Imagine you're fighting with Joe Biden and you say you'll steal his kneecaps but he just shouts "jokes on you I have five extra knees" and then boss music starts playing
Out of Context
"My story: pregnant at 9."
Youtube be like
"in between where two legs meet up? there's one butt. spiders have 8 legs, thus 7 places where they meet. conclusion: spiders are dummy thicc"
"Holy shit, you're right."
"This is the same girl who showed up and stole a van to go to a bar. So why are they surprised??"
This making me think of facts of life
group
(I just realized that like, any tweet from the MFM Out of Context twitter could work here lmao)
"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit."
" Wisdom is not putting it in a salad. "
"Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie."
"Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a smoothie you nasty!"
"I will have no hand in this man's death…If anything I'll have two hands and a foot."
I raise no hands but both feet.
"i'll blow those bubbles harder than i blew your mom"
Spoiler - click to show.
Spoiler - click to show.
Spoiler - click to show.
Spoiler - click to show.
Spoiler - click to show.
None of these are better in context btw
I just need to save them to use against my friend next time he tries to start a conversation this fcking cursed
I want die
Ella, I-
:{
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ella what the actual-
it was like two am and my friends were getting a little too tired
I had no say in this
It was not a conversation I ever wanted to hear but somehow me asking what time we’ll be going bowling next week ended up like this
"Where's the bleach."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, where is the bleach."
"I hid it."
"Why?"
"So you can't find it."
"Why? You know I can't die."
"I don't care. You've been trying to kill yourself every other day now."
"But I have a reason this time."
group
"We'll try mineral oil. Made from minerals."
"What else would it be made from?"
"Babies."
(That’s baby oil.)
“It’s in two months! I can do what I want with your face.”
Hello i am ella's friend i ate the whale semen
Hello i am ella's friend i ate the whale semen
but why tho
also, how did you even come to acquire whale semen?
The ocean
(Congratulations On making me laugh.)
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"The two universal anime eyes rules: The smaller the pupils, the more serious the situation, and the lighter the irises, the deader the character."
"And make sure they're not holding any of your internal organs before you attack them, just a rule of thumb."