Nathaniel leaned into Zedd's hand, closing his eyes as a couple fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. He purred weakly at Zedd's gentle touch, trying to huddle closer to him for comfort. "B-But those rules are all I've ever known, dad…" He whispered in a broken tone. "I don't… I c-can't just forget them entirely… what if I do something bad? Breaking rules always gets me hurt somehow and I really, really don't wanna hurt… I'm s-scared, dad… I don't wanna hurt again…" He hiccuped weakly and gripped the fabric of Zedd's shirt tightly in his tiny fists. "P-Please, dad… please don't let them hurt me…"
Depression and Choccy Milk (OXO with Caustic)
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Zeddicus hugged Nathaniel gently, wings embracing the boy as well. “Shhh. You won’t get hurt if you mess up. It’s normal to mess up. I promise,” he hummed, starting to rub circles on the angel’s back again. He hated hearing Nathaniel so scared. Whoever they were were going to pay severely if they ever set foot near Nathaniel. Zedd wished he could find the people in the angel’s past and show them the consequences of their actions. “You’re safe.”
"But I'm not allowed to mess up!" Nathaniel clung tighter to Zedd as he began getting more worked up again. "Mistakes fucking hurt, dad! If you make a mistake during training, they hit your knees and make you stay late. If you go somewhere you're not supposed to, they lock you in your room and don't let you eat for a while. If you step out of line at all, you get belted! That's just how it is, dad, and I just… I c-can't…" He started sobbing quietly into Zedd's chest again. "I c-can't do it, dad… I couldn't do it… that's why they kicked me out…"
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“Nathaniel,” Zeddicus said, voice getting louder, trying to keep from sounding angry. “You’re not there anymore. I swear on my life I’d never hurt you. You’ll always get fed when you’re hungry, and never ever yelled at for mistakes. I get it. You can’t just erase everything in a moment, but you know what fucking hurts, Nathaniel?” Zeddicus asked, gaze never wavering.
“It hurts that you think I’m going to hurt you when I’m not. You know what all that shit’s called here? That’s called abuse and it’s illegal. I’m not angry, but it hurts to see you so afraid of me.”
Nathaniel hiccuped and sobbed harder, staring at Zedd with his eyes wide with fear. "I-I'm sorry…" He whispered, his voice faltering and breaking before fading to nothing. "I d… I d-don't know how things work down here, dad… I'm not… I'm not used to being taken care of… I'm not used to not having to live in fear of doing something wrong. I'm not used to not having to break my back with work just to be good enough. I'm not used to being allowed to just eat when I'm hungry. I'm not used to not being forced to train for battle every day even though every time I train, I end up freaking out and crying because I'm thinking about Lloyd. Life up there was different, dad. It… it was so much worse. I don't like being scared all the time, but I can't help it…"
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“Shh… I’m sorry for seeming so upset, but I hate seeing you so torn up like this. I… I don’t know how to be a good dad, Nathaniel,” Zeddicus admitted, a sad smile on his lips. Stars, he sounded so self centered. This was about the boy sobbing in his arms out of fear. “I just want to help you. And I will. Nathaniel, I want to figure this out together, okay? Can we do that?”
Nathaniel buried his face in Zedd's chest again and nodded, still trembling violently. "I-I guess so… I d… I don't even know where to start, though… what are we even t— t-trying to figure out, anyway…?" He asked shakily, his wings still quivering even harder than the rest of his tiny form. He was struggling to draw in a full breath and he still seemed to be very nervous and afraid.
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Zeddicus continued to gently pet Nathaniel’s back, tracing the base of his wings carefully. That area was usually a spot that allowed the other joints to start to relax if massaged. “You said you don’t know how things work here. I’ll help you. And… you can help me become a good dad, okay?” the man asked, doing his best to sound cheerful. “Now, just focus on breathing so you can calm down and get some rest.”
Nathaniel weakly nodded again, suddenly melting into Zedd's touch when the man bumped a particular spot on his wings. He hiccuped a couple more times as he huddled close, but he seemed to be controlling his breathing to try and calm himself down. "I… I'll try my best…" He murmured. Although his entire small form was still noticeably trembling, he seemed to relax considerably after a few minutes of petting.
