(OPEN AGAIN!!!!) I'm in the mood to critique people's characters! Drop them off if you want :)

@Kinarymo Hey thank you for your patience!! Here we go
Alphonse:

• ????How dare??? He be so pretty??? beautiful my god, your art art never fails to impress me (I LOVE the goldfish background)
• Other than maybe specifying what type/shade of blond he is (optional), the Looks section is great and detailed as always!
• A cinnamon roll ; _ ; I'm curious if, as you mention in Mannerisms, he also avoids eye contact with people he trusts? It's very accurate for you to mention that his social anxiety makes him question the bond between him and loved ones, does he ever feel secure enough in a relationship to maintain eye contact, to fully relax, to let down his guard and loosen on his fight/flight/freeze reflexes?
• Ah yes, classic Imposter Syndrome, another element that often comes hand-in-hand with social anxiety: this would be great to elaborate on outside of Prejudices! You start well with his low self-esteem in Flaws, but there's definitely more to it, an inherent guilt of feeling like you are tricking people into thinking that you are good at something that you genuinely believe you aren't good at, which creates a vicious circle of self-loathing and almost an inability to truly accept compliments, no matter how valid.
• Is he absent-minded because he's constantly imagining his next piece, or because he's just casually daydreaming, or something else? I find myself relating more and more to Alphonse haha so I'm just gonna put this out there: having my head in the clouds is nearly a coping mechanism at this point, an easy and reliable escape from the real world, where things often get too difficult to deal with. The fantasy world is so much more vast and yet so much more harmless, and you control where your thoughts go (with a few exceptions of course, see: intrusive thoughts), and it can be a way to regain the control that you may not have of a lot of things, including yourself, in real life. If that rings true for Alphonse, at all, definitely elaborate! The rest of his Flaws looks good, though the list is a bit short, but the boy's only twelve and some people really are just,,,,, that soft and harmless. A rare but possible case, and it lines up well with Alphonse.
• Losing his vision is definitely a very understandable fear for an artist, but it is also a bit irrational: is it just an irrational phobia, or is it founded in something else?
• I will bring up the question of Trust again: has he been betrayed before? Is he very slow to trust, or is his young age and innocence enough to allow him a certain openness with people, even if he is slightly intimidated by them??
• Overall very good Nature section as well, detailed as usual.
• "He's a smol Christian boyo" ahbsldkb;kbja;k pj cjdbjdj <3 <3 <3
• !!!!!! Three children on an adventure together!!!! cute cute cute how fun but also how dangerous omg, they're tinyyy I can't
• ChiLDReN iN lOVe!??? nooooo it's cute what are You DOING to me!!! ;; o ;;
• Very interesting magic section as well!

I really really like Alphonse, he's a sweetheart and appeals to me on a personal level. I think some small things could be elaborated on in Nature especially, but otherwise I have nothing else to say, he's cutie-pie, much luck with him! ^^

@GloriousPirateAlpaca Hey you're totally welcome!! Thank you for sending in such a good character :)

@PoppyJeffs
Thank you for the clarifications :) And for the promise of a trigger warning haha. I'm glad I could help! ^^

@WriteOutofTime Hey good to see you again! :) The Big Boss, here we go
Nyir:

• I really love the detail in Hair Style! ^^ That being said you add details that have nothing to do with her hair haha, and that you repeat later in her Skin Tone. Just a nitpick!
• Just, great details overall in Looks, and idk what you're idea of "conventionally pretty" but she is 110% my type.
• Very good Conditions section, it already sets up her character nicely. You mention later that she is loyal to a fault: how does this, perhaps, contradict with her waiting for her loved ones to inevitably betray her? Does she ever fully trust anybody? Is her loyalty a consciously self-destructive trait, perhaps evidence of Nyir thinking she """deserves""" punishment if it comes her way, when her loved ones do "eventually" betray her?
• Great Mannerisms and Motivations!
• Her refusing to go to a therapist also supports her self-punishing tendencies, would love to see that elaborated!
• What sort of person would she consider "weak-willed"? Someone who can't stomach the horrors of the job? Someone who can't deal with her? Someone who's a pushover and who just lets her walk all over them, not even bothering to fight back against her fire? Along the same lines, does she care very much at all when she realizes she has hurt someone with her words or actions? Does she feel any sort of regret, and how does she deal with that?
• Her Hobbies and even Talents add a humaneness to her, a realness, nice job.
• (I adore the Logistician personality, love writing and reading emotionally constipated characters ^^) Wonderful details here, and although you describe her as very calm and straight-faced, I'm curious about her Anger(TM): clearly she's the vengeful type, and you mention that she frowns a lot as her default expression. It makes me curious about how strong her patience is and how selective it is, and whether she's more prone to irritation or anger (I feel there's a difference between the two). Does she openly show irritation? Is her anger the explosive type or more quietly stabbing? She has walls up and does not show *positive emotion often, but her bluntness and rudeness may be in the same vein as a short temper, which I'm unclear on. Her lack of patience may be connected with a short temper as well, a need to get everything done quick for the sake of not getting worked up. Again, I'm not very sure of this.
• "Nyir is partial towards the dark brown of her husband's eyes." this is sad thanks
• The entire Social tab is very good, nothing much to say here.
• The fact that she had a miscarriage, that she lost basically the only remnant of her husband, makes this all the more heartbreaking. And the whole deal with Evera brings Nyir's trust issues full circle, my God.

