~~Character Critique/Feedback~~

@Lightningclaw13
Sorry for the late reply!
Fjola

• She's a little too singular in nature. She's just shy and submissive and nice. This can be fine, but characters with no backbone are really hard to write because they're frustrating. They don't mix things up or act out of character. So what moments would make her act out of character and break her nature? What twists can you add to this trope to really make it your own? Submissive and kind people all have a breaking point, so what's hers?
• Her motivation is also pretty singular and empty. She's a major character, but how does her motivation propel the plot? Why does she have to be such a goody goody? Does she really have no moral complexity? What does this add? How will she change? Her existence is so heavily based on being kind that she really just feels one dimensional. Is there nothing else to fill her out?
• Furthermore, would she stand to the side if someone she loved was hurt? Kindness can be a double-edged sword. Do other characters get easily frustrated with her? How does she handle that? How much does she care about everyone else's opinion?

Seth

• He's more developed than Fjola, but I don't feel like he's changed all that much personality wise from it, so I don't think it needs to be pointed out. Of course he becomes self loathing and self conscious about scars, but I don't know if they should be the single motivation. That's really what gets him out of bed in the morning? Revenge for the scars he got? Once more, it doesn't flesh him out enough.
• You could give him more talents and hobbies too to make him more fleshed out. Mostly, even though he's more developed, my critique for him lines up with my critique with Fjola.

Talia

• I don't want to sound repetitive, so instead of me fluffing up three paragraphs on her I'm just gonna say that once again, she feels one dimensional and you should refer to the above questions with Fjola for how to flesh her out. She feels like a typical extroverted character when she could probably be more with more poured into her. I hope this helps!

Hey! Please destroy my two children for moment, would ya?

My story's still a work in progress, but I just wanted to have believable and realistic protagonists as part of a foundation I can build off of first (I'd especially appreciate it if you focus more on their motivations and backstories, some parts to me are still a little iffy) Thanks so much in advance

@Isaac Once more, sorry for the late reply!
Daniel

• Overall, he's really well done! I would put more physical movements under his mannerisms, like what he does when he's lost in thought, just to flesh out his body language. Body language is pretty hard to write (in my opinion) so having a little list helps bring the character to life. For hobbies, I know you put that he has no idea what he would do when he stops, but do you know? I think it's good that he doesn't but you, the writer, should probably have an idea of how this character would act in every situation, including a mundane alternate universe. Maybe put a few things down for future reference so he doesn't feel like he's just tied into the world you made him for.
• He's cynical but trusts too easily? I feel like this is a little to contradictory. I know humans are, by nature, big contradictions, but I always get the feeling that cynical people are also skeptical, as they are flaws that lend themselves to each other very easily. Other than that, I don't have major critiques, so good luck with him!

Hi there, would mind reviewing my character?

Thanks!

@lotus
Sure thing!
Rika

• She's very well developed and put together. She makes me think a lot of Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist, and that's a plus, since that was such a developed and nuanced character. Her immaturity has good explanation in her past too, so I don't have any critiques for her! Mostly, just be careful to not make her seem annoying by screwing things up occasionally, because that can always be a huge turn off for a character. Make sure her flaws really challenge her in her future, whether they cause a turning point in her arc or otherwise. Remember, a main character should always have some sort of development, unless them remaining static is an explicit problem.
• Also, she's young. Really young, especially for military work. She's my age. Don't forget that heavy things like that affect teens in many odd ways. Also, does she need to be that young? Is it plot important? I think she would feel more real if she was older, just by a few years. Never force your characters to be younger than they should be. Some characters are old souls, and should be portrayed as such.

Carter

• Singular motivations can be good, especially when it comes to younger characters, because that single minded attitude allows for a dedicated point of view that most adults can't replicate. Once more, it's going to be a small paragraph because you have fleshed out this character in fewer words.

@lotus
Sure thing!
Rika

• She's very well developed and put together. She makes me think a lot of Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist, and that's a plus, since that was such a developed and nuanced character. Her immaturity has good explanation in her past too, so I don't have any critiques for her! Mostly, just be careful to not make her seem annoying by screwing things up occasionally, because that can always be a huge turn off for a character. Make sure her flaws really challenge her in her future, whether they cause a turning point in her arc or otherwise. Remember, a main character should always have some sort of development, unless them remaining static is an explicit problem.
• Also, she's young. Really young, especially for military work. She's my age. Don't forget that heavy things like that affect teens in many odd ways. Also, does she need to be that young? Is it plot important? I think she would feel more real if she was older, just by a few years. Never force your characters to be younger than they should be. Some characters are old souls, and should be portrayed as such.

