Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Okay, @/ Dibbobulous!! Top down on Rolan…

First impression of Nature: this is VERY sparse. Most of my critiques deal in contradiction and confusion, but issues like that only tend to arise when character sheets are filled out in much more depth. Without fleshing out this page significantly more, there isn't a ton I can offer you. But as some suggestions, I would recommend that you go further in depth to the sides of Rolan's personality. How does he behave around friends versus around strangers versus around authority figures versus… etc., etc. It's the sides of personality that allow you to start exploring nuance in your character.

Everything you have under social is good, but it's time for a nice, old-fashioned religion and politics rant!! I do this… a lot. Ha. Too much. Anyway! To me, religion and politics are the most important social fields, and large parts of me consider them nature fields. I'd really encourage you to fill them out, since they can act as vehicles to tell a LOT about your character. Religion can define openness to structure and tradition (organized religion followers tend to like structure, tradition, and appearances, whereas those things are less important to people who do not follow organized religion), and it can define worldview for non-religious characters (atheistic tends nihilistic, agnostic tends hopeful). Politics is cool to use to explore a character's openness to change! For even the most apolitical of characters, it works to rank them on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world.

History. So I cannot offer you any critiques here, only suggestions again. It's the same as nature: without explanations and narrative, I can't really get into this character's head. For backstory, you need to focus more on origins for traits than background information. For example, explain what his father's expectations are, and why he wants to defy them. Explain why he doesn't trust outsiders. Explain why he's distrustful in general. Things like that are SO important, since they shouldn't just happen in a vacuum - traits should be strongly rooted in backstory.

Okay!! That's all I have for you tonight. I'm sorry I couldn't say more!! Rolan has strong bones, but he needs much more explanation and nuance to grow as a character. If you'd ever like to come back around for a Round 2, I'd be happy to have you!! But for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll Alright, Thanks for the Ideas! This is the first character I've made and I was really curious how this would go. I'll definitely come back for a round two later on when I develop him more, but for now I'll just keep tinkering with specifics of his character.

Hello, folks! Rounding up early (kind of?) this evening…

Tonight's critique is for @tiredandconfused!

There is no one scheduled further than that !! This thread will still be considered active, and I will check and post regularly!

@/ Dibbobulous - Glad you liked it!! I'm excited to see that round 2! :D

All right, @tiredandconfused, let's do this!! Top down on Reid…

For starts, I don't know where you're getting an impression of underdevelopment from. Reid seems very well-developed, nearly as if not as developed as the other characters I've met! Don't worry too much! :D

There is one thing that I feel needs more explanation: Reid's recovery time. Here's what I mean. Reid loves to ask questions, pestering people with curiosity and naïveté. But he's also insecure and prone to embarrassment. Someone like that would probably shut down quickly from an offhand negative comment or even an exasperated expression. How does Reid bounce back from things like that? How long does it take him?

Backstory is solid and excellent!!! (also - mad props for non-binary representation in a fantasy setting!!!) One tiny thing, and it's more a plot note than anything. How did Reid manage to run away and find Kydrei with his limited life experience? Given that he retains his naïveté even through now, I'd expect that nothing happened to make him lose it. So how did he avoid dangers of nature and people on the road?

Okay!! That is all I have for you tonight! Leave your insecurities behind - Reid is a wonderfully well-developed character!! Thank you for coming by, and as always, I hope these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Could you please give a critic to one of my main characters Medea? Medea Norrington

Hello, everyone!! Let's round up for tonight…

Per a rule I made several weeks ago (more to keep myself sane than anything) I don't do critiques the same day I see the links. So that means nothing from me tonight!

Tomorrow, though, it's time for @Reblod and @DragonSunGod!

And day after that, first spot is for @Young-Dusty!

@tiredandconfused - Glad you liked it!! And per the usual, your explanations are great and super helpful! :D

So I kinda went all out and I think I'm ready for a round 2 on Rol.

Hi, I don't mean to be a bother, but could you critique my character, Abel McFarland I would link the story, but it's on a different device and I'm not ready to share it yet.

Hey! :D I'm back with a small family I'd like you to look at?
Currently I only have the son, but I'll get you the parents as well eventually! ^^

Hi, everyone!! Let's round up for the evening…

Tonight's critiques are for @Reblod and @DragonSunGod!

Tomorrow, it's time to @Young-Dusty and @/ Dibbobulous!

Day after that (the 15th) slots are for @Pop-Liquid and @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull!

Also, I think I'm going to set the 24th of August as my closing date. I'll be accepting critiques through that evening, but then I have to leave if I want to focus on school and my other responsibilities. It's been a wonderful time this summer, and I'm dreading leaving you all! But I'm going to enjoy the time until then.