Nyir's a great character with a lot of room for growth, which is wonderful for a protagonist. Some cleaner links could be made between traits but that's just small details haha. I really Nyir a lot, and although I can't necessarily relate I can sympathize, and that's important. I hope this helps, and good luck! Thanks for sending her in :)

@Kaloobia
Gaahh, im SO glad you like him :'D He's come a very long way from his days as a filler character :'> (i literally created him just to make 4 protags instead of 3)

To be fair, i will admit he's pretty much ended up being 80% my fantasy self-insert :'> (only he's one arm short and actually has a crush on someone ).

1. That drawing is legit the first one i ever did of him, he's never made it on paper before, not even the first time i created him, so it makes me happy to see he's liked :'D

2. Eye contact is a big no no. He just can't, no matter who he's talking to :'>

3. Constantly planning a new piece, always looking for improvement - and also daydreaming to get rid of boredom.

4. Art is what he's good at, take away his sight and he's no longer special. Art is his way of receiving validation, and taking that away would ruin him

5. ye keep in mind Narion eventually turns out to be a boy :'>

i'm happy to hear he feels real and relatable, given that i havent paid attention to him at all in the past, its a relief to hear he's managed to become a character people can love :'> Thank you so much once again, for the helpful review and advice!

Nyir's a great character with a lot of room for growth, which is wonderful for a protagonist. Some cleaner links could be made between traits but that's just small details haha. I really Nyir a lot, and although I can't necessarily relate I can sympathize, and that's important. I hope this helps, and good luck! Thanks for sending her in :)

THANK YOU DUDE!!! I was lowkey scared you wouldn't like her because I'm always so unsure about my protagonists. This was so helpful, especially the thing about her anger. Thank you so much for the critique!

@AloeVera Don't apologize for writing a lot, I'm a big fan of detailed description and quite a rambler myself :) I'm happy to take a stab!
Jean:

