I want to critique some peeps

@Oniyuri
Mina-
Some complaints-
Half angel half demon? hows that work? Where did she get so many scars?
So is she royalty or does she just decide to take the thone?
How can she be emotional while also being cold? If there is an explanation that it depends on the person she is with or something then it should be there with the statement.
She's a queen but Politics/Religion N/A. Hm seems a little sketchy.
Aren't centaurs people? is her pet centaur a slave?

Things I like- Her looks mannerisms and flaws are well put together.

Overall- Solid character, just need some things addressed and could use a background to explain whats going on with how she became queen and made Adrisal and how she has lightning powers yeah I just noticed that in the abilities folder and im like why not put that in talents?
Mina-
Some complaints-
Half angel half demon? hows that work? Where did she get so many scars?
So is she royalty or does she just decide to take the thone?
How can she be emotional while also being cold? If there is an explanation that it depends on the person she is with or something then it should be there with the statement.
She's a queen but Politics/Religion N/A. Hm seems a little sketchy.
Aren't centaurs people? is her pet centaur a slave?

Things I like- Her looks mannerisms and flaws are well put together.

Overall- Solid character, just need some things addressed and could use a background to explain whats going on with how she became queen and made Adrisal

Momo-
shes a little heavy for her age especially when she is described as slim.
Mannerisms could use some more information, possibly what she does with her arms and how her expressions are as she talks.
The rest of the nature page seems good. Everything after is kinda confusing, I dont know whats going on with the whole heir thing and the gods? What kind of universe is this? If I could understand im sure id like her.

Sophia
Okay why do you describe each of these characters as "slim" Sophia is 130 lbs and 5'1 she cant be slim.
Motivations: what desires?
Later on you say she was killed? and apparently she has a necromancy ability?

Alright, all three of these peeps have me confused, some deeper explanation on the lore and the world around them would be nice.
decent characters, they need more well character there isnt enough detail to make them seem realistic, adding more depth into the nature and history seems like the way to go. :)

@Syguy20132
Whoa, how is this guy 500? A lot of missing things throughout the profile, all I can really say is how can a scar go from your face to your shoulder? lol

He was magically granted the gift (or curse, depending on how you'd look at it) of an unnaturally long life after saving the life of an elven man, and then again after rescuing an elven woman whom he sees as his aunt…. He fell onto his own sword…. Yeah, still planning things out. Perhaps you'll be willing to take another look at him when I do have him more fleshed out?

Alrighty that makes sense, and yes I would love to :)

@Oniyuri
Mina-
Some complaints-
Half angel half demon? hows that work? Where did she get so many scars?
So is she royalty or does she just decide to take the thone?
How can she be emotional while also being cold? If there is an explanation that it depends on the person she is with or something then it should be there with the statement.
She's a queen but Politics/Religion N/A. Hm seems a little sketchy.
Aren't centaurs people? is her pet centaur a slave?

Things I like- Her looks mannerisms and flaws are well put together.

Overall- Solid character, just need some things addressed and could use a background to explain whats going on with how she became queen and made Adrisal and how she has lightning powers yeah I just noticed that in the abilities folder and im like why not put that in talents?
Mina-
Some complaints-
Half angel half demon? hows that work? Where did she get so many scars?
So is she royalty or does she just decide to take the thone?
How can she be emotional while also being cold? If there is an explanation that it depends on the person she is with or something then it should be there with the statement.
She's a queen but Politics/Religion N/A. Hm seems a little sketchy.
Aren't centaurs people? is her pet centaur a slave?

Things I like- Her looks mannerisms and flaws are well put together.

Overall- Solid character, just need some things addressed and could use a background to explain whats going on with how she became queen and made Adrisal

Momo-
shes a little heavy for her age especially when she is described as slim.
Mannerisms could use some more information, possibly what she does with her arms and how her expressions are as she talks.
The rest of the nature page seems good. Everything after is kinda confusing, I dont know whats going on with the whole heir thing and the gods? What kind of universe is this? If I could understand im sure id like her.

