Forum game: Make a wish!

Granted, because mankind is extinct
I wish my sandwich wasn't completely smushed

Granted, except now it's too big to eat
I wish I had more control over my life

Granted, but you make all the wrong decisions
I wish I wouldn't hurt anymore

Granted, but they would all hurt you
I wish that I was God

Granted, but nobody believes in or worships you
I wish I wasn't so heckin ugly

Granted. But no one notices you
I wish I was triggered a lot.

Granted, but since that's how you act all the time no one cares or realises it
I wish I didn't exist

Granted. (I don't exactly have anything to corrupt that, so I'll let you unexist in peace.)
I wish people wouldn't hate me

Granted. All animals hate you.
I wish I could turn 18 faster.

Granted, but you will always age faster
I wish that donuts were healthy

Granted, but you can't eat them
I wish I could get a cartilage piercing in my ear

Granted, but you can't put any jewelry in it
I wish I was actually paying attention in class right now

Granted, but you can't eat them
I wish I could get a cartilage piercing in my ear

Granted, but now your ear has fallen off
I wish that all wishes could be granted without strings attached

Granted. Every wish ever made has suddenly been granted. The world falls apart.

Granted, but you can't eat them
I wish I could get a cartilage piercing in my ear

Granted, but now your ear has fallen off

(…Oh jeez)

I wish I could run faster than Usain Bolt

I wish I could run faster than Usain Bolt

Granted, but now there's no need for running
I wish that I couldn't wish for anything

Granted, I will now corrupt everything that you don't wish for
I wish I could turn invisible

Granted, now the common cold is deadly
I wish that I could crunch numbers in a matter of seconds

(?)
Granted, in a matter of a thousand seconds
I wish cancer didn't exist

Granted. All cancer-causing chemicals now cause instant death.
I wish I had better floors in my house

Granted, you walk on the ceiling instead
I wish I could hide and nobody would care

Granted, you walk on the ceiling instead
I wish I could hide and nobody would care

Granted, but now you care
I wish that I couldn't talk

Granted, you can't talk to anyone, including Notebook.ai
I wish people were nicer to me and my friends

(I'm sorry. That's always tough.)
Granted, they remain sick for the rest of their life
I wish I weren't hungry

Granted, but you can't focus on anything and keep switching what you're doing, therefore making it longer.
I wish tomorrow could come faster.

Granted, you are very productive with cleaning bathrooms and taking out trash
I wish I were really good at math

Granted. But you never experience anything
I wish my girlfriend was more honest with me.