• What an extensive gallery!! :o Very eye-catching, already gives me an idea for him.
• Very nice details in Looks! (I'm a fan of Old Spice myself, yay Jean)
• I took 8 hours a week of Philosophy in my last year of high school and I'm SO HAPPY that I know exactly what you're talking about in his Motivations :D I'm definitely getting the sense that there's bit of aimlessness to Jean and, along with his Mannerisms, he's not far from turning into a simple tool (as an assassin is wont to do) and losing his humanity. Very curious to delve deeper into that.
• You briefly elaborate, but I find it interesting how his anger issues might play into his almost robotic nature: you say he explodes after everything has piled up, but that doesn't necessarily signal anger issues, and is in fact simply a certain way that specific people get angry (those who have high patience, those who are emotionally constipated, etc). Anger issues often exhibit themselves as over-reactions (usually outwardly) to seemingly small things or minor inconveniences, and Jean seems very much not the over-reacting type. Anger issues are also often characterized by a short fuse, and so far I haven't gotten that vibe from Jean at all. So reading that he has anger issues is a little jarring, and sort of takes me out of the profile for a second: if you don't simply mean that he internalizes his feelings until he explodes (which is a common albeit unhealthy coping mechanism), you'll have to elaborate more.
• Other than that good Flaws, nicely developed!
• I'm afraid the Prejudices confuses me a little: is he biased against those who are in debt to others, or against those in power who hold the debt over others' head? And wouldn't either of these be a bit contradictory to Jean's nature, of not caring very much about others, as well as making it clear that he expects favors in return for his help?
• Wonderful Personality Type section, you went very in-depth and I definitely get the feel for who Jean is. The Hobbies also add quite a bit!
• There's a lot of mentions of Jean literally only doing things for money: what is he doing with this money? Is he saving it, is he drinking and smoking it all away? Is his end goal to just, be stuck in this cycle of work, smoke/drink, break down, repeat? Or is thinking of the future a blurry and possibly even scary thing for Jean?
• Ahahah why is his cat his best friend but also an arch enemy?? :) Just a funny detail to me.
• That is a VERY specific birthplace wow!!
• I would put in Education what degrees he has, or the lack thereof. Just a nitpick.
• "Since Jean was manipulated by his family, and only had one friend who hung out at Jean's house, Jean barely left his own house despite having one of his own, which his family helped him financially, but only used this so that Jean would depend on his family." This is a little wonky, and I don't really understand what you're trying to say.
• Ok ok ok so there's a LOT going on here and it actually explains SO MUCH. Very hard to mourn a family that you've grown to hate, very hard to mourn a family that fucking ABUSED you, and I would LOVE to see that elaborated in Nature, how his entire fucking view of love is completely skewed. Also um, depression, PTSD, would be GREAT to mention in Nature (there's a Conditions section!), although it's fairly obvious that a) he's depressed and b) clearly SOMETHING happened/is going on, but I would love to see you explain it more clearly and tie it in with his other traits, because although mental illness is by no means a crutch for your character it is a huge part of a person and affects a lot of how they act, their worldview, etc. Also, I didn't pick up on the self-loathing AT ALL until you mention it in History, and I think it'd be great to squeeze that in somewhere earlier and, again, connect it with his other traits because it MAKES SENSE.
• ooooohhhh I like how you set up for the start of the story, I'm actually intrigued.
• I realllllly like the Family Information, I like that you include it and it all makes perfect sense and I LOVE seeing information like that and nodding and thinking "yes yes that makes sense good very good" even tho it's, you know, terrible.
• Now I don't know a thing about poetry and am not very big on it, but I really like the one you included.
• Ahh you elaborate in Mental health, ok good, but I still think it can be detailed more. See: previous notes.
• (There are a lot of songs in his playlist that I ADORE and a bunch more that I'm curious to listen to, so don't mind me favoriting it for listening to later)
• His moodboard is BEAUTIFUL and also wow organized??? Great stuff, might come back to it and pin some stuff myself haha, sorry if it seems like I'm stalking you in the near future.
• "Healthy Decisions (Failed)" STOP IT OMG
• I love the Trivia section so much, great titles for his stages of destroying bodies :) He's just. He's really, truly a meSS.
• "Jean often feels paranoia and suspicion, but his childhood was much too traumatizing for him to feel much fear of other people/concrete things." THIS. Would. be. great. to elaborate on!!!! in Nature especially, a natural tendency to check and double check and triple check and cover his trail because duh he's an assassin.
• "Jean associates success with fame which is something he resents. He would much rather seek happiness." Interesting, would love to see this elaborated on as well, as Jean doesn't seem the type at all, presently, to be seeking happiness, or health. Clearly he's stuck in a rut, and I'm curious what his idea of "happiness" is.
• "Jean does not feel emotional attachment." very, very interesting. Humans inherently crave affection, and connection with others: not craving these things borders onto sociopathy, I believe. Would love to see this elaborate, and I'd find it much more believable if, instead of "not feeling" Jean rather refuses to get close to anybody anymore, including Anubis when he re-enters his life, for fear of feeling the lose he may have felt, however mildly, when Anubis left him the first time. But, either way, would love to see this elaborated.

You weren't kidding when you implied a LOT haha, but God I loved it. What a wild ride. I have very few characters myself that are so inherently ambiguous as Jean and I'm living for it. You've clearly worked on him so much and there's so much detail and I really adore it. I hope some of my comments were helpful to you, and thank you for the music and pinterest photos that I will definitely refer back to haha :)

@Kinarymo Hey you're totally welcome!! :) I'm always happy to be of service.

@Morosis
Dude of course you can!! That's what this thread is for :) I'd love to take a look when you feel you're ready!

@WriteOutofTime You're very welcome, as always :)

@AloeVera Haha thank you for your response, you're absolutely welcome and I'm always so happy to hear that I might have said/asked something helpful. I can see that he's come a long way so, good luck continuing his journey :)

you are big welcome

((Also getting to the rest of you soon don't worry!! @NotSoBeautifulDiseaster especially I'm sorry you've been waiting a while, orz I'm gonna be in the car for half a day and might have wifi tonight?? But we'll see. Anyway thank you everyone for your patience.))

Hi. I believe I'm a little late with this, but could you critique my character Marie ?