Sophia
Okay why do you describe each of these characters as "slim" Sophia is 130 lbs and 5'1 she cant be slim.
Motivations: what desires?
Later on you say she was killed? and apparently she has a necromancy ability?

Alright, all three of these peeps have me confused, some deeper explanation on the lore and the world around them would be nice.
decent characters, they need more well character there isnt enough detail to make them seem realistic, adding more depth into the nature and history seems like the way to go. :)

For Mina she's half-angel/half-demon due to her parentage. Think of Dante sorta. She got those scars from a lot of her fights especially the scar on the back of her leg that she got from her best friend. She's not born royalty. She created the kingdom herself cause she wanted to be like her two other friends that were born royal. She has moments where she can be completely cold but there are also times she can let her emotions get in the way if that makes sense.
For politics/religion atm I am still working on soldifying them if it's alright can I show her again once those are done?
Also tbh I completely forgot what those creatures that have a lion head and a snake head(?) are called. Although centaur is probably wrong whoops-
Lightning powers?

For Momo
Whoa she is? I need to adjust that then thank you. Yeah I was a bit conflicted on how to accurately write out her mannerisms. As for the universe it's kinda like Earth but isn't really at the same time. Since I created these out of the universe of a huge group RP.

For Sophia
Oh gosh I can't do weights lol I will have to research more about that. She was killed but then brought back and as for the necromancy ability it's something she learned herself cause her father happened to be a reaper.

@Oniyuri Alright, now take all that extra information and fill it into the character profiles so it makes them that much easier to understand. Also yeah Weights can be difficult to get them and have them realistic; it can be helpful to google the average weight of someone the age of your character and go from there.
Good characters. :)

Hey I think you skipped mine x3

@Celestial-B CRAP so sorry!
Harmony-
Looks and nature are down packed, a few points, what is this "system" I inferred that it is the Crystalite government being evil and tyrannical but then realized that you state " they are the ones who had supposedly driven humanity to extinction and replaced them with the Crystalites" so they are not the Crystalites? ALSO jumping further down the nature tab; How much fighting talent can you get from teaching herself in a basement?
Love the detail in the personality type.
Onto the Social; why is the system so hated? What do they do that gets so much criticising?
The background is really good, just some explanation as to what the system does that makes some of its own distrust it but aside from that id almost dare call it perfect.

Keon-
Quick question that has less to do with Keon and more to do with Crystalites in general. Why would taking the form of a human be easier than simply remaining in their original forms?
Back to Keon, he looks like a good character, I have some questions about how his gem got corrupted and how the system thing works
good character, but not as good as Harmony in my opinion dunno why; maybe cause I read hers first she just feels more human to me (aside from literally being more human lol)

extra note, this sounds a lot like that Steven Universe show lol

Hi, would you mind critiquing these characters?

Andrea: Andrea Davis
Ethan: Ethan Grant
Luke: Luke Steele

For Ethan, I don't know what to do for his prejudices, so if you can offer some suggestions, I'd appreciate it.

@kat hi,
Starting off with Andrea
-Why/how do her physical features change as Halcyon?
Anyway her looks are good,
-What happened to her foster father?
Hate to be that nitpicker but I feel the need to point two things out of her Talents tab
1) I can see how telekinesis relates to flight but how do sensory abilities come into play? Does she have psychokinesis as well?
2) For the majority of the Nature page you describe Andrea as "blunt/insensitive at times" but her you say that she is also observant and perceptive?
Everything else is fine, have some more nitpicks but they are personal distaste rather than issues with the character.
-Okay, this pendant, lets her transform into Halcyon… but how? Was her mother a hero too? I thought she got her powers from a whole lab experimentation thing? Is Halcyon something separate from her telekinesis? If so it would be good if you explicitly state that.
-So the government just let 9 babies with unknown powers out into the public?
Note: whats with her love interests and material based last names? iI this like a polyamorous relationship?

Ethan Stone-
-So is he another of the lab children or does he just naturally have powers?
Looks) He is a little light to be as tall and ripped as he is. Again how are his eyes concealed as Luxon? does he cover them up with a mask?
Aside from that, both looks and nature are pretty good (Kinda underplays Andrea's heroism if she is being saved by Ethan all the time, not a complaint just a thought)
-Is everyone Agnostic and feminist here?
How is his ring charmed? What does it do?
History- Where do his powers come from?

