That seemed to be her breaking point, the hug, her shoulders shaking with something other than the panic as she buried her face in his chest. “I don’t know how they don’t blame me.” She said, her voice breaking and sounding almost wet. “They have every right to. I do, but they don’t and it makes no sense. It has to be my fault. I’m the only one left to blame.”
I don’t know what I’m doing but I wanna use this character (OxO| Closed)
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He wanted so badly to remove his mask, to pepper her face with kisses and love her and hug her. But she wasn’t his to do so with. So instead he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, rocking them both gently. “Don’t blame yourself either Toki. Sometimes it’s nobody’s fault. It sounds like to me it was the fault of whoever hurt you.” He replaced his mask, too shy and scared and cowardly to show his real face to her.
Somehow, that thought hasn’t really crossed her mind. That it was that man’s fault, not her’s. His fault for leading them there and being the kind of person they needed to stop. “His fault.” She repeated, holding tightly to him. “His fault. Not mine. Gods, I hope so. I can’t keep-keep living like this.”
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Tali pressed his forehead against her’s. “It’s not your fault, Toki.” He repeated, running his fingers through her hair. “It’s alright now. Everything is going to be alright. You have people here who love and support you. You’re going to do wonderfully.” He purred, letting his hands gently rub against her back.
She was crying. Silent tears ran down Osora’s face, which had thankfully somewhat returned to normal. She drew comfort from his fingers running through her hair, an oddly soothing motion. “I hope so. Tali, I really really hope I can. I don’t want to let anyone down, not again.” She took in a shaky breath, the cool night air helping to clear her thoughts of smoke and burnt flesh and guilt.
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“You won’t let anyone down. You never have.” He reassured, her hair soft underneath his fingertips. She was so perfect. Even when so upset. He buried his masked face in her hair, breathing her in. “Don’t blame yourself for this. It’s too heavy of a burden on you and it’s not even your fault.”
“Letting people down is one thing I’m good at.” She murmured, shifting her arms to wrap them around him. “Too heavy of a burden…nothing’s supposed to be too heavy for me. But it is-and I have no clue how to deal with that.” She admitted, holding him tightly. Therapy might have been a good idea, but she had convinced herself she didn’t need a therapist, and that if she did, there were too many things she couldn’t talk about.
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“No, no you’re not. You’ve never let me down. Or your brother or your mother or grandmother or Reeha. They all love you and care for you, Toki.” He slowly sat down and brought her into his lap to cuddle. “It’s ok. There are going to be many things that are too hard for you to do or to carry. And that’s alright. You don’t have to carry it alone.”
The skin-stealer brought a hand up to his face then froze. He was such a hypocrite. He couldn’t share his own burden with anyone. He wanted to but he just couldn’t. “I just want to let you know that you can come to me I’d you need to talk, or if you need help. I’m always willing to chat. Hell, when I go back to America you can call me in the middle of the night and I wouldn’t mind at all.” For some reason the thought of him returning to America in a few weeks made him sad.
I don’t want you to leave. The intensity of the thought brought a surprised hiccup from her. But she really didn’t. Tali, oddly enough, managed to clear the fog of guilt in her mind, helped her put things into focus when she was on the verge of losing control. And she hadn’t even known him that long.
“Thank you.” She whispered, holding onto him like he was the last thing keeping her grounded right now. “That means-everything.” You’ve never let anyone down. He didn’t know everything about her past, but the words brought peace, at least briefly, to her mind.
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Tali nodded gently, his hands moving to rub more slow circles into her shoulders and back. “Anything for you, Toki. Let’s go back in, it’s cold out here and I don’t want you catching anything.” He said with a puff of his cheeks, gently poking her side.
“I’ll stay up with you. I think I got enough sleep to last me all day.” He hummed, gently pushing her along to the window. He helped her up and into the room, climbing in after her.
