Mind helping with my villain?
I'll critique for you!
@ThiaL
It's not a problem at all; I'd love to take a look at your character! Caleb seems like an interesting guy, and he's well developed. I especially like his motivation. One thing though, his role is as a swordsman, but you haven't put swordsmanship as one of his talents and it isn't mentioned anywhere in his backstory. Is he any good at it? Did he have a teacher? Was there a reason for him to have learned it?
Other than that, I don't really have anything. Good luck!
No problem! I'm glad I could help :)
Hey so I have a few characters that I would like critiqued but I'll post them seperately
Could you possibly do these two??
@Moonlit Silver Knight
I have to say, his motivations and the fact that he's 'evil' make him seem like a generic villain. First of all, his goal (first you say that he wants to conquer everything, but then you say he wants to destroy everything. Which is it?) is pretty typical, and it comes completely out of left field. He was a slave and suffered for 15 years, why would he put his own townspeople–people he'd grown up with–through that? Just saying he lusted for power isn't enough, and on top of that his sudden desire for greatness is very sudden. I think you need to find a way to tie his backstory to his motivations, in a way that makes sense. The best villains–in my opinion at least–are those that the readers hate, but can still understand. It makes sense why the villains turned out the way that they did, and why they want what they want, and why they're doing what they're doing.
In addition, Siege seems very overpowered. He can duplicate the strength of others, on top of being a master combatant himself, and he can create a literal army out of nowhere. How has he not already destroyed the universe? What are his weaknesses, or limitations to his powers?
Other than that, Siege seems like an interesting character. Good luck!
@Mota Amira
Let's start with the priestess. There's so much missing! You haven't mentioned her motivations, or her prejudices, or anything from the 'social' category. And everything in the 'nature' category can be expanded upon, especially her personality type. The fact that she woke up without her memories doesn't explain her personality at all. Is she happy, cheerful, and optimistic? Or maybe she's guarded, mysterious, and dutiful? Maybe she was the former before the incident, and the latter after it. Who knows? You decide.
Her backstory is similarly empty. So she woke up without her memories. How? What was her life before that? After it? How did she become a priestess? Was she one before or after the incident? What does she remember?
For the second character, I can't access the page. If you make it public, then I'll be happy to check him/her over.
For the witch, it's the same issue. There are a lot of things missing. Her prejudices, her motivations, her personality. Her backstory is completely absent. Everything you do have can be added to.
Overall, I didn't really learn anything about either of your characters. You definitely have a lot to add to make them three-dimensional and well-developed characters.
Sorry if I came off a little harsh, just trying to help. Good luck!
My boy Danny: Daniel Fletcher
Feel free to put your thoughts & inputs on him, I'd love to hear them!! :D
Sorry for being late, I was taking care of some stuff. So the Vampire Hunters exist to keep the rouge Vamps in check. Not all the Vamps are evil, but the ones that are can be very problematic. Asmodeus found Herne when Herne bumped into him, something most wouldn't do because the general public is mostly scared of even the nicer Vamps, and Asmodeus took a liking to him even before he saw that Herne was a Vampire Hunter. (That just intrigued him more) So Asmodeus is like, "What could possibly be more important then watching where you're going?" And then Herne is like, "I needed to get medicine" And automatically Asmodeus is like, "I like this human. I'm going to make this human like me." But then Herne realizes that Asmodeus is a Vamp, and walks away. Hence, Asmodeus's obsession with making Herne like him. Herne will never admit it, but Asmodeus grew on him. So they are like dysfunctional companions until Herne gets kidnapped and Asmodeus goes into a (jealous) rage because he finds out another Vamp was the one who kidnapped Herne.
Here's Lune, hope she's fine
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/419047#!
Could some critique my character? Sorry this is the first step and she might be a little boring
I see that you have Few lined up, but whenever you have the chance, any comments you could give on my hero would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Would love to hear your thoughts on my villain Helga:
Would be so grateful if you critiqued my character Mara, I want to make her more likable and dynamic. (Yes, she needs some work) Mara Grayz
If you get the chance could you do Lukas? I think he still needs to help
Hi! If you're not too busy, critique my diva celebrity boi? Casey Nguyen
Sorry for the delay!
But I'm back now, so let's dive right in.
@Celestial-B
So, Harmony. You say that she's 'oblivious' and 'often walks straight into danger' but then say that she's good at recognizing 'when something is a trap'. This is a little contradictory, don't you think? Also, I don't know if loving a person can be called a hobby? Maybe put that one in another category, like history or something. Other than that, I don't really have anything.
And for Keon, I honestly can't think of anything.
Both your characters are really well developed, and the premise is really interesting. Good luck!
I really like this whole list format. Nice.
You should definitely figure out a proper origin story for Danny. 'Something happened' is not enough. Also, it seems a little weird that right after he becomes a superhero he meets four other superheroes. Are superheroes normal in this world? How does the public react to these powered individuals? Is there ever any distrust or panic because they're 'different'?
Also, you say he has a job. What does he do? Does his occupation interfere with his hero work? How does he keep his identity secret, if that is a thing that he does? His motivations are to protect Gabriel and help out Patricia. How does he accomplish these?
Overall, he's pretty well developed. You just need to add a little more detail to his history and his present life and you'll be golden. Good luck!
Hi! Can you critique my character?
Enzo: Enzo Ramirez
@Libraleap
One big question: how common is immortality, and how did Asmodeus become immortal? What is his 'origin story', per say?
Other than that, my main concern with Asmodeus is that everything in his personality, history, motivation, etc. is centered around Herne. He's a 1000 year old vampire! He should have so many experiences and encounters with so many different types of people over his 1000 years of existence that should be reflected in his character but aren't. Like, imagine all the people he's seen grow and then die. Wouldn't knowing that you're going to outlast all your friends affect the relationships you make? And having seen the rise and fall of literal empires would give him foreknowledge that no one else would have, right? All these things should definitely have an effect on his character. Plus, you can also use it for comedic effect, where every time someone talks about a figure from the past Asmodeus can be like, "Oh yeah, I knew that guy." Anyway, I'm just spitballing at this point, but it's something for you to think about. Good luck!
Could you critique Virago for me? Here's the link; Rie Katayama
You don't have to do this if you don't want to because it's got a lot but here's a character
https://toyhou.se/1679184.mara
What you have for Lune is pretty good, though you should add a little more. Her personality, flaws, hobbies, talents, and history are a little bare. You do have a bunch of spelling errors which bothered me, but that's just me being nitpicky. Overall, I don't really see a purpose for her? She doesn't have a long-term motivation or goal and I can't see what role she plays in the plot. Just flesh her out more, is all I really have to say. Good luck!
Any ideas on how to make her better? This is my first character so more will be added when I have created other characters.