RP? One on One

The second that the word 'Jair' was heard by Kana, she immediately stood up, almost falling over when she did. She quickly rushed to the door where the maid said he was.
Kana slowly opened the door, wondering if it was really him. She thought he had died. She had been mourning him for quite some time now. She looked up and stared at Jair, tears forming in her eyes as she took in what she saw. She knew something was off. He obviously looked different, but there was something beneath the surface. She could just tell.
Kana took a step closer to him and gently brushed his cheek with her hand. "Is it really you?" She whispered, trying not to cry.

Jair nodded, giving her a tiny, very small smile. "Yeah." He said softly. "I told you I'd be okay." His left hand twitched; it always did now. Some sort of nerve damage, maybe. It would just…twitch. For no reason at all. There were still healing wounds on his torso, that were covered by bandages and his clothing. He looked down at Kana. Something had changed. He wasn't sure what yet, but something had changed.

She noticed the twitch, and that beought her attention to his missing fingers. "Oh…" She picked up his hand and inspected it. A wave of guilt washed over her. She wished she had stopped him from going. "I'm sorry." She gently let go of his hand, and started to nibble on the skin of her thumb, making it bleed some more. It was a habit she picked up on after Jair's "death".
"Er, please. Come in." She opened the door more for him and gestured for him to walk inside.

"It's okay." He said, stepping inside. He looked over at her, then looked away with a soft sigh. "Kana I…" He trailed off, biting his lip. He closed his eyes for a moment. He shook his head slightly. God, what do I say? What do I say? He wondered. I missed her so much, but…did she miss me? He gave a soft sigh.

(By the way, he doesn't know she's engaged)

(I figured)

Kana looked around the area, listening and looking to see if there was anyone around them. When she finally convinced herself that the coast was clear, she embraced Jair. It wasn't a tight hug. She didn't have much strength or energy left. She tried to hug him as tightly as she could, but it ended up feeling more like a weak child trying to hug someone. "I missed you so much," she let out a shaky breath. In a quieter voice she said, "I'm so sorry."

Jair hugged her back, wincing slightly as even her loose grip aggravated the wounds. "I missed you too." He said quietly. "I'm sorry that I never wrote, i just…there was so much going on and I…" He stopped. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He said quietly. "Really."

She broke away from the hug. "I thought you died." She remembered cold, empty feeling that took over her when she assumed his death and looked down at the ground. "I'm just glad you're alive." She looked back up at him, her eyes somehow capable of showing how truly detached and sad she felt. "I don't know how to feel about it though. I mourned you for so long… I still am, if I'm being honest."

"I-I know, I'm sorry." He said softly, not meeting her eyes. "I should have written, i should have…" His hands shook slightly. He wasn't the same man he had been when he left, that was painfully obvious. There was something hesitant in him now, where he had been confident. Something shaky where he had been strong.

Kana shook her head and tried to reassure him, "It's fine, Jair." She sighed, not knowing what to say. I need to tell him about Aydan but.. "Will you walk with me for a bit?" She asked him, trying her hardest to smile. Her lips were dry and cracked, not really something fitting for a Queen.

He nodded. "Okay." He said softly. He looked over at her. "Are you alright? No one tried to murder you while I was gone?" He cracked a faint, teasing smile. There were dark shadows under his eyes from lack of sleep.

She chuckled. "A lot of things happened while you were gone, Jair." Kana peeked at him, worried every time she did. "In all honesty, I'm more concerned about you."

"I'm fine." He replied automatically. "Really." He looked over at her. "What happened?" He asked, looking at her cautiously. Is she okay? He hoped she was. But…she wasn't exactly acting like it.

She bit the inside of her cheek, biting off some skin when she did. "Well, I held you funeral for you." She chuckled. "It was very nice, by the way."

He chuckled softly. "Mm. Guess you'll have to take that back, then." He said. For a moment, he seemed almost his old self again.

She smiled at him. "I guess so. Let's see… What else did you miss?" She tapped her chin with her index finger, trying to think of minor things rather than telling him about Aydan.

Jair watched her, a tiny smile on his face. At least she's okay. He thought. At least she was here for me to come back to.

"My new guard sucks." She sighed, exasperated. It was true. Her guard was pretty much the worst person for the job. "He can't even follow me around the castle, apparently." Kana groaned as she noticed that he wasn't there. It was probably for the better, as he probably would've stuck his nose in.