Let's get going with @Reblod! Top down on Mara…

First thing that jumps out at me here: charisma. I understand the intimidation side of things, but WHY do people warm up to Mara quickly? She seems to have expressed no interest in making people like her, and she seems to not care about much of anything. And she's aloof and cold, not exactly a magnetic personality. For people to really attract others without actively trying, they have to be REALLY magnetic. Mara has mystery appeal, but that's the kind of person you whisper about with your friends, not the kind of person you walk up and talk to.

Also, how do her madness and her intelligence balance? I understand that madness is something that gets worse over time, and in the beginning, she would maintain her intelligence. But when the two are battling it out for control, how does that look? Does she lose grasp on her plans? Is she self-aware enough to get scared by the loss of her intellect?

I would also really recommend digging into the details of those rare emotional attachments. Not like who they were with and why - rather, how she changes her behavior around people she begins to care about, and how she feels about that shift.

History is solid, but I do have a couple things to poke at. One: why didn't they just kill her? I understand that plot points are plot points, but to set up a society in which hybrids are illegal and must be killed and then explicitly not kill Mara seems jarring. And why did she care about her bad situation? You've already described that hybrids are generally emotionless. So why did Mara manage to foster enough hatred to keep holding onto it beyond her captivity? As readers, we think, "Well of COURSE she'd seek revenge! That was awful!" And that's true. But you've also set up a character who rarely experiences strong emotion, and usually finds it easy to sever connections. What about THIS makes her hold on?

Along the same vein, why did she mentor young rogues? Getting training for her own gain is fine, but why did she stick around and help others if she doesn't really care?

Okay!! That's all I have for you tonight!! Mara is a REALLY cool character, but writing emotionless characters is super difficult and will require more explanations. Thank you for coming by and I hope that these notes are helpful to you! :DD

All right, @DragonSunGod, let's do this!! Top down on Medea…

Nature is QUITE sparse. I'd really, really encourage you to fill out more fields here, especially those like motivations and prejudices!! Deeply exploring nuances of character and sides of personality (public persona, private self) can REALLY take your character to the next level. And since most of my critiques are based in contradictions, exploring more traits is exactly what I need to help you as much as I can. Until then, I'll do my best!

There's just one thing jumping out at me. I understand that Medea has a lust for knowledge, but why hasn't her caution increased significantly given what she's been through? After multiple traumatic experiences, I'd expect her to be much more careful in her search for learning. The fact that she still makes risky/bad choices is jarring to me.

I feel like the Religion field needs some love here! Medea is the chosen of a goddess - how does that work religiously? Is it a worship thing, or does that kind of faith drop away, making more of a partnership?

DAMN this is a backstory!!!! I love it! And I especially like the infusion of classic Celtic mythology - the Malebolgia is AWESOME.

I don't actually have any complaints about the contents of the backstory. What I will say, though, is that there is SO MUCH here to go through and pull traits from!! Motivations alone are constantly shifting, but rooted in a desire to protect. Everything you need is right here!

Okay!! That's all I have for you tonight. In backstory, Medea is a very well-developed character. You just need to make sure that personality is fully explained! Thank you for coming by the thread (come back whenever!) and I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll seriously, THANK YOU! I really was very nervous about my girl's backstory but I'm glad on how much you appreciated it! Thanks a lot! I'm gonna reinforce and give more deep on everything you suggest me!

Hello, folks!! Here I am, ready to round up for the night:

Tonight's critiques are for @Young-Dusty and @/ Dibbobulous!

Tomorrow, it's time for @ @Pop-Liquid and @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull!!

@Reblod - I'm glad it was helpful!! And I was having a hard time articulating this last night, but here's what I'm seeing. Your explanations of emotionlessness make it seem like hybrids are reliant on logic and cold calculation, not feeling. But all of Mara's motives and major character moments are based in her complete loss of logic and overemotional action. I think that's the contradiction I was trying to get at!

@DragonSunGod - I'm so glad you enjoyed!!! The backstory really was wonderful. Thank you for caring about my words! <3

Okay, @Young-Dusty, let's do this! Top down on Johnny…

WOW, this is an awful man!! With a well-developed personality. He's a well-developed awful person. I'm actually impressed that you're willing to write this character (GOOD impressed - there are real people like this, and it's good to see them as villains!!)

