Nathaniel winced when Zedd started cleaning his arms, but managed to keep quiet. "Um… y-yours, preferably… I don't wanna be alone…" He replied softly, toying with his bandages a bit once they were on. "I'm very sorry, sir…" He murmured. "Um… for everything…"
Depression and Choccy Milk (OXO with Caustic)
person_off
Deleted user
(Thank you for reviving thissss. I've missed this!)
group
“Stop. I don’t want you to apologize for what just happened. It was a lot to keep to yourself. You need to talk to someone before it gets that bad though,” Zeddicus replied, tone serious but concerned. He noted Nathaniel messing with the bandages, but he had them on secure enough that it wouldn’t matter if the boy touched them.
group
(Haha, sorry! I had a lot going on as I’m working and I have a family vacation this week haha)
Nathaniel nodded weakly and looked down at the floor. "Talk to who? I've already talked to you about it and I don't really know anyone else…" He sighed softly and started fidgeting with his wingtips instead.
group
“I meant as in telling me sooner, but that’s a good point. You might need someone who really knows how to help you,” Zedd thought out loud. It was sad to think a kid so young might need PTSD therapy. The man shook his head. “We’ll think about that later. You still wanna lay down for a bit?” Zedd asked gently.
Nathaniel nodded again and held his bandaged arms up to Zedd. He was trembling lightly and just generally looked defeated. His expression was so broken and helpless and he really just needed to be held. "Who would I talk to other than you?" He asked quietly.
group
(Bby need hugs)
Zedd carefully scooped Nathaniel into his arms and brought him across the hall to his bedroom. Setting the boy down on the bed, he sat beside him. “Someone trained to help people with this sort of thing. Therapy probably,” he replied with a hum.
(Bby)
Nathaniel crawled into Zedd's lap and clung to him, huddling as close as he possibly could. "H-How are they supposed to help me?" He asked. "What's wrong with me?" He seemed pretty nervous after that question, fidgeting a bit with his hands.
group
“It’s so you can have someone to talk to who would have better answers than I can give,” Zeddicus replied softly, resting a hand on the small boy’s back. He gave a soft frown before giving in and simply holding Nathaniel in an embrace. “And… wrong wouldn’t be the right word. It’s like a mindset thing. Some people need help to keep positive.”
Zedd nearly wanted to shake his head. It was such a vague way to explain depression and anxiety. Mental issues in general even. Stars, he was bad at being a dad.
Nathaniel wrapped his arms around Zedd's neck and clung tightly to him with a wavering breath. "B-But I don't know anyone down here but you…" He replied softly, his voice breaking and fading. "What… w-what if they're dangerous?" He asked as he looked up at Zedd. "What if they hurt me? Why can't I just talk to you instead? Don't you have a potion that can fix me?"
group
“If they dare hurt you, I’ll kill them,” Zedd muttered. “Uh, not literally,” he added quickly. At this rate, he’d sound like a criminal if he kept talking like that. “And… as much as I wish I did, potions can only do so much,” the man said, holding Nathaniel close. He ran a few fingers through the boy’s hair, now seeing how soft it was. “If… if they think you need it… there’s medicine that can help you?”
Nathaniel purred weakly when Zedd started toying with his hair, huddling closer to the man for comfort. "Okay… if you think I need that, I'll take your word for it. When should I go? Will you go in with me? I don't wanna do it alone, dad…"
group
(You guys are so close to making me cry)
(I'm not gonna break today)
group
“We’ll think about it when you’ve calmed down a bit. Since you’re so young, I’m pretty sure I’m required to come with you,” Zedd replied, still caught a bit off guard with the soft trills Nathaniel was making. He continued trying to help the boy relax anyways, relieved he was doing at least somewhat of a good job. “Even if I wasn’t, I would stay if you wanted me to.”
"Mm… okay…" Nathaniel huddled closer to Zedd, curling his wings tightly around himself to feel more secure. "Can… um… can we go lay down now, please? I just… yeah…" He sighed shakily. "I don't wanna think about anything right now… I just wanna go sleep for a while…"
group
At that moment, Zedd let himself lay back onto the mattress, Nathaniel still in his arms. “Yeah. You’ll need it after all that,” he said, taking a strand of Nathaniel’s hair and twirling it around a finger a moment before letting it go. He also removed his arms in case Nathaniel wanted to scoot up and into the blankets to rest on his own.
