Your Personal Venting Space 3: Tokyo Drift

literally sitting here having a mental breakdown because I feel guilty for hating my life and my parents when both could be so much worse.

TW: mention of suicide

i'm so sorry man. i've been there, but they do care, and if they don't you need new friends.
but living is worth it for tons of reasons, like. if you die you'll never smell popcorn again or eat your favourite food again or you might miss the release of some hella good music.
i don't really know what to say, but sewerslide isn't worth everything that you'll miss and the chance that someday you'll be able to love life again.

How come, when it feels like something is going right in my life any tiny crack I can spot turns into a giant canyon of misery

When Miserable is your normal, prolonged periods of happy make you feel like your walking on eggshells because you feel it's not going to last. So you end up living in a state of anxiety that eventually results in a small thing registering as something bigger than it actually is, and your reaction to said thing than makes it a big thing. Part of that being because you would rather have that happy state leave because of a reason you spotted than it fall over something you weren't expecting, because it gives you a glimpse of control in a life you feel is far from in your control.
That's how it works for me anyway,
Not sure if it's the reason it happens to you, But I understand you.

When Miserable is your normal, prolonged periods of happy make you feel like your walking on eggshells because you feel it's not going to last. So you end up living in a state of anxiety that eventually results in a small thing registering as something bigger than it actually is, and your reaction to said thing than makes it a big thing. Part of that being because you would rather have that happy state leave because of a reason you spotted than it fall over something you weren't expecting, because it gives you a glimpse of control in a life you feel is far from in your control.
That's how it works for me anyway,
Not sure if it's the reason it happens to you, But I understand you.

I experience this all the time as well, it can be exhausting but you kind of cant shake it—

i'm barely passing biology with a 70% and my mum wants me to do better, as parents do, because this is the best i've been able to get my grades in a long time. i have all a's except that c-
and i'm supposed to be doing my work right now, but i can't. i can't bring myself to do it. she didn't care last year if i got by with a low c because all my grades were as poor as that.
she doesn't listen when i tell her that i'm struggling to do my work because of my mental health and then gets mad at me for having bad grades. i don't know what she wants from me, if she can't help me get the help i need then she shouldn't expect much.

I'm going to be leaving notebook, not many of you will care or miss me. And that's fine. I will give you my snap and or discord if you wish to still speak to me ,but please if anything else I'll give my phone number. Thank you for the memories and thank you for all of the bonds I've made.

their username was like. i-wish-tom-hiddleston-was-my-husband i don't remember what exactly what is was but i've seen them around

guys guys guys guys guys guys guys.

I have a small boost of happiness right now because the teacher I talk to everyday that U had last year (Sophomore year) for english is bringing me a hard copy of To Kill a Mockingbird because i'm reading it on my own time, but have been reading it online.

Im super excited, she's giving it to me tomorrow, and Im so happy
even though the happiness will most likely disappear once im done with the book, I like the feeling of being this excited over something

I BROKE MY FUCKIN TOE BRRR BARK BARK BARK /NEG

I finished To Kill a Mockingbird.

I also finished Of Mice and Men. WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK THE ENDING IS SO GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I'm jealous of people with visible injuries
They get accommodations and respect with no questions asked
I'm in pain too, but there's no sign of it
And if I do use something visible, like tape or compression things, it looks like I'm faking or wanting attention
I just want visibility and comfort and recognition for how much fucking pain I'm in all the time
I'm jealous and angry and tired of no one believing me or thinking I'm lying or being dramatic
I'm in pain and it's real

hi

I'm jealous of people with visible injuries
They get accommodations and respect with no questions asked
I'm in pain too, but there's no sign of it
And if I do use something visible, like tape or compression things, it looks like I'm faking or wanting attention
I just want visibility and comfort and recognition for how much fucking pain I'm in all the time
I'm jealous and angry and tired of no one believing me or thinking I'm lying or being dramatic
I'm in pain and it's real

im so sorry you have to through that. If you ever want to vent or rant you can always message me, im down to listen. But yeah I kinda have the same problem, I once walked to the bathroom when my foot was asleep and it like bent very quickly at a very sharp like angle (one where the left side of my ankle touched the floor) and it swelled pretty bad after, told my parents they said "slap some ice on it, it'll get better" so I did everynight before I went to bed I tied a bag of ice on it, to touch the part that was swollen and it went down a little, but now my ankle is like permanently swollen, so yeah— and I get constant pain from walking on that foot, sometimes its so bad it even makes me cry.

everytime I say anything about it my friends look at me like im insane, But I get it, though I know your pain is probably worse than mine, in a way; I get it.

I'm jealous of people with visible injuries
They get accommodations and respect with no questions asked
I'm in pain too, but there's no sign of it
And if I do use something visible, like tape or compression things, it looks like I'm faking or wanting attention
I just want visibility and comfort and recognition for how much fucking pain I'm in all the time
I'm jealous and angry and tired of no one believing me or thinking I'm lying or being dramatic
I'm in pain and it's real

im so sorry you have to through that. If you ever want to vent or rant you can always message me, im down to listen. But yeah I kinda have the same problem, I once walked to the bathroom when my foot was asleep and it like bent very quickly at a very sharp like angle (one where the left side of my ankle touched the floor) and it swelled pretty bad after, told my parents they said "slap some ice on it, it'll get better" so I did everynight before I went to bed I tied a bag of ice on it, to touch the part that was swollen and it went down a little, but now my ankle is like permanently swollen, so yeah— and I get constant pain from walking on that foot, sometimes its so bad it even makes me cry.

everytime I say anything about it my friends look at me like im insane, But I get it, though I know your pain is probably worse than mine, in a way; I get it.

Thanks mate. I hate it when parents especially don't believe us. I complained about pain for like a year and a half before I got diagnosed with a chronic illness. I hope your able to get that ankle checked out again, it sounds serious.

I'm jealous of people with visible injuries
They get accommodations and respect with no questions asked
I'm in pain too, but there's no sign of it
And if I do use something visible, like tape or compression things, it looks like I'm faking or wanting attention
I just want visibility and comfort and recognition for how much fucking pain I'm in all the time
I'm jealous and angry and tired of no one believing me or thinking I'm lying or being dramatic
I'm in pain and it's real

im so sorry you have to through that. If you ever want to vent or rant you can always message me, im down to listen. But yeah I kinda have the same problem, I once walked to the bathroom when my foot was asleep and it like bent very quickly at a very sharp like angle (one where the left side of my ankle touched the floor) and it swelled pretty bad after, told my parents they said "slap some ice on it, it'll get better" so I did everynight before I went to bed I tied a bag of ice on it, to touch the part that was swollen and it went down a little, but now my ankle is like permanently swollen, so yeah— and I get constant pain from walking on that foot, sometimes its so bad it even makes me cry.

everytime I say anything about it my friends look at me like im insane, But I get it, though I know your pain is probably worse than mine, in a way; I get it.

Thanks mate. I hate it when parents especially don't believe us. I complained about pain for like a year and a half before I got diagnosed with a chronic illness. I hope your able to get that ankle checked out again, it sounds serious.

My friend just informed me I am now old enough to go to the emergency room by myself, but I dont want to face the wrath of my parents when I get home if I ever do go— I guess we'll see how it goes.

I hope the pain is tolerable for you. lemme know if you ever wanna talk about it :)
Again, im sorry you have to deal with it at all.

my mom used MY computer to look for a therapist for me because potential depresso is a bich

No wonder I found a tab open for a website on behavioral health consultation

TW: suicidal attempt and death mentioned.