RP? One on One

(As a student who's studying to be a psychologist _{andmaybesomeonewhohaslivedthroughsomecrap} you can always ask me for help if you want. Also the website Psychology Today is pretty lit. I use it too often. And you're absolutely right. It's more than just nightmares.)

She noticed his left hand twitching. "You're twitching." She commented, trying to turn this around on him. "Is everything ok?"

(alright. Thank you! Also what usually goes along with it/is caused by it? I know it's typically depression and/or anxiety, but are those simply part of PTSD, or is it more like…an effect that doesn't necessarily happen to everyone? I mean, I know a lot depends on the person and what happened, but just in general? ima take you up on your offer right now XD)

"Nerve damage." Jair replied softly, tucking his hand in his pocket. "I'm fine. Now answer the god damn question, Kana. Please." What's wrong? What's happening? Is someone hurting you? Threatening you? What's wrong?

She bit her lip. He's never acted like this before. Maybe I should tell him. "I just… skipped a few meals." Kana was technically telling the truth, but it was still a blatant lie.

Jair sighed softly. "Why?" He asked softly. "Is there a reason?" Okay. Calm down. Calm down. Everything's fine. She lost weight, but she's alive and unharmed. She's okay. You're okay. His hands were still shaking.

She shrugged, still not wanting to tell the truth. If I told him it was because of his death, he would probably feel bad. "I'm just… sad." She was technically telling the truth. "And I didn't really see a point to eat…" she trailed off and started to bite her fingernails.

"Except for your fingernails, obviously." He said dryly, trying to attempt at humor, though it fell on it's face. "Why are you sad?" Is it my fault? Did I do something? Is it because I didn't write? Should I have written?

She sighed softly. "Don't worry about it, Jair." Kana mustered all of her strength and tried to walk away from the wall. Immediately regretting the first step, she pressed her back into the wall again. Bad idea. She took another deep breath. I need to tell him. "It's just that the people have been bothering me about finding a King recently."

He nodded. "Okay…" He trailed off, looking at her worriedly still. She was behaving so strangely. What was happening?

"It was hard choosing… Especially because I wasn't sure if you were alive or not." She looked down, ashamed. Gods, this is the worst.

"What do you mean? What happened?" He asked quickly, taking a step back and shifting from foot to foot. I shouldn't have come back. I can't do this. I can't…

(This is gonNA HURT)

Her eyes started to sting. "Jair, I had no idea you were alive." She was already starting to plead with him. "I had to pick somebody. And I'm…engaged." A tear fell and she quickly wiped it away.

(I knOW)

Jair sat down on the bed, looking at her. Everything else is ruined…why not her, too? The last good thing I had left, and she can't even be mine and I can't be hers. "Who?" He finally asked softly, looking down at the bed.

"Aydan." She whispered, more of her tears falling. She didn't bother to wipe them. I'm so sorry, Jair. Kana felt awful.

Jair nodded. "He's a good man." He said quietly, not looking up. I should have written. I should never have left. I… He bit his lip.

"It's what the people wanted…" she trailed off, not wanting the situation to get any worse. She looked at Jair, trying to analyze his emotions.

He gave a sharp nod, closing his eyes. "Anything to avoid civil war." He said softly. "That's the last thing you want." He shook his head quickly, trying to dispel the memories.

(I'm exhausted, so I'm heading to bed. May not be on until later tomorrow/today/idek anymore XD)

(Lol I went to bed too-)

She silently agreed with him. Aydan did say that we could have an affair… She shook her head. But that's not exactly my thing. "Jair, I'm sorry. I should've waited some more.." She walked up to him, using whatever was nearby for support. She put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Are you ok?"

(lol)

"It's okay. You thought I was dead, so you made the best choice available to you." He said softly. He stiffened slightly at the contact. "I-I'm fine." He lied. She has enough problems…I don't need to burden her with mine.

She noticed his reaction to her hand, and pulled it away. She sat down on his bed next to him, internally grateful to be resting. "What happened to you? You seem so different." She sounded genuinely concerned for him.

He shook his head. "It's not important." He said softly, not looking at her. I shouldn't have come back. Everything's changed. I…she would have been better off remembering me as who i was. Not…this.

"It is to me…" She muttered.

No it doesn't. You care because you think I'm still the same. You think I can come back and be the same guard, the same man, I always was. But I…I can't. Too much has changed. Too much… "Well, it isn't." He replied.

Kana let out a dejected sigh. "If you're not comfortable sharing, that's fine." She stood up slowly, so she wouldn't collapse from a sudden movement, and started to walk out his door. "But I can tell something happened." She turned to face him, leaning against the door frame and gave him a weak smile. "People just don't lose fingers for no reason." A lame attempt at humor.

He flinched slightly, closing his eyes for a moment. "That's the way the world is supposed to go, isn't it?" He said in a darkly sarcastic tone, something he never would have done before he left. If and when he was sarcastic, it had always been a gentle sarcasm. Not rough, or dark.

The corner of Kana's mouth twitched into a frown for half of a second. It was clear now, if it wasn't before, that Jair had changed a lot. How do I reply? She started to feel panicky, and along with panic came lightheadedness. Kana let out a soft "hn," and turned out of his bedroom and started walking in a random direction. Kana was so used to not having a guard by her side, that she didn't expect to Jair to follow. Whatever. Some rest will do him good.

Jair took a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his fists. It's okay. You're okay. You're okay. You don't have to fight anymore, you aren't in danger anymore. Calm down. He told himself, keeping his eyes closed.

Kana's steps suddenly faltered. She fell to the ground, trying to make sure that there wasn't any noise when she did. She used the wall to literally claw her way back up to an upright position, before continuing to walk again. Maybe I should tell Aydan. He should be close by, anyways.

Aydan was out in the gardens, reading. In all honesty, he probably would be a pretty good king, even if he could sometimes be a bit of a stubborn ass.
Jair lay backwards on the bed, staring at the familiar ceiling. Nothing feels the same anymore…am I ever going to be okay again?

Kana walked outside and spotted Aydan. She sat down next to him, sighing with relief when she did. "Aydan?" she peeked over at his book. I wonder how he'll react. It's not everyday your fiancee's crush who was assumed dead comes back from a civil war.

Aydan jumped slightly, closing the book and looking at her. "Hey, Kana. What's up?" He asked, looking at her. They both knew that they didn't romantically care for the other, and Aydan wasn't the type to call her sweet nicknames just for show.
Jair bit his lower lip slightly, raking his hands through his hair.