group
(You guys are so close to making me cry)
(I'm not gonna break today)
(Tomorrow then-)
Nathaniel whined softly when Zedd let go of him and huddled up against him again, trembling lightly. "P-Please don't leave me…" He whispered shakily with his face buried in Zedd's chest. He couldn't stand to feel alone at the moment. He needed to know Zedd was there at all times. "I… I'm sorry, b-but I just… I c-can't… I need you…"
(You guys are so close to making me cry)
(I'm not gonna break today)(Tomorrow then-)
(Definitely today)
group
“Shhh. I’m not leaving,” Zedd consoled, already rubbing small circles on Nathaniel’s back again. He stood up only to set Nathaniel at the top of the bed, head on a pillow. He moved the blankets back and climbed in bed as well before moving them back. “I wanted to move you up here in case you just wanted me to sit here with you,” he said. Already knowing Nathaniel would want to be held again, he carefully scooted the boy closer to his chest. “But I can see that isn’t the case,” he attempted to joke with a light smile.
"P-Please hold me…" Nathaniel whispered weakly in reply, hiccuping a bit and burying his face in Zedd's chest. He clung tightly to the man, still noticeably trembling. His wings quivered like leaves in the wind and he was struggling to hold back tears. "D… D-Don't leave me, dad… please… I-I need you…"
group
Zeddicus complied, his arms still wrapped around Nathaniel’s small frame. He held the other close, gently playing with the boy’s hair again. “It’s okay. I’m not leaving… Just let it out, you’re gonna be okay,” he whispered. He moved his hand away from Nathaniel’s curls, setting his chin there instead. He hated seeing the boy so scared like this. It scared him because he had no idea what to do. Hearing the angel’s shakey pleas, he shut his eyes lightly. Nathaniel said he needed him. He could do something right. He could be a good father figure. He could figure out what to do. Seeing the boy smile again would even be worth getting very little to no sleep again. “However long it takes… I’ll be here.”
Nathaniel nodded and seemed to start slowly relaxing. "T-Thank you…" He whispered shakily as he folded his wings tightly against his back. "I'm sorry I'm apparently so fucked up, dad… I… I-I promise I didn't mean to…" He fidgeted nervously, his tears starting to subside as Zedd held him close to himself.
group
Zedd was so used to the profane language of the world that he nearly overlooked Nathaniel cursing again. He’d talk about it later when the angel was in a better mindset.
“It’s not your fault. I’m not exactly perfect either,” he said, a sad smile forming on his lips. He didn’t want to bring his own mess into the conversation, so he kept things very vague for now. Nathaniel didn’t need to know until he would be forced to explain it.
Nathaniel rubbed at his teary eyes with one tiny fist, hiccuping a bit. "Y… You're nicer than my actual parents…" He said softly. "They'd have killed me by now… I'm breaking so many rules." He laughed dryly, his voice still weak from crying. "I'm saying bad words and being emotional and asking for things and crying a lot… they'd be furious with me…"
group
Zeddicus froze. Did… did he say killed…?
“You’re pretty much an exception for me being nice,” he said with a small chuckle. “You deserve to be able to have a decent childhood rather than being scared of upsetting someone constantly. Just be your happy self like normal. And even if you’re not, that’s fine too. Be a little selfish once in awhile.”
"But isn't being selfish bad? I'm always supposed to put other people's needs before my own and never take things for myself… it's really not my place to do so. I've been really mean to you, haven't I? I… I-I'm sorry…" Nathaniel whispered, holding a bit tighter to Zedd. "I don't deserve good things… I'm just a disobedient, ungrateful child…"
(Visual, anyone?)
group
"But isn't being selfish bad? I'm always supposed to put other people's needs before my own and never take things for myself… it's really not my place to do so. I've been really mean to you, haven't I? I… I-I'm sorry…" Nathaniel whispered, holding a bit tighter to Zedd. "I don't deserve good things… I'm just a disobedient, ungrateful child…"
Zeddicus moved his head off of Nathaniel's, one of his hands moving underneath the boy's chin again. "Nathaniel, listen to me. Never once have you been any of those things. You do deserve good things. If I seem upset, it's probably because I'm trying to figure out how to help you. I've never done this, but I can guarantee you that you've been better than any kid I've seen," he said, looking the angel in the eyes. Stars, he hated seeing tears in those beautiful blue eyes. "Now that you're here on Earth, forget all those dumb rules you had to follow and listen to mine. You're allowed to make mistakes without being hurt for them. You're allowed to ask for things and be selfish once in awhile. And lastly… relax and don't be afraid to talk to me about what's bothering you."