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Could someone critique my main characters?

@Burn_With_Me group forum 11 comments schedule
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@Burn_With_Me group

Hello, fellow writers-in-training! I have three main characters in a story I'm working on, but I'm having some trouble figuring them out on a deeper level, especially since they're supposed to be attracted to one another. I want Andy to love Jonie, but I feel like he'd be more attracted to Shona. What should I do? I've put down the links to them below. Also, some extra tips for finding what drives them and similar personal problems would be brilliant.

Thanks so much!

Andy Smith - Andy
Jonie Victoire Myers - Jonie
Shona Michelle King - Shona

P.S. I don't know if the links actually work, so if they don't, could someone explain how to make them public and whatnot? That would be great. Thanks!

degdeg

Hi! Unfortunately, the links don't work, since we don't have permission to view. To make it public, you go to the editing page for your character, open 'share' (it's near your character's name), and you check the privacy setting. You can choose to either make the character's entire universe public, or just your characters.

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Okay thanks! One minute…

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@Burn_With_Me group

Andy Smith - Andy
Jonie Victoire Myers - Jonie
Shona Michelle King - Shona

I don't know if reposting the same links will work, so here we are again! Now can they be critiqued? :D

@CinnamonRoll

Well, they work for me!! I'll start with Andy–top down…

Very, very nice work on the personality!! I only have one overarching critique: he's too amazing! Seriously. He seems superhuman, with his only flaw being 'he's too perfect.' I think that you should add a few more flaws so as to give him a bit of a 'dark side,' so to speak. I also notice that he has no motivations. This is not good. Even if this isn't a 'legendary quest' sort of story, it's very important that your characters want something. Here's a tip: if you can't think of, "What motivates this character?" instead think, "What would motivate this character?"

Under politics, I find it helpful to rate characters on a scale of liberal-ness. It's weird, but it really helps gauge reactions!! I also noticed that you didn't fill in religion. If he's not religious, that's fine, but I would recommend specifying between atheistic and agnostic. This helps me understand how traditional your character is.

Okay, backstory. I know that the field is 'background,' but it's much better if you write out the backstory here!! Tell me why he's so empathetic. I want to know what conditions he grew up in that made him so perfect!! Elaborate more so as to back us the traits that you have. :)

Overall, he's a wonderful character!! His only issue is that he's ~too~ wonderful. Fix that up and you should be great!! School's starting, so I'll get to the others as soon as I can!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

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Wow, thanks so much! You went into a lot of detail for me. I really appreciate that. I totally understand! I keep trying to find actually bad flaws for him, but none of them fit. Callousness, coldness or anything unsympathetic is automatically ruled out because it contradicts him; he doesn't seem like the type to get angry or upset easily, so quick temper is also ruled out; his giving, willing personality makes it difficult for me to believe that he might be impatient or blunt or rude; and overall, it's just hard to find something that would both reflect his actions and be something undesirable in a person. Maybe if you push him too hard he becomes silently furious? I think I've written myself into a corner, frankly.

Also, for motivations, I decided that his would be to make everyone happy. Again, so perfect, but as I thought it over, I realised that that's exactly what he wants. An idea shot into my head and I wrote it down. The rough idea is that when he was younger, he had a scary and emotionally traumatising experience with some bullies, and he decided afterwards that he wanted to be the anti-bully–the person who lifts people around him up rather than pushing them down. Also, after some arranging and arguing with myself, I thought that much of the cause of his hidden trauma might be his drunk, deadbeat uncle, who came to stay with Andy's family after he was released from jail and was trying to find a job. I think it would be a tad too dramatic if his uncle was physically abusive, since Andy's parents could just kick him out of the house before Andy could become truly scarred and afraid, and it's just way too ridiculous, mostly since most of my other characters have "harrowing" pasts as well. I kind of wanted to tone down the drama, not enhance it. Do you have any tips for this?

About the politics, I looked over what you said and decided on, "He believes that moral and truth are objective, and that we were given consciences for a reason." However, I'm not sure if that rated him on a scale of liberal-ness or not.

I'll try and send you his background (it's not on his character page yet) and maybe you can help me with it. Thanks again—this was really helpful. I can't wait to see what you have for the other characters!

