when you also kind of have a question for eris but it's just some dumb deep shit because she's old

Bring it Blue

<3
I mean…
This is so cliche but
Does it get better?

I mean, really?
Life, I mean.
Because I've always been told you just have to wait until you're older and everything will be okay. But I'm getting older and it doesn't seem to be like that at all.

I mean this in the most sincere way possible. I'm not bullshitting or nothing. I swear on my deities and my very life.

It does.

It 100% does get better.

I was in a really, really shit place right after high school and all through out college (all three times). It really seemed like the world was out to get me and I couldn't do anything right. My parents hated me, my extended family wouldn't help, my friends were toxic as shit, and I couldn't find a way out of that deep fucking hole that I dug myself into. Everything was taken from me. Literally. I had no money, I was homeless, my parents kicked me out (of the fucking state of california), and the only place I had left to go was the home of someone who had been emotionally abusing me since I was in diapers. My biological father.
It was the worst blow I had ever taken. And I was miserable. I developed an eating disorder and lost so much weight it was terrifying, my depression spiked and well it was just shit.
But
My StepMother saved my life. I adore this woman. She was the only one that noticed what was happening and took me under her wing. She brought me back out of everything. But not in the way you might think. Sure she got me my meds and took me to my therapist appointments, but she made me do so much more on my own. It was a gradual feeling, but it was like waking up and realizing that I had so much more to me. That I was the one giving up, that everyone else was reacting to me over how I reacted to myself. I couldn't hate or belittle myself anymore, I had to build myself up because there was no one else but me.
My StepMother stood by to support me while I struggled my way through school, while I got my first job, while I went through boy after boy after girl after girl. She stood by my side while I made myself strong.
Once everyone started seeing that I was fighting for what I wanted, they fell right into place.
I wouldnt take no for an answer. I fought my way through everything just because I knew that I wanted to make myself smile again.

And I did.

It took years–hell I'm 25 now and moved states for a banging career because I fought for it–and I'm still working on it. But now I'm trying to keep smiling now.

Its not about having a dream to get better and hope that life will supply to your demand. Its about taking life by the fucking balls and telling it to give you what you want.

You (all of you) are just now starting this journey and it fucking sucks, but I promise that if you look at yourself for even a second in the mirror and go "Bitch, we gonna fuck shit up." Then you will. Even when you feel you've hit rock bottom, you just go "Nah, this aint it. Fuck this." Dust yourself off and keep going because you are going to be the only one that is strong enough for you. Sometimes you gotta be your own coach.

Remember: (This is my saying for everyone the best advice Ive ever given)

No one is born a king, the become king.

And to us writers that's usually a 4 to 6 book series. You are all on book one. Time to move past this shit chapter yea? Turn the goddamn page.

excuse me while I answer everyone's reqs

lol

Eris I have a question

Come at me. :)

Also, Eris, I’d like to request some wisdom, if I may.

Wassssssssssssssssssssssssssup?

ERIS

that was amazing

thank you

that was oddly something I needed to hear idk

It’s very hopeful

(it’s on the previous page)

eris what's the best cake and how do i bake it

German Chocolate!

Food & Wine magazine (Any Chef's Bible) has a fantastic and easy recipe for those just starting out baking. By far the best recipe that I've encountered as well–other than me tweaking it for myself.

Here's a link!
https://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/german-chocolate-cake-ali-larter

eris is it true that most doctors will only be willing to surgically remove the uterus/everything else in that area from someone once they’re over the age of 30 and are there ways to legally get around it
for scientific research purposes of course

Unfortunately.
If there is a medical reason that it has to be removed, then they will do it. Other than that I think you have to get a court order in some states, or get counselling? It really depends on the region.

Insurance wont cover it if it's elective.

WAIT
IM STILL RESPONDING HANG ON

How long have Eris and Jay been together?

Yep! Just about three years.
I didnt start talking about him right away because idk even a year in I was still a little wobbly about our relationship. (shrug)

I still ask him all the time if he likes me, likes me.

