"Mmkay, dad… if you say so…" Nathaniel whispered weakly in reply. Honestly, he'd gotten so used to being dehydrated during his time on the streets and during long days of training that he hardly noticed it anymore. The first while was absolutely awful. He'd felt terrible for so long. But then, his body started adjusting, and now he was just drained of energy most of the time.
Depression and Choccy Milk (OXO with Caustic)
group
Once he was sure that Nathaniel had mostly calmed down, the man lifted Nathaniel up off the floor, still holding him. He stepped into the kitchen only to set the boy down gently on the cool countertop. Zedd then turned to grab a cup from the cabinets and fill it with cool water. When it was mostly full, he turned and gave it to the angel who didn't have to wait all too long.
"Thanks…" Nathaniel closed his eyes and started sipping idly at the water, seeming to be pretty drained from crying so much. "Sorry for causing all this trouble, dad… I know you'll tell me not to apologize or whatever, but I still feel bad and I want you to know that I'm really, truly sorry about what I did, even if it was inadvertent. Y-You can punish me if you'd like… uhm… not that it's really up to me, of course, but… I deserve it…"
group
At that moment, Zedd wanted to slam his head into the wall. Damn it, again with the punishment thing. "Nathaniel, I'm not going to punish you," he sighed tiredly. "A single sorry is fine if you think you need to say it. I accepted your apology already. After that, it's done. Don't worry about it," he explained bluntly. "That goes for the future too. One sorry and then it's done. I'm not angry or upset with you," Zedd finally finished. "Am I clear?"
Nathaniel looked up at Zedd weakly, wincing a bit at his tone and clearly struggling to hold back another apology. "Okay…" He finished his water and held up his arms to Zedd again to silently request to be carried. He was too tired to walk around right now and he honestly just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up for a really long time.
group
Of course, Zedd complied, gently lifting Nathaniel into his arms. "Why don't we get you into some pajamas and get you to bed, hm?" the man asked rhetorically. He moved out of the kitchen and into the spare room that was supposed to have been Nathaniel's. Zedd set the angel down on the bed while he took out the first set of pajamas he found. They were a pale blue set with 3 little white buttons on the shirt collar. Setting the clothes beside Nathaniel, he turned around so the boy could change.
Nathaniel did as he was told, tiredly changing into his pajamas and then standing beside Zedd to ask to be carried again. He clearly wasn't really in the mood for talking, at the moment. Only being held close and going to sleep when he had the opportunity to do so. "G'night…" He mumbled softly, yawning a bit as he closed his eyes.
group
Zedd noticed Nathaniel move beside him, and had to quickly catch the angel before he fell over from exhaustion. The man carried the boy into his own bedroom and tucked him in before changing his own clothes. The cool air of the evening made him shiver as he got dressed. Looking over his shoulder, he watched the young boy a moment. It seemed he wasn't fully able to relax again without someone else being beside him. Rubbing at his eyes, Zedd carefully climbed into bed behind him. He felt so tired from the events of the day that he crashed almost immediately.
Nathaniel huddled up in Zedd's arms as he slept, purring weakly. He was still dead asleep when Zedd awoke, completely limp and still other than the steady rise and fall of his small chest. Even his wings, which usually fluttered idly in his sleep, were still as they rested on the sheets behind Nathaniel. He was just completely exhausted from everything and he seemed like he'd be asleep for a while unless he were disturbed.
group
It was actually fairly early in the morning. Zedd had awoken to the dark whispers of his mind he had sworn he had pushed down. He had practically heard Nathaniel screaming and crying in his dreams. No. Not dreams.
Nightmares.
When was the last time he had one of those…? Pulling himself out of bed, he rested his head in his hands. He took a deep breath before standing up. He cast a glance behind him to be sure Nathaniel was still sleeping soundly. Satisfied that he hadn't woken the small boy, the man slipped out of the room. The tile was cold under his feet as Zedd padded into the bathroom. He reached into the cabinet behind the mirror to the tallest shelf. His fingers found the small orange bottle with the white screw-on cap. Closing the bathroom door, Zedd sat against the door, tossing the familiar prescription between each hand. Of course he hadn't remembered to take it. There was so much going on in the past few days that he hadn't even remembered to take care of himself. The man's tired eyes watched as the pills continued to clatter around in their container.
