"I-I know, I know… I just wish that I could…" Nix sighed. "I hate that I did it…"
Big Brother: Gay Edition (MATURE, Enter at own risk!)
group
Derlik nodded just a bit.
"Oh, Nix…" Derlik gently kissed Nix's head again, the man wrapped securely in his arms.
"Mmmmm…" Nix held tighter to Derlik and sighed shakily. "I don't… I don't wanna feel like this… I wish I didn't do it…"
group
Derlik held Nix, running his fingers through the man's hair.
"I know, I know so much, Nix," Derlik said gently. "But all we can do is move forward now…"
"Y-Yeah, I guess… but it's hard… I just feel really guilty every time I see Zachary…" Nix sighed shakily again.
group
"And he's getting better…" Derlik held Nix to his chest, resting his head on the man's.
"Yeah, but still…" Nix toyed with the fabric of Derlik's shirt. "I just feel so stupid…"
group
Derlik held the back of Nix's head in his hands.
"I can promise you aren't," he assured quietly.
"But I am… I'm just a stupid fucking cat trying to pretend I'm as smart as a person… I've done nothing but harm since I became a person…"
group
"You're not," Derlik said softly. "You just haven't had enough time to learn everything yet. You'll get there, Nix. You've made some mistakes, but now you can learn from them."
Nix whimpered weakly into Derlik's chest, his heart pounding hard. "B-But what if I don't? What if I just keep making mistakes?"
group
"That's what humans do," Derlik said softly. "You make mistakes, and then you learn from them. It'll be okay, Nix…"
Nix rubbed at his eyes a bit and sighed. "But I don't wanna make mistakes… they feel bad…"
group
'They do," Derlik said softly. "But everyone makes them. We just have to learn from them…"
"Mmmm…" Nix whined softly. "But why can't I just not make them at all?" He asked.
group
"Because you can't see how every thing you do will turn out," Derlik explained quietly. "No one does. We'll all have to learn from mistakes."
Nix sighed softly. "I just… I dunno… making mistakes is dumb… why can't I just stop being bad?"
group
"You aren't being bad," Derlik assured softly. "Mistakes might be dumb, but it's a part of life."
Nix didn't really seem convinced, still quivering a little. "But I don't wanna make mistakes…"
group
"Then we'll do what we can to learn, and not make them as much anymore." Derlik held Nix a bit closer, kissing his head again.
"Okay…" Nix purred weakly when Derlik pulled him closer, just allowing the God to hold him for the moment.
group
Derlik fell quiet, playing with Nix's hair some to help him relax. He kissed the man's head again, eyes partially closed.
Nix yawned a bit at the petting and seemed to settle down a bit. "Sorry for being stupid…" He mumbled.
group
"You're not being stupid," Derlik assured. He hugged Nix gently, rubbing the man's back.
"Mmm… I kinda am, though…" Nix sighed. "But I don't feel like arguing anymore…"
group
Derlik let out a soft breath.
"Alright…" Derlik rested his head on Nix's, kissinghim again lightly.
Nix fidgeted with the hem of his skirt a bit, still seeming pretty nervous. "I'm sorry you have to deal with me…"
group
"I'd much rather I be here with you then you have to do this on your own," Derlik said in turn.
"Mm… but we hardly know each other." Nix sighed. "You shouldn't have to deal with my problems."
group
"I don't mind. Really, Nix." Derlik patted Nix's back some. "I'm choosing to do this."