THANKS SO MUCH!! That really helped!! I'm really glad you liked her!! I got way too attached to this side character and her backstory just kept getting longer and longer!
Would love to critique characters!! :D
Can you critique another of my characters? I just made him and I need some feedback!
Of course!! Ok, top down (I know, I say it every time)…
Well, he's a little light in the weight department, but it doesn't really matter (probably). Just a note!
Really nice job on personality!! Everything flows really nicely. I do have a couple little notes: one, you mention that he can be manipulative and uncaring of morality, but then you point out that he rarely uses his charisma and persuasive ability to get ahead. This is definitely an inconsistency! If he's manipulative, this should be something he actually relies on quite a bit. Of course, this fluctuates depending upon how manipulative he is, but I still think it's an important thing to smooth out. Two, his ideals of a perfect, accepting society are thrown into contrast when he is prejudiced against the rich. Believe me, this can definitely work, but tell me why. It's understandable that he would be against the government, but you need to explain why he's so against the rich. What did they do to him/the people?
I'm pretty sure that you're hinting at agnosticism under religion. I could be dead wrong (you know me and how crap I am with social issues) but maybe just preface with that. Yay politics!! Again, though, the equality piece and that one prejudice–!! "Fisticuffs." I LOVE IT.
Not bad on the backstory!! I like how it sets the scene. My one complaint–don't! Trail! Off!! Yes, yes, you don't want to give away too much plot, which is fine, but now I don't even know what role he has in the main plotline and I need to!!
Overall? Very, very well done, especially considering that you just made him!! (DAMN, if I may say so!) I only noticed like two little things!! Amazing, amazing job!!
I hope that this helps you!! :DDD
Thank you so much!!! I'll get to work on implementing your suggestions. You're seriously a great critique-r. :D
Thank you so much!!! I'll get to work on implementing your suggestions. You're seriously a great critique-r. :D
AHHHH THANK YOU!!! :DDDDDDD bless your SOUL. I don't know if I've made a point of it yet, but I seriously love the premise of your universe!! It's really out there and when I first critiqued, I was skeptical, but you've done SUCH an amazing job supporting it, through both characters and events!! There's not much to critique :3
OH MY GOSH THANK YOU!! Tbh I thought it was a little far-fetched. I'm so glad you think it's good!!!
Here's a few! You don't have to critique all of them, these guys are just my more fleshed out characters, so I'd like more ideas to get down in order to be able to flesh out my other characters even further. (Note: I've got 2 separate universes so some of these characters might seem to clash in all the wrong ways, haha)
Hi!! Don't critique all of them–nonsense!! I'm looking at all of these beautiful souls.
Starting with Celia–top down…
I love what you've done with the personality page–especially on the flaws!! It fits perfectly in with her personality. However, I did notice your 'none' responses. These are very problematic, especially as you've left empty some of the most humanizing fields. Prejudices and hobbies round out your characters and make them seem much, much more real. It's super important that you fill these out!! Besides that, I have just one note: her plot motivation. It's quite vengeful for such a sunny person. In particular, you note in her backstory that she sees no benefit in dwelling on the past. A vengeful motive is entirely based in the past! This is very inconsistent and while it can easily work, you need to tweak some personality aspects and add a bit more support. :3
She's polytheistic–okay, cool! Any specific gods? Maybe make a note. Otherwise all is well here!! :D
Backstory is good, but I would urge you to take it further!! I completely understand not wanting to give away the story, but adding relationships with other characters is often helpful in backstory.
I ADORE her gallery–did you draw any/all of these?? They're amazing!!
I also love how she has a playlist!!! That's awesome~~
Next!! Exila!! Top down…
First off, I see "Exila: Serial killer" and I'm ALREADY HOOKED!!
Hmm, motivations are a little strange. They're definitely good, but they don't really explain why she–well–became a serial killer. Maybe add a bit more context? Overall, though, her personality is… slick… (see? see what I did there? because SHE'S slick? I'm hilarious.) ;P
Under religion, I would specify between agnostic or atheistic. This just helps us understand her levels of faith.
Ahem. Favorite possession? To break my professional facade for a second here: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTT YASSSS
Hmm, interesting on the backstory. See, I like the idea, but there's a little blip here: did she not realize that she killed her mother? It says that she believed it was a suicide, so… was it like multiple personalities or something? Just specify and it should be good!!