Carter

• Singular motivations can be good, especially when it comes to younger characters, because that single minded attitude allows for a dedicated point of view that most adults can't replicate. Once more, it's going to be a small paragraph because you have fleshed out this character in fewer words.

And the pasts are pretty good! Sorry, forgot to tack that on

@I.J.Green
Mayble

• I don't think I've ever seen that name spelled that way. It's cute, especially for living people to spell their names like that, but generally I think it's easier on a reader's eyes to see common names spelled in their common ways. And if this is how you spell it, shouldn't her nickname be spelled May and not Mae?
• As far as her scars go, I always thought all scars fade to white? Some stay slightly pink, but even deep and damaging scars fade in color. I don't know how recent the big red one was, however, so you could totally ignore this.
• Under mannerisms, putting that she's irritable when tired is kind of redundant. Being irritable when you're tired is just part of being tired, scientifically. It doesn't need to be pointed out. Also, most of her mannerisms are very simple, and don't feel unique to her character. One or two that she can really call her own would be good so that she stands out from the characters around her. The second half of her mannerisms are technically not mannerisms, just personality traits, so they don't really belong there. If she's externally hard to read, you should make her mannerisms more refined. Maybe when she's mad, she gets this small wrinkle between her eyebrows that only friends notice. When she's happy, she might bite her lip to stop a smile or laugh. Bouncing on toes and chewing fingernails is pretty obvious as far as physical motions go.
• She has very humanitarian motivations, which is fine, but you would think someone as old as her would have more. What motivations have changed since her youth? How does she feel about this? What motivations will she fall into? What motivations does she think she will never have? I think these are important to understand in the long run.
• So, I get a sense of her character through these flaws, but it doesn't really feel like enough. Characters (particularly female characters) being so selfless it hurts them is very common, and I think it can go horribly wrong with an incorrect approach. There has to be other flaws, I think, to make her feel more real. Does she have a sense of pride even though she is self sacrificing? Maybe she is stubborn in her views or unable to change. Would you put her as cynical for her life experience? Jaded? Too old for this world? What flaws would come from someone who has lived a very long time? There should be more listed.
• Will she ever learn her lesson about trusting people? I would say it would make a good character arc, except she's been repeating this mistake for years, it seems, so it's hard to imagine a turn around for her. Do you have anything planned?
• I think she's a little rough around the edges and could use a few more outlines to her personality. So far, she's not really sympathetic and just tragic, which is a difference you probably don't want. Making her more human is the first step to writing a sympathetic character, so I suggest adding more flaws and stand out traits other than being kind of dumb for repeating past mistakes and guarded.

UPDATE: From now on, I would appreciate it if people only sent 1 character at a time. I think my critiques suffer when I have to look at multiple, and that's the last thing I would want to happen! And I have a lot of personal work coming up that makes me less available for critiques. So instead of a bunch, space it out, to give us both time to breathe.

~This is still up and running for more critiques~

Ta da I'm back

Would you mind looking at another character of mine please

hi can you critique my character? I'm scared he might be too boring to be a main character.

Sure thing, Rory!
Elizabeth

• Mannerisms aren't bad, but I think you could add a few more. Does she cross her arms or talk with her arms waving about? Does she normally stand with a straight back, increasing her already tall image, or is she a bit of a sloucher? Just a few little things can help!
• Motivations are good, but is there an end goal in sight? Something that pulls her forward rather than pushes her? I'm not sure if my phrasing made sense in that sentence, but what I mean is just like, the ultimate goal she will reach at the end of her story. Something like that.
• Flaws are all really good for her! I can picture her pretty well in my head. And I think her prejudices are fair. She doesn't trust easily, especially those in authority, but is there a certain group of people she is more likely to trust, like women and children? Societal prejudices of our world make it so that many people would trust a woman over a man, especially if the person in question is a woman herself, so is there any sort of category she falls into with that?
• Her talents and hobbies are good; I like that you added that she likes dancing when no one is watching. It makes her a little more human since she's so naturally cold.
• Her personality is good, and makes sense with her flaws and background. Her social seems fine, too. A pretty solid character through and through! I think you could add a few more things, maybe list a few more positives of her personality or how she is going to change in the future. What really ticks her off and makes her lose her cool? What does it take to gain her trust, in actions and words from others? How would a character break down the walls she's put up? These are all things that could and probably are answered in your story, but just food for thought!

