Tell Me Stuff You Heard High/Middle School Students Say!

Nothing spoken, but I've been renamed Fuck and my friend's been renamed Coward.

“You’re a professional stripper”

Drum Major to someone who may or may not have been me:

"Hey Gingervitis! Tell Sean to stop deepthroating his flute, my dad is staring!"

"Oi, don't touch my shit!"

"Hey chucklefucks, I'm going to kill you."

"I'm going to poison the water supply."

"Hey!"

Startled noises with the sound of slapping

"Well, note to self, don't startle Reed."

“There’s more pressure in my sinuses than the Mariana Trench.”

"I really like garlic, there's just something about it… I think it's the garlic"

"And there were hairs on the straws"

Oh boy

"If you have money, you own everything."
"In order to get what you want, you have to sacrifice other people."
"TOBY STOLE MY GARLIC BREAD"
"What the odd hell?"
"What is she, twelve months pregnant?"
"When normal people buy a house, it usually comes with a door."
"I JUST WANNA DRAW A FISH"
"Did you feel that? I just threw a rock at your head."
"wHeRe iS mY BibLE?"
"MY CRUMPETS RUN OUT TODAY"
(to someone using a Bible as a ruler in maths) "Y'know, it's OK cause God likes everything to be straight."
"If life gives you lemons, make APPLE JUICE AND MAKE EVERYONE WONDER WHERE THE APPLES CAME FROM"

(to someone using a Bible as a ruler in maths) "Y'know, it's OK cause God likes everything to be straight."

XD WTF

(to someone using a Bible as a ruler in maths) "Y'know, it's OK cause God likes everything to be straight."

XD WTF

Yeah… My class was weird. To bad we stopped recording the quotes this year. There were some good ones but I don't remember them

(to someone using a Bible as a ruler in maths) "Y'know, it's OK cause God likes everything to be straight."

XD WTF

Yeah… My class was weird. To bad we stopped recording the quotes this year. There were some good ones but I don't remember them

That’s a rip. At least you have some though, right?

(to someone using a Bible as a ruler in maths) "Y'know, it's OK cause God likes everything to be straight."

XD WTF

Yeah… My class was weird. To bad we stopped recording the quotes this year. There were some good ones but I don't remember them

That’s a rip. At least you have some though, right?

Yeah.
That reminds me, someone broke their pencil sharpener so they paraded it around saying "Rip my pencil sharpener." Someone took it literally and pulled the sharpener apart with their bare hands.

(The poor pencil sharpener….)

"I CAN'T ENGLISH!" - Brother after failing to say a single sentence without goofing up for five minutes

"I CAN'T ENGLISH!" - Brother after failing to say a single sentence without goofing up for five minutes

_{our brothers have the same energy}
"english isn't my first language" -my brother, who's first language IS english, after he completely messed up an entire sentence

"I CAN'T ENGLISH!" - Brother after failing to say a single sentence without goofing up for five minutes

_{our brothers have the same energy}
"english isn't my first language" -my brother, who's first language IS english, after he completely messed up an entire sentence

(Sadly, I do the same thing-I always mess up my sentences if I don't think about what I want to say.)

“I hate downtown. The skyline sucks. My best friend was murdered there. There’s a bit of a traffic problem. It’s annoying.”

"Thoust maiden Alexa, playeth thy tune titled 'Despacito'" -I accidentally included this in an essay that I sent to my teacher

“Accidentally”

random freshman: * causally chokes self with neck tie *
their friend: stop being kinky and give me your pizza bites

Someone: Why do you make jokes about your mental health??
Me: Laughs then goes quiet It gives me some control over my life and distracts me from the fact that my health is stopping me from being able to do normal things… Anyhow, I like, really wanna die.