((Alright update THERE WAS NO WIFI HAHA or very little in this case. I have a busy week ahead of me and you've all been so patient and I'm sorry but, I'm gonna need a few days to get back into these. Thanks again for understanding, and all the new submissions please don't be afraid to line up, but I hope you like waiting haha. Anyway that's it thank you <3))

@NotSoBeautifulDiseaster HI THANKS FOR WAITING HERE WE GO
Matthew:

• Be a bit more specific than "Ectomorph" in Body Type: some people won't know what that means, and won't have the patience to look it up. Does he have wide shoulders? Lean and long, but is he bony or soft?
• You don't mention weight. I'd suggest mentioning weight haha, it can really help in visualization.
• Specific shade of blond? any identifying marks? I can't really see him in my mind, does he tan or burn easily? Does he have freckles, or beauty marks or scars? Is he always seen with a specific article of clothing? Ears pierced, other body parts pierced? Tattoos????
• "and his looks and down to earth and compassionate personality[…] " …. you sort of drift off there haha, do you mean these latter traits make him popular with classmates as well?
• I'd love to see his Weaknesses developed some more, especially since you dub him a popular and well-liked guy: when do these flaws surface? What is he vengeful about? Is he overprotective of his friends because he doesn't think they can stand up for themselves, or because he feels the need to carry others' safety and responsibility on his shoulders? You mention a Hero Complex in his Overview tab, and I'm curious to see that play into his weaknesses. He is a control freak, is that coming from a good place or is there a selfishness there that he doesn't like to explore? Secrecy can also count as a flaw, even if it's for the sake of survival: is he prone to dishonesty beyond hiding his condition? I'm also curious how his popularity clashes with his need to protect the underdog, because you've clearly established that this school has a LOT of bullies, who turn on those who don't agree with them like sharks: how has Matthew remained unscathed?
• Some more Quirks/Mannerisms would be good too: does he walk a certain way, smile a certain way, only smile at certain people? Is his voice or way of speaking distinctive? Is there a charm to him that makes people swoon, perhaps as a distraction?
• You could also specify his Talents, because both intelligence and strength come in different forms: high IQ or clever or street smart? Physically strong or mentally, able to to preserve and persevere?
• In Favorite Weapons, "Class's" I don't understand what this means?
• Wow everyone's,,,,,, really in love with Sophie haha
• "but at he had his parents and a handful of friends when his loving parents divorced and he got his leg sprained by his former friend, he was able to keep in touch with his father, but while that was nice, his mother let herself go, not going to work or cleaning the house until a year later when his mother remarried" ALL OF THIS is a little jumbled, not to mention a run on, and some connections are seemingly made that don't make any sense to me.
• "gives him a mission, take down 5 deadly spirits when he turns 18, due to that he started training in order to prepare" Is this,,,, in order to heal him?? Or is he part of some prophecy now? Also, where's his mom in all of this, after his stepdad got arrested? Why did she start neglecting him in the first place, just because her new husband was doing it? Wasn't Matthew there first? Lastly, when did he suddenly become popular, and how did his personality change so drastically from who he used to be?
• He believes in Karma: in this case, does he let "destiny" give punishment to those who have wronged, or does he take on the role of Karma and distribute his own justice? How does this play into his need to protect his loved ones?

Matthew's profile is a little scrambled haha, but he has good elements and a good foundation. He could simply use some development here and there. Thanks again for you patience, and good luck!

@voidphobia Hey I'm happy to look! Thanks for waiting :) (Also thank you @Kinarymo for helping them with with the private/public switch ^^)
Willow:

• Her Looks section is so good!! I don't even have any critique here, I love her look and you're very detailed with it.
• Very good start in Flaws, I'd love to see a more detailed connection between her emotional constipation and the loss of her mother, because that definitely had an impact, whether Willow is aware of it or not (especially if she remembers her mom at all, and already established a conscious connection with her before the mother died(?)).
• "this mostly backfires on itself and only makes situations worse for her and the ones around her." Detail on why her distrust "backfires" on her, as this is a strong word choice: does it make it very difficult for her to work in a team with others, to the point of compromising the end goal? Along the same lines, does she trust absolutely no one except herself? Is she so stubborn that she can't put aside her own defenses for the sake of a common goal? (You hint at this with the last sentence but I think it warrants elaboration.) How long does it take for her to trust someone? And what does it take to gain her trust?
• I find it interesting that her Prejudices aren't her's haha, rather what people think of her. This type of reaction from others can definitely cause a social isolation, as well as a lack of faith and distrust of others around her. But does she have any inherent dislike of certain people/things, based in a misconception or a single bad experience?
• Great Talents and Hobbies. It all really reflects how withdrawn she is, I think.
• You say "deceptive" in neutral traits: I didn't get the sense of this while reading her profile, and am curious how this isn't a negative trait, as dishonesty and manipulation tend to be? I also don't quite understand what you mean by "earthy", but as these are your notes I don't think it's a big deal :)
• Although it's all listings, I really like the positive to negative traits ratio haha, I LOVE a flawed character. These are just notes of course, and she is a work in progress, but like with "deceptive", I didn't at all get the vibe of "insecure" or "fearful" while reading her profile. It might help to introduce these traits earlier in the profile, subtly, or else really delve deep into explaining it when you do properly write out her Personality Type section.
• Overall very good Nature section, despite being a WIP!
• Good Social too.
• Not much I can critique about History because you haven't written it yet haha.
• I love her Gallery :)

