Would love to critique characters!! :D

Aww thank you for that last bit!! And of course, I love looking at characters!! Post them any time and I'll get going as fast as I can :D

Hi! Would you mind looking over these three characters for me?

Ethan: Ethan Grant
Luke: Luke Steele
Kellan: Kellan Styles

Of course y'all aren't bothering me!! I'm going to start with @Lightningclaw13. Top down…

The only major inconsistency that I really notice is the trouble with personality type and flaws. Generally speaking, stubborn, childish, fickle people aren't modest. While minor personality clashes are OK, these traits are on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Other than that, I would just urge you to go more in detail. Since she's such a major character, I think that she deserves a touch more depth.

Under religion, I would recommend specifying between atheistic and agnostic. Both work, but they can help us understand how traditional your character is. Similarly, it's helpful to rate your characters on a scale of liberal-ness (for politics). It sounds useless, but I swear it helps!!

Okay, backstory is good–it explains everything well–but the premise is a bit shaky. I can understand how she possesses the empathy to save him, but I don't understand how she would convince him to let him help her. She was essentially tortured and then brutally murdered (almost) by this guy! Again, yes, she might not think that he deserves to die, but I don't understand why she would try to help him. Where does this trust come from? You could back this up with a few things–most notably, religion. I think that an ingrained philosophy of forgiveness might add a touch more explanation, which you definitely need.

Overall? You did well! I think that everything is well done until that backstory blip. Work on more explainers and you should be good!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll
I fixed her personality and changed her into being a minor character, as I realized she's not in that many scenes.
I also made her Agnostic!
I gave her a strong ingrained philosophy of forgiveness so hopefully, that helps some.
I just have one question. About her liberal-ness, do you mean a scale like this –>Anarchism, Absolutism, Communism, Conservatism, Environmentalism, Fascism, Liberalism, Nationalism, Socialism, Social Democracy, Marxism, Capitalism or something else? I just wanna make sure, sorry.

Yes, that definitely works!! Actually, that's even better than plain old two-party. :)

Next!! @kat. Starting with Ethan–top down…

Okay, I have two things under personality, and they're both major. One: you mention his major flaw as pride, which is fine, but then his personality type is described as laid-back. This is WAY too big of a difference–he can't be type A and type B!! Contradictions are okay, but this one is too much. Two: no prejudices?? None?? Listen, I understand that he might be an accepting person. However, everyone has prejudices, no matter how hard we try to hide them. :3

Aww he actually has a happy backstory!! This is rare, but I like it. The only major thing I have to say is that you should probably go into a touch more after-the-fact detail. Your second paragraph sets the stage, but I'd like to see more about him and Halcyon. Other than that, I think you have a nice backstory here. One you get some prejudices, though, you want to put those in here.

I'll overall at the end, so–Luke!! Top down…

Okay, personality page. I like him as a person, but I can't understand how he's a villain! He seems like an awesome rebel who just wants to have a good time. That's great, seriously, I love characters like that!! But it doesn't explain why he would be villainous. I would recommend tweaking the motivations a bit to accommodate this. See, if he's only here for a good time, then it doesn't make sense that he would (I'm kind of guessing here, so presumably) stand his ground and keep fighting the MCs. But to nit-pick: you call him cool and collected, but the entirety of his personality describes someone restless, reckless, and wild. This kind of doesn't make sense. Also, under mannerisms, I would recommend some physical tics–you know, stuff like 'plays with hair when nervous,' 'taps foot when stressed,' etc. Again, the prejudices!! Everyone has them, I'm telling you.

Backstory works for him, and I like it, but it's the same issue–he doesn't seem like a villain! I don't love to hate him right now, I love to love him. Villains can absolutely have happy backstories, but I really think that you need to go into more detail explaining how he actually became evil.

Finally, Kellan!! Top down…

Personality is AWESOME! Very, very nice job. There's only one thing I have for her: her flaws. One of them is 'doesn't take things too seriously,' but her entire motivation is pretty deep. I'm guessing it has to do with some form of abuse. With this in mind, I think that she would take things pretty seriously. She can be happy, but I don't think she'd necessarily be flippant.

