@MeadowOfSilence You're just fine! That is what critiquing your character is for! To make them not cringy or even better than before!
I'll Critique your characters!
person_off
Deleted user
Thank you.
Would you like to look at my first written out oc. I could really use help at making more specific characters rather than stereotype characters.
Thanks
person_off
Deleted user
His name is Daniel and he died in chapter one but he's actually an important character
@Holy-ghosts Sure!
Does he have any more mannerisms? What does he do with his hands when he is bored? What about what he does when he gets scared? Or maybe even gets excited? He can't not have any prejudices! Everyone has them whether you recognize it as one or not! I guess not liking people who don't like dogs could be one, but, you'd have to explain why would he prejudice against someone who doesn't like them. Hmm, I think you should give him another talent. If he plays the guitar and is good at it, that could be a talent too! Maybe he is really good at destroying things (not necessarily a good talent lol), or maybe he can bake! Whoa, alright, here is your problem!! He has NO BACKGROUND! That is the biggest no no I can think of, other than giving him no flaws. ESPECIALLY because he is one of the main characters! Tell us everything about him! His parents, siblings, friends, favorite things to do, any problems he had as a child, what shaped him into the person he is!
Good luck and hope I helped!
@Jensenbear Alright!
Good mannerisms, good motivations! Hmm, I think you should give him more flaws, hes only got three and the ones he have aren't even that bad of flaws! Is he spoiled? Childish? Dependent? Gullible? Naive? Good prejudice! That is a very common prejudice that, unfortunately, A LOT of people in today's world have! You say he doesn't have a opinion on politics, which is hard to believe. Most people, and especially teenagers, usually have a strong opinion on politics. You don't have to put something huge and direct, just something small like, 'believes in basic equality and freedom' or that he thinks a certain law is stupid! I like his background!
Good job! Just fix a few things and I think you'll have a good character! Good luck and hope I helped!
@Jensenbear Alright!
Good mannerisms, good motivations! Hmm, I think you should give him more flaws, hes only got three and the ones he have aren't even that bad of flaws! Is he spoiled? Childish? Dependent? Gullible? Naive? Good prejudice! That is a very common prejudice that, unfortunately, A LOT of people in today's world have! You say he doesn't have a opinion on politics, which is hard to believe. Most people, and especially teenagers, usually have a strong opinion on politics. You don't have to put something huge and direct, just something small like, 'believes in basic equality and freedom' or that he thinks a certain law is stupid! I like his background!
Good job! Just fix a few things and I think you'll have a good character! Good luck and hope I helped!
@Jensenbear Alright!
Good mannerisms, good motivations! Hmm, I think you should give him more flaws, hes only got three and the ones he have aren't even that bad of flaws! Is he spoiled? Childish? Dependent? Gullible? Naive? Good prejudice! That is a very common prejudice that, unfortunately, A LOT of people in today's world have! You say he doesn't have a opinion on politics, which is hard to believe. Most people, and especially teenagers, usually have a strong opinion on politics. You don't have to put something huge and direct, just something small like, 'believes in basic equality and freedom' or that he thinks a certain law is stupid! I like his background!
Good job! Just fix a few things and I think you'll have a good character! Good luck and hope I helped!
Ahh thank you for doing this, it's really hard for me to have a realistic view on my own stuff and my family is getting fed up with critiquing me. Here are my four main characters. www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/53108
www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/53078
www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/53102
www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/53122
person_off
Deleted user
This one is kind of unfinished, but I'd like to get some critique anyways.
I'm trying to make them as real as possible so Emil Antonio Matthews
I'd love to hear your comments on these two! I have had the hardest time with them and appreciate all the help I can get. Thanks in advance!
