some experimenting (One on One) (Open)

Vaughn leaned against the counter, listening to Ilya. “Yeah, of course that’s ok. There’s no rules here on how much you can eat or whatever. Have as many as you want,” he hummed, nudging the box of pop tarts over to Ilya. “While you do that, I’m going to grab something for me to sit on.”

He stepped away, taking his time with walking as his limp slowed him down. He went into his main room and paused, looking over at his cot. He slowly got down on his knees, digging under it and pulling out a box. Inside, was a few photos, pieces of paper, a small stuffed elephant, and a yellow file folder that was stuffed with other documents. He ignored those things and went for the two bottle of pills that were inside. One was labeled Olanzepine, which was used to directly treat schizophrenia, and the other was Benztropine, which was used to treat tremors and tics. He had been slacking on taking both. Figure hissed loudly behind him at the sight of the pills. It was angry, it did mot want him to take the pills. “I have to, I feel so sick,” he murmured to the Figure, who’s presence he could feel lingering behind him. A hand went into his hair, gripping it firmly while the other hand held the pill bottles.

Vaughn tilted his head and looked over at the door for a moment. Figure chuckled, though it sounded more like a raspy hiss. He was not sure how calmly he could answer. “I’m ok- I just need a minute,” he stammered out the best that he could. He gripped the pills tighter in his hand, jaw clenched tightly. The hand that was tugging on his hair began to cause a bit of pain. His scalp felt tender from the harsh sort of grip. Figure’s sharp fingers brushed along Vaughn’s neck, and he found it a tad hard to breathe.

After a moment, he began to feel sick. He quickly did his best to scramble up, shoving the box under the cot. In the process, he spilled the pill bottles as he hurried to the toilet in the bathroom. He leaned over it, coughing harshly. He felt like he was burning up, and when he leaned away from the toilet, the bowl was splattered with dark blood. In reality, he was perfectly fine. It was just his delusion- there was no blood, no fever, no nothing. But it was real to him. Was something wrong with him internally? He looked at himself in the mirror as he rested on the floor, blood spilling from his mouth- though in reality where was nothing there. His hands reached up to wipe it away, successfully smearing it across his face.

Vaughn held his stomach, body trembling as he bit his tongue tightly. ”You’re so small… It’s just a bit of blood. Man up. Suck it up,” Figure hissed, and a shiver went down his spine. He reached back up and dug his nails into his scalp. Hearing Ilya made him flinch harshly. He did not want to be seen like that. He coughed again, and blood spilled from his mouth once again. There was blood now, though. It dribbled from his nose, and as he clenched his hands together tightly, his nails made crescent shaped cuts in the flesh on his palms. His head felt like it was going to burst from the pressure.

The reality was his current panic attack. That was the thing about them- they came about for absolutely no reason at completely random times. “Medicine- I need the pills,” he coughed. He did not want Ilya to see him like that. He did not know if he was ready to admit his mental illness to the male yet. He clawed his way over to the main area, now seeing how the pills were scattered. His fingers twitched harshly, his tics growing worse from his anxiety. As he reached out to grab one of the pills, Figure slammed its foot down on his hand. He yelped sharply, the delusion causing his fingers to feel like they were being crushed. “D-Don’t come in,” he stammered out in a loud, slightly panicked tone. He was deep into his delusions, and in his mind, he did not want Figure to hurt Ilya.

Vaughn let out a choked noise as he spat out blood from his mouth, though in reality it really came from the blood that was dripping from his nose. Figure got off his hand, and he took a swipe at it. It hissed at him, showing its razor like teeth. It grabbed him by the hair, dragging him to sit up. It’s other hand gripped onto his throat, claws digging in.

In reality, he was sat up, gasping and clawing at his throat. He could barely hear Ilya’s voice through the fog of it all. He felt like he was dying- was he dying? His legs kicked out to try and get Figure away. One of his hands shot out to feel the floor for his pills. “Pill- Need it-“ he gasped out sharply, coughing as he began to feel lightheaded. “Can’t breathe, can’t breathe-.” His voice was choked and strained. He was being choked by Figure, though in reality it was his own hands that were pressed around his neck.

