~~Character Critique/Feedback~~

I posted my link with my character a couple of comments ago, would you mind doing him?

@Rubyjane Oh my gosh, I'm sorry I didn't notice before! I'm a bit stupid omg
Lukas

• He's got a pretty cool eye color, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it! I like that his mannerisms are also rooted in the people in his life, it makes him very grounded to your world.
• As far as motivations go, they're pretty good! A lot of it feels like some sort of residual guilt, which I can think is interesting, and are also centered around other people. Is there anything that motivates him for his own self-gain rather than other people's feelings?
• I actually really like his personality! I'll give you my overall impression of him so you can see what an outsider perceives your character as: I think he sounds like a someone who carries guilt for others and is more nervous than your average person. Ultimately, someone who means well, but is probably too self-sacrificing for his own good.
• I find it interesting that there is no religion in his world. Absolutely nothing? Not all religion involves a god, and religion can also simply be a philosophical lifestyle. For example, Buddhism has no god, and often it's hard to peg as a religion because it's just a lifestyle. It's a set of choices that a large group of people follow that believe it will bring them happiness and better them. No god or gods involved. And there are plenty of other religions in the world like that the farther you get from the big names like Islam and Christianity. You probably have a worldbuilding reason for this, but if it's just because writing religion makes you uncomfortable, I would reconsider!
• On politics, how far would he go? Is there no line he wouldn't cross for the king and queen?
• Overall, very good! I think he's really solid, which will help in building a good relationship with his love interest and make fleshing the world from his view easier. Have fun with him!

@Snowmirror
No, it's totally fine. Thank you so much for giving me your opinion on him!
Interesting note on the eye color, it actually is a bigger part of a subplot.
Motivations, yes he has a lot of guilt in his life. He can hardly make a decision and not feel guilty about some aspect of it. I've been trying to figure out a more selfish one, but I really can't. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them.
Thank you so much telling me the overall, most of that is what I've been going for, although I never thought of him as nervous, which is now an interesting thought for me. Would you mind taking a look at some of my other main characters and telling me how you see them? Because honestly, it helps a lot.
I will definitely think about that. The reason I haven't added religion to my world is because I am religious and it doesn't seem right to me to create my own. But thank you for bringing that to my attention.
No, there are lines he wouldn't cross and I do want to change his politics a bit as when I added that he wasn't very developed.
Thanks again!

I've already posted one character but would you mind critiquing my other character?

@Rubyjane
Adding a more selfish motivation can be difficult, but I suppose it's up to your definition of selfish in the end. You've already said he wants to save everyone and wants to make things up to his mother, so on a more selfish level, he might do these things so he feels better about himself? A lot of people do kind things because it's the right thing to do, but also because it reassures them of how they feel about themselves. Like donating to charity so you feel like a good Samaritan. It doesn't make them a bad person per se, but it is ultimately to further themselves. Regarding religion, I totally understand that point, you don't have to add one if it goes against your views! I just know some people don't write it because they're afraid, but you have a solid reason as to why it would make you uncomfortable. I would be happy to critique other characters of yours!

I'll be happy to critique more of your characters, Rory!
Veronica

• So this is more of a me thing, but the tones I imagine for ghostly pale and porcelain are a little… different? In my brain, I see ghostly pale as like, a supernatural grayness to pale skin, while porcelain is rooted in more human tones like yellows and pinks. It's just a me thing, of course.
• Her motivations are very pure, which is interesting against her flaws. I think it goes hand in hand! But I don't know if being 'a bit of a slut' is a flaw, per se. I don't know, I don't think it's a flaw that a woman would sleep around a lot unless she's being unsafe or it's like, a different person every night. I suppose you would have to establish how much her reckless, naive nature bleeds into this part of her life, because a healthy woman with a healthy relationship with sex shouldn't be called a slut.
• Aw, it sucks that she has a stigma against virgins, but it's a very human prejudice! I kind of appreciate that it's there. Is it something she'll grow out of?
• I like her a lot, and this is my own bias playing in because I love the party girl characters who are deeper than you think they are. I would like to know what kind of development, if any, that she would go under just to see what kind of person she becomes in the end. That's pretty much all my critiques for her!