@CinnamonRoll

Hmm, okay. When it comes to flaws, it'll take some time!! Don't try to force it and don't worry too much. :) Motivations–motives can totally be perfect!! The consequences come when characters deviate a bit, but that's for the writing to decide. Under backstory, I would agree with you!! While abuse is an excellent example of a 'tragic backstory' and it greatly shapes a character (in a very sad way), I think that by keeping his backstory on the low-down you can achieve something unique. Okay, I just wanted to post this blip separately, but I'll get to the others now!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll

Jonie :) Top down…

Right away, her motives and flaws pop out at me. See, guild and selfishness are both awesome traits in a character, but making them coexist will take a lot more support. Generally speaking, most guilty people, in believing that they have done something wrong, think themselves to be unworthy of most things. This would differ if she was proud of whatever she did, but the term 'guilt' has a connotation that implies otherwise. Again, they can coexist, but you need to explain it more! Is this selfishness so much 'selfishness' as it is a need for self-preservation? Is this guilt justified? Back it up!!

Note: I would fill out the personality type field. It's a great way to sum up traits!

I would add religion and politics. I want to know how your character views the world.

Oh. You have NO backstory here. This is especially bad because A) she's an MC and B) her motivations!! You need to tell us what she's guilty ABOUT. Backstory is the place to back up all of your character traits, and none of that is here. Make sure to add it!! I'm sure that she has an amazing background–just be sure to put it down!!

Overall, I love her personality!! If you just root it in a strong backstory I think that you should be good to go! Class is starting but I'll get to the last one right after school!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@WriteOutofTime

I don't really have time for a proper critique, but I've got some flaws in mind! If he's a pushover and wants to make everyone happy, make that a flaw. Say he's overly compromising and stands for nothing. Say he agrees with things that are wrong so he doesn't offend someone. Say he sits quietly and lets people hurt him/walk over him because he won't stand up for himself. Say he hides it all under a smile because he doesn't want people to worry. Make this a frustrating trait. Make the reader mad at him for ignoring his own needs or his own ideologies for the sake of peace. Idk if you like this idea, but I hope it helps a little.

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Okay, thanks so much! I'll definitely consider that. :)

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In reply to the blip…

Okay, good. I didn't think finding flaws would be quick. Well, okay! So a perfect motive isn't bad? I can work better with that. I guess I'm overthinking it. (I tend to do that.) Yes, I meant to keep his past very hush-hush to the readers and other characters until later, so it can kind of come as an unexpected punch in the face. In a good way. :D

In reply to Jonie…

Cinnamon, your words are magical. Thanks again for bringing up the important questions! Yes, another friend said that guilt is a great motive. I kind of didn't want to write down her backstory on here because I'm not sure about a couple things. The main reason she's guilty is that she was playing with her dad in the front yard (she was about eleven or twelve at the time) and they were playing some form of tag. She ran into the road as a joke and didn't see the car that was speeding towards her. Her dad told her to come back, and when she didn't listen, he dashed into the road, shoved her onto the sidewalk just in time to keep her from getting hurt… while he got run over. So he died, and Jonie feels like it's her fault. This is her main guilt drive, but there are some other things that make her guilty. I just don't want to write them cause they're still in flux, so to speak, and I want to let them sit in my head for a while before I add those in.

Hmm… her selfishness… you're right about how guilty people don't really feel like they deserve anything, and yet Jonie is guilty and selfish. She's actually kind of guilty about being selfish, though. See, I wanted to put something in the story, such as a love interest for Jonie's mother. Jonie might feel like her mother is betraying her and her dad by wanting to be with someone else, but if the guy really makes her mum happy, Jonie would be kind of selfish because she wouldn't treat the guy like he was her dad. She'd treat him more like he was an evil stepfather who wanted to destroy her life and memory of her father (which he doesn't). She would be selfish because she thinks that the world at least owes her her dad back or something along those lines. I'm not even really sure if I want to put her mother's love interest in anyway, though it is an idea.

Anyway, the selfishness is kind of minor because it was originally supposed to be a "filler" flaw until I wrote her enough to find out what her true flaw is. Jonie is selfish on a small scale, but isn't everyone? This small selfishness might make her more relate-able, but it also might seem like a forced or false selfishness. You're absolutely right that making them coexist will take a lot more support.

Thanks again! I can't wait until you look at Shona. She's special to me. :)