How's this for my beginning line?

I'm just trying to write something gripping, and kind of surprising as a first line, to reel in the readers, y'know? :) Let me know what you think~!

Well now I'm interested and want to know what happens why would you do this to me

Well, if you're interested, I'll keep this thread updated as I continue writing it~! ^^

Thanks for the feedback!

Please do, that is really good. You would never imagen it. Good job!

That is amazing. No critique.

wait…the thing i'm most interested in is how you did the spoiler thingy

“spoiler” with <> on the ouside then do the same thing but with a / before the word spoiler

I did it!!!!

Thank you!

No problem :)

is this right?

nope not right. sorry

Hi

<.spoiler> insert word here </.spoiler> but without the periods

Wow thanks

eh, I'm not a fan. the joke-like format doesn't work with the immensely serious topic of finding your friend dead. I don't know whether to expect a funny book or a serious one.

Ask yourself this: but why? Why is my character complaining? Are they serious about being upset about the heat and humidity or are they trying to play off their insecurities by focusing on something far more inconsequential? Does my character want to try to fix it, or move on? How are they going to do what they chose? Play into the deeper meanings and emotions that I'm sure your character is hiding from even you. Side note: think about the story will be told and unfold. Is the death of the friend the climax of the story, or does it get more intense? If the death of the friend is the most intense part, you may consider telling the story through flashbacks. If it gets more intense, you could consider hiding bits of key information from the reader until the last possible second while presenting the basis of the information through foreshadow. I don't know everything, but my guess is that you're character is trying to tell you something far more serious about themselves by not telling you what your reader is going to want to know. If you already know what you're character is hiding, kudos. Keep the story rolling intensely for a couple chapters though. If you start deep and rough, any sudden drop off into a bland background will cause your reader to disengage and it lessen their interest. Good luck!!