@Snowmirror
Thank you so much for the feedback! It has really helped.
This is Markus, Lukus' brother.

This is Camie, Lukas girlfriend.

@@Rubyjane
Markus

• Smiling a lot around people you feel comfortable with is such a cute mannerism, oh gosh. It's interesting that he's someone with mild anxiety but makes decisions fully knowing the consequences to them. What triggers this anxiety? What makes him anxious and what doesn't? I've always found consequences to actions make people anxious because they're so used to bad consequences, and people who are anxious are usually pinned as cowardly. These traits run the risk of contradictory if you aren't careful in the writing.
• Okay, for him, this is the overall feel that I get; He's probably got one of the more loud presences of your cast and can be temperamental/explosive/ has a shorter fuse. His anger is a developmental reaction of being abused by an authoritative figure (his father) and is one of his coping mechanisms for this. His anxiety/panic attacks might be something that embarrasses him and he would be one of the characters that have a harder time opening up.
• I think it's neat that his favorite weapon is something from his father. It sort of helps to acknowledge that weird place of love an abusive parent can have with their kid, if that's what you're going for. I feel like he's just as developed of a character as Lukas!

Camie

• I think she's just as interesting as the other two, which is great! You've developed a really solid cast here. She walks this interesting line of… prideful and nervous? My general feel of her is that she is prideful because she doesn't like to be embarrassed. I mean, most of us don't, but for it to be a motivation that must mean she REALLY cares about that. So either she's prideful or consumed by what others think of her. I suppose it's more of the latter since you say that she is insecure, but I think it would be interesting if characters who didn't know her well thought she was prideful, and then later have that 'a-hah' moment about her character and see her insecurities.
• Since I read her after Markus, I see more comparisons to make here. I said that I feel like he would have a hard time opening up (which I don't think is something you wrote down, so obviously I won't know if this is true until you respond) but if it is, she is explicitly someone who has problems with self-image (being clingy to Lukas, not wanting to embarrass herself) so I feel like those two would have an interesting dynamic.
• Overall, I really like the characters you've created! They feel like they have depth and that they can exist individually from each other.

Could you critique my character Virago? Here's the link; Rie Katayama

@Snowmirror
Markus:
So with his anxiety and his decisions it basically means that because of his anxiety he over thinks everything, but typically comes to the right conclusion. (even if it is a bad one like he knows that things will go wrong)
His anxiety is mainly triggered by new situations, but whenever he is really upset or angry about something or has an important goal in mind he can overcome that anxiety(as long as he isn't in tight spaces)
You saw exactly what I was going for, that's so great! I do think that he has a harder time opening up, especially with his childhood. He even has a hard time telling Everleigh and Lukas about it.
That was what I was going for with the knife, I wanted to acknowledge that although he doesn't trust his father he still doesn't want him dead or anything.
Camie:
Let me try to explain the pride/nervous thing. She goes through an interesting character arc in my series. She starts off as very nervous and bullied, but as she begins to find her self-worth it develops into pride. Then towards the end of the series, she takes a big hit to her pride and everything is somewhat leveled out.(although what you said about her seeming prideful and then having the "a ha" is also pretty true. Because she will never lose some of the deep down insecurities or a bit of pride)
She does have self-image issues and they are an interesting pair. They have a lot of similarities. If left alone they probably wouldn't be able to do much, but that's why I have Lukas, and Markus' girlfriend, Everleigh, who are a bit stronger emotionally.
Thank you so much for all of the kind things you have said about my characters! It has helped a lot
I hope my reply makes sense!

@@Rubyjane
Thank you for clearing a few things up! I like the direction you take your characters in a lot and this helped. Thank you for letting me critique them!