I do notice one thing right away. Johnny is described as a good tactician and leader, but I feel that you have to remember his MESS of blindspots. Going against races he thinks are 'inferior?' Going against women? He's bound to underestimate them. His plans may take a hit, since he really thinks something simple will easily rout a group of female fighters, even if that's not the case. If he gets crushed once or twice, he'll probably learn his lesson. But if he keeps those prejudices, that lesson won't be likely to stick with him.

Also about leadership - does this guy have a reckless streak? I haven't seen it stated explicitly, but given his narcissism mixed with anger issues, I could see that easily. If he does, that's another thing you'd have to throw in as a complication to his plans. Receiving an insult on the battlefield could cause him to divert from his course.

imagine if he got insulted by a woman. on the battlefield. and did something dumb. and just got whacked. wouldn't that be nice i don't know maybe -

Backstory is SOLID! god, I love your story premise. Just one plot thing here: How did Johnny ever manage to become leader of the Gator Boys? I don't have a perfect understanding of the group, but from what I can tell, it's multiple families or one extended family. Johnny was breaking code rules from day one. Were there no other options for a leader? Why didn't the Gator Boys try to get rid of him?

Okay!! That's all I have for you tonight. Johnny is a well-developed character who is admittedly an awful person, but hey, well done!! Always a pleasure to see your characters on the thread!! And of course, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Time for a round two, @/ Dibbobulous!! Top down on Rolan..

(For R2s, I find that I tend to offer a bit less, unless a TON of new contradictions have emerged. So sorry if this is sparse, but I'll do my best!)

I'm slightly confused at the explanation for his distrustful nature. The incident with his mother was definitely traumatic, and I can see how it would translate to things like hatred of his father, hatred of drunk drivers, fear of driving, fear of intoxication, stuff like that. But distrust of all people seems a little strange to connect to this incident.

Also, you did a really good job explaining traits, but I don't see a ton about his private self still! Given that we now know more about his temperament and self-consciousness, it'll be fun to explore how those are expressed or suppressed differently around friends and loved ones!

Backstory is solid!! You put a lot of the trait-by-trait stuff in Nature, so this plot-focused backstory is perfect for Rolan! I do have one question: does his father know about PAST? And if so, does it make him more proud of Rolan, or more afraid, or less proud, or something else entirely?

Okay!! That's all I can offer you tonight. In just a couple days, Rolan has come a long way!!! If you want me to keep helping along this journey, I would love to!! But in any case, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Hey! I got Boa's dad, if you've still got spots open!

Looking forward to your thoughts on both of them :)

Hello, everyone!! A little late tonight, but I am in fact here! Let's round up…

Tonight's critiques are for @Pop-Liquid and @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull!!

Tomorrow, it's time for @Katastrophe and @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull!

And day after that (the 17th) first spot is for @Katastrophe!

@Young-Dusty - I'm glad you enjoyed!! Long responses like that make my nights, since it shows you really care about everything I have to say. So thank you for that! :DD

Starting out with @Pop-Liquid!! Top down on Abel…

OH MY GOD DEVIL TOWN IS MY ANTHEM OH MY GOD

but REAL critique stuff. My biggest issue with Abel's character sheet is that he feel a little flat. I know he's definitely not, and I can see little peeks of his nuance across this page, but most of what I'm reading seems to be public persona. I don't know much at all about how Abel interacts with his friends, especially Walt. To fully understand and critique this character, it's vital to know all sides of him.

With what I can see, one thing jumps out at me right away. Abel is a character with trust issues, but he also seems to have no verbal or emotional filter. He's constantly betraying what he's thinking or feeling in public. Since this may be due to a condition, I can see how these traits can coexist! But you have to go into what that means for Abel. How does he feel knowing that his condition jeopardizes his trust issues? Is it a struggle? Is it a release? Something else?

History as it is now is fine, but I'd love to see some more detail!! Backstory should be a place to explore every trait of your character and give it an origin point. Why does Abel have trust issues? Why the emotional outbursts? Are his conditions genetic or environmental? Make sure to give a variety of origins - maybe some traits originated due to abuse, but others came from his time with his kind foster mother.

Also, this is a character with a LOT being thrown at him!! He's learning about a secret magical world and getting told that he's a prophet. That's got to be a lot to handle - how is Abel dealing with it?

Okay!! That's all I can offer you tonight. Abel is, so far, a very solid character who just needs some more rounding out to be amazing. As usual, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Okay, thank you a whole lot. I do agree he does feel a little flat. I kind of just overlooked his personal life quite a bit, and honestly I find it kind of funny in a strange way I did. I will most definitely add more about his personal life.
You made me think about his conditions and his trust issues, as well as how they interact with eachother, and I thank you for that. You've given me a lot to think about and flesh out about him. Thank you for the criticisms, I will definitely use them to improve him. I also hope the creative writing classes I'm going to take this school year will help too.

I'm slightly confused at the explanation for his distrustful nature. The incident with his mother was definitely traumatic, and I can see how it would translate to things like hatred of his father, hatred of drunk drivers, fear of driving, fear of intoxication, stuff like that. But distrust of all people seems a little strange to connect to this incident.

The justification I had for explaining away his distrustful nature is that if he couldn't trust his own father, then who could he trust? Since he thought his father could save her, he just didn't he automatically assumed things like, "You didn't love mom." or "If you let mom die, will you let us die?" I also think Rolan as a character wouldn't know specifically that this is what causes him to be distrustful and this is more internalized.

Also, you did a really good job explaining traits, but I don't see a ton about his private self still! Given that we now know more about his temperament and self-consciousness, it'll be fun to explore how those are expressed or suppressed differently around friends and loved ones!

Yeah, I added in a relationships category to clear up some of those more intimate and intricate character relationships and I'll work on his Private self some more!

Backstory is solid!! You put a lot of the trait-by-trait stuff in Nature, so this plot-focused backstory is perfect for Rolan! I do have one question: does his father know about PAST? And if so, does it make him more proud of Rolan, or more afraid, or less proud, or something else entirely?

David does know about PAST as an organization, but it isn't until later that he finds out Rolan is a part of PAST. He is initially more scared that Rolan will get injured coming off very stern, then after Rolan gets angry again does he realize some of his shortcomings as a father and dad. This event sparks the rekindling of their relationship and Rolan no longer hates his father.

Thanks for the Round 2 on Rolan! Rolan is the first character I made on this site so it was cool to see what I could do better. Also, sorry this reply is late I was kinda busy yesterday.

@Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull - party time!! Top down on Boa…

(okay, so, bear with me here. I'm going to back myself into a corner and we're going to just let it happen, okay? okay.)

A lot of the small flaws and prejudices built into Boa's character seem incongruous with his massive levels of empathy. Temperamental - understandable, but he holds himself back because he's afraid to hurt others? I would expect him to hold back because his processing power mixes with empathy and soothes the anger as he starts to consider their side of the story. Having a temper to begin with is a little strange to consider, but since that's more of a basic emotional thing, I totally get it.

And then his prejudice! Boa is the kind of highly empathetic person to recognize and work through his prejudices. Much like with anger/temper, I understand a more basic, ingrained prejudice. However, given Boa's massive empathy, I don't understand how he could dislike a person without hearing their side of the story. It's the same issue with black-and-white morality: why wouldn't he hear their side of the story.

Next issue: you can't have a perfect character. And you didn't, until I critiqued almost all of his flaws. Welcome to the corner! Given that we know you can't have a flawless angel character, I would advise you to take the above critiques with a grain of salt. You don't have to scrap these traits (if you're feeling it, you could rework his flaws completely, but you don't have to) but you should balance his personality. Boa needs an end point for his empathy, some kind of line that he draws. Once he has limits in everyday life, it'll make more and more sense that he can foster a prejudice or hold black-and-white values.

History!!!!

(for starts: go OFF. obliterate the cruel system and how it forces you to choose between family and economic stability. we are living in a machiavellian economic hellscape)

History was a JOY to read and I am not joking at all. That was awesome!!!! There was so much worldbuilding!!! Of course, it's me, so I have a couple notes:

First up, HOW did Boa do well in training?? This sounds like a very tough-love scenario, and this is a spoiled only child who canonically can't handle criticism. If he did well there, I'd expect him to have grown better at accepting criticism, which doesn't seem to be the case. How did he manage to flourish in his Sentinel training without losing confidence or even having the occasional breakdown?

And then… the empathy. Boa's most major trait. Where does it COME from? I tend to find that empathetic people can relate because they understand, and they've been through a similar incident. Boa's had an incredible, happy life up to this point. As kind as open as he can be, how well can he really understand what the people around him are feeling with so little experience? Not just know it, but really understand.

Okay!! That's all I have for you tonight. Boa is a really, REALLY good character!! I think you need to consider where you're going in terms of balance, but beyond that, he's great! It's always wonderful to have you by the thread, and of course, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@Pop-Liquid - Wow, fast reply!! I'm really glad you liked it, and I'm happy I could give you things to think about! Creative writing classes are awesome - I hope you have a good experience!!

@/ Dibbobulous - No worries about replying late! I'm here every night. Happy you're still enjoying!! And I hope you're having a good experience on Notebook - I didn't know this was your first character ever on here! :D