Nice job on the backstory!! I only have a couple of notes. One, you mention that she's less trusting, but this isn't mentioned under flaws. I feel like this should be a very important part of her character, since he past motivated her in such an enormous way. Two, it's the same thing–more detail after-the-fact!! Tell me more about her relationships with her friends and her 'job' as a superhero. Other than that, nice work!!

Overall, I think that you have some excellent characters here. I struggled finding enough to critique, so that's good–and also why this is so sparse (sorry)!! I really think you just need to give the backstories a touch more love and you should be all good!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll

Wow, you're so right, I can't believe I missed that! Thank you so much for pointing those contradictions out! I'll definitely change a few things so their personalities make sense. I'll add some prejudices as well.

Thank you for your help!

Ooh, interesting site–I like it!! All right, top down…

*Note: while I do like the site, I've never critiqued on it before, so this might not be my absolute best work–sorry!!

Okay. Personality is VERY well thought-out!! Everything seems really nice. The one thing that you seem to be lacking is a motive. I understand her as a person, but I'm worried that without an outlines motive, the story will swirl around her rather than with her. Try to incorporate the why–why is she doing what she does (whatever that may be)?

Oh my… wow. WOW. W O A H. Hon, you've obviously been working on this character endlessly. I can usually find something, but oh my GOD. This is perfect!! You're fulfilling all of my backstory dreams. Oh, I'm so happy!! I loved reading that. It was so interesting. You also explained the motive bit from earlier, so that's fixed!!

I only have one major note. While her personality is amazing, it's kind of two-dimensional. I understand

FOLLOW-UP: (sorry, it posted for some reason!!)

I understand that she's been through a lot of hardship and that her birth was against her, but I feel as if there must have been a short time when she kind of enjoyed life–what about that time? What did she enjoy? Does she have any hobbies? Does she like music? I feel like that will make her story even more heartbreaking, as it will allow readers to relate with someone who has been treated so horrifically.

Overall, her character is AMAZING. You've obviously put tons of work into her and I honestly don't think that there's much that you need to change!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll

Wow, you're so right, I can't believe I missed that! Thank you so much for pointing those contradictions out! I'll definitely change a few things so their personalities make sense. I'll add some prejudices as well.

Thank you for your help!

Aww, thanks!!! I'm glad I could help you :3

Oh–and an afterthought!! @Reblod, did you draw any/all of the art on Mara's page? If so, all of those styles were absolutely incredible and I'd be amazed if you were able to do that–they're beautiful!!

Well, like I said, all of the styles are amazing and you should be proud of both your character and your art!! :DDD

Could you critique these characters?

Hi @3abbie3!! I'd love to~~ I'll start with Alexei. Top down…

I like his personality–it's obviously well thought-out. However, he seems kind of like a 2D character right now. Where's his soft side? Hasn't he ever had a friend or lover that he's respected? What about his parents? Cold, stoic characters are great, but remember that they're still people!! They've got things that can make them laugh and cry and yell. Make sure to put all of these levels into his character to make him more dimensional!!

I like how he's conservative–they're so rare in writing!!

Okay. In the backstory, you explained why he likes and dislikes what he does, but you didn't say anything else. Again, it's just sort of flat. Tell me about how he grew up!! Any major events? What were his parents like? I'm glad you have everything rooted, and I would keep that, but give it some fluff!!

I'll overall at the end here, so–Lucifer!! Top down…

Hey, her personality is awesome!! The only thing that I would do here is the same as the previous: soft side!! You've got a good start with her talents and hobbies, but I would just urge you to add a touch more. For example, you mention that she gives great advice–is she empathetic? Emotional? Does she cry over romantic movies? This is more of a nit-pick since you've got everything down so well, but I think that it would help!! :3

NICE backstory!! I love how the devil is actually a sweetie :) I think you hit everything, except for one thing. You mention how she despises people who base their lives on hate and discrimination, which is fine, but her entire backstory stems from her own hate in the form of jealousy. This can definitely work, and I actually like it, but you need a touch more support for it.

