Tell Me Stuff You Heard High/Middle School Students Say!

"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)

It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush

"Is Mercutio a thot?"
"Yes."
Turns to other friend
"See! I was right!"

"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)

It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush

The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same

"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)

It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush

The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same

Considering they're both scientists, the first thing could possibly be changed if they were really dedicated.

"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)

It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush

The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same

Considering they're both scientists, the first thing could possibly be changed if they were really dedicated.

They're MaRrIeD jYn
Therapy would never help that three year old

"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)

It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush

The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same

Considering they're both scientists, the first thing could possibly be changed if they were really dedicated.

They're MaRrIeD jYn
Therapy would never help that three year old

"Mom, why is one of my dads falling apart?"
"…………"

"Wait do you think there are any Carl Sagan x reader fanfics? For (chemistry teacher's name)" -my friend last year about our teacher who's married with a kid and swears her crush is normal because her husband has a crush on him too (supposedly)

It's not GAY if it's a SCIENCE crush

The problem being he's 1. Dead and 2. Her husband does NOT feel the same

Considering they're both scientists, the first thing could possibly be changed if they were really dedicated.

They're MaRrIeD jYn
Therapy would never help that three year old

"Mom, why is one of my dads falling apart?"
"…………"

"We'll tell you when you're older."

"You strumpet!"
Excited whisper "That means whore!"

"Well, your mother is a bawdy lily-livered codpiece!"
"Which one?"

"Hey, that's not the Cardinal Way."
"No, but it is the Bardinal Way."
"……fuck."

I was singing a Barbie song and my sister asked what it was from and when I told her about Barbie's character, she didn't know. But I was pretty sure she'd seen it so as a joke I held up my hand and said, "But father I don't want to be king! I want to be. A. Botanist!" And she said "OHHH THAT ONE"
Apparently me gently poking fun at one of the characters is the thing that made her remember and not, you know.. the plot

“it’s like popping a boner, but softball”

I’m concerned

you should be

K but catching a good pop fly is one of the most satisfying feelings ever.
The little crack-thwump as it lands in your glove? Chef's kiss

"But does he pass…..the C H A D C H E C K?"

"There are carrots EVERYWHERE!"

Friend: Have you ever thought about if cheese got scabs, would it look like Cheetos?
Me: I haven't because I'm not on crack
Friend: I'm trying
Me, a moment later: No because Cheetos are dusty and when you get scabs it's not dusty it's just wrinkly and Cheetos aren't wrinkly
Friend: Ew now I'm thinking about powdery skin
Me: You brought that on yourself

Brb, gonna go snort some mummy to help with my cold!

I guess I'll have to make my own mummy.
Wouldn't be the first time…

Go get some leeches they'll help

I was thinking about some cocaine tooth drops myself.

"Hot sauce is not a balanced breakfast."
-Trombonist to another trombonist who was downing hot sauce packets and refused to eat anything else

"…Therefore, a tree is a sandwich."
-Some people were having an argument about whether a hot dog was a sandwich and a mellophone interrupted saying that technically almost anything could be a sandwich and proceeded to defend his case.

"Go the fuck to sleep."
-Nearly everyone at some point.

Okay the mellophoneness is so accurate, it hurts (I'm a mello, so I would know)

"I still think we should've named it the Tony Stark Memorial High School."

"She's just Discount Danny DeVito."

"She said my podcast was very professional. I opened with the 'cocaine ruin your brain' vine."

"Why aren't we practicing CPR on dummies with boobs too? Wouldn't those be helpful to practice for?"
"Yeah, but they thought the boys would get too inappropriate. Someone already tried making out with the full-body male dummy a few blocks ago."

"It's not top or bottom! It's locomotive or caboose!"
"Jake, you forkwaffe! Get off the piano!"
"Hi, I'm Logan. I want to die and my girlfriend's hot!"
"I'm the gayest goose"
"This music makes me feel like a train crashed and our band director's killing the euphoniums"
"MARCHING SEASON'S COMIN BACK Y'ALL!" "It's the middle of January, shut the frick up!"
-Stuff I have said to my section.

"If you breathe too strongly, you'll crush the baby's lungs like grapes."
"Cool, so I'm never gonna do CPR on a baby ever."

"I found a 34 part podcast on israel keys and if you think I'm not going to binge it all you would be very wrong."