Before I get into Luke, I noticed that Ethan has a crush on a strong female character. and then he also has a problem with the other male character. This is a love triangle thing isnt it. Joy.

Here we go
Luke-
-What is a supporting villain?
Oh hey, he's 19 too. is he one of the experiment children?
Oh, his body type is essentially the same as Ethan.
What do you mean his hair is uncovered as Rogue? His eyes as well.
No identifying marks whatsoever? No birthmarks or anything of the sort?
Nature seems good, his power is interesting. Then we get to the personality type and he becomes every bad boy ever.
Another agnostic character, well it makes sense with Luke and Andrea.
Alright onto background everything is fine except the term for this type of character is the anti-hero and his "emancipation" at 15? What? wouldnt it be at 18? (Antihero-A central character in a story, movie, or drama who lacks conventional heroic attributes.)

Decent characters, thoughts on possible improvement……..
All three could use more explanation on how their powers work, I dont mean the literal functions of their powers especially Luke the detail on his power are good but the origin of all three is the issue. What exactly is this Superhero formula that the reputed company gave to Andrea and the 49 other embryos? And where did Ethan and Luke's powers originate? Further in, the boys are too similar! not all guys are perfectly 6'0 tall and buff as all hell. Another thing that the two share; hand to hand combat. it makes sense with Ethan because its stated that he had been training since he was 6 but where in the foster home mess did he have time to train? Moving on.

On to these transforming thingamajiggers. Andrea's necklace, Luke's bracelet, and Ethan's ring. How does that work? Nowhere else do you imply magic in this world or even explain how they function.
Now im done lol. Andrea is my favoroite.
Also, a good prejudice for Ethan could be against criminals or people lacking morals,

Thanks so much for your feedback!

To answer some of your questions:
-Andrea's appearance changes due to the necklace. It's a piece of technology that allows her to change into her costume, and that's it. No magic, just technology, and the powers are with her always, so Halcyon is not separate from her powers. Same for Ethan and Luke with the bracelet and the ring. All three of them got their powers from the serum thing.
-Blunt/insensitive and observant/perceptive can go hand in hand. Like she's perceptive enough to notice something someone might be trying to hide, and insensitive enough to ask about it. So that's what I meant.
-Lol, until you said that it didn't fully occur to me that both their last names are material-based. It was a total coincidence.
-And I'm still not sure about the romance situation. It might be a love triangle, it might not. We'll see.
-Ethan has a mask and a bandanna that covers his eyes and hair respectively. For Luke, his eyes and hair are left uncovered, as in his mask doesn't cover them.
-Ethan definitely isn't saving Andrea all the time. I didn't mean to imply that, because it's 100% not true. I hate the damsel in distress trope.
-Emancipation is basically legally allowing minors to make their own decisions and sign contracts and stuff, freeing them from the control of their legal guardians. So what Luke did was basically free himself from being a ward of the orphanage, so he could take care of himself. And no, I meant an anti-villain (the opposite of an antihero) since Luke's not a hero at all, but he's still a decent guy.
-Ethan trained in martial arts from a young age, but Luke has all his clones that can learn anything for him, so that's how he learned fighting, along with a bunch of other stuff as well.

I hope this helped clear stuff up for you. Again, thanks for your feedback!

Thanks so much for your feedback!