@CoolBeanz Np! And i'll be glad to critique them!
first, Bryce! holy f- hes tall! Idk how I found this out, but hes underweight, by a lot! He should be up in the 300 lbs or somewhere around there. What color of orange? Pastel orange? Pumpkin orange? I think you can give him some more mannerisms. What does he do when he's bored? When he's excited? He hates the color orange, so does he hate is eye color? Woah, background off to a, interesting start lol. So his father at his mom.. is that a normal thing for people of his race to do? Why did his sister hate him? Who is Beatrice and who murdered her?
Ok, now, Fauna. Wow she is also really tall too lol. She she would weigh a loooot more than that if she is 8 feet tall. Like somewhere around 250 lbs+. Her motivations don't really make sense. What is motivating her and making her do what she's doing? Is it money or fame? Friends and family? Recognition? Maybe even herself? You say she's too trusting some times and not trusting enough at others? What do you mean by that? Who does she trust too much and who doesn't she trust? My personal opinion is instead of putting the Myers Briggs thing, I suggest actually summarizing her personality on her personality traits! Tells us that shes loyal but distrusting of others, that shes unsure of herself, etc. etc. etc… Explain how she uses a rope as a weapon, i'm curious! Ok, I think you can add a bit more to her background. How did her parents die? Did she have no aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, friends, etc to take care of her? Why does no one like her race and religion? What do you mean by 'until everything got bad?' Who is Pirate? Who is Bryce to her? Her friend? Lover?
Alright, Marvyn. Why is one of his nicknames, Lucky? He is a little underweight, by like 20 lbs lol. Average weight should be about 150-190 lbs! Describe his hair and eye color more! Don't just say 'brown,' say 'dark mocha' or 'honey!' What is 'the mark of the Niamh?' You left out his personality trait. Like I said, its just a way of explaining his personality! I recommend not leaving ANYTHING out! He believes in rebellion? Rebellion against what?
Last, Oilell. Eh, kinda the same thing with her personality and junk eheh. What about history his her hobby? Her background is a little short. What is her relationship with her parents like? How about her siblings? Does she have any friends? Why is her and Bryce ex best friends? Who is lady Adramalech and what did she do in history?
Good luck and hope I helped!
@Winter Sure!
(off topic but I have a character named Lilly, or Lillith, too!) Ohh shes short! Like, dang my Lilly is short too, like 4'9-4'10, but yours is really short. 4'2? Idk that seems a little too short for a 17 y/o y'know what I mean. Her mannerism isn't exactly a mannerism. That would be more of her personality than her mannerism. And you should give her a lot more. A mannerism is 'A habitual gesture or way of speaking or behaving.' So for example, she plays with her hair when shes nervous, or paces when thinking or even bounces when shes excited would be a mannerism! Give her more flaws! The first flaw is funny I laughed lol. But in all seriousness, the other ones are kinda halved I guess. Like 'might have trust issues' and 'can often be hard on herself' just don't sound that.. flaw-ish? Say shes stubborn! Tell us shes distrusting of others and it takes time for her to warm up to people! That she's depressed. Explain to us every. single. thing. that makes her human! Why does she hate controllers? Ohhh boy-o. Her background is blank. Boooo. (lol sorry that is one of my pet peeves) Blank backgrounds means your character is basically a robot with nothing to live for except to serve it's master xD. Tells us about her parents! Did she have any siblings or pets? What was her dream as a child? Did anything major happen as a child that made her so distrusting or depressed? Who are her friends? Ahh! So much to write and so little written!
Anyways, hope I helped and good luck with your character! <3
@Celestial-B Oh sorry I forgot to mention that they are giants and they have hollow bones like birds that was something huge that slipped my mind. See stuff like this is why I need outside input. Thank you for the notes and I will now edit my character's profiles!!!