Osora stood with her eyes closed just inside the window, waiting for Tali to climb in before turning to the window to breath in the fresh air, keeping the smoke from moving in past the edges of her mind. She gripped the windowsill, still trembling. “I don’t get sick. I would have been fine.” She didn’t make any move to go back out though, staying close to him.
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Tali felt immediate regret. She wanted outside still. “Everyone gets sick Toki. Are you going to be okay in here? I could grab you a blanket and we could sit out there for a little longer.” He gently took her hand in his.
If she had been able to see his face she would have seen the concern and worry laced into his features.
“It’s fine. If you’re cold, we can stay in here. I think it might rain, anyway.” Osora said softly. It was a lie, but she didn’t want him to feel bad. She squeezed his hand, lacing their fingers together for comfort. “It’s the air. Helps…clear away the smoke.”
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“No I’m worried about you.” He murmured, voice muffled slightly. “Then let’s go back out… I don’t want to take you from something that helps.” He said quickly, grabbing up a blanket and wrapping it around her, his hand still holding tight to her hand.
“Thank you.” She whispered, gently tugging him closer to press a kiss to his cheek. She climbed back out onto the fire escape she had spent plenty nights out on, still holding his hand, and paused to help him out. “I’ve spent so many nights sitting here, the cold doesn’t bug me much. Usually.”
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He blushed lightly and allowed her to lead him back out. He looked at her with worry, climbing to join her. “It’s still not good for you, Toki.” He murmured, leaning against her.
He did have to admit that the cold air felt good. Sometime in the night he had put on a loose t-shirt, that now blew in the breeze and kept him warm enough to stay outside. His scar was visible just above his collar.
"A lot of things we do on the regular aren't good for us. I'm no exception." She said quietly, wiping at the tear tracks left on her face. Pulling him down to sit, she let him stay leaning against her, leaning into him as well and resting her head against his shoulder. "It's better than the alternative. Staying inside and not being able to clear my thoughts at all. Trapped."
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Tali looked out at the street below, sighing softly as she spoke. She was right, but he didn’t want to admit that he too had unhealthy habits. “Is it that bad? I’m sorry I tried to get you to go inside.” He murmured, slowly resting his head against her’s. “I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way.” His expression was pained. He was glad for once that he had hidden his face.
"Don't." Osora said, her voice gaining some of it's usual solidity to sound firm. "Don't apologize. You just wanted to help, I'm guessing, and you couldn't…I don't tell many people about any of this. The-panic and the guilt, and needing fresh air. Another secret tattooed on me, this one on my mind instead of my skin." She pulled his hand onto her leg, as though drawing it closer to herself.
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Tali glanced over, looking away soon after in slight shame. “I am trying to help. You’ve opened so much for me , and I appreciate that, but I’m too cowardly to open up to you. I can’t even show you my real face.” He murmured, thumb subconsciously rubbing against her hand. “Ask me anything, Toki. I’ll answer truthfully for you.” He murmured.
Ask me anything. "Why don't you want to ever meet your parents." Osora asked, moving her other hand to hold his in both of her's. "If you don't want to answer, that's alright, and I get it. Believe me. Some things are just too personal, especially if it's not the right time."
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Tali fell almost completely silent. Though the mask hid his expression, all the emotion he felt was reflected in his eyes; hate, hurt, pain, sadness… they were all there. "They didn't give me away. They threw me in a dumpster to die because of what I am. What I was to them. Even if I was given the chance to find them, I'd turn the other way and never look back. I'm afraid if I see them I'll do something I regret… It's easy for me to justify hurting them." He growled, giving both her hands a gentle squeeze as if seeking comfort from the action himself.
"And I mean a literal dumpster, Toki. They threw me away like garbage. What kind of people do that!?"
Osora listened to him talk quietly, holding onto his hands with a gentle but firm grip, as though letting him know she was right there. She nodded when he finished, looking down at his hands and lifting one to her lips. "That makes sense." She said softly, looking back up at him. "Bad people do things like that, Tali. Shitty people, who shouldn't have children. The kind of people you can't even trust with a goldfish, let alone a young child."
