im not doing this anymore sorry im rlly busy :((
uhhh i'll critique any part of your character and be as brutal as you want lol
if u wanna critique mine here they are:
lucas: Invalid Character
kl: Invalid Character
leave links and don't forget to make them public!
Could you critique my character Rie? Here's the link; Rie Katayama. Be as brutal as you can be!
Starting with Lucas, his mannerisms can be added to. What you have is a good description of what he's like overall, but you could also add what he does when he's nervous, excited or surprised. Does he tap his foot or scratch his head when he's confused? Is there a specific had gesture he always makes? How does he laugh, smile, or lie? His motivations are at a good start, but you could go into a little more depth. What does he hope to achieve through connecting with other people? Why does he enjoy this so much? How will this make him progress as a character? I like Lucas's flaws. the only thing to do here is maybe connect his flaws to his strengths to give them more meaning. For example, in his flaws he's really annoying, but could that be because he over-thinks things? If so, it would connect to his talents at problem solving. Giving his flaws a little more depth would balance his character. His prejudice isn't really a prejudice, it's more of a belief. A prejudice is a negative preset opinion of a culture, race, religion, social status or gender. I highly suggest giving him a strong prejudice because it builds your character so much more. For his hobbies You could include stuff like puzzles and games to parallel his talents. Your personality is well-thought out, but I would write a little more about how he socially presents himself in the personality section. It will help build Lucas's character into something more solid. If he's not religious wouldn't he be atheist? If he doesn't have opinions about politics at least explain what he thinks a good government would be. Ho did he become a ghost hunter? Does he have a favorite even if he'll eat anything? Is there one thing that he would rather eat? Where did he get his jacket? Does he count his mind as a weapon? He loves all animals, but which one does he remember being interested in first? Is there one animal he thinks is cooler/prettier/better/more interesting than the others? What year was he born? Is there any subject he seems really good at?
One major thing I suggest about Lucas is to not look at him through KL's eyes. Even if that's how the reader will be seeing him, as the author you should know more than the reader. Giving Lucas a background and all other details, even if the reader won't know about it, will help Lucas's character immensely. I still really enjoyed Lucas's character, though! He has a unique personality that I really connect with.
Happy writing!
@barabara
i've critiqued her before!! but i rlly like wheat you've done with her :)) i can't see anything stickin out that doesn't make sense
Hi! If you're not to busy, could you critique my character?
poof
please link them and make sure to turn the character public! :)
So these two are the main couple in this musical I'm writing… I'd love any advice you could give me about them!
poof
making her height in feet and inches (5'2") or just centimeters would prob make more sense logically?
what you have as mannerisms are personality traits. mannerisms are what she does when she's nervous, how she laughs, talks and acts around other people, etc. recurring things.
making note that she dislikes conservatives would make more sense imo
why is her necklace so important to her? who gave it to her?
i really like her so im lookin forward to the backstory that you give her :9
@lonnielei
i LOVE CYNTHIA???? shes so well thought out dhdkjsdk wow i cant rlly say anythin mb just change the politics thing shes gotta have some kind of opinion even if it's politics is stupid
louis is rlly good too omg
the only complaint that i have is that ptsd can't really be… cured? it's brain damage, and brains have a hard time healing that kind of thing. with intensive therapy he might be able to cope and manage symptoms but a change of heart isn't gonna 'fix' him????
i like the idea tho it seems like a nice concept!! :)
Thank you so much!! I’m so glad you like them.
(Addressing Louie’s PTSD, he’s based off a real dude who dealt with it for years but was completely relieved of it through divine intervention. Sorry, I suppose I should’ve made it a little more clear! ^^;)
kai ritsema
im absolutely in love with her and she's my new favorite character ever
I'm only confused on one thing and thats what she's uses the dust bunnies to cope for
other than that she's perfect and a very real, relateable character :9
also see that u haven't named her race yet n i can help w that if u need or smth yeet
Could you critique my girl Ellen?
(NOTE: I swear she has more friends then her mom and sister, I just haven't developed them enough (or come with names for that matter .-.))
@sadgirl
I decided to return the favor lmao, first Lucas!