Vaughn tried to choke out a couple more warnings to Ilya, but he was unable to. Now Ilya was in the room, and he felt panicked. He let out a soft noise, almost like a whimpering and terrified child. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, feeling them well up with tears. Ilya’s hand on his face felt so strange, but it was almost grounding in a way. He managed to rip Figures hands from his throat- dropping his own hands away from his neck- and inhaled sharply before coughing as he caught his breath. His hands scrambled to grab multiple pills. He had no idea which ones he was taking or how many of each there were, but he didn’t care. He tossed them into his mouth, gagging softly as he swallowed around four pills completely dry.

He panted as parts of his body- specifically his hands and head- twitched, his tics appearing harsh from the amount of anxiety he was feeling. He felt completely drained, causing him to lean heavily against Ilya as he caught his breath. His eyes were still shut as he hugged onto himself tightly, body shivering harshly as he felt himself break into a cold sweat.

Vaughn allowed Ilya to lay him down, and he rested his head on Ilya’s lap. His head turned, hiding his face in Ilya’s abdomen area. He did not want Ilya to see him cry. While he was trying his hardest to keep the tears at bay, they would still trickle down his cheeks. He stayed quiet, though, not allowed his body to wrack with sobs like he wanted to.

He was anxious about explaining himself to Ilya. Was he ready to open up about his mental illness? He was sure he would sound absolutely crazy- out of his mind. “I-…” he started, cutting himself off to bite his tongue sharply. He owed Ilya some sort of explanation. “I’m sick. Not physically- my mind is sick. I’m schizophrenic, the paranoid kind to be exact.” He did not look at Ilya when he spoke, still hiding his face as he was still feeling anxious and shaky.

Vaughn did like the soft touches to his hair as Ilya brushed his fingers through it. It was a large contrast from the sharp tugs to his hair, and it seemed to soothe his tender scalp a tad bit. He stayed quiet for a moment, listening to the tone in Ilya’s voice. He tried to gage Ilya’s reaction to the confession. His head nodded a tad in response to the question about having medicine. He did not think it would be good to admit he was slacking on taking them, though. He should be taking them every day, but he usually took them once a week- some times not even that often.

After a moment, he tilted his head in the slightest so he could glance up at Ilya. He looked up at the male intensely and closely, grey eyes seeming glassy from the tears. “Are you scared- of me?” he asked in a low voice, worried about what the answer might be. Ilya did mot think he was crazy, but that did not mean he wasn’t scared.

Vaughn could see the faint bits of fear in Ilya's eyes. It squeezed at his heart and he shut his eyes once again. He felt Ilya's hand against his face, and he flinched softly at first, but afterwards he relaxed against the other male. He stayed still, keeping his eyes closed as he listened to Ilya. He had no idea if Ilya was lying or not. Would Ilya even lie to him in the first place? Surely he would not do something like that after what they have been through together.

His neck was lightly bruised from how he had been gripping at himself so hard. The fog in his brain began to slowly clear from the medication, and he could already feel a difference. "That's ok- I get scared that things will happen too sometimes," he mumbled softly, cracking his pale eyes open. It appeared like he had finally stopped crying and he sat up from Ilya's lap, wiping away some of the dried blood from above his lips.

Vaughn was still pressed against Ilya and he glanced around the room. He did not see Figure, and wondered if the shadow was actually gone or only hiding just out of his range of vision. When he was asked to lay back down, he chewed on his bottom lip a tad bit as he thought. “Ok, but… Let’s get off the floor,” he said quietly. His voice was a tad bit hoarse from how his neck had been strained. He scooted himself up, tugging Ilya along with him as he sat up on the cot. “Do you want to go get your breakfast?” he asked after a moment, feeling guilty for having caused an interruption. He would not have minded if Ilya had eaten while Vaughn laid by him.