(Also, are the two I just did in the same universe? Hmm. If so, maybe add some more explainer, because when I look at them it makes no sense).

Next!! Nyarlathotep (lmao I copy-pasted that)–top down…

Okay, um, maybe give this boi a nickname? I'm not even gonna try pronouncing that, and I don't want to.

I like his personality, but (ayy) it's the same thing! This time, though, I would give his talents and hobbies some more love. As soon as you said "He's a dad," I got REALLY excited, but I would go more into dad-like talents and hobbies. Other than that, everything here seems to flow pretty smoothly. Also, what's an outer god?

All right. I can understand the no religion thing–as a god, why would he worship? However, I would still urge you to include political inclinations!! Just what you've been doing with the other characters seems fine.

Oh. Um… More backstory please? Keep what you have, but you definitely need more. A large amount of his personality revolves around his being a father–why aren't his children in his backstory? This is where you could explain my earlier question–what is an outer god?

Finally!! Yaweh–top down (one day I'll stop saying this)…

Note: I really like how all the gods are Middle Eastern. It makes me happy :3 you don't see that much

Hmm. Okay, this one is hard to critique because he's basically god. However, I'm just gonna critique as I would a person and you can take or discard as much as you'd like. First off, give him more physical tics!! What you currently have as mannerisms would actually fit much better under personality type. Next, prejudices. Even though he's technically god, I think that he would have some base-line prejudices. For example, he did throw Lucifer out of heaven. Does he have a prejudice against people who are overly ambitious? People who are jealous? Heck, does he dislike atheists? Probably not, but I still think that he deserves some prejudices. Other than that, looks good!

Religion: himself. Um, ME. (hah) Okay, but again, I would recommend putting politics. It sounds silly, because he's god, but I think that that makes it even more important. See, lots of people see god in different ways–for example, "God hates gay people!" versus "God accepts everyone." I think you should specify which viewpoint you're using here. :3

OH DEAR. I just checked notes–what you have there is perfect!! I say 'oh dear' because all of my backstory critiques are now obsolete. Sorry!! But hey, what you have as notes can easily become backstory. :)

Overall, I really love the premise here!! It's a cool take on something classic. :) Give their personalities a little love and you should be all good!! Sorry that this took me so long!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Heey, would you be willing to critique my main?

I feel like he's a bit all over the place or hard to understand, like I've just tossed words at him till something stuck… Btw you really do an amazing job on these critiques!! Keep up the good work!!

Aww thank you!! Let's see him. Top down…

(Oh, and sorry for such a late response!!)

I think the thing that jumps out at me most here is his flaws. They're good, but they directly clash with his motivations. You mention that his family is a huge priority in his life, but then say that he is selfish. This is a massive inconsistency. Both of these traits work, but not in conjunction. Of course, you could add some explainers: maybe he's selfless around close friends and family and selfish around people he doesn't know as well, or something along those lines. I did notice the ~mostly~ when mentioning his family–I think that this was meant to be a bit of explainer. However, you still need a lot more! Also, I notice your (?) under talents, and I would agree–you need more!! It doesn't even have to be stuff that he likes. I kind of like it when a character is a fast runner but hates to exercise, or is an amazing artist but thinks that the arts are lame.

Now, I do have a major note here. I like his personality and focus on knowledge, but here's the thing. I happen to have a similar character–she's selfish and scientific-minded. She's also a villain. The problem I have with Bela is that he doesn't give off that 'protagonist' vibe. I'm getting mixed signals here, because his personality screams 'potential villain,' but his title is 'main character.' It's fine (seriously, I don't hate it), but I think he deserves a few ~soft~ traits. :3

Note: I would recommend rating your character on a scale of liberal-ness under politics. How accepting is he?

Nice job on the backstory!! I love the premise of the universe. :) All that I would urge you to do is root things like flaws more deeply. I'd like to know why he's so selfish. From my experience, small country towns breed the nicest people–tell me why this didn't happen to him!