Looks-
I would describe his hair more? like what kind of mess is it, does it stick up in every direction? is it curly? is it because its naturally like that or does he just not take care of it?
As the writer you should know things the reader never does, so you should know how old he is and where he's from in Asia, even if the readers never find out.
Identifying marks would be more like scars or birthmarks, in a line up of other black haired brown eyed guys, what would make him stand out?
Nature-
Mannerisms are more reassuring things, what does he do when he's angry? sad? how does he carry himself?
Put more into his motivations, they are what drives characters to do what they do so it has to be clear. Having fun is a good start but I would try to build on it a little more
Put more in hobbies, it sounds almost like KL is writing this and not the writer. Make sure to put down everything, even if the readers or other character don't ever find out about it, it will make writing much easier.
I think he's really cute and has a lot of potential, just gotta beef up some areas!
Now KL
Honestly, Kl is a lot more fleshed out and realistic, maybe I just love me a good money wanting asshole
The only thing is his car, what makes it his favorite thing?
@Ok_Kaii
dkfdjkh tysmmmm
kl's car is his fav bc it let him get away from the house when his parents were acting up :0 it gave him his ~freedom~
anyway ur race seems to be pretty fish or lizard-esque imo so using latin roots and words that emulate those traits and modifying them could prob work? thats what i do anyway lol
@That_Lavender_Owl_that's_into_Sci-Fi
shes SO tall n cute im WEAK IN THE KNEES
her traits are all good! id love to see her backstory soon :9
Thank you! I'm still working out the details for her world, so it might take a bit. I'll let you know when I get it done!
Hello! Would you be able to critique my girl? Thanks a ton if you do! Be as critical as you can
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/486825#!
Please take a look at these two fellas! They're from two separate stories that I've been working on. Lux: Lux Tenebris
I need some big help with my boy Quinn
could you look at my character too? please be super honest….I'd really appreciate it :3
If you don't mind could you critique mine? Invalid Character this is Sephist and he is my a c t u a l child.
Don't go easy on him and I'll soon return the favor by critiquing yours
Okay for Lucas, I'd say he seems like a good character and you gave a good personality to him. You wrote him the way you'd explain a friend to a nosy relative. Especially with appearance, you gave basic details that do paint a sort of picture but it's vague. Is his hair a natural black? A dyed black? Does it look different in certain lighting or is it a void black. What texture is his hair? How long is it? Does he take care of his hair? Is it combed? Pretty much the same with the eyes for what I said on hair color sometimes light changes the way we see certain colors on people. What's the reason behind his favorite possession? Sentiment, does it bring him happiness, or does he just find it cool? Other than that he seems like a good character that I would love to read about
meredith
if she's a pirate how are her politics neutral? she's gotta have an opinion about the law since she's evading it
she's pretty developed so thats cool
maybe make her a lil more than her depression? it seems like a HUGE characteristic and even though it's important to note and explain i dont think she should be depression incarnate or anythin? if u know what i mean esp since she doesnt open up to anyone at all
Hey, i don't mean to be a burden, but how about this one? https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/515411#changelog_panel
@Syguy20132
LUX
his preference on a ruler is not a prejudice it would go in politics
he's cool! a little bit of an edgelord so smoothing out some bumps are all i can think of to improve him
also his red hair streak thing doesnt seem to me to go with him at all? his personality and physicality
how'd he get his scar?
thats all i can think of for him so far
also jason's link goes to lux too jus fyi
@purpleconverse
his hairstyle makes sense imo???
he might not like people who lie or fake things but it's not a prejudice im pretty sure everyone doesnt vibe w people who lie all the time
his personality is good but it's really simple!!! go ahead n spice him up a lil bit :0
gentleman would go in personality type
how is he muscular? what sport does he play
keep goin on personality type!!!! i think ur on the right track.
@letrashpotato
if she's only slightly curvy her weight is very off
u could prob look up average height/weight charts n see
where does her hair stop? her hips? back?
quiet and shy are not mannerisms. what she does repetitively (biting nails, tapping feet, etc) are
her motivation is food? does she have a life goal involving that? just liking food isnt rlly a push for being motivated
no backstory so i cant rlly critique that lol sorry
what merch does she sell? is she a musician????