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Zeddicus gently stroked the spot that Nathaniel seemed to like. He offered a tired smile, suddenly feeling exhausted from the rollercoaster of emotions he had gone through. “I’ll still be here when you wake up. It’s late enough that I don’t have anything to make me need to leave,” he whispered. “Get some rest and I’ll make you choccy milk when you get up too.”
"Mm~…" Nathaniel yawned and nuzzled against Zedd a bit as the adrenaline drained out of his body. "Okay… thank you, dad…" He murmured sleepily. He tangled himself up with Zedd and soon drifted off to sleep in his arms, purring weakly until he had fully slipped into unconsciousness. He was completely drained from crying, so he was likely to sleep for a few hours at least.
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From everything that had happened, Zedd found himself quite tired as well. He wrapped both arms around Nathaniel and made himself comfortable. The man shut his eyes and allowed himself to go back to sleep. It made him happy to know he was able to calm Nathaniel down enough to get him to get some rest. It was probably hard on the poor boy to have a breakdown somewhere completely new.
The two slept peacefully, both not moving an inch aside from their even breaths.
Nathaniel ended up stirring at around two in the morning. He glanced around the room with a yawn, completely unaware of what time it was. Zedd was blocking his view of the clock on the side table. He shook Zedd a bit in an attempt to wake him. "Dad… are you awake?" He asked in a whisper, stretching out his crumpled wings a bit. "Dad…?" He repeated, slightly louder this time.
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Zeddicus groaned, obviously not sounding pleased at being woken up. He had no idea how long he had fallen asleep for, but insisted on keeping his eyes closed. He felt Nathaniel’s body beside him, moving an arm over the boy’s sides. “You’re okay…” he muttered, not understanding what was going on in the slightest. He then seemed to fidget slightly, trying to go back to sleep.
"Dad?" He called out again, gently touching Zedd's cheek this time. He was still a bit groggy himself, but considerably more awake than Zedd was. "Um… h-hello?" He glanced around again, clearly not quite sure. "Um… can… can I have the choccy milk now, dad? You said I could have some when we woke up…" He said nervously, fidgeting a bit with the tips of his wings.
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Zedd crinkled his nose, brain still longing to go back to sleep. The man blinked tiredly, noting the room was still dark. He moved his arm back from Nathaniel’s body only to rub the sleep away. “Mmph… wha…?” he asked, sitting up a bit. “Uh, you…? Oh yeah,” Zedd muttered, remembering what he had said. The adult turned to the side to read the time. “Holy sh-“ Zedd had to stop himself from swearing. Nope. Can’t encourage profanity anymore. “Nathaniel…? It’s uh… 2 in the morning, bud.”
"Oh! S-Sorry, sir…" Nathaniel replied weakly. "I didn't know… I can't see the clock from here…" He huddled closer to Zedd, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry for waking you…" His mouth was very dry from dehydration brought on by crying so much and not having drank anything in hours, but he didn't bring it up. He knew he probably wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep very well for a bit, so he just shifted uncomfortably in the bed.
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Zedd blinked tiredly again. “I did tell you you could have some when you woke up… And you’re awake now,” he stated. The man sat up fully, stretching out as far as he could without accidentally hitting Nathaniel in any way. “Okay, let’s go, but then bed,” he said, scooting out of the blankets.
"R-Really?" Nathaniel carefully slipped out of bed, yawning a bit. "Thanks, dad!" He smiled brightly and headed over to Zedd to hold tight to his hand, clearly scared of getting separated from him in the dark. He wasn't familiar enough with this place yet to be willing to brave navigating in the dark. He felt considerably safer with Zedd by his side.
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(Its choccy milk o clock here ahaha)
Zedd gave a small grunt, still very tired. He felt Nathaniel’s hand slip into his own and the man took it without question. Heading out into the living room, he turned on a small table-side lamp. It bathed the room in a pale yellow glow. Illuminating the room and the kitchen enough so they could both see. Zedd gave Nathaniel’s hand a small squeeze before letting go and padding into the kitchen. He took the milk and the syrup, doing his best to go a bit easier on the chocolate. He didn’t want Nathaniel to be hyper at 2 AM.
Nathaniel sleepily climbed up onto his usual stool when Zedd released his hand, resting his head on the counter to wait for his milk. He didn't like how the brightness of the lamp hurt his eyes, so he decided to keep them closed for now. When Zedd gave him his chocolate milk, he picked it up and started drinking it, his eyes still almost completely closed. He slipped off his stool once he'd finished and held his glass and then his hands up to Zedd, wanting to be carried.
