"LONG LIVE THEGG!!!!!!!!!!"
"NEVER! LONG LIVE MEGGAMIND!!!!!!!'

"If all else fails, don't. Just don't."

“What if I don’t want to be called she or he? What if I just want to be called a (b word)?”

China be like: you want some water?
Britain be like no.
China be like: You want some water? I put a leaf in it.
Britain be like: yes.

"N word pass REVOKED." – my friend to me after I told him I didn't like zaxby's or chick-fil-a

This random dude just walked up to my principal, holding a can of whipped cream. He looked right into his eyes as he flicked off the cap and proceeded to fill his mouth with whipped cream.

Student: Can sheep make cheese?
Teacher: the sheep don’t make the cheese but you can make cheese from sheep. Just like with an mammal.
Girl from back of the class: loudly I CAN MAKE CHEESE FROM MY MILK
Kid in front of me: whispers I bet babies would like that

"I'll buy your fair ticket right now if you do a back flip right here."
Kid does back flip in middle of class
"Fuck a'ight then"

chick-fil-a makes my stomach hurt and their chicken is too salty

“I wanna touch it.”
“I will grab your arm and I will KEEP IT.”

DR. SEUSS IS D A D D Y

Yes, I'm the one who said it, but we all agreed on it

“Bruh I’m not black.” A white kid. Usually I hear these kids saying they are black but no

Usually I hear these kids saying they are black but no

^^^^

"Let's go. There's too many black people here." – some white kid in my table (as a poc, i should be offended but i legit starting laughing)

"Black people don't exist!" A black kid, shouting over the crowd of kids waiting for the buses, to his other black friend.

"Okay, but if you look at people's laptops during study time in science you will find very different things. I'm looking at dance choreo and you're looking at child labor laws."

"Calvo turpius est nihil comato, Aka, nothing is uglier than a bald man with hair."
"Words to live by."

"WHY ARE YOU ON FIRE!"

Philosophy teacher: Alright class, next week we're going to be talking about death!
Collective, half-hearted cheer from the rest of the class

I walk into a conversation at "and he slammed his hand on the table and says, 'What kind of bread do you want?!'"

“Be on time trash bag.” My advisory teacher, to a kid who showed up late.

"Stop screaming, I'm not killing you yet."

social studies teacher walks back into the room
"You guys do some pretty weird stuff."
Kid in the back
"So does your wife."

"So…if someone is dead, and you kill them-"
"You can't kill them if they're already dead."
"No I mean if you killed them and so they died."
"Why did you kill them?"
"Well-"
"Why are we talking about killing people? Killing people isn't a white lie."
"But if a fish dies and you bought a new one to preserve your child's innocence, that's a white lie."
"Why do they all involve death?"
"Well, what else do you lie about?"