EPIC poem here!! I love it. Again, playlist–yass!! Also, I'm slowly getting more convinced that you're the artist, and I think your art is AMAZING!!!
Finally!! Roger–Top down (well, I mean, obviously)…
Personality is fine, but a little empty. Taking into account the fact that he's a cyborg, this makes sense, but I still think that you should add a bit more. For example, does his struggle with emotions lead to a lack of empathy? Does he have any subliminal motivations? Then just another blip–this detailing of an emotional struggle kind of clashes with his description as 'confident.' This is fine, but add some more detail to back it up!! :3
"Hand gun: as in a gun installed in his hand" GOD I love these puns you, my friend, are a GODDESS. (or god, I suppose, whatever you want, I JUST REALLY LOVE THESE PUNS)
Other than that, maybe… a little more? Since he's cyborg, I know, it's hard, but add a bit! Maybe favorite color, at least? I don't know how inhuman he is in your story, but he deserves a little bit!! And, of course, if this doesn't work with your story, DON'T! Don't listen to me. I just noticed it. :)
I'm passionately in love with his backstory. Like, way in love. It's wonderful!! Nothing really jumps out at me.
Overall, each of these characters is very well developed!! (I think Exila is my favorite. :3) I really think that all you need to do is add a touch more detail, and you should be all good!!
I hope that this helps you!! :DDD
Aaaa thank you! And yes, I did draw them all! The styles tend to change because a few of them are very old (or only a year old), but yes, I am the artist, haha! But honestly, thank you very much for the help on this, it's very specific and will definitely help me get every detail down. :) (Also, Exila was my very first character that I created, so I'm really glad she's your favorite! I've actually got 7 or so more characters that didn't have nearly as much detail in them so if you want me to return later on with those guys let me know! One of them has a very beautiful prose paragraph that I'm very proud of and am totally willing to show off lmao.)
Again, compliments on the art–you're really amazing, I wish I could draw like that!! And hey, if you want to share your characters later on, I'd love to see them!! I'm glad I could help!! :DDD
D'aww thank you so much! I'd hate to self promote, but I do have an instagram page for it, (i'm just now starting out so it doesn't have much on it) but if you'd like to check it out, it's @/aloe.vera.art heheh, and yes of course! I don't want to admit that I've got favorites, but I definitely have favorites, and one of them is Celia, haha. Another one I'd love to show you once I come back with more updated characters! :)
Hi! Can you please look over my character?
But of course~! Okay, top down…
I like what you've done with her personality. Everything flows nicely, and she's a very interesting character! The only real critique I have here is that I would urge you to add more hobbies. She's amazing on paper, but I think giving her a softer, quirkier side would bring her to the next level.
Again, just one note here–I would recommend specifying between atheistic and agnostic under religion. It might not be overly important, but I still think it's good to note.
Nice work on the backstory!! It's a tad sparse, but I think you hit everything. One thing really stood out, though. You mention only fifty embryos getting superpowers. Thus, when Muse is introduced as an older superhero, it doesn't really make much sense. Wouldn't they all be the same age? Just add a touch more explaining there.
Wow, this was such a small critique!! You did an amazing job on her–there wasn't much for me to call out! The most important bit to fluff out is the backstory. Then I think you should have a near-perfect character here!!
I hope that this helps you!! :DDD
Yeah, so the research company actually administered the serum to 50 adults and 50 embryos, so Muse is one of the adults who survived. I should've made that clearer though, so that's my bad.
But thanks so much for your critique!
Hey, howdy hi, I'm back! Yeah, that was quick, so there might be a lot more to critique, but I've got a few characters that haven't been critiqued! If you want, you can look over the ones I fixed since you critiqued them as well, but those would only be subtle changes haha.
-Fixed children-
Celia: Celia Foxx
Exila: Exila Smith
Roger: Roger Chester
-More Children-
Harmony: Harmony
Yuki (one of my faves, has a poem that i'm very proud of) : Yuki Whitman
MacKenzie (gives a bit more background to Exila) : MacKenzie Parkwood
Myst: Myst Blaire
And to think that's not even all of them, lmao! I still need to work on creating the side characters. Anyway, thank you so much!
https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/254862#overview_panel Heyy, could you have a look at her please? thanks!