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He gritted his teeth and pressed closer to her, liking her warmth. Her lips were soft against the skin of his hand and he found himself liking it. If only she'd do that more often. Tali closed his eyes and listened to her speak, his heart fluttering slightly. "It should be basic human decency to care for a child… or make sure that child is given to someone who could take care of it… But I guess I'm just- just not human enough." He murmured, his fingers interlacing with hers. "Does that ever bother you, too? The fact that we aren't human? That we're different and don't ever have a chance at a normal life…?"
"It did." She admitted quietly, closing her eyes as her lips brushed his skin with every word. "For a long time, I hated myself. I hated what I was, and I hated the world for seeing me differently. The kids at school that called me names and locked me in the supply closet, the old ladies in my grandmother's book club that called me a monster." Her voice was soft, almost inaudible as she spoke. "But then…I found a way to use it. For good things, things that made a difference, and it stopped bothering me, slowly. I won't get a normal life, but I made one I can be proud of. Tali, I won't lie to you and tell you that you're 'human enough', by the standards you're setting. But I will tell you you deserved parents and people who could take care of you. You deserved the love you needed and wanted."
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His eyes slipped closed as she spoke. Her words and voice were always soothing to him. No other woman had been able to do this to him. Not ever. "You deserved so much more too." He murmured, once again lifting the mask so he could lean down to gently kiss her burn scar, frowning deeply at it. "You're such a wonderful and good person, Toki. I don't care what anyone else says about you, you're beautiful and strong and talented. You've made a good life for yourself." His eyes flickered up to her face. "Beautiful woman. You're very good at helping others. I needed to hear that. You're the first to tell me that though."
"And I wish I didn't have to hear that. You should have heard it before me, a million times." She said, lifting her head to look up at him. The sensitive skin in the center of her scars tingled, a small shiver racing down her spine thanks to that. "You keep calling me beautiful, so that's my version. You deserve love." She squeezed his hands, shifting in place to face him. "Thank you, for assuring me. But let me assure you of that."
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He shook his head, gazing longingly down at her. "That's because you are beautiful. To me you are stunning. Each thing you do is so… so amazing." He murmured, trying to distract himself from her words. "You deserve love…" No I don't… And yet she was saying it to him. It had to be true if she spoke it, right? There was no trace of a lie upon her face or in her eyes. So he decided to return to the topic. "Love huh…? I don't know if I've been shown love, but I've loved others." He murmured, ducking his head shyly as she faced him. "You're so kind to me."
"I really don't think everything I do is amazing. There are so many things I do that are quite the opposite." She said, the look in his eyes making her heart flutter. And he was right, there was no trace of a lie. If she had been lying, there wouldn't be, but she wasn't. She was telling the truth. "You have to give it time. Love takes time, Tali. It'll find you, or you can make it find you." She tilted her head up, pressing a kiss to the skin left exposed by his mask being lifted. "Of course I'm kind to you. You haven't done anything to make me unkind, and there's another thing you deserve. Kindness as well."
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"I do… Even if there are things that are opposite you deal with them so well I can't tell." He murmured gently, squeezing her hands and flashing a kind smile. "I can make it huh?" His mood seemed to pick up when she kissed him, blushing a bright red. It felt hot beneath his mask. Tali took a moment to take his appearance back to the way he liked it, removing the mask and winking at her with his familiar handsome face from the day before.
"Anything you give me, I'll give it back tenfold, Toki. I like you. I like what you tell me." The skin-stealer set down his mask and turned back to her. He had only changed his face. His hands were still more narrow than the day before and he seemed to be skinnier. The scar upon his chest didn't disappear either. "I know one day I'll be able to believe your words. Don't forget to keep reminding me of them. I'll keep reminding you of what I see. Beautiful, stunning, bright, kind…" He beamed.