Tell Me Stuff You Heard High/Middle School Students Say!

Oh shit oh fuck you're right-
I'm legit a Slytherin because I want to be the best so yeah

I appreciate you agreeing with me but now the Pokémon theme song is stuck in my head

Like no one ever was

"The difference between Gryffindors and Slytherins is that Gryffindors are egotistical maniacs and we're less ego, more maniac."

As a Slytherin, I can confirm this.

As a Gryffindor, I can confirm this.

"So, I'm going pull a Patton."
"What?"
"Push down all my emotions."

It's sad how I get this reference
also Patton is my bean and if something bad happens to him I will kill everyone in this room and then myself

Alright so today ALL the teachers are wearing black/gray purely by coincidence except for my science teacher who is wearing a bright coral pink sweater and it's hilarious

"Ah yes. The most illegal of abortions. Murder everyone."

Alright so I sleep listening to music with wireless earbuds. I usually can find them under my pillow in the morning, but today I could only find one. So about 10 minutes ago, at lunch, I look down at my lap and see a bump under my jeans. I feel the bump, and it's MY OTHER EARBUD. I've been walking around for about 4 hours with an earbud in my freakin' jeans without noticing.

So here's some context for the following quote:
We're doing a colonial fair, and everyone had to make a slogan for an American colony. So one of my friends got into a group with the class idiot, and he wrote the slogan.

"Tons of tobacco that will make you wacko."

"If I had known I was supposed to look gay today I would've done it!"

(Fuck dude, me too)

I do look gay today

(That's some Patton Sanders material right there)

Context: Our band director was wearing shorts, he has very pale legs and a light was hitting them

"MR.MAC YOU LEGS LOOK LIKE JESUS BLESSED THEM PLEASE PUT SOME GOD DAMN PANTS ON!!"

So I met my friend's boyfriend yesterday

Him: If you ate a bunch of popcorn kernels right before you died, your cremation would be epic
Me, staring into space thinking about it:
Him: that's when they burn your body
Me, forgetting he doesn't know what goes on in my brain: Oh I know, but it takes very high temperatures and a very long time to burn a body. The popcorn would be incinerated. There wouldn't really be a point
Him: well no one's eating the popcorn
Me, deadpan: who said that?
Him: 👀

I like him

So I met my friend's boyfriend yesterday

Him: If you ate a bunch of popcorn kernels right before you died, your cremation would be epic
Me, staring into space thinking about it:
Him: that's when they burn your body
Me, forgetting he doesn't know what goes on in my brain: Oh I know, but it takes very high temperatures and a very long time to burn a body. The popcorn would be incinerated. There wouldn't really be a point
Him: well no one's eating the popcorn
Me, deadpan: who said that?
Him: 👀

I like him

Your friend's boyfriend sounds suspiciously like my friend

"Wait till y'all find yourselves facing the one thing you fear most, and I'm just there rootin for the monster."

I already posted this in the no context chat but

"Ellen brought me into this world, and god damnit, she's gonna bring me out."

"This is quite invariably the worst idea we've ever had"
"But red robin!"
"This is quite invariably the second-worst idea we've ever had."
"Did you forget about the radish incident?"
"FINE. This is one of the worst ideas we've ever had. Happy?"