Could you judge my little Kayla? Kayla Minor
Oh my, oh my, I'm so behind!! If any of these are lacking, I'm so sorry–just wanna get to all of y'all! I'll start with @Aloe Vera…
For starts, nice job on the updates!! I just glanced over each one, and they all look way better!! :DDD
I'll start with Harmony–top down…
Very, very nice job on the personality page!! I had to nit-pick SO MUCH just to find something to critique. And that is: add more hobbies and talents!! She seems kind of unreal. I think that you can make her seem a little bit more human. One more note: if her parents tried to change her for so long, does she have any identity issues? I feel like she would. Maybe add something like that under the flaws, because I feel like her flaws are a little lacking.
Backstory is all right, but I would add some more ~current~ things. I think you should add a bit of her plot significance–'pacifist' doesn't really tell me enough. Throw in her friends!! What does she do in relation to the story? See, right now, she's an incredible character, but I'd like to know where she fits in.
Next!! Yuki–top down (well obviously)…
LOVE his personality. (I highkey relate). My one major critique is this alcoholism. WAIT: I LOVE IT, it's an amazing flaw!! However, I think that you need a touch more support. Why did he turn to alcohol? Was it stress? Grief? Sadness? When does he drink? How dependent is he? You mention that he sometimes can't afford alcohol–what happens when he doesn't drink? Alcohol withdrawal is really dangerous. How does it affect him?
Backstory is good!! Maybe add a touch more about this girl mentioned. Is she super important to the plot? (She sounds important). Again, add more support for this alcoholism–I think it's important because alcoholism really takes over your life, so, you know, it's gotta be EVERYWHERE.
OH. Oh my. my. le poem. I'm not
i'm not
okay. I'm not ok : )
ANYWAY! ((the poem is AMAZE by the way, did you write it??)) Okay, okay, MacKenzie!! Top down (god I need to stop saying this)…
Personality is great, but I would add some more 'after-the-fact.' I know from reading Exila's bio that MacKenzie ends up possessing her daughter and making her into a serial killer–WOAH. None of this is hinted at in the personality!! Why is she suddenly so vengeful?? Yes, all right, she was murdered, but I feel like she needs another touch in her personality to add a bit more explainer. Also, under motivations, um–shouldn't one of those ~eventually~ be revenge?
Hey, nice job on the backstory!! I didn't see any major things of note :)
Finally!! Myst–top down (I give up)…
*Also! Sorry that these are so short, I have to be fast!! :3
I would go a bit more in depth under mannerisms, motivations, and flaws. She's a good character, but I would put some work into making her entirely unique. One note: if she's unafraid of anyone, what does her motivation stem from? Living a hard life is generally caused by a person or a group of people. Who are they? Does she fear them?
Background is not bad!! (Hey, abusive family? Perhaps a fear factor? Maybe?) I would just extend it a bit. You list her occupation as 'queen,' but don't elaborate further. I would add more, because I'm really interested about that!!
Overall, you've got a bunch of amazing characters here!! I had a really hard time finding things to critique. Again, I'm sorry it was so sparse–I'm on a time crunch!! I think that you don't have much to fix here. :3
I hope that this helps you!! :DDD
*Note: I love your characters!! If you have any more send them my way :)
*Note 2.0: I'l try to get the rest of your characters later tonight, but if I don't, I'll get the, by tomorrow!! :3
Ahh it's so late–I'm sorry!! I'm gonna do @Nouc now, and others if I don't fall asleep. ;P
Okay!! Top down…
First!! Personality page. The basis is awesome (she sounds like a sweetie!!) but I think you need more detail. IN particular–mannerisms and flaws. Mannerisms–what you have is good–I actually love everything you currently have–but I think you should add a few more physical tics. These add a bit of dimension to your character when you write them in, so I personally love them!! You know, stuff like 'taps fingernails when annoyed,' or 'bounces on her toes when excited,' or stuff like that. :3 Flaws–I think that this is where you need the most. You have little flaws down, but no major personality flaws. The only one that I notice is the one about never giving up, and that really doesn't sound like a flaw. You could probably rephrase it, though–is she reckless? Does she not think of the consequences?