You've clearly put a lot of thought into Willow, and your descriptions are really indepth fort he sections that have been filled out. I'd love to take another look at her when you've written her Personality Type and History! I hope this was helpful, and good luck! :)

@Nat
Addox:

• Is the weight in pounds? ;)
• Otherwise good Looks! I'm curious what animal(s) his mix of traits are based off of.
• Alright, first thing in Nature: the very last thing you mention haha, is that he is constantly stressed, but covers it up. He must be very good at covering it up, because it jumped out at me out of nowhere, not to mention you don't really elaborate on it. Something like that could be tied in to an anxiety disorder, especially put simply like that. Whether or not it is, it warrants an explanation: why is he so stressed, and why does he feel the need to cover it up? Also, does his silly and touchy side have anything to do with it? Is that his way of coping, or perhaps a way of distracting others and/or himself from his stress?
• How does he make people happy? How does he cheer them up, if he's so good at it?
• I would definitely add more Mannerisms, though you have a good start! Does he have any other ways of acting that could maybe be attributed to perhaps his animalistic side? Is the fidgeting one of them? Do his ears twitch? Does his tail swish around when he's in a certain mood? Do his wings flutter ever without him meaning to? Other things to consider: does he have a certain gait? A certain accent, or way of speaking, intonation to his voice, a lisp or a stutter perhaps? Is his face very expressive? Etc.
• He has a very selfless motivation: does he maybe have something that's more selfish, more for his own self-interest, that drives him? It can something small, but it would add a humaneness to him: very few people live only for others and not for themselves.
• Good start in Flaws, but these also could be elaborated: does he give everyone the benefit of the doubt because he believes there is good in everyone? Or is this in hopes of avoiding conflict? Does he hope interaction will go more smoothly if he trusts the other person and shows them his more genuine side immediately? Does he want to make friends quickly, or does he want to provide support for everyone, even those who aren't kind to him right away?
  Why does he doubt himself? This could be tied in with his internalized stress. Is he afraid that his inherent trust of everyone makes shallow connections that perhaps might not matter when he needs them most? (A rational fear.) Is he doubt seeded in something deeper, perhaps a self-loathing that he may not even be conscious of?
  What's his over-protection based in? Does he believe Charlie can't fend for himself, or does he have something of a hero complex, feeling the need to take responsibility for the safety of his loved ones?
  Some other flaws could also be mentioned, like the fact that he can perhaps be too loud, or not serious enough when he needs to be (you mention he likes annoying his sister, not a great trait haha).
• Some more Hobbies would also be good, as well as explaining why he doesn't like to show his dancing (does he think he's bad at it??)
• The Social tab is,, a little empty? If I may say. Try filling it out a bit more, just the bare minimum, and you can always return to it and develop more!
• Good background, and it actually sheds more light on the fact that Addox is probably lonely as hell, which is worth mentioning I think. There's a naivety there as well, which could be named and elaborated.
• I'd also be more specific in Education, which you sort of do in Background but still. "High" means different things to different people.
• HIS! NOTES! ARE! GOOD! AND SHOULD BE SQUEEZED INTO NATURE BECAUSE THEY GIVE A LOT OF INSIGHT YO!!!!

Addox doesn't feel very real to me yet, but with some tweaking and some added detail, he could be much more solid. He has a good foundation, clearly the sort of character one sympathizes with. I hope this was helpful!

@Destinee
You're never too late, don't worry! Sorry you had to wait haha
Marie:

