Tell Me Stuff You Heard High/Middle School Students Say!

Context: 2 freshman girls who thought they were all that were blocking the entrance to the cafeteria
"OH MY GOD, IF YOU TWO DON'T FUCKING MOVE TO LET ME GET MY DAMN CHICKEN NUGGETS, I'M GONNA THROW A TACO KIT AT YOU"

"You can't buy a negative number of hats."
"If you buy negative hats, they go to your house and steal your hats."
"That sounds like a John Mulaney sketch."
"They break into your house with guns, ransack the place and take your hats."
"Imagine this: You order negative hats as a joke, then one day when you've forgotten about it, you get home, and your house is in disarray, you call the cops and all they can find missing is your hats. There's a wad of cash in the middle of the dining room table, as payment for the hats."

"Early to bed, early to rise, ben franklin is the owner of my eyes."

"I accidentally bought 2 copies of the communist manifesto, who wants one?"

screeched out the window
"Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead!"

"What does 'motley' mean?"
"Uh… adult children?"

"It's October, stop singing Christmas songs! Sing a Halloween song!"
"Uh… row, row, row, your boat-"

"Bring up the CATS movie again and I'll take your kneecaps"

"Can y'all stop doing tiktok dances during the inauguration?"

"Bring up the CATS movie again and I'll take your kneecaps"

I've seen it twice.

my high school has an "overheard" instagram account. here are some highlights (it was very hard to pick just a few).

-"in this instance Garfield is Jesus"

-in Spanish class "how do you say fetus?"

-"you stink like eggs, weasel boy" (my friend said this at lunch!!)

-"I was not born, I was hatched in a field"

-looking at someone's ID "clock tower lookin headass" (one of my friends also said this! for context we have a big clock tower at the front of our school)

-"fine I'll be thrown off the clock tower"

-"I just hit that bee. it's dead. I am a god amongst men."

-"I ate a raw egg in class today"

-"mangoes are just adult bananas"

I have accomplished nothing but making myself nostalgic for my chaotic mess of a high school.

"He's an asshole, but he's successful because he's intrinsically motivated, and the other is also an asshole, but since he's extrinsically motivated, he's also a murderer." (on hamilton and burr)

"So that's why you were talking about Robin Williams. He's more adorable than I remembered."

"Those mice are gay!!!"

*cue Pinky and The Brain theme song

Here's some of the shenanigans from my 5th Period Spanish Class: (Profe is my Spanish teacher. He doesn't like Mr. so he tells us to call him Profe)

Profe: "Okay so you all know the new mask rule. If someone has direct contact with corona and if you were sitting next to them, but you were wearing your mask, you wouldn't get quarantined. For example, MJ let's say you got quarantined for some reason… I don't know why did you get quarantined MJ?"
Me, without hesitation: "I'm a hazard to society."
Profe, trying not to laugh: "You're a hazard to society?"

Profe: "So today we're going to look over what demonstrative adjectives in Spanish are today."
Whole Class. "K cool."
Profe: "[student #1]! What is an adjective?"
#1: "Uh…"
Profe: "What is an adjective?"
#1: "Hold on, gimme a second…"
Profe: "You're in 9th grade and you don't know what an adjective is."
#1: "No, no! I do, I swear… It's uh… It's a person, place or thing right?"
Profe: [sighs and goes behind projector screen to bang his head against the wall]

"I mean, the house is nice, but it could be bett- Is that a model sailboat?"
"Yeah?"
"Let's move in."

"You smell worse than axe body spray right now"

"NO MY CHICKIE NUGGIES"

Okay- some context: We're having a valentine's day pep assembly right now and we had a couple's game where they got six couples (one of them a 'bromance' but I'm not entirely convinced that it's platonic) and the couples answered a bunch of questions and stuff.

-
Our ASB vice pres: So, uh who wears the pants in the relationship? I'll give you 6 seconds.
Vice pres: … Alright let's start over here.
Vice pres: (goes down the line and asks all the straight couples)
Vice pres: Alright Chet (not his real name for privacy), who wears the pants in your bromace?
Chet: We don't wear pants.
Vice pres: …
Whole school: [dying laughing]
Vice pres: Okay Bob?
Bob: I can confirm that we don't wear pants.

(God why am I getting Himbo energy from Chet and Bob)

(a;sldkfj I couldn't stop laughing when it happened. Chet and Bob are slowly taking the b out of bromance)

"Did you just put murder and dog food on the same level?"