@Snowmirror
Of course, I'm glad I could. Thank you so much, I loved creating all of them. Thanks for doing it! It got me back into writing about them again, I've been stuck for a while

Of course, barabara!
Virago

• So her hair is dark brown that borders on raven black, but I always imagine as black hair being different brown hair, and a hair as dark as a raven would have that iridescent blue quality. Just a bit of a nitpick, but I'd say choose one descriptor.
• You have very specific mannerisms going on, which is good, but be careful in applying all that to your writing. It can get clunky and repetitive. Motions that are part of a character's manners should only be mentioned three or four times.
• Really good motivations! I appreciate you listing how they change with her character so I can have more of a grasp on her. I like her flaws too, they're very well thought out to her character. Does she have any useless talents (good at cooking but doesn't like cooking, great with animals, etc.) that you could apply to her? Just to round her out more?
• I like her stoic type (at least, she feels stoic) and you clearly put a lot of effort into her. Everything on the social page is so well thought out, I'm surprised! It shows how much you've poured into your character that I hardly have critiques. I would love to read a story with such a badass lead!

Thank you so much!

I know I keep coming back but would you mind doing one of my characters, she's basically a Pokemon rival type character.

Hi I can tell you're packed but I've read through some of these and I love the detail you go into, could you help me develop my hot mess? Much appreciated! Rachel

It's totally fine, Rory, come back as many times as you need to! I know there aren't many critique pages that are still active, so it's totally fine!
Cecelia

• Since she's based off a single archetype (rich bitch and all that) I think she could benefit from some trope breakers and twists. Queen Bee's are pretty predictable in nature, and she doesn't differ from this. I like that she's insecure of being chalked up to just her physical appearance, but most of what you written is about her physical appearance and being manipulative. What else is she? Is she charitable? Does she like the arts? Does she crave a certain kind of attention more than others (parental, platonic, romantic)? If she's confident in her physical appearance, why does it bother her that that is what people see her as only?
• Her revelation that she's a lesbian is… interesting. I don't see why hiding her sexuality would make her so cruel. I would understand her pretending to be extremely… uh, straight, I guess, for lack of a better word, and really acting out on this in order to avoid that part of her, but becoming cruel and mean is just odd. It also kind of chalks up her whole personality to just being gay, and it's a trope that the bully is secretly gay. I don't think it's a trope many people of the LGBT community are fond of either, because people write it like it's an excuse. Like, it's okay that she was mean because she's gay, which isn't true, and no one should cut her slack because of it.
• I think she walks a fine line of being completely her trope and trying to build sympathy, and it isn't really working. I think she either needs to have a really sympathetic soft side, or she's just all mean girl like Sharpay from High School Musical. Both can be really likable characters if you do it right, because sometimes we just like the mean girl and sometimes we like the sob story, but I think you have to stick to one of these sides more than walking down both. Good luck with her!

@Kaloobia I'm happy to help, as always, and I'm never too packed for more critiques!
Rachel

• So, mannerisms should be more of her physical movements that match up with her personality. Talking with her hands, tapping her foot, things like that. Maybe she twirls her hair when she flirts or covers her mouth when she laughs.
• Her motivations are okay, but pretty singular. Does anything else motivate her? Does she grow to be motivated by anything else? Does she want to improve herself? What motivations does she have in regards to the plot directly? How strongly do these things motivate her, and how far will she go for them.
• Her flaws are also okay, but I don't feel like they tell me much about her along with her general personality. So she's loud and self absorbed and doesn't like physical pain, but that's all I've really gleamed from her. You could put down that she's independent, or her moral compass spins in whatever way keeps her safe rather than others, or that she enjoys the company of people even if she struggles to seek help from others. She has substance abuse (alcoholism) but has that led to other things like depression or anxiety? How okay is she with other people seeing this side of her.
• I don't really understand her prejudice? Prejudices are things as extreme as racism and sexism and as small as things like 'people with tattoos are stupid', not really about being tossed to zombies. And she probably has a whole list of prejudices if she lives in a post apocalyptic world where you have to judge everyone to survive.
• Upon reading her past, I wonder if she has problems with authority specifically because of her relationship with her mother. If Rachel herself has mental illness, would she be unwilling to admit it because her mother was mentally ill and abusive? Would that make her afraid, to be similar to her mother in any capacity?
• I'm curious about where her turning point would be for when she gets the help she needs. Overall, she's not bad but she could use some more development, I think. Good luck with her!