To answer some of your questions:
-Andrea's appearance changes due to the necklace. It's a piece of technology that allows her to change into her costume, and that's it. No magic, just technology, and the powers are with her always, so Halcyon is not separate from her powers. Same for Ethan and Luke with the bracelet and the ring. All three of them got their powers from the serum thing.
-Blunt/insensitive and observant/perceptive can go hand in hand. Like she's perceptive enough to notice something someone might be trying to hide, and insensitive enough to ask about it. So that's what I meant.
-Lol, until you said that it didn't fully occur to me that both their last names are material-based. It was a total coincidence.
-And I'm still not sure about the romance situation. It might be a love triangle, it might not. We'll see.
-Ethan has a mask and a bandanna that covers his eyes and hair respectively. For Luke, his eyes and hair are left uncovered, as in his mask doesn't cover them.
-Ethan definitely isn't saving Andrea all the time. I didn't mean to imply that, because it's 100% not true. I hate the damsel in distress trope.
-Emancipation is basically legally allowing minors to make their own decisions and sign contracts and stuff, freeing them from the control of their legal guardians. So what Luke did was basically free himself from being a ward of the orphanage, so he could take care of himself. And no, I meant an anti-villain (the opposite of an antihero) since Luke's not a hero at all, but he's still a decent guy.
-Ethan trained in martial arts from a young age, but Luke has all his clones that can learn anything for him, so that's how he learned fighting, along with a bunch of other stuff as well.

I hope this helped clear stuff up for you. Again, thanks for your feedback!

Alright, this information I understand the characters much better. all this needs to be in the character profiles with the other stuff so the next critiquer finds it that much easier to understand your characters.
Also
-Your point about bluntness and observant makes sense
-I understand what emancipation is, my only issue with that is that they let him do it at 15.
-Honestly, I have never heard of an anti-villain (legit just googled it lol) sorry about that.

• With the minor details like Luke training by having his clones do things (really clever power by the way) and the technological based ring necklace and bracelet; add them to the character profiles.
  Again, good characters, you clearly have the information all you need to do is put it in there
  :)

@Lightningclaw13
Cole- Looks are good aside from him being a bit light for his size.
Why does he not want people to know that he likes cooking?
Why doesn't he think hard workers get appreciation? and why is that his prejudice?
What is light being worship?
Oh, he is behind the whole hard worker thing but doesn't have a job?
Why are Tristan Mina and Kaden his enemies?
Why say equivalent to 11th grade? is the system different? If it is then it should be explained here.
woah this history thing. It seems so unlikely. I have so many questions.
1- Why was Cole falling off the loft so devastating? you don't say he was hurt or anything so whats the big deal?
2- What kind of damage do you get from an overprotective mother? Sure you would get aggravated and would probably grow distant but you aren't scarred or anything.
3- Lily and Ayana, where did they come from? (actually, this question is stupid but imma finish it anyway) If his mom was so overprotective how did he have time to meet and associate with them.
4- Dakota. (apparently, I'm going to look them over after I'm done here lol) So you find a girl in your barn (referring to Hunter here by the way) and you just take them in? no questions asked? Do police exist in this world? And then they build a house for them? What? and finally they let Cole and them spend a night together alone, these are not real people, real people do not act like that! Sure the ending is cute (despite them somehow finding a heart-shaped rock and him keeping it all this time which happens to be a bit too corny for my taste but maybe that's just me) but if everything leading up to it does not make sense then it loses value.
Back to the critique (I considered deleting that very organized rant.)
Who is Seth? If he is a love interest why isnt he mentioned? also, you put Seth as a love interest but only list Cole as Demisexual, huh.
Why is there a health problems tab?

Dakota-
Kota, weird nickname. (just gonna go back and add in "them" and they even though you refer to Dakota as she all over Cole's history)
(Note [Take this with a grain of salt {that means don't take this seriously}] Why does everyone have a hair color with another colored tips? Is that a trend in this universe?)
Looks are good. You describe them as chubby but they are listed as 128 pounds and 5'0 they are a twig.
Motivation is odd, what is there to be safe from? The rest of their natures are fine. Well, surprise magic is uh, surprising?
Their friends list is essentially the same, some peeps shuffled from bestie to normie but they have no friends outside of Cole's circle? Also, why does everyone hate Tristan Mina and Kaden? whats with that?
Also also, when did this become a fighting thing? there was no mention of magic or fighting with Cole but suddenly Dakota wants to be a Pokemon.
History tab. Whats with this world and treating children like they are grown up? Aside from that my complaints are generally the same as Cole's background.
Bonus question, why do they have elf ears?
Summary- Don't get me wrong these characters are good! you have great art skills and you seem like you know what kind of story you are trying to tell. It just needs more realism! Adults do not act like the way your backgrounds portray them is comical, aside from that just about everything else about your characters is solid and good! Alrighty.
:)

If you wouldn't mind, I'd love anything you could tell me about my MC, Carter. Thanks in advanced!

Would love to hear your thoughts on my villain Helga:

@DylanB
Looks- Everything here is good, some explanation on what the "evolved" race is would be the only thought.
Nature- Very good, they all make sense and make him a very well rounded character.
Social- A little surprised he has any "best friends" considering the way you describe him in the Nature tab. Aside from that minor thing, it's all good.
History- An explanation of why he was born the way he was would be a nice thing to add.
I have questions about his background going further along
1) There is an X-men-esque school for the gifted? So oddities are a popular thing in this world? If so then why not send him there, to begin with? and if not then how is there a school for it?
2) The spray-on skin. Why and how? Why would the father want to make his son fit in with "regular kids" if he was already at a place where he was accepted. How? how is that possible? whats to stop it from fading in sunlight or water or any other liquid or even being rubbed off by clothes?
3) Death of parents, as rich as they are and they don't have enough security to stop one guy? morover how did he survive with his ability? Yes, I read the page on his ability and it makes sense but you never mention him training to use his ability at all up to this point.
And then the very unique and interesting character becomes pretty generic. Ignoring the "training in multiple fighting styles" because everyone seems to think fighting styles are as easy as a high school class. Why did he quit the police force, sure he has WilliamsTech so he doesn't need the money but staying in the police force would keep him updated on the biz throughout the city and he did spend time getting an associates degree in criminal justice so why throw that away? what is there to gain? "not doing enough?" He's doing less by quitting the force!
Good character, everything but his background is top notch! But the background makes him out to be another Spider-man clone! No, I am not telling you to change it, all it needs is more information, explain how he practiced with his ability, tell us what his parents were like. (it's a little confusing whether you are trying to make them out to be good or bad people and that can be good! but show us that that's what you are trying to do!) Tell us how he felt about his parent's death aside from wanting to save people.
Good luck! :)

Awesome, thanks for the feedback, I appreciate the insight. As far as the Evolved, it's just my term for people with abilities, like "Metas" or "Mutants". I like your point about the school, I had planned that it wouldn't be a very popular school, not very well known. But I guess I should be a little more specific with that. Similar with his parents, In my head, his dad doesn't want a "special" kid, he wants a normal one, but I had left that to put in his father's page.

@"Aloe Vera"
Looks are good, you have a well put together idea of what he looks like and you explain it very well.
Nature is good tooo dang I cant find anything to complain about!
Social is also good and only two issues with history
1) you make Yuki and the other ice wizards out to be very powerful yet they were all killed by humans? did they not fight back at all? If they didnt fight back then it should be mentioned.
2) How does this nameless girl convince Yuki to travel with her?
Everything else is great and Your story sounds interesting.
:)

Mind critiquing my characters? I've only uploaded these three and they are quite rudimentary so far :)

Please look at this fun old bag: Violette Swifte

General warning for coarse language

Basically, I need to give him some deeper flaws. But any other thoughts are appreciated. He's my least developed character and he really needs some help.

@traditionalartist
Looks are good, but dark nails is all that differs witches from humans?
Nature goes downhill a bit; everything but mannerisms I mean.
Motivations: First, Wipe* not wiped, it is a small thing but it confused me.
Now for her literal motivations, why does she hate humans so much? all you put here is a checklist for what she's trying to do when what belongs here is why she is trying to do it to begin with!
Same for prejudices. It needs to be explained.
Talents are a bit disappointing, magic witchcraft and sorcery? That is like saying, someone is speedy quick and fast, its just redundant. Also specifying what exactly her magic is capable of would be nice.
Hobbies, this character has lived for over 7 centuries and the only hobbies she gained were picking berries and reading? Come on.
Personality type has the same problem as motivation and prejudices, there isnt enough depth; each and every detail needs to be explained otherwise your character seems like just a bunch of evil words strung together.
Social: all that hatred and whatnot and she has a bestie? Huh.
Also that's a lot of enemies, skimmed through them and I see that they are all siblings, what does she specifically have against those kids? are they the protagonists? Even so, why does she specifically hate all of them?
Moving on the None on politics and the Jobless really irk me. What has she been doing all her centuries of life?
An explanation of why she likes these three peoples things would be a good thing to put in there.
Okay onto the history
several complaints
1) the first line states that Helga and her family "coexisted" with humans. But She wants more, "to live in harmony" whats the difference?
2) Immediately gets an explanation to the first complaint but is too stubborn to delete it soooooooooooo.
3) Alright, the whole wanting to be a part of the human world makes sense but it only gets weird when the witches die, how did the humans know where the witches were? If they knew the whole time why wait until now? Most importantly why didnt they kill Helga?
Alright, overall Helga is a decent antagonist, just add detail, there is no such thing as too much detail! Ive asked a lot of questions in this critique answer them in your character profile.
Good luck :)

