Felix was quiet for a while, not knowing what to say. He felt stupid. "I, um, I don't mind," he said after a couple of seconds, feeling even more dumb as he said it. "I mean, I really like your hair that way too." He blushed a bit.
“Ah..” she relaxed and looked back at him with her water bottle in her hand, “Thank you..” she smiled lightly, “I don’t like it, but it’s the feel of it, mainly.”
"I think it looks pretty good. But I get if you don't like it. When, um, when did it…?" Felix didn't know how to finish that sentence.
Faye blinked, not offended, just not understanding, “What do you mean?” She tilted her head.
"Never mind." Felix blushed. "I'm just gonna… get my snackbar."
Faye steppes away from the vending machine for him, “I’m still confused…” Now she really wanted to know what he meant.
Felix wondered if it would still be possible for someone to spot the difference between his face and a tomato. "I mean… I assumed… I assumed that since you wear a wig and have medications, you have or have had cancer. And I just wondered when it happened. Like, for how long? I'm sorry if that's rude of me."
“Oh..” she relaxed, glancing off to decide what all she wanted to tell him, then glanced back, “Yeah, you’re right, it is from cancer. But I’ve been in remission for almost a year now..” she smiled slightly, “So not cured per se yet. Just recovering.”
"Oh." Felix tilted his head, not sure on what to answer to that. "I'm… sorry?"
“It’s fine.” She shook her head, “It’s good news actually.” She took a few steps back towards her room.
"Well… I'm happy that you're getting better. Sorry for my awkwardness and I'll be going now." He smirked a bit before quickly getting his snackbar and backing off.
Faye gave him another smile and dipped back into her own room. She breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t ask what kind of cancer. That would have been awkward. She took her medicine with the water, and decided to take a nap.
Felix escaped back to his own room. He locked the door and sank down on the floor with his back against it. He had started to feel it in the corridor, but he had kept it together for as long as she were there. Oh, God. A panic attack was coming, and Felix buried his face in his hands. He had started freezing and shaking uncontrollably, like always when he had an attack.
Unaware of her neighbor’s attack, Faye sank down into her bed, head resting on the pillow. What if she had made him feel bad? She should bring him something, like a sort of peace offering to show she had no hard feelings for what he asked. Or maybe she should just leave it alone.
Faye closed her eyes, but found it more than difficult to fall asleep.
Felix tried to control his own breathing, but it was impossible. He had started sweating despite freezing, and the shaking was uncontrollable. Voices in his head reminded him of literally every stupid or embarassing thing that he had ever done. Sitting against the door, he curled up into a ball, trying to swallow down the feeling of loosing control completely. He hated this, and he hated not being able to handle his own body at moments like these. He couldn't even handle his own mind.
Faye pulled the covers over her shoulder as she tried drifting into sleep, but sleep never came. Her thoughts kept wandering to Felix, toying the idea of asking if he wanted to have dinner with her tonight. Nothing special, just pizza. They would be neighbors after all, and she needed a friend in a city where she didn’t know anyone.
Felix banged his head against the wall, tears falling. His thoughts were just too much, the voices in his head didn't even say real words any more. They were just… there.This time it was worse than it had been in a very long time. It was everything all at once, but mostly it was the stress of moving. He pulled his armyknife out of his pocket, shaking as he flipped the blade open.
The bangs from the thin walls separating the two of them awoke Faye from her drowsy, almost meditative state. A wave of concern led her to sit up and knock against the wall, “Felix..? Is everything okay?” If that didn’t work she would go to his door, herself.
Felix heard her, but there was nothing he could do. His mind was blinded, he couldn't answer. Voices everywhere, tears and shaking and freezing and panic and the blade in front of him, the blade that was so tempting to press into the skin. Maybe it could make it stop. It usually did. The pain usually helped him.
Faye waited for a few seconds until she decided that she probably wouldn’t get a response, so she hopped off the bed to leave her room and go knock on his door, “Felix? Are you alright in there..?” She was still in her socks after kicking off her shoes for the nap.
"No…" Felix managed to say, trying to take back control over himself. He didn't want her to see him this way, not when he was this pathetic.
“No…can I get you something to eat? Eating helps a lot, I think…helps regulate..?” She attempted, “It may sound superficial, but it helps..in panic attacks..if that’s what’s going on.” She recognized the tone of voice, the rad banging, she’s dealt with similar attacks herself, but she couldn’t be positive that was happening now.
"I can't even…" He didn't finish the sentence. The knife pressed against his skin now, hands shaking. The door was unlocked, he realised. Felix sobbed and crawled up into a ball, thinking that might help.
Growing even more worried, Faye checked the door handle and found it open—much to her surprise. She opened the door and practically ran inside, “Felix?” She glanced around the huge room in search of him
Felix was sitting on the floor, turning away from Faye as she entered the room. "No," he wispered, "I don't want you to see me like this…" He knew that he needed her help, though. He didn't wanna have to use the knife as a last option.
(Sorry this got dark but since he is unstable I just gotta make him do things like this)
(Not a problem, I understand it’s storytelling + character development)
Faye sank down beside him, “Okay..well, we can take it one step at a time. How about first, you hand me the knife..can you do that?” She tentatively rested a hand on his shoulder, unsure whether physical contact would help or not.
Shaking, Felix handed her the knife. He looked away, trying to hide the tears. "The p-pain us-s-ually helps," he wispered.
Faye took the knife, setting it away from him, “Yeah…so…” she thought for a moment, “Maybe look around the room..? Find five things that feel soft.” She remembered her mom telling that to her whenever her anxiety got out of control when she was in high school and dealing with cancer. Though she never hurt herself like Felix…
"O-okay." Having to think a bit and focus on something actually helped him. "The pillow. The b-blanket. The… the curtains. This carpet. And, um…" He looked to his own shoulder, where Fayes hand were resting. "Your hands."
Faye’s expression softened even more awe… She rubbed his shoulder and smiled, “Very good..um..what about three things you can smell?”
