Tell Me Stuff You Heard High/Middle School Students Say!
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"I received an email from one of my quarantined students titled 'They got me.'" -My calculus teacher
"It's positive pants Wednesday and I got a shirt to go with them!" -also my calc teacher
It's worth noting that she has declared "it" a curse word and refers to corona germs as cooties. I adore her.
"He's the LeBron James of the army." -My english teacher about Macbeth
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I love your teachers
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"I'm MJ and I have a collection of explosives."
The crackhead band kid sitting next to me "oh my god are you the quiet kid?"
"I have no idea what I'm doing and at this point I'm questioning everything" - my sophomore English teacher
"I like my freckles."
"I like my nose."
"I like my hair."
"I have a nice personality."
'i just have a sudden urge to put stuff on my head'
'i hate most gay people, actually- most gay people are alright- actually, i think im gay.'
'i want to spit on you'
'lets go play nutball! its where you throw things at each others' nuts!'
'i fucking hate gay people, they're so annoying…'
btw all the gay comments come from one of my gayyest friends ahhaha
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"Uh my name is (name). And uh one thing about me is that I love Taco Bell. Especially the (food) i forgot what he said. It's like Jesus in a burrito…" Trails off with a distant look in his eyes and pretends to eat a burrito.
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"I had a hamster once! I think- he's still in our freezer, oh my God."
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Spanish teacher: "Where were you guys when that earthquake hit a few months ago?"
Student 1: "I was on my bed fixing something on the shelf above it, it was weird."
Student 2: "I was driving so I didn't even feel it."
Student 3: "I was using the bathroom."
Whole class: "oof."
"So, you take some macaroni noodles and put 'em in a bowl. Then, you take a spaghetti noodle and put it in the bowl, and it's an impasta! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" - my friend at lunch
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"Okay, raise your hand if you think I'm sane."
"What does that mean?"
"Not insane."
"Oh."
[No hands are raised]
"Good. You guys are getting the right impression, because I am off my rocker."
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So my family had our pictures taken for our New Year's card, we just got back, and here are some highlights:
Whispered to my brother while we're all smiling "I hope you die in a fire."
Sitting in a tree "I'll push you off, and your head will smash open and your brain will leak out. They'll think it was an accident."
After my mom calls me funny for my dark humor "Oh yeah, I'm real funny. Everybody else on death row will find me hilarious in twenty years."
Me, ten feet up in a tree after being told I have to take pictures with my parents "No more pictures, or the scarf gets it!"
Being forced to be close to my family "When will I be freed from this prison?"
All of these were on the way back from the park:
"It's a waste of money. Eleven whole dollars? Spend that on ramen instead."
"We have to recreate that picture once every ten years! When you guys die, we can have your urns there! Or your dead bodies, whatever you decide. Are you guys organ donors? We can have all the recipients just- clump together where you'd be."
"When you die, can I use your urn as a spittoon?"
"When I die, I want my ashes put in party poppers."
"Ooh, that'd be cool!"
"Yeah, at my funeral, everybody'll be partying- Y'see, they're all glad to see me go. It's been a hundred long years-"
"You really think you'll last that long?"
"Twenty long years. My funeral's gonna be a rager."
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"So I was looking up ways to kill someone,"
"Okay."
School nurse: o.o
"We're writers."
"Malice is stored in the kneecaps"
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"You know your phone is cracked bad when you can see the inside of it." - My Crackhead Band Memelord Friend
"Football players are nothing but guys filled to the brim with toxic mascuinity"
they did not lie
imho, football players are the worst breed of man
the EPITOME of straight white boy
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"I suppose it's not gay if you're both committing felonies." - My ex-girlfriend during a forensic science lesson