put inside jokes here with no context
group
"Barney is my dad, fight me besh."
Five other people just sit there in silence after hearing that.
"….So are you saying your dad is some crackhead purple dinosaur that scares children and adults?"
I mean I saw graffiti that said "UWU CHOKE ME THANOS DADDY" so…..
And this was at a froyo shop with a bunch of little kids…..
Mom: Clean your room, it's a mess
Me: So it needs amendments
Mom: It's full of fucking condiments (why the fuck do you keep mayo in here…)
Me: SO IS INDEPENDENCE
group
Mom: Clean your room, it's a mess
Me: So it needs amendments
Mom: It's full of fucking condiments (why the fuck do you keep mayo in here…)
Me: SO IS INDEPENDENCE
sksksksksk BEAUTIFUL
"What did we learn today dad?"
Sigh "Don't put Diet Coke in the freezer"
(I feel like that ties into your vent)
sTrEet SMarTs
Curvier letters than normal, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
The Bread is God is Bread
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I remembered another one lol
Increasingly loud Gregorian chanting "We sell mayonnaise, We sell mayonnaise, We sell mayonnaise, WE SELL MAYONNAISE"
Hooray, now the walls are no longer Ugly McYellow™
Coach: put your hands where you want the ball to go
Me: Looks at coach
Me: walks over to friend
Me: hands them the ball
Coach:
Coach: I hate freshmen.
Nobody:
Random Tik Tok chick: Also, I have a d e m o n uwu
”My bangs are an angry finish janitor.”
"What did we learn today dad?"
Sigh "Don't put Diet Coke in the freezer"
^^ Exactly what my family does. Every. Single. Time. [My family's a bunch of intellectual idiots.]
group
"BEGONE THOUGHT!"
"He's a LITTLE!!" laughter ensues
𝙷𝚎𝚢, 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝙲𝙷𝙴𝙲𝙺 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙾𝚄𝚃, 𝙸𝚃'𝚂 𝙸𝙼𝙿𝙾𝚁𝚃𝙰𝙽𝚃
wHo StuCk A sTrAW uP My TuRtlE'S asS
If his finger gets cut off we will have to replace it with a baby carrot and some tape.
Revenge is a dish best served with a stick in the chest.
group
Cole has mono
I'ma horse, moo
Seerahno duh bairjuhrack
PLASTIC IS PROTEIN
Some good pansexual ice cream
Is it a circle or a square?
these cheeks have gone sour.
I HAVE THE FREE WILL NOT TO LIVE
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group
"Hah gay."
"Sweetheart we know we're all gay that's no secret here."
"Wait no what-"
"Shhh its ok, accept the rainbows."
"Dustin get out of the closet."
(my friends to me in 6th grade)
"Emily I swear to god if you don't stop hiding in the fucking cupboards I'm going to stretch you out like a motherfucking rubber band so you won't fit anymore."