“You don’t understand.”
I felt like my world was breaking into tiny pieces. Colton was asking me to kill him. To kill him. He wanted me to kill him.
“She talks about you like you’re the sun. The stars. Her whole world. She would chose you over anyone else on this godforsaken planet—including her brother. Don’t do this to her. Don’t make me do this to her.”
I let my mask drop. I looked at Andreas, the fear, exhaustion, tire and utter hopelessness all plastered on my face. All my life, I had one goal; keep up the mask, let no one know my inner struggles. Elle was the only one who knew what I was going through, but even she didn’t have more than the basic idea.
“I’m tired,” I admitted, and even my voice had lost its cool. “I’m tired of constantly looking over my shoulder, hoping that witch is not behind me. I’m exhausted, Andreas, from countless sleepless nights because I’m afraid of falling asleep and never waking up as myself again. I feel hopeless because no matter how hard I try, the voices never stop. They quieten, but they never stop. I’m scared that one day he’ll take over me and would briefly let me out to see whay he has done to my family, to the people I love. I don’t ever want to see the day where my hand is around Elle’s throat, slowly choking her to death, cursing her and threatening her. I don’t even want to let her be near me, but I can’t help it because I’m so goddamn in love with her. I want to be with her—I want to be the one to put a ring on her finger and claim her in front of a thousand people. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but most of all, I don’t want to be a monster.” I broke off, feeling bare after stripping myself off of layers of untouched thoughts. “I don’t want to turn into a monster. I don’t want to fade into nothing—I don’t want to go back into that pit of hopelessness, darkness and oblivion. This curse is not going to go away. It’s only going to get stronger until I’m gone and will never come back. So Andreas, from a friend to a friend, don’t let me be a monster. Kill me before I turn into that thing.”
I stood there, shocked to the core. My hands began to tremble ever so slightly under the immense, indescribable weight of his words. “Colton—“ I stammered, wrenching my eyes away from his.
What on earth was I supposed to say to that?
“Please,” I was nearly begging him. “You won’t be taking a life. You’ll be saving one. I want this, Andreas.”
“Shit,” I cursed, wiping a hand down my face. Tears pricked my eyes. “Shit. I can’t—I can’t just hold that sword and—“
I was in a nauseating turmoil, my turbulent emotions threatening to overcome me as I dragged my eyes back up to his.
But, he was right. As much as I hated it… he was right. One life, in return for dozens, maybe even hundreds. With full possession of the heir to the throne, that witch could utterly destroy.. well, everything.
Finally, I forced my mouth to shape words. “I—I agree to your terms. But only because we’ll never get to that point. We’ll kill the witch. I promise.”
I looked at him gratefully, feeling a burden lift from my shoulders. Even though I barely believed his words. She couldn’t be killed.
“Thank you,” I breathed out, anyway. “I’m sorry for asking of such a thing, but there was no one else I could count on. Just… keep this a secret from Elle and Kaden. No one needs to know.”
"Don't thank me," I told him bluntly, wrapping my arms around my middle and squeezing my eyes shut. "I understand why you asked. I understand why you want me to do it. But don't you dare thank me. Have a nice day, Colton."
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, and I truly was. “For asking for such a thing. For making you do this, but we have no other choice. I have no other choice.”
I just shook my head.
"Write a letter. For Elle. I'll give it to her if it comes to the point where you can't anymore."
And with that, I turned on my heel and walked away.
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. I had burdened him greatly, but I had no choice. I could easily turn my own abilities against myself, but I couldn’t. Not with her hold on me, so I had to rely on Andreas. Hopefully he won’t tell Kaden. He shouldn’t.
Kaden:
I was waiting for Andreas, biting on my lip. What was it that Colton wanted from him? I couldn’t think of anything.
While I was busy pacing, the door finally opened. Andreas stepped inside.
“Andreas!” I greeted him. “What—“
I stopped talking. Andreas looked pale, eyes were red, and he was trembling. What did he do to my boyfriend?
Andreas:
I pushed past my boyfriend, rubbing furiously at my eyes as I made straight for my room.
What the Prince had ordered me to do…. I knew that it would haunt me for the rest of my life, whether we defeated the witch in time or not. But I couldn't tell Kaden—he'd take the news straight to Elle. And oh, it would break her….
I furrowed my eyebrows, getting more worried. I grabbed his arm, preventing him from leaving.
“Where are you going?” I questioned slowly. “What did he say to you?”
I merely shook my head, trembling from head to toe.
"I—I can't—"
The thought of holding a sword, a weapon designed to kill, and driving it through the heart belonging to the love of my best friend's life… it broke me. Utterly broke me. To take a life? That was something I could never do… but now… there was a possibility that I might have to.
I pulled him into my arms, holding him tightly as he trembled and shook.
“Andreas…” I rubbed his back gently, though I was bursting with fury. “I’m here. You can tell me.”
The moment he pulled me into his embrace, I crumbled. Tears spilled from my eyes and down my cheeks as I buried my face in his chest, crying my heart out. "K-Kaden—I can't—I promised—–"
I gritted my teeth. There was only one thing that would get him to react like this.
“What did he tell you to do, Andreas?” I asked slowly, hating the way he was crying. I couldn’t even do anything about it. “Tell me he didn’t say what I think he said.”
I shook my head firmly, wishing he would hold me tighter. The solace his embrace brought me was unimaginable, but right now… there was little he could do.
"I—All I can say is—–Is that I made a promise—And I don't think—I can keep it—" I gasped out between muffled sobs, hating myself for being so weak, so pathetic.
“I’m going to—how dare he,” I snarled, hugging him tighter, my shirt wet from his tears. “He asked a healer of all people to say that to? Elle—Elle needs to know. She needs to know what her goddamn boyfriend is making people do.”
Panic flooded my body.
"N-No—" I stammered desperately, shaking my head. "N-No—he didn't ask me to—to do that—–he just said—"
I stopped, looking up at him. “He said what…?”
What was it that got my boyfriend breaking down like this?
I scrambled to think of a lie, anything that would convince him, but all my mind came up with was stupid, transparent. I uttered it anyways, knowing how lacking in credibility my voice was.
"He—He told me to take care of Elle," I blurted, "After he's gone."
I froze. That couldn’t be everything. Andreas wouldn’t be crying like this if that was it.
“So he doesn’t want Elle to know he’s given up,” I said instead, pretending I had believed him. He was distressed as it is. I should be making him feel better. “And that’s why he asked you to keep it a secret.”
I nodded hastily, my eyes widening at the success—–had he really believed me? We both knew how terrible of a liar I was…
"Yeah—" I stammered, "Yeah. That."
“Come on, let’s get you caramel treats,” I said to him softly. “You’ll feel better once you do.”
I shook my head miserably.
"I think–I think I'd throw up if I tried.."
"Do you want to cuddle?" I murmured. "I'll hold you tight."
"P-Please," I begged him, pressing close. "Please, I—I really need it. I–I'm sorry."
I pressed my lips on his for a second before pulling apart, grabbing his hands and leading him into my room. Once we were in my room, I locked the door, pushed him down on the bed, laid next to him and wrapped my arms around him. I was smaller than he was, but I managed.
Vulnerable, shaking, and crying my eyes out, I curled up against my boyfriend, cursing myself a million times over. "I hate—I hate how I'm so weak—"