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
I too always have the fear of making a boring protagonist, so I'll be happy to help you!
Tasper

• Mannerisms are okay, but blushing when flustered is pretty run of the mill. Some of the mannerisms are unique, but none of them really feel unique to him, so I would run through his character and pull out a few more that only he could express.
• Motivations are fine, but put on an overarching one that will help the plot move forward. I think, especially with the main character, you need to have them be active and drive the plot, so they have to have the big motivation. All the other stuff is fine, but give him a motivation that moves the plot.
• Flaws are good, but with being overly loyal, would he toss his moral compass to the side for the sake of someone he is loyal to? How far would he go? Is this a hero that could become a villain for others he loves, or are there lines he won't cross? I love characters that are too loyal for their own good. How far will it blind him?
• A character with no prejudices until later on? Sounds a little unrealistic if you ask me. Everyone has prejudices. They can be a good thing (being prejudice of dark alleys with creepy tall guys) or a bad thing (being prejudice because of someone's race or gender), but I think everyone has them in spades. It's worth putting down so that he's more fleshed out and human. Even the nicest of people have prejudices, because our brains are wired to drive prejudice into instinct if we feel threatened. Not every prejudice has to be overcome, but it's a good thing to have and makes for great discussion among characters.
• You could give him talents that aren't so relevant to the plot. Even if you never use them in your story, it helps the character seem like they existed prior to when the book started, rather than them coming to existence on page 1. As for hobbies, some of them aren't really hobbies. It's cute to put down things like bickering and mocking other characters, but those aren't really hobbies. And once more, you can add things that normal people would just be engaged in, like reading or playing card games or taking care of stray animals.
• Overall, not a bad personality, but kind of weird that he's the perfect blend of his parents. It's a common writing trope to do that, especially in the physical department, but it always feels weird/cheap. Children are not their parents, not even a little, even though these people raised them, because when you break it down children have multiple influences that distance themselves from their parents' teachings (like teachers, uncles, friends, etc.). Does it bother him that he's like his parents so much? He must have been very isolated from other people to end up so much like his parents. It's fine if the influence is there, but I just don't think it makes much sense for him to be so similar to them. There need to be traits that are just Tasper, and not a combination/lack of his parents' traits, unless this is going to be a really important plot point about this.
• His social is fine, and clearly linked well with his parents, but again, I would caution against this. He'll feel less and less like his own person if everything comes from his parents.
• Can I ask why birthdays would be irrelevant in this culture? It's true, in non western cultures they aren't always such a big fuss, but it's usually worthy of note, and a lot of cultures have a specific age they focus on for adulthood, like sweet 16s in America and quinceaneras in Latin American cultures (I think it's specifically Mexican, because I've never celebrated it in my family) and stuff like that. In the video game Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, there is a relatively plot important moment of the main character, Link, being considered an adult at the ripe old age of 9, and inheriting that classic green tunic. I feel like birthdays are really important for culture. Even if these people can't afford presents, not all birthdays are celebrated in that sense, and you could really put your own unique twist on it.
• His history is fine, other than that. I like the character arc you put in the notes too, though I think my prior points still stand. I don't think he's boring, per se, but giving him a quirk or something would be really good, just to help him stand out. Not gonna lie, he's a bit of a vanilla bean, but that can be a very good thing. Personally, I love vanilla bean characters, but it doesn't clique for quite a few people, so I think it's up to you how you want to adjust his character. Good luck!

Thank you so much for your input! This is by far the best evaluation I've ever been given about this character. Extremely helpful. I tried to make at least a few of the changes you suggested, but I'll have to spend way more time on his character. It's kind of tricky since he's so young, you know? Thanks again :D

Thank you so much for your input! This is by far the best evaluation I've ever been given about this character. Extremely helpful. I tried to make at least a few of the changes you suggested, but I'll have to spend way more time on his character. It's kind of tricky since he's so young, you know? Thanks again :D

No problem! Remember, everyone's opinion is always second to what you want for your character, so you don't have to change things if you feel like you disagree or it doesn't work! At the end of the day, he should be what you want him to be, and nothing more. Still, I was happy to help where I could!