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Zedd took the empty cup, setting it inside the sink. He felt too tired to clean it now, figuring he’d do it in the morning. Well, at a decent hour in the morning. He stared down at Nathaniel, grasping at the air to signal he wanted to be picked up. Honestly, Zeddicus didn’t care much about anything, complying with what the small boy wanted. He took the boy carefully, wrapping his arms around him before walking back towards his bedroom. The man even forgot about turning off the lamp. It was fine. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford a slightly higher bill later on.
Zedd yawned as he pushed the door open with his foot and then as he climbed back into bed. He made sure to cover himself up as well as Nathaniel before closing his eyes.
He never let the boy in his arms go. He wouldn’t be alone again.
Nathaniel was still out cold by the time Zedd woke up in the morning, huddled up close to the man's chest. His wings fluttered a bit in his sleep and he yawned, purring almost inaudibly with a weak smile plastered onto his face. He seemed to have slept well enough and was pretty comfortable in Zedd's arms. Looking at him, you could almost forget about the fiasco yesterday unless you noticed the bandages still on his arms.
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Zeddicus frowned softly. Nathaniel was so torn up inside. He was so under prepared to comfort someone. Perhaps… it worked out because he wanted to hear a few of those things himself. That he’d be fine while caring for Nathaniel. At this point he had nearly forgotten about his initial plan of helping the angel get some decent money before letting him go. After everything that had happened, he didn’t know if he could.
Nathaniel had called him dad already. Stars, he’d be awful if he abandoned the poor boy or arranged him to go to some sort of foster care system. Nathaniel already didn’t think he was wanted. And… the boy hadn’t been too bad of a hassle. Zedd mostly felt concerned considering the other’s behavior. Nathaniel really needed someone to trust.
The man continued to lay where he was, keeping the angel close. He could wait to get up.
After about another hour, Nathaniel stirred and yawned, taking a couple minutes to build up the will to open his eyes and accept wakefulness. "Mmmmm… mornin', dad…" He mumbled sleepily with a gentle smile on his face, hugging Zedd tightly. Even though he hadn't been with Zedd for very long, he had clearly bonded with him and had formed a deep emotional attachment to him. He already saw him as a father figure, after all. "It's not too early in the morning, is it?" His stomach growled quietly and he flushed a bit. "Can we get breakfast?"
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The sun shone through the window around the curtains. It was obviously later in the morning. Last time he had looked, it had been around 10. Zedd was fairly awake after waiting for so long. “It’s not. Anything you remember having that you like?” Zedd asked, hoping he actually had the ingredients for whatever Nathaniel might want. A lot of the time he either slept through breakfast, didn’t eat anything, or had something small. There was also the part where he had to cook said food. Damn, was he gonna have to start ordering cookbooks and all that?
"Mmm… I dunno. I'm really not all that picky…" Nathaniel stuck his tongue out a bit and flopped his head back onto the bed. "I didn't get to eat breakfast back at home, usually, but I was always hungry… they said that fighting through the hunger made you stronger." He hummed softly to himself. "But you said I should eat when I'm hungry, so…"
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At that moment, Zedd wanted to punch the wall. Damn, Heaven sounded more like hell than anything. He tried to remain relaxed in front of Nathaniel despite how angry he felt. “Something sweet or something savory?” He asked, sitting up now. Sweet, he’d see if he could maybe make french toast? That wasn’t too hard. And savory, maybe just some simple bacon and eggs? That sounded fair enough. At least he could keep from burning anything and making it too complicated.
"Hmm…" Nathaniel considered for a few seconds, pulling his wings in front of himself so he could preen them. "Sweet!" He finally decided, smiling a bit as he kept toying with his feathers. "I usually like sweet things better, I think, and I wasn't allowed to have much back at home."
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Somehow, Zedd wasn’t surprised at all. Of course he’d want something sweet after liking chocolate milk so much. “Well, we can change that. I’m gonna head into the kitchen,” he announced, knowing what Nathaniel was like if he didn’t. Even if he simply left the room for a moment, the poor boy might start panicking. Remembering what happened the last time Nathaniel was left alone, the man held out a hand for the boy to take. Yeah, he was not gonna sit in here alone with his thoughts again.