The angel had been shivering in the corner of the empty room, afraid. His arms had been raised defensively, wings puffed out and wrapped around himself. The boy's defense was directed to him. And he had only been standing there. Nathaniel was scared of him. He was screaming despite being so worked up from crying. The angel's words were hard to understand, but there was one thing that was clear. The boy saw him as everything he had been trying to avoid being. He couldn't do this. Nothing he did was ever right.
He willingly let Nathaniel make knives despite him being incredibly too young
He had let Nathaniel hurt himself after getting him the means to do so.
He had nearly let Nathaniel get killed just hours ago.
Not only that, but the boy had still beaten himself up about it after.
There was so many times when Nathaniel had been crying and he had no idea what to say
The more he thought about it… the only time he had made Nathaniel happy was when he had bought him something. He never really did anything himself. He was just that inexperienced that he had already ruined everything in a mere three days.
Zedd let the pill bottle roll out of his palm, hands returning to his face. He couldn't make anyone happy. Not even himself. Stars, he wanted to slam his head into the wall.
But he didn't.
Instead, Zeddicus shook, sobbing quietly to himself for the first time in months.
Nathaniel stirred a bit as the bed grew colder, Zedd's familiar warmth having been missing for several minutes. He opened his eyes groggily, completely drained still and very unhappy to be awake. He glanced around, his heart thumping hard in his chest when he didn't see Zedd. Calm down, he's… he's probably just having a snack… or something. Despite his attempt to reassure himself, he slipped out of bed with his plush wolf clutched tightly to his chest. He couldn't speak; couldn't call out to find Zedd. As he shuffled across the carpet, he caught the soft sound of crying from the bathroom. "Dad…?" He hesitated before pushing open the door and stepping inside, shivering as the cold tiles bit at his bare feet. Upon seeing Zedd crying, his stomach sunk. Did I do this…? "D-Dad? Are… are you okay?" He asked weakly, not daring to step closer yet in case he was the cause of this breakdown.
group
(I'm not crying)
(You're crying)
group
(Hi, thank you for following Pain & Suffering™)
group
Fuck.
He hadn't wanted this to happen. He didn't want Nathaniel to see him. "Go back to bed," he said, the command sounding very weak and more like a begged request. He didn't want the boy to start blaming himself again. Then again, it was far from likely that he hadn't already done so.
Hurt continued to well up in his chest, angry with himself that he had messed this up as well. There was so much he continued to mess up. Stars, he was such a screw up. Zedd attempted to take a deep breath but it sounded shakey.
"Just… I'll be in there in a moment," he said, running a hand through his hair. He hoped that this once the angel would listen and at least wait to ask again later.
flash_on
(F-… Cries)
group
(I did change the title for a reason 👀)
(I’d say it was a fitting change.)
Nathaniel hesitated for several seconds, considering. He didn't want Zedd to be angry with him for disobeying a direct order, but… he also didn't want to leave Zedd alone in this state. If it were him in Zedd's place, which it usually was, Zedd wouldn't leave him alone. It just wasn't the right thing to do. Soon, after being frozen in place for a bit, he sat down beside Zedd on the ground and huddled up against his side in an attempt to comfort the man. What would dad say if it were me…? "Y-You're okay… it's not your fault, dad…" He murmured softly with his arms wrapped around Zedd as well as he could.
group
Zedd flinched, feeling the touch of Nathaniel's small embrace. The boy didn't know what it meant to have something truly be his fault. He was raised wrong. Nathaniel didn't have a choice in that and thus was scared of upsetting people. The man the angel was currently hugging had always considered himself a screw-up. He didn't want to make this any worse for Nathaniel. "Ha… it really is," he said. There was a golden glow that started from a small bubble forming in his palms. It grew and eventually started to push at the boy at his side. Zedd didn't want to have to use his magic to push the angel away, but he was stuck with the feeling that he was a failure. "I really, really fucked up. I'm not a good choice for a 'dad', Nathaniel," he added, a dark chuckle following. "I'm supposed to handle this as an adult and not bring you into it. So listen to me and wait in the other room?" Zedd's voice once again sounded weak as he spoke.