Vaughn felt the warmth that Ilya’s presence provided leave him. He made a soft noise because of it, biting his tongue sharply afterwards. His foot was put up to be iced, and he nodded his head a little. “There’s a cooler in the main area, and the pain medicine is in there,” he murmured, pointing over to where a small box was sitting on one of the shelves in the room. He adjusted how he was laying, rubbing at his neck to test how tender the bruises were feeling. “Are you going to come back after? To lay down?” He already missed being held by Ilya. But he was not sure how openly he could admit that at the moment, considering his upset.

Vaughn shivered at the feeling of Ilya’s hands punning along his chest. Even though it was such a brief thing, he did not care. It was something he knew would run through his mind over and over. The corners of his lips twitched up when Ilya confessed all of those things to him. He caught Ilya’s hand before he could get out of reach, peppering a small amount of little kisses to the back of his hand and knuckles. He let Ilya’s hand go after being done with the affectionate gesture.

When Ilya came back, he took the pills but kept them cupped in his palm. “Plates… I might? They would be out on one of the shelves- probably just packages of paper plates,” he guessed, not feeling 100% sure about it. “If there’s none here, I’m sure that it will be fine… It’s just pop tarts, you know?”

Vaughn smiled faintly at Ilya's excitement over the plates. It was something so simple, yet it made Ilya so happy for some reason. He did not really care, though- he was just pleased to see that Ilya was happy. He scooted over a bit so that Ilya could get on the cot, and he was moved to be resting partly against Ilya's lap. He listened to Ilya ramble on about the breakfast and cuddling. It brought a smile to his lips, and he was able to notice the change in attitude. Seeing Ilya so happy made him feel a bit better.

He took the cup from Ilya, popping the pills into his mouth and washing them down with the water. He set the cup down, leaning up for a moment to peck softly at Ilya's lips. "You're sweet…" he murmured before resting back down, resting his arms around Ilya before speaking up once again. "We can go back to cuddling. Make sure to eat you're breakfast, though."

Vaughn let out a hum, resting his head against Ilya. “Well, you are in my opinion,” he said, glancing at Ilya’s face to look at the male’s smile. He tensed at the feeling of Ilya’s hand on his ribs, mostly from the surprise of the movement. He quickly loosened up and relaxed, though, getting more used to the feeling. It almost tickled in a way, but he did his best to stay still where he was. “Mm, I promise,” he hummed, hugging Ilya a bit closer to himself. He was not used to having someone by him in that way. He had hooked up with people before, but he was not sure if he had ever been in an affectionate situation like this before. His body craved that sort of soft touch, and he could guess that he would definitely be more on the clingy side when it came to Ilya.

Vaughn's cheeks flushed gently at the little kiss to his temple that he received. He was pleased that Ilya seemed to be growing much more comfortable with being physical. He was perfectly fine with the gentle touches. They made him feel comforted in a way, and he craved more and more. "You're welcome," he hummed when Ilya said thank you. He held still as Ilya moved his hands once again. As his head was partly leaned against Ilya, he could have sworn that he felt Ilya's heart beating rapidly. "Are you saying that I'm special to you?" he asked after a moment, brows quirked upwards as he questioned Ilya. He leaned closer to Ilya as he did that, exhaling softly in a comfortable manner.

Some people might think what Ilya was saying was moving way too fast or clingy, but not Vaughn. No, he loved hearing the words that came out of the male’s mouth. His arms became more secure around Ilya’s waist, and he tilted his head after his temple was kissed once again. His fingers rubbed slow and small circles against Ilya’s hips. “I’m glad you think that way. I agree- you’re precious to me too,” he murmured. His head tilted to press an affectionate, tender kiss to the skin below one of Ilya’s ears. He exhaled a hot breath against the male’s skin before speaking again. “The pop tarts are probably getting cold, you should eat while it’s still warm.”