Bryn hummed, rolling the words over in his brain as he processed. "It's really that easy? Just… dropping everything that can't be changed and focusing on what can?"
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"It's not easy," Sebastian corrected gently. "It takes a really long time. Even now I find myself wanting to change things I can't." Like being with you in public, as my boyfriend and not my slave.
Bryn frowned, but it wasn't like he could really get all that mad about it. Everything that changed your outlook took too much time. "How do you know you can't change them? Have you ever tried?"
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"There are some things…" Sensual trailed off, then shook his head.
"Some things are too big." He fell silent again, remembering the first year after his mom died.
Bryn's frown deepened when Sebastian got quiet and he shuffled closer, grabbing Sebastian and tucking him up against his chest. "Okay, how can you tell if it's too big?"
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Sebastian curled into Bryn's chest, taking a deep breath.
"You can't bring some one back from the dead," he said very quietly.
Bryn held Sebastian close, nodding along when he spoke. "You can't," he agreed. "But you can move on from their death. Did you figure out how to do that?"
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"Mostly? I think?" Sebastian sighed, resting his head against Bryn.
Bryn kissed him gently, brushing their noses together the way Sebastian taught him. "Mostly's as much as any of us get. You never forget people all the way, not if they're important."
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Sebastian nodded, not fully there. He was getting caught up in old memories again, and he didn't know where to smile or cry.
Bryn nuzzled his jaw for a seconds, watching as he slipped away without moving an inch. "Sebastian," he said, and his voice was so soft it almost slipped away into the aether and disappeared. "Sebastian, can you talk to me?"
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"I…" Sebastian closed his mouth, shaking his head. He shuffled closer, closing his eyes.
Bryn tucked his head on top of Sebastian's. "That's okay. Can I ask you a couple questions? You don't have to talk, you can just nod or shake your head."
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Sebastian hesitated, then nodded slowly. He could handle that.
Bryn managed a small smile, reaching up to pet Sebastian's hair gently. "That's great, thank you. Do you want me to keep holding you?"
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Sebastian nodded. He really didn't want Bryn to let go- Bryn made him feel better, even if he was having a hard time talking.
"Okay, I'll keep this up then." Bryn kissed the top of his head. "Has something like this happened to you before?"
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Sebastian paused, then shook his head. No, this was a first time thing.
"Alright." Bryn paused, hesitant to ask the next question. "This… um… this is about your momma, right?"
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Sebastian nodded, face against Bryn's chest. Why was this happening? Why was he getting dragged back into these memories after all these years?
Bryn reached up to smooth down his hair, sitting up a little so he could get Sebastian settled in his lap. "Have you thought about her death much after… after the funeral and grieving period?"
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Sebastian thought for a moment, nodding his head slowly, then shaking it. Yes, he had, but not about… Not about her actually dying. He'd always focused on what she had been line when she was alive. Not… Not this.
"You're giving me mixed signals, Sebastian." His voice was soft, completely devoid of teasing or judgment. "I'm guessing you've thought about her, but not about her death. Is that right?"
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Sebastian nodded quietly. He pressed his lips, opening his mouth to try to speak, but closing it again.
Bryn nodded encouragingly when it looked like Sebastian was about to talk and then kissed his forehead gently when he didn't. "Think you could manage a yes or a no for me?"
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"Ah… Yeah," Sebastian said quietly. He stayed huddled close to Bryn, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again.
"That's really good, Sebastian." Bryn pulled him closer, nuzzling the top of his head protectively. "It's nice to hear you speak, do you think you can manage full sentences?"
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"…N-no," he said quietly. Not yet. Soon, though. Hopefully. His mind was reaching, but Bryn was helping.
"Okay, that's fine." Bryn petted his hair gently. "I think I know why this is happening, do you?"
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"No," Sebastian said again, voice a touch more confident. Nothing, nothing like this had ever happened to him. He'd never been so… Trapped by his memories.