Thank you so much!! Those are all very helpful comments/inquiries, I'll definitely address them when I work on her more. And I'll probably come back to you with other characters, again you're very helpful with this. ^^ Thanks again!

Thanks, you're a great help!

• I think she's more insecure about her lack of personality and by extension this makes her believe her looks are all she is. This means she doesn't make real friends but instead has minions because she's so terrified of rejection that she finds it easier to be a feared ruler instead of a loved friend despite knowing deep down that it isn't right.
• She isn't mean because she's gay, she didn't really know she was gay before the events of the story and she was mean before it, she's mean because it disguises her weakness. Up until now she just assumed that not being attracted to boys was normal, that sex with boys wasn't really something the girl would ask for but more the boy.
• I think the aim I was going for was nice girl with a mean mask, I think this sorta makes her easy to develop as a character because the whole adventurer situation she's in doesn't agree with her Queen Bee status and this makes her vulnerable and hence this exterior melts away to reveal the kinda decent person inside, but maybe what I have in my head just didn't translate well.

If you don't mind there is the other two characters I've uploaded so far the protagonist and one of the big villains

Got it!
Lilith

• Ah yes, good old Lilith, who I believe was the first woman created by God or something. I wouldn't know, I'm not religious, but I love her name. So, she's been around for a long time, obviously, you would think she would have hobbies outside of what she is. Sure, she's a succubus, but that's the only thing she focuses on besides killing? It's like saying that I need to eat food to live, so all I do is eat, and that's all I'll ever do. Does she have downtime? Does she do something in that? Maybe she secretly has some wholesome hobby like knitting or watching really bad television shows (which, personally, fuels my hatred for humanity, so I don't know about how she would feel)
• She is a pretty typical villain, just there for sex and death, and I think you could do more than that! So often female demons are just sex demons with nothing else, and her obsession with Noriko only adds a little bit more definition. Either make her a really fun villain who has bite to her bark, or give her more dimension.

Noriko

• She doesn't seem all that bad, though I think filling out the personality section could help a bit. As far as motivations go, would she be motivated to get revenge on Lilith for what she's done to her? It's fine that she has some basic self centered ones, but in the grand scheme of your plot how do these motivations push her forward? What else might push her?
• For flaws, I'm actually surprised that she's naive. She's aware of what happened to her parents, so isn't she one of the most educated people on a very human topic i.e. murder? How sheltered was she by her sensei? And is she naive in a childish sense, or naive in her own actions, like not really understanding the impact of her actions until it's too late? Does she have a prejudice against demons, since it was a demon that ruined her life?
• She's pretty good, other than that!

Great! Thanks very much this gave me loads of help. And in terms of her character, yes she was certainly educated on how grim the world truly is but her naivety is due to her fiery personality, she has yet to learn to think before she acts and, like you said, doesn't quite take consequences into consideration

Hey! I've read some of the advice you give about characters and you are so thorough and helpful, so I'd love if you could critique my three babies <3 They aren't entirely fleshed out, but they're still in the process.

Thank you so much! Also, feel free to absolutely tear them apart

Hiiiiii It's me again ^^; I'd appreciate some feedback on my boy Casey, he's a member of an All-Asian-American boy band; I'm trying to get several different opinions on him because I've worked on him quite a bit and he has a big place in my heart :)

@robinsonsgalaxy
Let's jump right in to see what I can do then~
Elodie

• I don't know about describing darker skin tone as foods. It's always kind of been a big no in the writing community. You wouldn't describe a pale skinned person as mayonnaise and crackers, would you? You could compare darker skin tones to say, sand, wood, or even certain types of gems.
• Her personality isn't bad, but with a motivation like that, I would think she would have the flaw of being naive. On top of that, I would add more flaws that have substance, if that makes sense. Her putting on a facade of smiling and stuff is good, but I don't really know what she's hiding. Does she not like showing others she's upset? Does she only know how to pretend to be happy? How genuine is it? Are there any mannerisms that give it away? Furthermore, does she care about how others perceive her? Most people put on a facade when they care, so does she? To what extent?
• Also, will her motivations ever change? I don't know if the plot of the novel is her parents getting back together, but if it's not she needs more. How does she motivate herself? How does she do it according to the plot? She's not a bad character, but she definitely feels like she's in the process, like you said.

