to it

Thank you for sharing!