Overall? A very well-developed character!! I'm impressed at the amount of thought that went into your universe. Just smooth out some traits and you should be all good!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Bree Zenith Meyer Would you mind critiquing another character of mine? She's from the same universe as the other four.

These are my main characters. Eildia and Aidlie. :)
This is my first ever time trying to write a story so some tips would be VERY appreciated! THANKS!!

These are my main characters. Eildia and Aidlie. :)
This is my first ever time trying to write a story so some tips would be VERY appreciated! THANKS!!

Also, here's the universe of my story.

Hey, I was wondering if you could please critique my main character? Its super bad sorry and its in a Vampire/Vampire Hunter universe.

Hi! I was hoping if you could critique my main character!

I think she's a bit all over the place and she doesn't really feel three dimensional to me.

Hiiii :DD Could you possibly do my two newest characters?

Harmony - Harmony "Aventurine"
Keon - Keon Sodalite

Thanks in advance! :3

Oh, wow, I'm behind! Let me see if I can catch up here. I'll start with @3abbie3's latest…

Okay, top down…

I have to say, motivations confuse me. I understand that her anxiety can be a driving force in her life, but I think that you need a motivation that she can choose. You can't choose to have anxiety and/or depression. Try to make her motivated by something that she can choose and thus can attain. That's another note–make her motivation a goal! You have a couple, but these feel like afterthoughts to me (forgive me if I'm wrong). Give her a more complex motive–after all, she is the protagonist!!

I'm glad that you have actual flaws!! When writing anxious and/or depressed characters, it's far too easy to get caught into the shallow 'their flaws are their mental issues' thing. Good job here! :)

Prejudices and personality type are awesome!! I can relate to her personality WAY too much :D

I love the notes section! I'm seeing a lot of depth ;P

However–the backstory! I have a couple concerns with this. One, it's really short!! I want more of an explainer. Tell me why she dislikes the far right so much, how she grew up, how she was chosen to be awakened by Nyarlathotep (copy-paste is a GIFT). Two, we now have ADHD thrown into the mix. PCOS is more medical than mental, so if I discount that, I count 3 illnesses here, all of them mental. While I think that each one can be great for a character and all three together are entirely possible, I have to caution you against it. There's something about loading a character with mental illnesses that adds a dark connotation to your story. The problem you face with this connotation is that the story feels too present-day, real-world-y. I didn't even realize that you were the author with Yahweh and the others until I hit the notes section. When you put in that much, on paper, it reads more like a coming-of-age than a (fantasy? scifi? I'd say a sort of fantasy).

And I'm not saying don't do it, I swear!! I'm just saying think about it. :)

Also, maybe you wanted to blend your fantasy with her coming-of-age story. If that's the case, then keep it.

Overall? A strong character. Everything that I saw flowed nicely. I'd really just work on her motives and a few personality points to make her into a main character that we can love. :)

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Could you maybe critique this character?

Moving on to @[email protected]! Starting with Eildia, top down…

Note: race 'white' and skin tone 'white' aren't really helping me. Also, it kind of sounds bad. I try to refer to my 'white' characters as Caucasian or European and my 'black' characters as African (or, in both cases, specific countries when I can). At least tell me more about the skintone. Is she super pale? Milky white? Slightly blushed and pink? Lightly tanned?

Okay. So you've got the bare bones here, but that's it. You definitely need more on this personality page!! My first tip: fill out all of the fields. They're there for a reason. Especially prejudices and flaws. (Yes, you have flaws filled out, but I wouldn't really call what you have there 'flaws,' per say). Then, add more hobbies/talents than fighting and training. These fields exist to make your character more relatable and human, but right now they're making her less human.

DEFINITELY need more backstory here. This doesn't explain her personality. As of now, you might not have enough to explain (generally motivations and prejudices are what you want to root most strongly), but when you have enough, put it down!!

Overall? She's got a good foundation–just give her some love!! :) I'll come back for your other character later–class is starting soon, sorry!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD