@BabyYodaSlaps
Of course! But your character is on private I believe so I can’t see them! Just go to their profile and click the button that looks like a half finished triangle kind of lol and then flip the switch so it says public!
In the mood to critique your characters! (Closed)
@Celestial-Burst
Whoops! Again, I'm new, sorry! All fixed :))
@JynSeesAGreenLight
Tysm! :3
@BabyYodaSlaps
Its okay!
Alright, we'll start off with her looks!
You said her hair is black, but what exactly do you mean by "black"? Jet black? Is it a charcoal shade? There's wayy too many shades to not be specific!! Same thing with her hair style. Long and straight can mean tons of things! How long is it exactly? To her waist? Lower back? And does she have any bangs? Is it natural? Its important to be as specific as possible when typing their looks to help you and the ones viewing your character get the best idea possible of what your character looks like.
Also, her skin color, is it light olive or dark olive? I know i'm nitpicking a bit lol but I love when people are specific haha.
Now to her Nature!
Her mannerisms aren't exactly mannerisms, more of personality traits. Mannerisms are things like "cracking her knuckles when nervous" or "humming when thinking" and things like that! here is a list I found on wattpad that has tons of different mannerisms for you to give your character! -> https://www.wattpad.com/84533439-a-list-of-500-character-quirks-and-traits-list-1
I suggest giving her AT LEAST 4 or 5! Mannerisms help you character feel more human and alive! They're very important!
For her flaws i am a bit confused lol. What is "free-wheeling"? And In what way does being "dominating" become a flaw? Is it because she's too" dominating?
In what way does school motivate her exactly? And same thing for bad people and friends? Explain!
So I see you've left out a lot of important things, but you said you're still working on her so that's ok haha. When you have her further complete, feel free to drop her by me again!
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@Young-Dusty
Ahhh, so sorry! I lost this thread lol. Of course I’ll critique him!
Ok first of all, his name. I love it lol, it’s kind of crazy and wild and actually does sound like some gang name hahaha.
I see you put “idk” in his weight and I feel that lol. Sometimes I’m just like idk man lol. Well, I guess I’ll help you out a bit! Google says the average weight of a 6’0 male is 140lbs - 185 lbs, so maybe you can go off of that!
So he’s got a lot of scars, but from what? Are they all from different things? The same thing? When did they happen? It’s good to put these kinds of things down to make sure you don’t forget and to help the people viewing him get the best idea about what he looks like!
So I like the first section of his prejudice, it’s pretty good and explained well! But the second part, about the liquid, doesn’t really seem like a prejudice. Now, if he disliked all kinds of liquid or he thought that the liquid could be dangerous, then I guess that could be a prejudice.
Wow yeah, his mannerisms are a lot hahah. They’re good though! Don’t take that in a bad way hahah.
It seems he has a lot of flaws. That’s not a bad thing! But they seem to outweigh his cons. Which is normal, but it’s by a lot. If a character has too many more flaws, it will make them seem almost like the bad guy. I’ve noticed with a lot of people I critique, they have this same problem. Too many flaws can actually push the reader away from connecting with the character. If they feel like a bad guy, why would the readers root for them? Just throw in some more of his good traits and you’ll be fine.
So why are his favorites his favorites? Explain!
His background is pretty good! I see you explained his scars more in there!
He’s a pretty well fleshed out character, good job! That’s all I god for now, good luck!
Thank you very much! Ah man thanks for suggesting a weight for him, I get really daunted trying to figure those out X'D
Yeah, his prejudice against liquids is really more him being cautious than anything else, since it was a liquid chemical that ruined his face. You're probably right that this fact belongs somewhere else, maybe I'll clean it up later ^^
He does have a lot of flaws, yeah. I guess I should have mentioned that he's technically a villain, which is why I don't make him more balanced—I just happen to really like him is all ^^; But yeah, I'll definitely flesh out his good qualities when I get the chance. And you make good point about his favorite things, I'll explain those too.
Thanks again!! I really appreciate the feedback!
(bump ^^ still open for anyone who wants one!)
(I might come get a new opinion for my girl Jo, once I finish tweaking some things :3)
(Sure! I'd be happy to help!)
(Awesome! I gtg for tonight as it is late, but I might be able to finish it tomorrow.)
Could you critique my baby Rynn: Rynn Anastasia Myers
I would like to warn you in advance that her bio is kind of long so if you would prefer not to critique it, I completely understand. Thanks in advance!
(And I have Jo with a mostly finished profile~)
Yes I’ll get to both of you! I may just have to wait until tomorrow as it’s late and I’m a bit busy atm! Sorry’
Of course! Sleep is more important!
@desiree!
Alright! Now I can get to your character finally haha.
Her looks section is pretty good, so i'm just going to move onto the rest of her!
Her mannerisms seem to be really fleshed out as well! From what I can tell so far, she seems like your typical girl in a superhero movie lol, not that that is a bad thing though! The only thing I have a question about on that is why does she make herself slouch when she notices her nice posture? Does she just not like it or is there a specific reason as to why she does that?
Now she definitely doesn't seem like your typical girl in a superhero movie lol. As i'm reading her conditions section she seems like shes got a lot of problems going on in her life sadly. How exactly did she resort to alcohol and drugs to help her feel better though? Did a friend influence her? Did she just pick up a bottle and start chugging?
She seems like a very flawed character. Not in the sense that shes a bad character, but in the sense that she has a lot of flaws personality wise. Thats not necessarily a bad thing, flaws are good right! But too many can actually bad. I don't see much positive going on in her personality. If a character is too flawed, it can drive the reader away from getting that connection with them, which isn't good. We want the reader to like the mc (assuming she is the mc) and to root for them right? I suggest throwing in some of her good personality traits in there too, or giving her some if she doesn't have any.
But other than that, she seems like a really well designed and thought out character! Good job! I really like her!
@Celestial-Burst
thank you so much for your feedback! It was my first time getting a character critiqued so I was a little nervous but that was all very helpful! I will definitely provide some reasons for why she does certain things and develop her positive personality traits. Is there any way when I finish that you could critique her again but just look at her personality and flaws? I would just want to know if her positive personality traits outweigh her flaws or if I would need to keep developing. If not, that is perfectly ok. Thank you so much!!
@RainyDayArtist-is-a-bit-busy Ahhh I'm sorry! This totally slipped my mind lol!
Alright, I'll get to your character finally haha.
From the last time I critiqued her I can tell you've improved her! I can't seem to find much problems with her! Good job! Sorry I couldn't be of much help haha
That’s fine! If you’re up for it, I might bring my newest baby in once I finish off the details aha don’t feel obligated to though!
@Midday Sure!
For his weight and height, maybe you could give more specific estimates? Like instead of his height being “tall”. You can say 6’2 or whatever you consider tall. And instead of his weight being average you can say “165 lbs” or whatever you measure weight with. This would just help the people who view his profile get a better idea of what he may look like!
For his body type, and this is just something I like to do, it’s not necessary, but I like to put whether they’re a Mesomorph, endomorph, or ectomorph. And also if they have a triangle body shape, rectangle, etc. again, this just gives a better idea of him!
I think you can add more to his Quirks section, which is basically what the mannerisms section is. What does he do when he thinks? What about when he’s sad? Happy? Does he slouch? Add a few more to it! Mannerisms help make characters feel more realistic and like people, the less mannerisms, the more they feel like mannequins haha.
He has a lot of flaws and not a lot of good personality traits! Give him some good ones! Maybe he’s confident, or he’s smart. Give him a few!
I don’t think anybody who was abused by a past relationship partner would miss them, so his relationship with kosuke seems very unrealistic and toxic to me.
Just for further reference, make sure you have correct grammar and spelling in your sentences because some of them are hard to read and understand. I’m nosy sure if English is your first language or how fluent you are, but that’s just a little tip.
That’s all I have! Good luck!
Hey, can you do my boy here? Ram Wilson
He's currently the character I've put the most care and time into, and as far as I can tell, he's complete! Bust of course, I' love to see if you can catch anything I missed :)
@KHS-SunGod Of course!
Alright, so first we'll start with his looks!
So his hair is black right? Well what shade of black? Jet Black? Charcoal? Theres wayy too many shades of each color to not be specific! And same with his hair length! How long is his dreads? To his shoulders? Longer? And why does he get a buzz later on? It's good to be specific when talking about your character's looks so you and the view knows exactly what the character looks like!
For his conditions, what symptoms of ptsd does he show? How does he deal with it? How often does he feel the guilt of being a survivor? Explain!
He seems like a really well thought out character! That's really all I could find haha. Good luck!
@Midday Sure!
I don’t think anybody who was abused by a past relationship partner would miss them, so his relationship with Kosuke seems very unrealistic and toxic to me.
It was intended to be a toxic relationship and wasn't meant to be romanticized, and the reason Kage misses Kosuke is because his father was a yandere for his mother and empathized being a loyal partner no matter what and I guess he felt like a failure
Just for further reference, make sure you have correct grammar and spelling in your sentences because some of them are hard to read and understand. I’m nosy sure if English is your first language or how fluent you are, but that’s just a little tip.
English is my first language, I guess I'm just bad at grammar
That’s all I have! Good luck!
@KHS-SunGod Of course!
Alright, so first we'll start with his looks!
So his hair is black right? Well what shade of black? Jet Black? Charcoal? Theres wayy too many shades of each color to not be specific! And same with his hair length! How long is his dreads? To his shoulders? Longer? And why does he get a buzz later on? It's good to be specific when talking about your character's looks so you and the view knows exactly what the character looks like!
For his conditions, what symptoms of ptsd does he show? How does he deal with it? How often does he feel the guilt of being a survivor? Explain!He seems like a really well thought out character! That's really all I could find haha. Good luck!
Thank-you so much! I'll be sure to add these things ^^
For his hair, I explain that it's impractical to have longer hair, which is why the buzz. Do you think that needs more clarification?
I'll add a lot of detain to his conditions, thank-you! I hadn't even thought of explaining those issues more in depth!
I appreciate you looking at him! :D
No problem! I think just keeping the infor about the buzz cut how it is is fine!
Ah, wonderful ty! ^^
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i made this person really quickly if you dont mind looking over her. she's vague so just ask when you have any questions
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Hey, your critiques are way good, so if you don't mind, could you help me out with Alci?