• What a lovely gallery!! She's so cute!
• Love her appearance, she's my TYPE gosh <3 Great details.
• Wonderful Mannerisms as well. Her Motivation is a little vague though, and I'm curious what specifically propels her forward in the story?
• In many ways she goes against the stereotype of "sheltered rich girl", while still retaining some obvious traits that are due to her upbringing. This is done very well!
• "Marie doesn’t really care for others who don’t take responsibility or are just bullies. She doesn’t really give them the time of day." This could go in Prejudices! And it raises the question, does she have bad personal experience with these sorts of people?
• This may be a silly question to ask, but is she more of a feeler/"Talker", or a listener/receiver? She's empathetic, but is she more in tune with her own feelings or those of others? She's kind and caring, but does her affection smother her loved ones sometimes, because instead of really listening to them or helping to fix the problem she's simply coddling them? Moral support is very important, but is that all she can provide?
• How does she deal with these bouts of loneliness? You mention she tries to "get over" (so to speak) her depressive lows on her own, not wanting to trouble anyone; but the solution to loneliness is socialization, and is this enough? Or is her loneliness something deeper, the kind you feel when you're in a room full of people but feel like no one understands you or supports you or wants you? If so, is it founded in anything perhaps?
• Does she ever feel insecure? If so, what about?
• Just,, I really love Marie, and her Nature tab is very detailed :)
• "Marie tends to not really keep up with politics. She finds it quite noisy and confusing" It could be worth mentioning that, due to her social class and privilege, she can afford to not care much about politics, because it doesn't affect her very much. This would also place her on the Conservative side, since she is not fighting for any particular change, since she herself is well-off and doing fine.
• "Marie and her mother would y’all about marriage" …. do you mean how they would "fantasize" or "speak" about marriage? ;)
• Good Background. Let me see if I've got this right: Marie is the product of Alfonse's infidelity, and is the first (or second?) incident of this, with Agatha treating her and her older twin siblings with some resentment. Alfonse finally gets divorced and has Silas with a third woman. Marie is Silas' favorite. It's a little bit confusing, but that tends to be the case with big families (and several parents haha). Was Agatha ever toxic/abusive towards Marie? And does Marie harbor her own resentment for being treated differently by her step mother? Or does she understand and sympathize with her? Is Marie loyal to her father 100%, or does she criticize (internally or externally) his infidelity, perhaps harboring some misplaced guilt for being the product of such an affair? Also what happened to her biological mother?
• OH AGATHA IS THE OLDEST (?) SIBLING NEVERMIND HAHA, but I guess all my questions still stand, has Agatha and Marie's relationship improved at all over the years?
• How ironic that a mute character would have a pet parrot :) I live for it.
• Ooh a lot of interesting info in Notes, that could be moved to Nature and elaborated! Her being a mediator for example: does she ever get tired of conflict because of her role in it? Does she try to prevent it, or move the issue to a later date? How does she deal with conflict in general?

Marie is so so cool and cute and agh, wonderful <3 I really like her, and there's a lot of details to her that make her feel genuine and real to me :) Most of my questions are nitpicks at this point haha. I hope this proved helpful regardless, and thank you for sending her in!

Ok so it’s 5 am where I am, I’m operating on zero hours of sleep, and I’m on a lot of pain medication, but I felt like making my first character on this platform and I’m always open to critique! Any ideas, suggestions, or ways to improve/expand are always welcome! Have a good night! Or, morning, I guess!

Please keep in mind these are notes and in no way reflect the depths of this character. I mean, I haven’t even thought of a last name.

@voidphobia Hey I'm happy to look! Thanks for waiting :) (Also thank you @Kinarymo for helping them with with the private/public switch ^^)
Willow:

• Her Looks section is so good!! I don't even have any critique here, I love her look and you're very detailed with it.
• Very good start in Flaws, I'd love to see a more detailed connection between her emotional constipation and the loss of her mother, because that definitely had an impact, whether Willow is aware of it or not (especially if she remembers her mom at all, and already established a conscious connection with her before the mother died(?)).
• "this mostly backfires on itself and only makes situations worse for her and the ones around her." Detail on why her distrust "backfires" on her, as this is a strong word choice: does it make it very difficult for her to work in a team with others, to the point of compromising the end goal? Along the same lines, does she trust absolutely no one except herself? Is she so stubborn that she can't put aside her own defenses for the sake of a common goal? (You hint at this with the last sentence but I think it warrants elaboration.) How long does it take for her to trust someone? And what does it take to gain her trust?
• I find it interesting that her Prejudices aren't her's haha, rather what people think of her. This type of reaction from others can definitely cause a social isolation, as well as a lack of faith and distrust of others around her. But does she have any inherent dislike of certain people/things, based in a misconception or a single bad experience?
• Great Talents and Hobbies. It all really reflects how withdrawn she is, I think.
• You say "deceptive" in neutral traits: I didn't get the sense of this while reading her profile, and am curious how this isn't a negative trait, as dishonesty and manipulation tend to be? I also don't quite understand what you mean by "earthy", but as these are your notes I don't think it's a big deal :)
• Although it's all listings, I really like the positive to negative traits ratio haha, I LOVE a flawed character. These are just notes of course, and she is a work in progress, but like with "deceptive", I didn't at all get the vibe of "insecure" or "fearful" while reading her profile. It might help to introduce these traits earlier in the profile, subtly, or else really delve deep into explaining it when you do properly write out her Personality Type section.
• Overall very good Nature section, despite being a WIP!
• Good Social too.
• Not much I can critique about History because you haven't written it yet haha.
• I love her Gallery :)