"B-But I don't wanna leave you like this, dad…" Nathaniel held tighter to Zedd, trying his best to not be pushed away. "If I were the one crying right now, you wouldn't just leave me alone, because you're a good dad." He sniffled a bit, starting to grow upset as well. "You're way better than my actual parents were, s-so… you— y-you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, dad… I know you're trying really hard and you've done so much for me and I really, really appreciate it… me being so upset and unstable isn't your fault… I was like that when I came to you, and I'm sorry that you have to deal with it, but I think you're doing a really good job…"
group
"Bullshit. I let you make weapons without supervision for one. Here, it's not even remotely acceptable for you to be making them in general at this age. I didn't watch out for you that one time at the park, I continually scare you whenever I try and make you feel better, and when I manage to say something remotely right, it doesn't last. I've nearly let you get killed on my watch. And now this. You still wanna tell me I'm doing a good job?" he hissed, still trying to push Nathaniel away. As he did so, the angel's foot gently ran into the orange pill bottle on the ground. It gave a small rattling sound as it rolled an inch before stopping again.
Nathaniel whimpered quietly when Zedd pushed him away, jumping at the rattling sound. He hesitated before picking it up and examining it, but being unable to read, he didn't know what it was. "Y-Yes, I still want to tell you that you're doing a good job. My own parents sent me out to battles when I was only like, five. I could've easily died. I was forced to train for days in insane heat with very little food or water, which also could have killed me. You may think that you're doing poorly, but it's a hell of a lot better down here, dad." Nathaniel sighed shakily and looked down at the pills again.
person_off
Deleted user
(I- Wha- Uh- WHAT THE FRICK)
group
(my heart won't stop shattering)
group
(aHAHAHA THERE WERE HINTS THAT THIS WAS COMING TOO)
person_off
Deleted user
(Horf2kwbtkhjbhjw34rhouwrhuigr4g3yg5ilygyi5gkvhk4g je,bjwv. That's all I can say…)
group
Zedd let the magic fall immediately, forgetting the fact that Nathaniel didn't know how to read. "Don't open those…" he instructed, trying to keep his voice calm. For the time being, he was worried the angel would figure out to press the lid down based on the picture guide on the lid, not knowing what the medication names meant. He held out a hand patiently, hoping Nathaniel knew to hand over the pills. "You've been here a total of three days, Nathaniel… plus however long you were on the streets for. There's a reason why Earth isn't called Heaven instead. Down here we have poverty, murder, abusers…" Zedd stopped, not wanting to ruin Nathaniel's view of the world. There was plenty good still. "And, well, dads who don't know what they're doing," he added with a small laugh. "It really isn't all that great is my point," the man finished, bringing one of his wings forward so he could start smoothing his ruffled feathers.
"But it's worse up in heaven, dad!" Nathaniel insisted as he pressed the pills into Zedd's hand. "Please… you're not as bad as you think… you're really good! When everyone else ignored me when I was getting knocked around in the market, and when I got hit into the road, you helped! You got me out of both of those situations and you brought me home and started talking care of me even though you didn't have to! You easily could've just ignored me like everyone else, but you didn't, okay?"
person_off
Deleted user
(AhHhHHhHHHhHH STAP. YOU BETTER STAP)
group
The man took the bottle only to set it on the opposite side of him. Without warning, Zedd reached over and took Nathaniel into his arms. He held the boy close, chin resting lightly on the boy's left shoulder. It was a funny situation as the two sat in the middle of the bathroom floor in an embrace. Zedd was never one for contact, but it was clear that the angel had rubbed off on him. He began to run his fingers through Nathaniel's hair idly as he felt his breathing return to normal. "You know how you always blame yourself for things…?" he whispered quietly. "I have a different version of that. My brain wants me to think that I hate myself… It's really stupid, huh…?" he asked, not really caring if Nathaniel answered or not.