Ilya pulled Nataniel closer until he was practically sitting in his lap. "Comfortable?" he asked quietly, starting to stroke the undersides of his wings.
"Yeah…" Nathaniel lay his head on Ilya's shoulder, trembling from his wings' constant quaking. He couldn't help but grin a bit though, showing the dimples he despised.
Ilya smiled brightly at that. "You never told me you had dimples! You're adorable." He petted Nathaniel more deliberately, running his hands happily through the feathers.
Nathaniel blushed harder and hid his face in Ilya's shoulder. "I-I'm not cute…. I'm… I'm intimidating…" He whined quietly, his wings still trembling at Ilya's touch.
Ilya laughed, reaching up to pet Nathaniel's hair soothingly. "You're the least intimidating thing I've met all year. And you're the cutest boy I've ever seen."
Nathaniel huffed, glancing away and pouting a bit. "I'm scary…" He said quietly, wrapping his arms around Ilya's neck and his legs around his waist.
(Nathaniel: I'm scary rawr
Ilya: pats his head You're literally adorable)
(lol, yeah. Ilya's never been less scared in his life.)
Ilya rolled his eyes playfully, going back to petting Nathaniel's wings. "You're delusional. I've seen puppies scarier than you."
Nathaniel groaned quietly. "Maybe you won't be so confident when we spar… I'm good with a sword." Ilya hit a particularly sensitive spot on his wings and he arched his back a bit. "Nnnnn…"
Ilya stilled in surprise, pulling his hands away at the noise. "Hey, Nathaniel, not to embarrass you, but… um…" He blushed lightly. "Um… do you get off on this? Is this a sex thing?"
Nathaniel blushed harder and looked away. "I-I… uh… I dunno, honestly… I've never actually, you know…" He stammered, fidgeting with his hands.
(Yes, it low-key turns him on lol)
"Oh! Oh my God, I'm… sorry? Not that you being a vir-um… I mean… inexperienced is a bad thing! You're just really… um… hot so I figured you… you know, you knew about that stuff." Ilya was blushing just as hard, resting his hands on Nathaniel's hips so he wouldn't be touching his wings.
(Oh god this is a train wreck and I love it)
"P-Please don't be sorry, it's really not your fault." Nathaniel grinned a bit and hid his face again, almost amused at his own embarrassment. "I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing."
(lol, this is modern art right here)
An embarrassed laugh burst from Ilya's chest and he covered his mouth to stifle it. "Yeah, I… I kind of figured. Um… do you want me to keep petting you? Or is the mood ruined?"
"You're welcome to continue, if you want…" Nathaniel said softly, laying his head on Ilya's shoulder again as he tried not to laugh. He started giggling after a few seconds and covered his mouth with his hands. He really hated his laugh; everyone thought that was adorable too. He wanted to be intimidating, but no one was scared of him.
Ilya nodded, carefully running his hands through Nathaniel's feathers. He smiled at Nathaniel's laugh, a bit starry-eyed. It was… charming. And completely adorable. "Your laugh is good too! You really are the whole package, aren't you?"
Nathaniel's blush returned again and he looked down. "I hate it…" He whispered. "My… my laugh, my dimples, how fluffy my hair is, how easily I blush, my height… I hate everything about it…"
Ilya's smile melted away. "Why?" he asked softly, tilting Nathaniel's chin up so they were making eye contact. "What's wrong with them?"
"…Because no one ever takes me seriously.." He replied barely audibly. "That's why I started fighting. To… to prove myself…"
Ilya winced, flashing back to all the times he'd called Nathaniel cute. "Fuck, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have kept calling you cute. But… why do you need to prove yourself? You're wonderful just like this, anyone can see that."
Nathaniel shrugged. "I'm just weak… they all say so. They blame me for Lloyd, b-but I was just a kid… I didn't know how to protect myself. I lost a lot because of it, so I had to learn to fight. I-I couldn't let that happen again…"
"It's okay, Nathaniel," Ilya murmured, gently rocking him in his lap. "You're safe here, I promise. Do you mind explaining what you just said to me? I don't know what you were talking about."
Nathaniel huddled against Ilya. "My older brother, Lloyd. He… h-he died protecting me in battle… I got sent out too early…" He started trembling a bit. "I was only eight years old… everyone blamed me for his d-death because it was me he was protecting…"
Ilya held Nathaniel close, rubbing his back softly as he spoke. "That's awful. The people who did that to you are… despicable. You know it's not your fault, right?"
"I was just a kid…" Nathaniel whispered, drawing in a wavering breath. "I-I just froze in terror, and… and Lloyd, h-he came in front of me and… He fought them off and turned for just a moment to see if I was alright-" He started crying softly. "-th-they came up behind him… I couldn't warn him fast enough… it's all my f-fault… it's all my damn fault…"
"You were a baby, Nathaniel, you can't blame yourself!" Ilya wiped away the tears, still rubbing his back. "The person who sent you out there is the one who did this, not you. The people you were fighting killed him, not you. I know it's hard to see family go, but there was nothing you could've done because it wasn't your fault!""
Nathaniel clung tightly to Ilya, sobbing quietly. "B-But I could've done something… I… I just got so scared, seeing all those people running towards me… It's different than training. These people wanted me dead… I physically couldn't move… I can still remember the deep pit of terror in my stomach…"
(gotta love a character with survivors guilt)
"You were eight and tiny and terrified, there was nothing for you to do." Ilya continued to wipe his tears and hold him close, offering physical comfort when his words weren't enough. "It's fine to be scared as a kid! It's natural! Nobody should've forced you onto a battlefield when you were clearly too young and expected things to turn out well."
(Yeah lol)
"Lloyd was only fifteen…" Nathaniel gripped the fabric of Ilya's shirt, shaking. "H-He was only fifteen when he gave his life for my sake. He was far too young to die…" He sobbed softly.
"And you were too." Ilya put a hand on the back of Nathaniel's neck, holding him close and swaying softly. "You were both too young. It wasn't something a kid should have to go through."