You've clearly put a lot of thought into Willow, and your descriptions are really indepth fort he sections that have been filled out. I'd love to take another look at her when you've written her Personality Type and History! I hope this was helpful, and good luck! :)

ah, thank you so much for this lovely review!! :)
i'm totally going to take ur notes into consideration and i hope to present a more finished piece in the future! as for the prejudices, i honestly just misunderstood what it meant during the creation process and took it the wrong way around ^^" i haven't had a lot of time to write (especially with school being so close for me aaa) but i plan on adding a lot more to willow, as well as putting down a few of her friends from my story. once again, thank u for taking ur time to critique her!! this was a blast to read and instantly got me all inspired.

@Destinee
You're never too late, don't worry! Sorry you had to wait haha
Marie:

• What a lovely gallery!! She's so cute!
• Love her appearance, she's my TYPE gosh <3 Great details.
• Wonderful Mannerisms as well. Her Motivation is a little vague though, and I'm curious what specifically propels her forward in the story?
• In many ways she goes against the stereotype of "sheltered rich girl", while still retaining some obvious traits that are due to her upbringing. This is done very well!
• "Marie doesn’t really care for others who don’t take responsibility or are just bullies. She doesn’t really give them the time of day." This could go in Prejudices! And it raises the question, does she have bad personal experience with these sorts of people?
• This may be a silly question to ask, but is she more of a feeler/"Talker", or a listener/receiver? She's empathetic, but is she more in tune with her own feelings or those of others? She's kind and caring, but does her affection smother her loved ones sometimes, because instead of really listening to them or helping to fix the problem she's simply coddling them? Moral support is very important, but is that all she can provide?
• How does she deal with these bouts of loneliness? You mention she tries to "get over" (so to speak) her depressive lows on her own, not wanting to trouble anyone; but the solution to loneliness is socialization, and is this enough? Or is her loneliness something deeper, the kind you feel when you're in a room full of people but feel like no one understands you or supports you or wants you? If so, is it founded in anything perhaps?
• Does she ever feel insecure? If so, what about?
• Just,, I really love Marie, and her Nature tab is very detailed :)
• "Marie tends to not really keep up with politics. She finds it quite noisy and confusing" It could be worth mentioning that, due to her social class and privilege, she can afford to not care much about politics, because it doesn't affect her very much. This would also place her on the Conservative side, since she is not fighting for any particular change, since she herself is well-off and doing fine.
• "Marie and her mother would y’all about marriage" …. do you mean how they would "fantasize" or "speak" about marriage? ;)
• Good Background. Let me see if I've got this right: Marie is the product of Alfonse's infidelity, and is the first (or second?) incident of this, with Agatha treating her and her older twin siblings with some resentment. Alfonse finally gets divorced and has Silas with a third woman. Marie is Silas' favorite. It's a little bit confusing, but that tends to be the case with big families (and several parents haha). Was Agatha ever toxic/abusive towards Marie? And does Marie harbor her own resentment for being treated differently by her step mother? Or does she understand and sympathize with her? Is Marie loyal to her father 100%, or does she criticize (internally or externally) his infidelity, perhaps harboring some misplaced guilt for being the product of such an affair? Also what happened to her biological mother?
• OH AGATHA IS THE OLDEST (?) SIBLING NEVERMIND HAHA, but I guess all my questions still stand, has Agatha and Marie's relationship improved at all over the years?
• How ironic that a mute character would have a pet parrot :) I live for it.
• Ooh a lot of interesting info in Notes, that could be moved to Nature and elaborated! Her being a mediator for example: does she ever get tired of conflict because of her role in it? Does she try to prevent it, or move the issue to a later date? How does she deal with conflict in general?

Marie is so so cool and cute and agh, wonderful <3 I really like her, and there's a lot of details to her that make her feel genuine and real to me :) Most of my questions are nitpicks at this point haha. I hope this proved helpful regardless, and thank you for sending her in!

YOU ARE HONESTLY THE BEST ! GOD I REALLY LIKED HOW YOU REALLY WENT IN AND NITPICKED BC I AM THE SAME WAY !
It really opened up some things about Marie that i should’ve thought about but completely missed.
ALSO IM SUPER ECSTATIC THAT YOU LIKE HER I MADE SO MANY UGLY NOISES it was ridiculous u___u BUT HONESTLY THATS SO MUCH , I WAS WORRIED THAT SHE WOULD APPEAR TOO NICE OR PERFECT BC OF HER LACK OF NEGATIVE TRAITS ( i feel like she lacks negative traits but nothing too crazy yk bc i still want her to be seen as someone genuinely like an angel but with issues of her own )
ANYWAY YOU GOT THE BACKGROUND RIGHT AND HONESTLY IT MADE MORE SENSE IN MY HEAD im so sorry i pit you through that
Again, thank you so, so, so, so, so, so much , i’ll definitely think on your opinions and apply them soon
Hopefully i can send you another character in the future
As for you, i hope work and life doesn't stress you out too much. Thanks again!

