Qûs'ÿltn turns his head slightly, lifting his hand up to the light, then dropping it again. "I swore an oath, that day, to make sure noone else made the same mistakes that I did. And that applies to you, Farah."
He sighs, and leans heavily against the wall. "Thank you, for telling me that."
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Farah flinched and looked away. "I'm a monster," she whispered. "A murderer. A foolish little girl who thought she could please her mentor."
"And I'm a killer, and a monster myself. The problem is, knowing it and accepting it, then moving past it." Qûs'ÿltn mumurs, turning and hugging Farah gently but firmly.
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Farah stiffened at first as he hugged her, but slowly, she accepted it and leaned against him. "It's easier said than done. I've been trying for sixteen years."
Qûs'ÿltn chuckles softly, just a hint of his old snark touching his words. "Obviously not hard enough."
His heart isn't in it, though, and Farah probably knows it.
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Farah scoffed lightly, but she'd gotten used to most of his underhanded comments by now. "Obviously," she painfully agreed. "Rosalind was so eager to use me for my power, and it scared me. I figured it would be best if I just… made myself disappear."
"Disappearing is not a permanent solution, you know. Eventually, somebody's going to come looking. And they'll find you." Qûs'ÿltn murmurs, releasing Farah. By that time, the blood had dried, and he goes over to the washbasin, gently cleaning his hand. Only now does he realize just how many scars he has, both phsyical and emotional.
"I haven't been used like you have," he sighs. "But I understand being lied to and manipulated for someone elses benefit."
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Farah physically flinched away from his words. "No, they won't… no one knows I'm here…" She sighed and looked out the kitchen window. "If anyone would even try to come looking for me, it would've been Saul." Her eyes softened at the mention of him, and she smiled faintly for a moment before it disappeared off her face. "But even if he had been looking for me, like I said, it's been sixteen years. He's probably given up by now."
"The ammount of mana and magic concentrated here. . . well, it makes it easy to find this place." Qûs'ÿltn retorts.
"Was he someone special to you?" he murmurs.
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Farah nodded. "Yes… but he isn't a magical being. It would take him ages to find me, and that's if he's even still looking, which he's most likely not."
"Ah. . . might I ask, was Saul an old colleague of yours at Alfea?" Qûs'ÿltn says.
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Farah nodded. "Yes. He was my Specialist partner. He went with me and Rosalind to Aster Dell."
Qûs'ÿltn looks surprised. "He was there?"
He shakes his head. "You've been avoiding him in particular, haven't you?"
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Farah nodded, addressing both questions with one answer. "Yes." It hurt her to admit it, but she was.
"You're being really dumb about this, did you know that?" Qûs'ÿltn snorts.
"If you like him, and he likes you, go talk this shit out instead of hiding." he says, holding up a hand to forestall argument.
"And, yes, I know you're scared. But we all are. All the magic users. All of us that have someone we love." he murmurs.
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Farah shook her head. "I can't… What if something happens, and my magic gets out of control, and I hurt him? If I stay here, the only one I can hurt is myself. And I can live with that. Or die with it, for all I care. I've killed too many people to be deserving of life anymore." Her eyes widened at the words she said, and her shaky fingers opened up another potion to drink. When she'd swallowed it, she looked up at him. "I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me."
Qûs'ÿltn finally looks Farah in her eyes, locking there and holding steady. Gently, he grabs her shoulders. "I know. You feel like all you can do is hurt. Like all you can do is cause death and destruction. But c'mon, Farah. You know that is not true. You set up the barrier, and gods knows what else around here. You made this place. You've done so much with magic to ensure you don't use magic, and honestly, it's a little ridiculous. Look back on your life, Farah. She made you do it. It was not your fault. It was the fault of Rosalind. The blame would never have been put on you, and if it had, you had, have, people to help you. Can't you see just how dumb your being?"
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Farah closed her eyes and looked away. "It may have been her fault, but it was my magic. It terrified me. And the worst part was it felt like nothing. The power came so easily… imagine how much more I could use if I put in the effort."
"I can imagine how much more you can use. I'm sensing not just a fuck ton of magical force in the surrounding area, but a lot more from you. Trust me, I know how it feels. When I-" Qûs'ÿltn pauses, and swallows. "-I decimated that kingdom, it felt so easy. I felt the power roll through me, and I tried to stop it. But it came out anyways."
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Farah gripped his hand tightly. "Then you do understand," she said, a touch of desperation in her tone. "You understand why I can't use my magic."
"Yes, I understand why you think you can't. But it's ridiculous." Qûs'ÿltn says gently.
"But you have to move past it. Otherwise, if you let the fear consume you, you'll turn into what you fear the most." he murmurs.
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"I can't become what I fear if I don't acknowledge what makes me scared," Farah countered. "If I don't use my magic, I don't have to worry about not controlling it."
Qûs'ÿltn snorts.
"Flawed logic, dear. You know better than that." he chides gently.
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Farah looked away and didn't acknowledge what he said.
Qûs'ÿltn snaps his fingers. "Hey up here, not down there. I'm not on the floor."
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Farah jerked, startled, and two rooms away, something fell. She winced.
Qûs'ÿltn snorts, and then the broom and dustpan sweep away and clean up the mess.
"Listen to me, Farah. You know what I'm saying is right." he says gently.
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"I know," she whispered. "That was magic. Just now. When I'm startled, it happens without me even channeling it."
"I know. That is one of the sideeffects of not using much, if any, magic for 16 years. It finds ways to release itself. If you don't release it on your own, you will do far more damage to the surround leagues of land." Qûs'ÿltn says, the words flying out.
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Farah nodded slowly. "I didn't realize that at first, but I do now."