He gave a soft chuckle. "You could always rehire me. I can still do my job, even if I'm missing a few fingers." And a little PTSD. He added in his mind.

Kana's eyes lit up for the first time in a long time. "Really? Oh, please!" She laughed. "You're definitely one of the best guards I've ever known."

Jair smiled slightly. "Well. I guess I'm just special like that." He said. The question he really wanted to ask hung on the tip of his tongue. Do you still… feel the way you used to? He did. It had only gotten worse. His feelings for her. There was so much pain in this world, so much darkness. The like he held for her had helped him survive more than she would ever know.

"You are special…" she mumbled. Kana sighed shakily, starting to feel lightheaded. Her new little "hobby" had been seeing how long she could go without eating. It's only temporary, I just want to see how long I can survive without food. Everyone is different, after all. She looked up at Jair. "If you don't mind me asking, did you get to see your mother?"

He nodded. "I did." He replied softly, raking a hand through his hair with a soft sigh. Questions crowded onto his tongue, but he didn't speak them. Are you really okay? Would you still want me as your guard again if you knew how I wake up screaming at night? Do you still care, or are you just pretending?

"That's really good. I'm glad you finally got to see her." Kana had been making her way to the other guard's room. Jair's room was left untouched, as per Kana's demand. She knocked on the door and told him, "You're fired. Pack up and leave." and quickly escaped the area to go to Jair's old room. She wanted to secure Jair first, before she told him about Aydan. It was toxic and cruel of her, but she didn't care. "It's a bit dusty…" she warned him as she opened the door to his room. "Did you miss this place, or what?" She laughed.

(Jair's not okay, if you can't tell XD)

If I woke you up in the night with my screaming, would you understand? Would you help or would you turn away? He swallowed, pushing his thoughts away. He gave her a small smile. "Yeah. I missed the bed the most." He said with a soft chuckle. If I took off the mask and you saw how broken I am, what would you do?

(Oh yes, I can tell. He's got it bad)

She took a deep breath, trying to make herself less dizzy. Breathing will help. That's all I ever need to do. Just breathe. "Yes, I can only imagine!" She chuckled weakly and discretely leaned against the wall for support. "Would you like to get settled back in first, or…?" Kana was stalling. She knew she was too. I wish I had just waited a bit longer for Jair to come back.

(lol I might be overdoing it a bit but…eh XD)

He sat down, pulling off his jacket and setting it on the bed. "I don't really need to settle in. I'm okay." He replied, watching her. Are you okay? He thought. He wanted to ask, but… he had already asked, and he didn't want to nag.

(Oh no. No you're definitely not overdoing it.)

Kana's hands started shaking. 6 days without food. "Well. That makes sense." The room feels like it's spinning. "Hey, Jair?" I can go another day. I just need to breathe.

(okay good. I don't want to over do it, but at the same time I don't want to underdo it, bc…PTSD is an actual thing, and it would be disrespectful of me to down play it's effects on ppl if that makes sense sorry I'm rambling bc tired)

He noticed the hands shaking, and stood. "What's wrong?" He asked, crossing the room and putting a hand on her shoulder. "You lost weight." He said softly. "And not… in a good way."

(I would say escalate it just a tad more and you've got it. It can be ignored at times but uh,,,, if something, anything reminds them of their event then big yikes. I think you knew that last part though since you demonstrated it in the rp lol it makes perfect sense _{also if you wanna sleep, don't let me keep you up!})
She inhaled a sharp breath and avoided the question. "That's, um…. Did you see the new carpet in the hallway? It's blue now…" She kept leaning against the wall. It was the only reason why she was still able to stand.

(okay, got it. Thanks. I've been doing a lot of research off and on about it because one of my characters in a book has it but…it's hard to find actual resources?? Like everything I see about it is just BAM. NIGHTMARES…….that's it and I know that's definitely part of it but there's so much more to it than I see in normal fiction.
I'm not that tired. And my tablet isn't dead yet so I'm good XD)

"Kana. I-I don't give a shit about the carpet." He said, looking at her. "Please answer my question." Please. You're scaring me. Please. I need to know if you're okay. He studied her carefully, his left hand shaking and twitching by his side.