Hi!! Am I allowed to give you two characters at a time? If so here's Levi, another member of the all-Asian-American boy band: Levi Satou
And here's Kally, a very very old OC of mine who I've written a lot for but I think could still use some work: Kalena Garza
Thank you for your time!

Uum, hi? I was wondering if you could criticize my boi over here

He was recently turned into a leading main character and i am not sure if he is good enough for it. I've been working on him for a year or two, trying to develop him and i was wondering if i did well until now
thx for your time ;w;
P.S. If you feel like it, can you also criticize his sister, please? Thank you so much (edit: i forgot you need to make them public first, so i did it now)

@Lightningclaw13 I'd be happy to! Sorry for the late response…
Tristan

• Bone popping…? Do you mean like cracking your neck or knuckles? Also, taunting people with their past isn't a mannerism so much as a character quirk. Mannerisms are all in the physical, so tilting your head when you're confused or snapping your fingers when you have an idea would work better.
• Singular motivations for a villain usually work out well pretty well, giving them a strong drive. I don't really know much about this voice in his head, though I do feel like I need to caution that it can be a pretty weak driving force for your villain if it's literally just 'the evil voice in their head'. It's been done before, so see if you can add a twist of some sort to it.
• The flaws are about what you would expect from a villain, though I am curious. Is he a cold villain? Like, cool and collected? Or is he more of the teasing, easily emotional type? I'd imagine the latter, but I'm not really sure based off of what you've given me.
• His prejudices are also kind of typical. Even if he doesn't like all humans, does he have a certain 'trope' of people he hates more? Like, cowards, or brave idiots? Is there any discrimination between age, gender or race? Even on a subconscious level? Does he like it when people try to prove they're not weak, or does it irritate him? I think it's worth looking into instead of the broadness of 'all humans are weak'.
• Are there any hobbies he has that aren't plot relevant? Is there downtime for him to do something like, say, read a book or play a game of chess? Anything that entertains him other than furthering the plot? I wouldn't call torturing people a hobby, more so than something he does for the sake of the plot and being the villain.
• You put that he's slightly insane under mental health, and I would like to point out that villains don't need to be insane and/or mentally ill to be villains. I don't think there's anything wrong with putting it down, but it's worth noting that people of good mental health can do horrible, horrible things. It happens all the time. And I'm not sure that sadism is a mental illness either. Some people are into that stuff, in a safe environment with their partner, and that doesn't make them mentall ill. Furthermore, you are implying a sexual aspect with sadism, just so you know. If that's what you're going for, great! Just keep that in mind. We call cruel people sadists all the time, but it is attributed to pleasure from inflicting pain, so just be aware of that.
• He's pretty good. I think a little weak in some areas, but that might just be me having a limited knowledge of what will happen in your story.

i know you have a lot to get to, so if youre busy im sorry. i was just hoping i could get your opinion on my main OC Ramule (its pronounced like Ram…as in the animal, and yule, like the log)

Thanks!

@Kaloobia For now I just wanna handle characters one at a time, so I'll critique the first one you linked me to. Feel free to send the second character separately, like after this critique. I think my critiques come out better when it's just one character, so I'm sticking with a rule of one for now.
Levi

• Ahhh, I'm such a sucker for this name… It's just so cool sounding!
• Motivations are good for his personal growth, but does he have one directly relating to the plot? I think it's good to have something like that, just to make sure he's always tied in, especially since there are other characters that will be vying for page space.
• If he's hotheaded, how did he get the reputation of being cool? Is he hotheaded in a way that he just snaps when pushed sometimes, or is it more temperamental? You say he keeps his emotions in check, so I imagine it's something like that. If that's the case, I'm not sure hotheaded is the word I use, because I feel like hotheaded people habitually lose their temper, rather than just having a dangerous side when they snap or get mad. What makes him mad anyway?
• I think it would be interesting to highlight this 'not wanting to show weakness' part of him, especially when it comes to the actual writing of the story. It seems a little bit proud of him too.
• If he has a hard time reading people, how is he good at taking care of them? Even if he likes taking care of others, how is this not a bigger struggle for him? I can see how it would easy for him to take care of characters who wear their hearts on their sleeves, as you previously mentioned he gets along with these people better, but what about others? Most people are guarded to a certain degree; we simply can't help that. If he's good at this because he's observant, wouldn't this observant behavior help him understand others in general much better than previously stated? I feel like these traits are a bit of a contradiction in his character.
• Furthermore, while helping others can certainly be considered a talent, aren't his musical skills also talents? If you move those from hobbies to talents, you can fill the hobbies with more mundane things, like feeding birds at the park or journaling. I think hobbies as the mundane and talents as the plot-important help both break down and create your character.
• He's a pretty sweet character, I just think there are a few things that butt heads in his personality. This could totally work, real people are filled with all sorts of contradictions, but it could be straightened out a little. At the very least, be careful with the execution of these ideas in the actual work he'll be in, and you'll have a great character!