@Nat
Addox:

• Is the weight in pounds? ;)
• Otherwise good Looks! I'm curious what animal(s) his mix of traits are based off of.
• Alright, first thing in Nature: the very last thing you mention haha, is that he is constantly stressed, but covers it up. He must be very good at covering it up, because it jumped out at me out of nowhere, not to mention you don't really elaborate on it. Something like that could be tied in to an anxiety disorder, especially put simply like that. Whether or not it is, it warrants an explanation: why is he so stressed, and why does he feel the need to cover it up? Also, does his silly and touchy side have anything to do with it? Is that his way of coping, or perhaps a way of distracting others and/or himself from his stress?
• How does he make people happy? How does he cheer them up, if he's so good at it?
• I would definitely add more Mannerisms, though you have a good start! Does he have any other ways of acting that could maybe be attributed to perhaps his animalistic side? Is the fidgeting one of them? Do his ears twitch? Does his tail swish around when he's in a certain mood? Do his wings flutter ever without him meaning to? Other things to consider: does he have a certain gait? A certain accent, or way of speaking, intonation to his voice, a lisp or a stutter perhaps? Is his face very expressive? Etc.
• He has a very selfless motivation: does he maybe have something that's more selfish, more for his own self-interest, that drives him? It can something small, but it would add a humaneness to him: very few people live only for others and not for themselves.
• Good start in Flaws, but these also could be elaborated: does he give everyone the benefit of the doubt because he believes there is good in everyone? Or is this in hopes of avoiding conflict? Does he hope interaction will go more smoothly if he trusts the other person and shows them his more genuine side immediately? Does he want to make friends quickly, or does he want to provide support for everyone, even those who aren't kind to him right away?
  Why does he doubt himself? This could be tied in with his internalized stress. Is he afraid that his inherent trust of everyone makes shallow connections that perhaps might not matter when he needs them most? (A rational fear.) Is he doubt seeded in something deeper, perhaps a self-loathing that he may not even be conscious of?
  What's his over-protection based in? Does he believe Charlie can't fend for himself, or does he have something of a hero complex, feeling the need to take responsibility for the safety of his loved ones?
  Some other flaws could also be mentioned, like the fact that he can perhaps be too loud, or not serious enough when he needs to be (you mention he likes annoying his sister, not a great trait haha).
• Some more Hobbies would also be good, as well as explaining why he doesn't like to show his dancing (does he think he's bad at it??)
• The Social tab is,, a little empty? If I may say. Try filling it out a bit more, just the bare minimum, and you can always return to it and develop more!
• Good background, and it actually sheds more light on the fact that Addox is probably lonely as hell, which is worth mentioning I think. There's a naivety there as well, which could be named and elaborated.
• I'd also be more specific in Education, which you sort of do in Background but still. "High" means different things to different people.
• HIS! NOTES! ARE! GOOD! AND SHOULD BE SQUEEZED INTO NATURE BECAUSE THEY GIVE A LOT OF INSIGHT YO!!!!

Addox doesn't feel very real to me yet, but with some tweaking and some added detail, he could be much more solid. He has a good foundation, clearly the sort of character one sympathizes with. I hope this was helpful!

Thank you so much for the insight!

@voidphobia
I'm so glad I could help! :) You're super welcome, and have fun writing!

@Destinee
Haha thank you for your enthusiastic reply!! :) I'm very happy I said some pertinent things. And as for Marie "lacking" negative traits: there are things like her sheltered upbringing, and her naivety, that could in fact get her into some tense situations, and the key here is to not just sweep her mistakes under the rug: have her take responsibility for them, or have other characters acknowledge it and perhaps look at Marie different for a while, or something: the real danger of characters coming off as "too perfect" or as Mary Sues is when they seem to never do anything wrong or, when they do, they can easily get away with it, and that's what grates on a reader's nerves.
Sorry for the rambling AGAIN haha, but I felt like just putting that out there because you have such a good character who, you're right, could fall into the trap of Mary Sue if you're not careful. ANYWAY, I'd love for you send in another character! And I'm always stressed haha, but thank you, you're very sweet, and good luck with your editing! ^^

@Nat You're super welcome!