Mkay @Paperok :D
First, is his real name Michael Smith and people just call him 'Boomer?' If thats, the case, I recommend putting Michael Smith as his real name and Boomer as his nickname and mentioning that people usually call him that or something. He's under weight, but not by much! Even if he is skinny, you don't say that he is specifically underweight so I suggest fixing that! What shade of blue are his eyes? Turquoise? Sapphire? Aqua? There are so many different shades of colors you have to give us an exact shade so we can picture him better!! Does he not have any identifying marks? No scars, bruises, scratches, tattoos, random marks, even something like glasses?? Does he have any other mannerisms? How does he talk to people he dislikes? How about they way he sits in a chair or eats his food? Something specific he does that isn't considered exactly normal? He wants to be held? What do you mean by that in his motivation? You gotta give him more flaws! They are the soul of every existing person! Is his lazy? Over-emotional? Egotistical? Selfish? Temperamental? Details! No personality traits? Well, you never told us anything good about him! That is what its for! To put together his personality and summarize! Use everything this website gives you whether you think its useful or not. His background is pretty short and a few things are missing out. Why did his mother abandon him? Why did his father give up on raising him? Was it too hard? How did the traveling women find him? Did he have any friends, siblings? Did he and the women get along? How did he feel when she died? Who took him to the foster home? Did he take himself or did someone else put him there?
Good luck and hope I helped you somehow! <3
(Can't believe you're still chugging through this, @Celestial-B! You've got waaaay more resolve and determination than I do)
@mistress-0f-n0ne Alright!
Why does she never expose her back? Is that what she just knows to do or did something happen? She wants to be proved innocent of what? Does she have any good traits lol? Most of everything you say is something about her being sarcastic or rude and blunt. Is she honest? Loyal? Courageous? Does she have strong willpower? I really like your character! From what I can tell, she doesn't have much problems for you to fix!
Good luck with your character!
@FantaPop I can't believe I am either, I like doing this though and I know it helps out people a lot so I guess that's why i'm still going lol.
I'm pretty sure i've critiqued Dimitri (unless it was a different Dimitri who was very similar) before but I don't think I've done Emil yet!
So first, for Emil, why does he have those other nicknames? Who gave them to him and why? His hair is brown, but what shade of brown? There are a lot of colors of brown honestly. Is it Cinnamon? Mahogany? Caramel? And same for his eyes! In his mannerisms, why does he have those night terrors and what are they normally about? He made a painting for Zeke? So maybe painting would also be a hobby or talent? Wow, background off to a wonderful start lol. Did they ever find who murdered his parents? I feel he is really realistic and I have much sympathy for him T-T. Good luck with your character, sorry I couldn't find much to write about in here!
@I.J.Green & @CoppersCode Your characters are both on private! Turn them off of private and i'd be glad to critique them for you!
If you don't mind me asking..how do I turn them off private..heh
Invalid Character If this is still going, I've got a character who needs some critique. (I'm writing a musical about Anne Frank, but I want to get her personality DOWN before I start any lyrics or anything.)
Wait, I think I made it public..maybe Virginia Coppers
@CoppersCode Yep! Its fixed :3
Alright, first, shes a bit underweight, by like 10 lbs or so. She should be around 130-155 lbs! Her eye color is blue, but what shade of blue? There are plenty of shades of blue to get them mixed up. Are they Sapphire? Sky blue? Jade? Baby blue? I think you can give her a few more mannerisms. What does she do with her hands when shes bored? Does she bounce when shes excited? Does she slouch? Her flaw is kind of confusing. What do you mean by 'push off other people?' And I think she needs more flaws. Is she stubborn? childish? Gullible? Maybe even a liar? OH, in her personality type you mention that she is headstrong and stubborn and rude. Those are flaws! Hey.. you skipped a lot on social! Some of those things might seem pointless, but they aren't! They help build you character and help you and others get to know them more! I always try to use every. single. section. Ohh her background is interest! But you fail to mention a lot of things about her now life. Like her parents and friends and things like that!
Good luck with your character and story! Hope I helped!
Pushing off basically means when people try to get close to her she distances herself from them, it's a term used by a lot of people where I live xD
she didn't really have any favourites for what it was asking, I guess I should've just written none which explains why the social is so empty, thanks for all the advice!!