@Kohaku Hello! If you want to link his sister after this critique, feel free to! People can send as many characters as they want, so long as it's one at a time.
Tanthaliel

• Mannerisms are good, but the last two lean more towards his personality than his mannerisms, so just a bit of caution there. His motivations are also good, and I can't really recommend anything else here! They're the solid base work for his character.
• Overall, going through the nature page, I feel like he's a little lacking? I wouldn't say there are traits that don't work together, everything seemingly does, but it also feels like there could be more. Another quirk that separates him from other child characters, or something. You say he's loving and nice and overprotective of his sister, but how far does he go to protect her? What's his morality scale? He's young, but at the age where he would have a pretty strong one.
• Also, why have him be so young? Obviously, this isn't a bad thing, but it is a question I have. There usually is a reason, right? What would change if he was older? What wouldn't? What is he going to be like in the future? These are usually questions that crop up with having young characters.
• I don't have much else to say than what I've already said. Is he prepared to be a main character? I don't know, that's all on how you feel. It changes the tone of your story to have a young lead, so keep that in mind. He could be intriguing as the protagonist, but it's all on how you handle the actual writing, not a character sheet. Good luck with him!

BlackMagic, your character is on private, so I can't view him! Sorry!

@Snowmirror Yeah of course! I'll link her to you another time, I don't want to overwork you by any means.

• Aah thank you I like his name too!! <3
• Will keep the motivation thing in mind when writing, thank you!
• Like you mention in the following point, his keeping cool, and thus not showing weakness, is tied to his pride, yes: he lost his temper a lot as a kid and had to literally train himself to keep a cool head and not just snap at people, and has since mellowed out considerably. But sometimes he'll come in contact with those sorts of people who push your buttons just for the sake of it and then it just all bubbles right back up and it's not pretty. Will definitely mention that, thanks for pointing it out!
• I definitely see what you mean, it IS contradicting haha, I'll definitely work on that.
• I'm always forgetting to actually include musical training, I always spend so much time thinking about personality and psychological aspects haha, I think I'll do what you suggested ^^

Thanks again so much for your help! You really are so good at this, and I'm super happy with your comments! <3 ^^

It's no problem, BlackMagic!
Oswald

• When you say that he has a friendly way of speaking, do you mean he's just more casual in conversation? I've never really seen anything listed like that before, and I think it's pretty interesting, if that's what you mean by it. Under motivations, stopping Mask is one of his, and the group's, motivations, but does this ever conflict with him wanting to find his father? Do the two coincide perfectly? Or will this butt heads in the future? Of the two, which would he prioritize more? I think it's important to dice these things up, so when conflict arises you'll know his actions.
• Internalizing things is a really good flaw, one of my favorites, actually, but what other flaws are there? He can't just have one, people are filled of flaws. Is he a blind loyalty guy? Does he get defensive when people ask personal questions? Is he extremely independent? I think putting a few more down could really make this character sing.
• For talents and hobbies, feel free to add more! What can you see him doing in his free time? I usually shoot for three talents and three hobbies, even if they will never engage in these hobbies in the future, so you might want to try that.
• He sounds like a total sweetheart! Give him some darker flaws to really balance him out, and he can be really fun and amazing! He sounds like he would be fan favorite in a published work, people love bleeding hearts, so have all the fun you can with him!

Hi it's me again, I'm gonna drop Kally here once again: Kalena Garza
I'm,,, a little worried that she's a little all over the place, like I said she's a very old character that has evolved a lot and I just,, don't feel like she's enough in certain areas? Even though I've written a lot.
Thank you so much for doing this!