Okay, under social, the two most common critiques I give–religion and politics! Under religion, I always like to specify between atheistic and agnostic. This just sort of helps gauge how traditional she is. Under politics, I always rate on a scale of liberal-ness. This one's always fun, and it helps you understand your character's basic beliefs. :)
Backstory: first note: yESSS my lesbian QUEEN you have no idea how few lesbian characters I've seen oh god I love it. In general, though, I think that you should go a bit more in detail here. Give her some love!! Why did she have to run away from her parents? Tell me about all of her friends!! They all seem so important, so mention their relationships in the backstory!!
Overall? Really, really nice character!! I love her concept :) Honestly, all you need is a touch more detail and you should be in great shape!!
I hope that this helps you!! :DDD
You know what! I don't need sleep! That's for the WEAK. Therefore, time to critique @hope Berge's character.
Okay, top down…
First, personality. You have a good general structure here, but I would flip some stuff around. For example, what you currently have under mannerisms would probably fit better under personality type. Then, under mannerisms, I would add some physical tics, like 'twirls hair when nervous,' or 'paces when angry.' Then I do have an overarching critique: add more! She's a protagonist. Now, I don't know if she's the MC, but either way, I like to have at least 3-4 major statements in each field (except prejudices–what you have there is great!). This really gives your character a lot more depth. :3
One note: under politics, I would recommend rating her on a scale of liberal-ness. She's only 12, but by that time, most people (at least these days) have a grasp on their views on things like LGBTQ+. It's a touch out there and may never come up in your writing, but I still find it helpful for gauging reactions to certain issues!!
Hey, I like the backstory!! It sounds like a book trailer (did you ever see those)? For the amount you currently have, I think it's a good depth. Once you add more, though, remember to add more to the backstory at the same time! :D
Overall? I love the premise here!! Honestly, all you need to do is go more in-depth. Once you do, I think you'll have an adorable character!!
I hope that this helps you!! :DDD
One more! I've got one more in me, right? Okay, @Meredith!!
Top down…
Very good job on personality!! I only have one note here. All I would do is fluff out personality type a bit more. I have all these blips that flow together all right, but I would recommend using the personality type field to tie them all together in an overarching personality.
I would put down politics! It's weirdly helpful to rate your characters on a scale of liberal-ness. It sounds crazy, but it honestly helps gauge reactions to issues! :)
Oh dear. No backstory?? NONE?? Okay, fix this. I want to know why she's such a natural leader, why she's so motivated by others, who her friends are and what their relationships to her are!! Someone told me this once: nothing happens in a vacuum. Nearly every major part of her character needs to have a root in a strong backstory in order to be supported!!
Overall? I like her!! I couldn't find many major critiques, other than the backstory blip. Fix that up and you should be good!
I'm sorry for such a sparse critique–I'm really tired…. :/
Anyway–I hope that this helps you!! :DDD
Thank you so much! I will make sure to fix that up!
@[email protected], I'd love to, but you have him set to private! Switch his setting to public and I'd be happy to check him out :3
Sorry I didn't realize it was set to private I just switched it. Thanks!
No problem!! Here we go, top down…
Okay, just a quick blip: you don't have to research names if you don't want to. I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but I'm just saying–not all names have to mean something! You could just name him whatever you want. When I do characters, I generally click a generator a couple times and just pick what pops out. :3
Very nice job on the personality page!! Generally I have to pick on things like mannerisms and motivations, but I don't think you need to worry about that. The only things I would put some work into are hobbies and talents. He seems kind of superhuman right now–bring him back to humanity!! I would also round out flaws. I don't like physical flaws in this field, and while depression is a flaw, it's not something that you can realize and just change. When I do flaws, I try to do things that you can change but don't because you don't notice or care. Bonus points if your character is a hypocrite!! Just make him more human–you've got the character aspects down, though!! :DD
I would add more in the background. What you have is all right, but you definitely need some more detail. Think of why he's so romantic, why he cares so much about school, who the people who bully him are. Just go way more in depth here!! You need more support for the traits you have.
Overall, you've got a really good start on some of the personality page!! Apply that same detail across the board and I think that you'll be in amazing shape. :)
I hope that this helps you!! :DDD
Thank you!
Thank you so much!!!! I completely forgot to write the backstory. Mind if I fix those up and add a few new things for you to look over? I also have another character I'd love for you to look at if you're ok with that. One last thing, get yourself all rested up, don't work yourself to death (-: