Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

All righty, @polkadots11's turn!! Top down on Nessa…

First impressions I glean from Nature is that it's a little sparse. I feel like I've met Nessa briefly at a party–I know she's quiet and mysterious, maybe looking a little fearful, but I know little to nothing about HER. I would really encourage you to add more specifics about how she acts around the people closest to her, how she handles herself in a royal court, how she treats her enemies, how she treats those beneath her station-wise, etc., etc. A LOT of what you currently have is public persona vibes, which is definitely necessary, just with some more stuff to round it out!

(Also, there's a very interesting idea of self-loathing at work here that I feel needs to be explored more. So she hates violent vampires, but a lot of her motivation is based in an instance where she was a violent vampire. Is there any self-loathing or fear of self there? Even mild? If not, you NEED to explain that. It would take a very strong person and quite a bit of time to fully get over and recover from such an incident.)

That being said, there is an issue or two I can spot in here. First up is her prejudice against humans. This is a touch confusing, given that she was in love with a human man. Is it more of an aversion to humans given what she did in the past? Is it an ingrained thing that she's working past? Whatever the explanation is, make sure to think it up/write it down!!

Okay, politics!! For starts, I really encourage you to delve deeper into Nessa's political views, given that she's going to inherit a throne. It's highly likely she would've received education in this kind of thing. But if you don't want to do that, a nice baseline I recommend to everyone is rating your characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world!! This is super helpful, as it works for even the most apolitical of characters. Also, politics can be used as a vehicle to define how open your character is to change! (And if you spice in her level of libertarianism, it can also describe how much your character likes the government!)

Backstory is very interesting and generally quite solid!! Couple things. One, the prejudice again–how would Nessa fall in love with another human after her first experience AND her prejudice against the species? Two, let's talk about her emotional availability. Nessa is secretive, closed off, and fearful–and given what I have to see on her Nature page, she's basically like that around her friends as well. So even if she feel herself falling in love, why does she act on it? Why is she suddenly willing to let someone in, even though it's dangerous and ended disastrously last time?

And that is all I have for you!!! Nessa is overall quite a well-developed character who just needs a touch more depth to make her great. Swing back by the thread any time, and for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Oh wow I missed this earlier somehow! Thank you so much, this is such a detailed and helpful critique! I definitely need to give more detail about her inner thoughts and feelings. Right now I have the focus on how her outward mannerisms changed after her trauma, and it's definitely sparse on her inward mannerisms for the time being.

If you could critique Richard pretty please? That would be great! Also if you need any help with historical context or how the magic works, let me know and I can answer any/all questions

Hello, everyone!! Let's round up for the night here…

Tonight's critiques are for @Stone_King_2931 and @Kinarymo!!

Tomorrow is the 21st, which means break night for me!! No critiques then, although I will probably drop by for a round-up, just for the sake of my own organization.

Day after that (the 22nd) it's time for @Kebs and @kingnocedas!!

Then on the 23rd, critiques go out to @kingnocedas and @Icefire (welcome to the thread, guys)!!

24th, first spot is also for @kingnocedas!! (To explain here–when someone drops 3/4 links, which has happened I think once before, I give them one slot a day for however many days it takes. This way, you don't dominate a whole night, and I still finish up in a fairly timely fashion!! Also, I remember you from the appreciation thread–thank you so much for your words and for stopping by!! :DD)

@LaniGirl - THANK YOU!!! That's so sweet of you to say!!!! Knowing that these critiques have an impact beyond the people they are aimed at means the world to me. If you ever have a character for me, please don't hesitate to swing by–I'd love to meet anyone you throw my way!! :D

@TheGuardian - I'm really glad you enjoyed it!!! 'Genuine' is a lovely way to describe it. And I love it when characters have moral codes that they don't even fully realize!! I'm happy I could make you think deeper about your character. Come back around sometime!! :DD

@polkadots11 - Happy to see that you enjoyed it!! Focusing on her change after trauma is certainly important as well, and you've obviously done a great job communicating her changing personality!! If you ever want a round 2 or just want to drop off more characters, please come back anytime! :D

And everyone - thank you so much for blowing this thread up again!! It was slowing down for a bit there, and I was kind of resigned to letting it go. But y'all have brought it back, which means the world to me–I love being able to do this!! :D

All right!!! First up tonight is @Stone_King_2931!! Top down on Astragon…

(disclaimer: I am riding a wave of validation tonight, so there might be a couple more quippy asides in here!! hope you don't mind!)

First thing I notice is more of an overarching issue that I see very often when critiquing. From what's provided here, I know a decent amount about Astragon's public persona, but not so much about who he IS. What makes him open up to people? How does he behave around friends? What kind of humor makes him laugh a little? Does he fail to relax around peers, but show his kindness around kids and pets? Stuff like that that gives you insight into a character's personality is KEY to depth.

And then a couple small things. These are so little that you can pretty much resolve them with explanation, rather than scrapping one of the traits. First up is with his motivations. From what I understand, this is a traumatized man trying to move on and find a safe place to call home. So why does he choose to become a leader? How does the cause that he leads coincide with or surpass his desire to find a home?

Second one is his defensiveness versus pacifism. Astragon is described as someone who doesn't like arguments and rarely even raises his voice. So what is it about defending others that overrides that passive nature? Why can he leap past his non-confrontational nature to defend? Sure, his trauma and life experiences have hardened him, but in that case, it's just the other way around: why is he generally passive if life has made him so defensive and confrontational?

Politics!!! Politics. Okay, so I STRONGLY believe that every character needs to have politics filled out. As an absolute baseline, I would recommend rating your characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. This is a cool vehicle to show how open your characters are to change! And if Astragon is going to be a leader, and the thing he's leading is a country, or a rebellion, or a movement, I would REALLY encourage you to delve more into the politics there. It's actually really fun!

History is pretty solid (and I'm including the Notes info here). There is just one point that's kind of sticky. Vladimir is PRETTY CLEARLY THE WORST, but his first introduction doesn't carry that vibe. He hides his girlfriend (??) and child. He kills her when drunk (still VERYYYYY bad, but slightly less so). The idea of hiding his son hints that he cares for him. So why does he go full Evil Dad and start torturing him to make him strong?

And that is all I can offer you!!! Astragon is a very interesting character premise who just needs a touch more of his inner self exposed to be amazing! Thank you for coming by the thread–please come back whenever!! And for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

All right, party time, @Kinarymo!! Top down on Tanis…

(I jumped ahead and skimmed backstory for the nickname you use since BOY am I a lazy typist)

Okay! So, Tanis is obviously very young, which means I don't expect his personality to be shaped by the forces at work in his life. He's little, he's naive, that's okay! But I don't feel like I know a lot about Tanis from this page. He seems like a nice kid, based on his willingness to act as emotional support and his kind nature. But huge swaths of this page are built off his sister. Motivations - his sister. Prejudice - sister. Flaws - sister. She's even integral to his personality type. And that's all well and good, except Tanis is labeled as a main character. Here, I see more of a support for his sister, the real MC. If Tanis truly is a main character, I would urge you to build more blindspots, flaws, motives, etc. that don't revolve around his sister at all. She can still be his priority, but most of us have little dashes of selfishness mixed in with our caring for others. Where is this for Tanis?

Other than that, there's only one little thing of note. He's described as naive, but the information under prejudices confuses that somewhat. He USED to believe the world was all wonderful. Now, he doesn't. What happened there? And HOW did it leave him some naïveté? I can understand how he would be careless sometimes, but to maintain true levels of naïveté, he would probably also have to maintain a rose-colored-glasses view of the world.

Not going to rag on politics because this is an eleven-year-old kid! (but i am TEMPTED)

(OKAY WAIT. wait. WAIT. wait. I fully believed Narion was he/him. Did I just go illiterate when I critiqued Narion? What is going on here)

Backstory is just fine, but again, it's all based around his sister. There's a touch at the beginning about his ambitions in fighting and becoming a spy–I wish there was more of that in Nature! It's just another origin point for traits, which is SO important. Right now, with this backstory, Tanis is basically defined by Narion (at least on this page) which is not ideal. I would recommend going for multiple trait origin points and making sure that Tanis has his own goals and interests outside of his sister, even if she takes priority.

(oh!!! OH!!!! this is the elf friend!! that's so cool! I remember this!! Still go for more traits, don't disregard everything I said before, he should still be able to stand alone, but that's really cool!)

And that is all I can offer you tonight!! Tanis is a solid backbone of a character, and once he can stand alone, without his sister propping him up, I have no doubt he will be incredible. As always, thank you for coming by and I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll :D

(yea tis fine, no one calls him by his full name in the whole story, so dont worry XD)

Of all characters, Tanis is kinda meant to be the main MC, although all of them are mains and ever since i went on a detailing spree, the main cast is kinda bland compared to the villains now :")))) At this point, the main characters are metaphors of the various sides of me. The four horsemen of Kina's messy personality :D Tanis is basically the less problematic of the other 3, who are a bit less ideal and have more issues, or in other words he's the facade personality masking the other personalities (yes hello, this is Tanis typing, how are u today? :D). There, now u know what my mains are based on @-@

But now that that's done, i will make a mental note to add more depth to Tanis ^^ His view of the world changed through the story, i didnt specify what changed it since its something that happens later, but now reading it again it sounds a bit weird so imma make sure to explain things here. Politics wise, Tanis knows as much politics as i do - next to zero, and im fkn 19 xd

(Nop, ur not illiterate. Narion is a Morphidae, you know that, and general pronouns are kinda 'they/them' cuz they have no real gender. The reason why Narion is a 'he' in their personal profile but a 'she' in Tanis' profile is because Tanis' family perceived them as female and thus stuck with that, while Narion is considered male by their own kin. They're a child, a very smol one, so gender wise no one's opinion is right or wrong - until they hit maturity and gain the gender distinctive characteristics Narion will just keep juggling with their pronouns)

Mmm, ye, his story needs more juice, poor boi's a sock puppet rn. One reason Tanis is there just for Narion's support is cuz irl that's what's going on: the happy facade is keeping the big sad in check. But eyy this aint irl, the boy still needs his own build :D (esp with that plot point there, he's a frikin reincarnation of someone else, he's gotta have more depth)

Thx for the overlook, it really made me realize how flawed he is atm :"))

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You pointed out a lot of loose ends and flaws. I have written down all your questions and will work on filling them out tonight! Again I am in your debt.
Thanks!

Okay, everyone, here we go!! It's break night, so no critiques tonight, but I will be rounding up just to keep my thread (and thoughts) in order.

Tonight - I rest!

Tomorrow, it's time for @Kebs and @kingnocedas!!

Then on the 23rd, critiques go out to @kingnocedas and @Icefire!!

24th, first spot is also for @kingnocedas!!

@Kinarymo - The idea of a facade personality is awesome!! I am very excited to learn more about what exactly he's masking. And I think we all base characters off little parts of ourselves (at the very least, I certainly do). But in any case, I'm glad you enjoyed my notes!! :DDD

@Stone_King_2931 - Oh I'm so happy you liked it!!! You certainly aren't in my debt, but thank you for taking my advice to heart!!! Hope to see you around again soon! :D

Pls check out dis messy pile of mine? :'D

Hi! I have a new character I would love you to critique. He's not completely fleshed out yet and I would really like some advice on his backstory. Unfortunately, I can not for the life of me link a character ( I tried the @ trick but it just gives me a list of actual people on this site ) so just look on my profile as he's one of the only characters I have made public. His name is Zane btw. This is actually my first critique so, show no mercy! And of course no rush :)

If you go to your character's profile, and find the red edit button, the pencil? Right at the top. Don't click it, but look at the button farthest from it, kinda a triangle thing. Click that,, then just copy/paste the link into this thread <3
Hope that helps!

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL GOING STRONG WITH THIS!? you're literally so great with your critques and your energy is so great!
I've had some insecurities with Abel given that allegation and actually made me think about how that moment in his history affects his mentality and his love of art came into his life. I seemed to completely just forget that everyone starts somewhere. HECK EVEN ME AND I DRAW LOL started off with anime and gradually just said " hey wanna get better at this bc i love it and it makes me happy" yk? but thanks so much for pointing out the obvious and even the hidden stuff
now i bring you his best friend, hopefully it's a little more merciful with the religion/politics part since you go hard on that with every of I've given you hahaha

Hello, everyone!!! My break night was wonderful and much-needed, but I am back and completely ready to critique!! Here's tonight's round-up:

Tonight's critiques are for @Kebs and @kingnocedas!!

Tomorrow, it's time for @kingnocedas and @Icefire!

Day after that (the 24th) critiques go out to @kingnocedas and @AloeVera!!

And then on the 25th, they're for @/ Kitty Writes and @/ Destinee (thank you!!! I really love doing this, it's so fulfilling and fun!! :D)

Oh no!!! @Kebs - your character is private! To fix this, go to the icon on your character's page near the editing pencil (it's three dots joined in a nearly-finished triangle). Make sure the your character is set to public before copy-pasting the link!!

If the link isn't here when I finish critiquing for @kingnocedas, that's okay! I will bump up @Icefire tonight and you'll have first dibs on that spot for tomorrow. I'll keep rearranging for a couple days, but if you decide not to swing by at that time, I'll have to put you back at the bottom of the lineup for the sake of my mental organization. I hope to meet your character soon! :D

( @AloeVera - thank you!!! I try not to–it was indeed quite a nice evening, and thanks for your compassion! :D )

That means we're starting tonight off with @kingnocedas!! Top down on Kacey…

(first off – is that your art???????? your art??? that's some good art!!!! i like that art!!!)

First impressions that I get from the Nature page is that this is a little sparse. I don't feel like I know Kacey well at all, and the most telling part of this page is the flaws section. Although you should obviously be giving each character plenty of believable flaws, without a handful of positive traits to balance them out, your character will come across as an unlikeable person. I feel like she IS a good person, based on the 'protag' label, but that's not shining through. There are a couple positives tossed in (idealist, helper) but they're not explained extensively, and can also lead to contradictions.

Biggest issue is with 'helper.' The vast majority of Kacey's flaws (and even her primary motivation of 'herself') are contradictory to this. Kacey is aggressive, prone to jealousy, rude, and ambitious. She seems more like the kind of person that would step on those around her to move up in the world. If that isn't true, you need to explain how she pushes down her 'step on people' flaws and helps those around her. Or do those flaws only spike at certain times? These things CAN coexist, but you have to explain them carefully so they aren't clashing so obviously.

Then let's discuss prejudices. I'm a touch confused–are these PREJUDICES prejudices or just dislikes? Does she dislike her shortness, mixed heritage, and femininity? Or does she look down on people of mixed race and see women as lesser? Because the first set is dislikes. The second is prejudices. Now, Kacey can HAVE all those prejudices, perhaps ingrained from her upbringing. Whether or not she recognizes and works against them is up to you. But make sure you're giving Kacey real, deep, ingrained prejudices, because they're vital when considered in conjunction with backstory.

Backstory is sparse. I know you're aware of that, since it says 'to be filled,' but I really want to stress that Kacey, as an MC, needs a TON more. You need strong backstory roots for her personality, especially her flaws, prejudices, and motives. Right now, I understand where her ambition comes from, and little else. Where did her rudeness arise from? Why does she house self-loathing? Where did her aggression come from if she's constantly trying to please her parents? Consider these questions, and honestly, "Where did ___ come from?" with almost any major personality trait. It doesn't have to be a laundry list, but who she IS should be swirling around in your mind as you examine how she got there.

And that, my dear, is all I can offer you!!! I hope this is a good intro to the thread! I can tell Kacey is an excellent character, based on details put into specific fields, but for me to really get a sense of that, more detail is needed. But for now, I hope that these notes can help you!! :DDD

Okay! @Kebs, looks like you're on for tomorrow night! It's @Icefire's turn. Top down on Richard…

(did you draw that???? that's some cute art!!!!!)

So! I get this first impression from a lot of characters, and Richard is no exception: a little sparse. I don't feel like I know much about Richard from his nature. Most apparent is his public persona (strategy, upper-class mannerisms, wants to reclaim the crown). I feel like you need a lot more about his more personal self. Does he have friends? Family? S/O? I would encourage you to go into more detail about how his personality changes around them, when he's more relaxed. Right now, there aren't a ton of contradictions, but that's just because there's not a lot of meat here.

I do notice one thing–his planning versus his flaws. Richard is very much a long-game guy, who plots out events well before they happen. So why is he overconfident on the abilities of the people around him? If anything, I would expect him to be 'distrustful' of the people around him (not really DISTRUSTFUL, but like… the kid who does all the work in a group project because they're scared the others will mess it up). At the very least, it doesn't make too much since that he would be overly reliant on the abilities of the people around him… until, perhaps, he trusts them TOO much and begins banking on their powers/abilities to an extreme degree. That's something you can play around with, but whatever direction you decide to go will require some more explanation.

Politics!! I love doing the politics rant!! Okay, so I do this so much because I basically believe politics should be a Nature field. It has huge weight on personality and can be used as a vehicle to show how receptive the character is to both change and the establishment if you play it right. As a baseline, I like to rate all my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. This is great because it works for even the most apolitical of characters. But for an heir apparent, I would also encourage you to dig deeper into Richard's political stances on issues like poverty, the power of the Church, foreign relations, etc., etc.

(sidebar here: I googled Medeis madness because I thought it might be a 1400s name for something and I got "Medeis mask" and was like, ''oh, cool, like Greek theater masks!" nope. wrong. medical masks. I was NOT expecting that since this sounds like PEAK high fantasy/Greek theater language and then… out of the blue… medical masks)

Backstory is also pretty sparse. I understand the baseline of where Richard comes from, but not a whole lot about how he became himself. How did his desire for revenge grow? Where did he learn his skills of strategy? Why does he hate the house of York with such passion? Details like this that provide origin for personality traits are key in backstory, and I would love to see more of them.

And that is all I can offer you tonight!! Richard is a strong character foundation who just needs a bit more detail to shine. Come back for a round 2 sometime, or even with another character to introduce!! But for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

:O thank you so much! @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull

No problem! :D Glad to be of service <3

Okay! @Kebs, looks like you're on for tomorrow night! It's @Icefire's turn. Top down on Richard…

(did you draw that???? that's some cute art!!!!!)

Haha nope, it's a picrew of him! I wish I could draw that good

So! I get this first impression from a lot of characters, and Richard is no exception: a little sparse. I don't feel like I know much about Richard from his nature. Most apparent is his public persona (strategy, upper-class mannerisms, wants to reclaim the crown). I feel like you need a lot more about his more personal self. Does he have friends? Family? S/O? I would encourage you to go into more detail about how his personality changes around them, when he's more relaxed. Right now, there aren't a ton of contradictions, but that's just because there's not a lot of meat here.

djfsg alright! I'll definitely work on that

I do notice one thing–his planning versus his flaws. Richard is very much a long-game guy, who plots out events well before they happen. So why is he overconfident on the abilities of the people around him? If anything, I would expect him to be 'distrustful' of the people around him (not really DISTRUSTFUL, but like… the kid who does all the work in a group project because they're scared the others will mess it up). At the very least, it doesn't make too much since that he would be overly reliant on the abilities of the people around him… until, perhaps, he trusts them TOO much and begins banking on their powers/abilities to an extreme degree. That's something you can play around with, but whatever direction you decide to go will require some more explanation.

I was thinking that like he's a little overconfident in their abilities because he knows he could do it, so he's like "they can do it too" and then it turns out they can't and he's like "What the fuck". But thank you! I'll definitely keep that in mind

Politics!! I love doing the politics rant!! Okay, so I do this so much because I basically believe politics should be a Nature field. It has huge weight on personality and can be used as a vehicle to show how receptive the character is to both change and the establishment if you play it right. As a baseline, I like to rate all my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. This is great because it works for even the most apolitical of characters. But for an heir apparent, I would also encourage you to dig deeper into Richard's political stances on issues like poverty, the power of the Church, foreign relations, etc., etc.

Okay yeah, I really should dig into his politics, especially since he's wanting to be king and all

(sidebar here: I googled Medeis madness because I thought it might be a 1400s name for something and I got "Medeis mask" and was like, ''oh, cool, like Greek theater masks!" nope. wrong. medical masks. I was NOT expecting that since this sounds like PEAK high fantasy/Greek theater language and then… out of the blue… medical masks)

(OH okay so "Medeis Madness" is my own term, not medical masks lmao. So the magic system I came up with, at least the part that's pertinent to this, can inflict madness. Basically, some objects absorb magic, and this absorbed magic can often have the side effect of driving those not strong enough to handle it insane. Richard's brother died of it, and Richard is doing his best to hide that it has inflicted itself on him)

Backstory is also pretty sparse. I understand the baseline of where Richard comes from, but not a whole lot about how he became himself. How did his desire for revenge grow? Where did he learn his skills of strategy? Why does he hate the house of York with such passion? Details like this that provide origin for personality traits are key in backstory, and I would love to see more of them.

Will definitely work on fleshing that out some more!

And that is all I can offer you tonight!! Richard is a strong character foundation who just needs a bit more detail to shine. Come back for a round 2 sometime, or even with another character to introduce!! But for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

:D Thank you so much!!

Hello everyone!! Time to round up for the evening…

Tonight's critiques are for @kingnocedas and @AloeVera!

Tomorrow, hopefully @Kebs gets a spot with an updated link, but if not, it'll be time for @kingnocedas and @/ Kitty Writes!

Day after that (the 25th) first slot is for @/ Destinee!

@kingnocedas - I'm glad you liked it!!!! If you want a round 2, I will have to ask you to re-upload a link in another post. If the thread were less busy, I'd just hop on and do it, but alas, it's packed at the moment. And I've never heard of picrew!! Is it like… fun?

@Icefire - again with the picrew!! Is it THAT fun? But that aside, I'm glad you liked my notes! And Medeis Madness–I only looked it up in the first place because I FULLY believed it was a 1400s term. So great job there!! :D

@Icefire - again with the picrew!! Is it THAT fun? But that aside, I'm glad you liked my notes! And Medeis Madness–I only looked it up in the first place because I FULLY believed it was a 1400s term. So great job there!! :D

Dude Picrew is awesome, especially for visualizing characters! :D yeah thanks! :O that's great! Tells me I'm doing something right lmao. Thanks again!

All right, @kingnocedas, let's do this! Tonight it's Nabila's turn! Top down…

So I will try not to repeat myself too much here, but a couple of my general notes on Kacey carry over to Nabila. The sparseness of her sheet, predominance of her flaws, and confusing nature of her prejudices all also apply here. I won't type the whole thing out again, but just be aware of that!! I'm pretty sure that it's just how you do your sheets, which is totally fine if it works for you!! Don't change on my account if you don't want to. But I can probably offer a better critique with more information–that's the only reason you might consider expansion.

Much like with Kacey, there aren't a lot of overt contradictions (partially because this is a good character foundation and partially because of the sparseness) but there is one thread I'll pick at a little. Nabila's goal is to become a leader, but although she has force of personality, her flaws seem contradictory to this goal. She'll be able to hold power, I'm sure, but people probably won't LIKE her as a leader since she's condescending and selfish. And a snarky, selfish debater archetype is a good leader, but not a good LEADER, if that makes any sense.

With backstory, it's pretty much the same critique as with Kacey. If she had such a generally stable life, which is all that I'm made aware of here, how did she become selfish, condescending, and motivated to lead? The most usual route I see for characters with those traits is a backstory where they were constantly looked over, second best, never on top. It doesn't have to be that, but you get what I mean–Nabila needs an origin point for her traits. As a deuteragonist, you don't need as many trait origins as with an MC, but I would still encourage you to dig deeper into where her traits come from!

(She converted to Islam!! That's a religious and spiritual journey, and it could've been hard depending on her parents, friends, school environment, etc.! build on that!!)

And that's all I have for you!!! I'm so sorry that this is basically a repeat of Kacey's, but alas, notes are notes and they must be said, no matter how redundant. I guess I would recommend that you actually focus on your third character before tomorrow night, so I can offer the best critique possible!! But that's completely up to you. And I'm digressing here–I hope that these notes are helpful to you, and see you tomorrow!! :DDD

All righty, on to @AloeVera!! Top down on Jean…

(oh my GOD that's your art??? that's amazing!!!!! and even a gif!!! god DAMN–)

i–you listed out his entire class schedule for 4 years. this is going to be the hardest critique ever isn't it

holy GOD this is a well-done personality. Good lord. At the first read-through, I've got absolutely NOTHING, but give me a second–I will find at least one thread to tug!

I actually ended up finding a couple small things while frantically digging through the 'additional questions' section!! The fact that you have one of those is SUCH a testament to this character, and let me tell you, these are tiny, nit-picky issues. First up is a slightly bigger fish–the emotional attachment thing. Reading through nature, I was under the impression that Jean is character who is capable of emotional attachment, albeit rarely. But by saying that Jean couldn't care if Anubis left, all of that depth makes little to no sense. The one example of his rare emotional openness means nothing to him? It's just confusing and merits further explanation.

Second is this idea of preferring things to be out in the open and dealing with issues head-on. This is highly confusing given what we've covered in nature and other Q and A's - Jean bottles up his emotions, doesn't have healthy forms of release, stifles his PTSD, all that. So clearly, getting issues in the open isn't a priority for him. I don't know how you would explain this one exactly, but just know that it is VERY confusing to paint this mess of bad coping methods as a straightforward guy.

holy MOTHER OF GOD this is an RP character???? jesus CHRIST I assumed this was your main project my god man (although I guess to be fair my main project was originally an RP character so that's neat)

Backstory!! I do have one thing, and it's literally SO TINY I don't even know why I'm bothering. The gas pipe break!! The gas pipe break. Was Jean already a handyman? Was he just a wildly overqualified millennial? How did he find the gas pipe in his parents' house so easily? And how did the resulting fire/explosion not kill him, assuming he was right next to the gas-filled pipe at the time?

And that, my dear, is all I can offer you!! Jean is one of the most mind-blowingly well-developed characters I have EVER had the pleasure of meeting, so thank you for that!!! I'm so sorry I couldn't offer more! But in any case, I hope that these notes help you!! :DD

She's not done yet, VERY not done, but I figure you've got enough of a list going that she'll be a lot closer by the time you get around, so no rush xD I'm just too excited about her NOT to share <3 Thanks! Cannot WAIT to see what advice you have!