He always says yes

eris what's the best cake and how do i bake it

German Chocolate!

Food & Wine magazine (Any Chef's Bible) has a fantastic and easy recipe for those just starting out baking. By far the best recipe that I've encountered as well–other than me tweaking it for myself.

Here's a link!
https://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/german-chocolate-cake-ali-larter

i'm not all that new to baking but easy recipes are the best, thank you! i'll have to make this soon!!

Ok I guess this is a group question, and it’s sort of open for debate, and my apathetic head that has been on a spree of ruining my dreams is screaming the answer, but I want to know what you guys think.

Is it possible to find “the love of your life” in high school? Could you carry that relationship till the ends of the earth?

Totally.
I think these kinds of relationships take a lot more work and commitment than other do, mostly because as a teenager growing into an adult you change so goddamn much and that can be super jarring to the other person in the relationship. But to think about it as two people growing separately, spells disaster. Its all about growing together and making sure that the honesty, love and commitment is still there. If anything changes then it needs to be addressed before it festers and becomes something that no one wanted.

A soulmate is someone that you craft for yourself after years of commitment and trials and love and joy and sorrow and honesty together. They don't come premade.

ERIS

that was amazing

thank you

that was oddly something I needed to hear idk

It’s very hopeful

Late night eris is oddly philosophical. aheh XD

Geez Eris you're gonna make me cry
But you've also given me the motivation I need to finish this assignment and to not be so stressed out about how the next four years of my life are gonna go so thank you

Fuck shit up lil sis ♥♥♥

Eris I have a question

Come at me. :)

Ah my question was originally how long have you and Jay been together but Miriam answered with 3 years.
I was curious because being in a relationship for more than a year pretty much shows that it could potentially last a very long time.
You’re on your 3rd year, I’m on my 5th, and I was wondering if you ever have moments when you kind of miss what it was like being single?
Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my boyfriend. We’ve been together through thick and thin, and I know for a fact that without him I wouldn’t be able to manage. But is it normal to think about what it was like being single? Or am I just a bad partner?

I do actually. It's not really an intentional feeling–it's more like a "well damn" kinda of feeling. Mostly when I feel really overwhelmed by things happening in life (not even things with Jay) I just kinda get into that mentality of "if I were single then….blah blah blah"

It doesnt mean you're a bad partner, not at all.

For me, I think of it as something that I need to grow on within my relationship with Jay. Those things that make me wish I was still single, or make me remember my single days, I turn into something I need to grow on as a partner.

For example: My anxiety. I'm lucky that I dont have bad attacks anymore, but when Jay and I first started dating they could be quiet debilitating. I would cry and scream and shake and shut down completely and it terrified the both of us, but the worst thing is that I couldn't convey how I was feeling to Jay and it didn't feel fair for him to have to go through that with me which made me wish/think back to my single days because it was easier to deal with.
Of course this wasn't healthy for us, so Jay decided to come to a therapy appointment with me one day just to observe and hear what I had to say blah blah blah and then we both decided on ways that he could help me communicate through my attacks. And it helped. It worked.
I figured that they times I wished/thought about being single, were the times that I needed to be strong enough to open up about how things were in my relationship. Those things were blocking us.

If you're happy you want to stay happy.

Other than that big long winded shit………………………….

It's totally normal to think about being single sometimes.

Eris I have a super important and thought-provoking question

.
.
.

Do you like my new pfp

😍

Yis

Late night Ella is just Ella but in lowercase

and Late Night Emi is constant and doesn’t change that much lmao

oh i forgot about super late night Ella
Ella but when i’m still half-asleep
She’s only escaped to the forums like three times but she doesn’t ever sound like herself, tends to ramble about dinosaurs making her angry or something, spelling relies entirely on autocorrect so random capitalization and mixed up words are frequent, doesn’t know when to stop with details, and i’m always severely embarrassed by everything she says once i fully wake up

She’s very commonly found in my dream journal though