@traditionalartist
Looks are good, but dark nails is all that differs witches from humans?
Nature goes downhill a bit; everything but mannerisms I mean.
Motivations: First, Wipe* not wiped, it is a small thing but it confused me.
Now for her literal motivations, why does she hate humans so much? all you put here is a checklist for what she's trying to do when what belongs here is why she is trying to do it to begin with!
Same for prejudices. It needs to be explained.
Talents are a bit disappointing, magic witchcraft and sorcery? That is like saying, someone is speedy quick and fast, its just redundant. Also specifying what exactly her magic is capable of would be nice.
Hobbies, this character has lived for over 7 centuries and the only hobbies she gained were picking berries and reading? Come on.
Personality type has the same problem as motivation and prejudices, there isnt enough depth; each and every detail needs to be explained otherwise your character seems like just a bunch of evil words strung together.
Social: all that hatred and whatnot and she has a bestie? Huh.
Also that's a lot of enemies, skimmed through them and I see that they are all siblings, what does she specifically have against those kids? are they the protagonists? Even so, why does she specifically hate all of them?
Moving on the None on politics and the Jobless really irk me. What has she been doing all her centuries of life?
An explanation of why she likes these three peoples things would be a good thing to put in there.
Okay onto the history
several complaints
1) the first line states that Helga and her family "coexisted" with humans. But She wants more, "to live in harmony" whats the difference?
2) Immediately gets an explanation to the first complaint but is too stubborn to delete it soooooooooooo.
3) Alright, the whole wanting to be a part of the human world makes sense but it only gets weird when the witches die, how did the humans know where the witches were? If they knew the whole time why wait until now? Most importantly why didnt they kill Helga?
Alright, overall Helga is a decent antagonist, just add detail, there is no such thing as too much detail! Ive asked a lot of questions in this critique answer them in your character profile.
Good luck :)

• Yes, the nails are the only thing differ witches from humans.
• I have this idea where Helga forms an unexpected friendship with a human, who, like her, is also rejected. Helga because of her species (a witch), and this human because of her ability to see and interact with dead people. And when Helga learns that this human is rejected by her own kind, it's an eye-opening revelation for the witch.
• Her enemies are descendants of one of the girls who humiliated her at the ball. One of them, Evelyn, is a protagonist.
• Rosalia used to brush her daughters' hair as a sign of her motherly love for them. Madara taught Helga some tricks with the dagger, like cutting berries by a single throw or playing pranks on other witches. Ernestina told Helga whenever the latter wanted help, she just needed to ring the bell and the former would be by her side, ready to help her.
• Before Helga entered the human world, the humans initially thought of the witches as a myth. But when she used her magic to transform the fake bud into an actual flower, she indirectly revealed herself as a witch and the fact that witches are real. So when she ran home, the girls devised a plan to taught her a lesson by humiliating her in front of the humans. And one of them happened to know the border between the human world and the witch world. So now that they know witches are indeed real, their plan extended from humiliating Helga to wipe out all witches, because for the humans, they only heard bad things about the witches. So naturally they were alarmed when the girls told them their encounter with Helga. And you can guess how the rest played out.

Wow, your critiques helped me in figuring out some things to develop her much, much better than the initial idea. Thanks so much!!! :D