Tyler

• Motivations are pretty typical and don't tell me much about his character. Since there's no history linked, I can't see why this motivation exists and to what extent he will go for it. Personality isn't really filled out in a satisfying manner either, so I don't what else to say other than there's no real substance here for me to work with. Also "can be rude" is different from "is actually rude" so how often do his flaws show? He doesn't sound like he has flaws of real threat to himself/plot/relationships.

Quinn

• Once more, the motivations are pretty empty and don't feel like they're attached to the character personally so much as it was convenient to fill the spot. And surely she must have flaws outside of these mental illnesses. I mean, she was once someone before them, wasn't she? I don't know what else to say because there is very little to work with here.

I want to critique more, but critiques are really made for when you think you're done filling out the character pages and need insight, not when you're still in the middle of them. If you put down more information for all of them, I'll have more stuff to say, but I can't help you build characters from the halfway point. Thank you for sharing anyway!

@Kaloobia
Casey

• Right off the bat, he seems fleshed out! So, you put down that he's childish, but seeing that he is also eager to learn, how would he react when confronted about this flaw? Would he be just as eager to 'outgrow' this flaw? I think there are still other aspects of him that can be fluffed up, and I think it would be good to write down any character growth he experiences.
• What's his temper like? How does that relate to his ego and self-image? When challenged on these things, how does he react? Does the attention he like only have to be positive? Does he feel obligated to put on a show and appeal to the image he has created? Is it something he ever regrets? What ARE his regrets on that note?
• I do feel like he's missing a little something to really make him pop out, but I can't put my finger on it. I suppose he's a bit of a done trope before, and something could be added to turn the trope on its head, but that's up to you. Sometimes it's best to work with what readers expect in the end!

Aahh good good okay. I actually didn't realize he was a trope?? Good to know, I'll look into it ^^ And thanks again for the help, as always good questions to answer and develop on :) <3

Hey, your critiques seem really good, so I was wondering if you could critique my character, Dan

@robinsonsgalaxy
Let's jump right in to see what I can do then~
Elodie

• I don't know about describing darker skin tone as foods. It's always kind of been a big no in the writing community. You wouldn't describe a pale skinned person as mayonnaise and crackers, would you? You could compare darker skin tones to say, sand, wood, or even certain types of gems.
• Her personality isn't bad, but with a motivation like that, I would think she would have the flaw of being naive. On top of that, I would add more flaws that have substance, if that makes sense. Her putting on a facade of smiling and stuff is good, but I don't really know what she's hiding. Does she not like showing others she's upset? Does she only know how to pretend to be happy? How genuine is it? Are there any mannerisms that give it away? Furthermore, does she care about how others perceive her? Most people put on a facade when they care, so does she? To what extent?
• Also, will her motivations ever change? I don't know if the plot of the novel is her parents getting back together, but if it's not she needs more. How does she motivate herself? How does she do it according to the plot? She's not a bad character, but she definitely feels like she's in the process, like you said.

Tyler

• Motivations are pretty typical and don't tell me much about his character. Since there's no history linked, I can't see why this motivation exists and to what extent he will go for it. Personality isn't really filled out in a satisfying manner either, so I don't what else to say other than there's no real substance here for me to work with. Also "can be rude" is different from "is actually rude" so how often do his flaws show? He doesn't sound like he has flaws of real threat to himself/plot/relationships.

Quinn

• Once more, the motivations are pretty empty and don't feel like they're attached to the character personally so much as it was convenient to fill the spot. And surely she must have flaws outside of these mental illnesses. I mean, she was once someone before them, wasn't she? I don't know what else to say because there is very little to work with here.

I want to critique more, but critiques are really made for when you think you're done filling out the character pages and need insight, not when you're still in the middle of them. If you put down more information for all of them, I'll have more stuff to say, but I can't help you build characters from the halfway point. Thank you for sharing anyway!

Thank you so much, I'm sorry these characters aren't as fleshed out as they could be.