Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Okay, @_Dazed_Confused_ (it won't let me type your name properly?????) top down on Brooke…

First impressions of Brooke's nature page are that it's a little sparse. There are so few explanations given for certain traits and so little indication of depth to her character (I'm sure it's THERE, it's just not on this page) that I can scarcely find things to say. Of course I'll still do my absolute best, but just so you know, if you'd like a better critique later, please come back with more text!

Okay, first pet peeve: prejudices. LITERALLY every character has prejudices. They can be as simple as "well, I was raised in a wealthy conservative household, and some of the conversations rubbed off on me so now I sort of dislike the poor" or "well, I fear losing my physical prowess, so I have some ageism in me" or MUCH more complex things. Point is, they're ingrained biases that no character can escape. Since I've gathered that Brooke is based off the character of Batman, perhaps some prejudice against criminals is in order. Indiscriminate prejudice towards petty criminals without sympathy for life circumstances could easily arise from Brooke's past.

Next up, motives-versus-methods! Brooke is motivated by her friends and family, but she's also standoffish and bad in relationships. Remember that relationships go both ways, so what is it that Brooke does that makes the people around her care enough to stick around? Besides heroism, what redeeming personal qualities does she possess that give her a continued cast of friends and family to be motivated by?

Okay, religion and politics!! In my humble opinion, all characters deserve placement on the political spectrum, because it can be used as a tool to define how open they are to change! I like to rate my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative as a baseline, since it works even for characters who aren't at all politically active. And as for religion, it can be used as a tool to define how traditional or flexible a character is. For Brooke, that's extra important–practicing the same religion she was raised in with no emotion can be a symbol of her holding on to her past, for example. It's so important to fill these out–I practically consider them personality fields!!

All right, backstory. I can't offer any help here. There's nothing wrong with it at all, just… not a lot of it. It's so important to root traits in the backstory–like flaws, prejudices, motivations. Absolutely NOTHING happens in a vacuum, and although you don't need to explain your whole laundry list of character traits, it's important to give them a scene where they could arise naturally. If you ever want a full backstory critique, type it all up and come back sometime!!

And that's all I have for you!! Brooke is, overall, a compelling character, but she needs more development to really make her great and, more importantly, make her your own. If you'd ever like a round 2, please swing by sometime!!! And until then, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Yes this helped me A LOT! Thank you!! :)

haii, im bacc qvq

Hi everyone!! After a brief lull, it looks like heavy traffic is back (I missed y'all)!! Okay, tonight's round-up…

Tonight's critiques go out to @zims and @Isaac!

Tomorrow, it's time for @/ Inari K and @Kinarymo (hello again!!)

First slot on the day after that (the 26th) is for @tiredandconfused!!

And @-Dazed--Confused_- (i can type your username now!!! did you change it because I said so??? if that was why, you certainly didn't have to, but thanks!!) really happy you enjoyed!!!! :DDD Swing back sometimes for a Round 2 or with any other characters!!

@zims - let's do this!! Top down on Brodie…

To answer your question, Two Harbors is about as north as you can get without losing civilization. If memory serves, it's a bit of a hub for tourism, so be aware of that, but it's small and DEFINITELY up north.

(Okay, so this is just a cute bit of MN lore that can kind of relate to Brodie–it's a super proud state and we LOVE to flex on everyone else… including Alaska. If I ever mentioned "oh, it's probably colder in Alaska" like ten people would get mad at me, someone would open The Weather Channel, and someone would start quoting stats. Like, MN people are WILDLY proud of the state. I'm not even there anymore and I still do it sometimes. It's insane).

I went back and read my previous critique just so I don't sound like a broken record. I only had one major nature critique, and you… fixed it? So amazing job there!!! But the prejudices you added introduce a small issue. The prejudices are REALLY good, and arise very well from his environment. However, when you consider the implicit biases in Brodie, his easy acceptance of his sexuality doesn't make too much sense. Generally, the further you go from an urban center, the more conservative the people get, and that's DEFINITELY true in MN. Even if Brodie's parents were amazing people who taught him open-mindedness, it's very doubtful that his school environment would've supported that 100%. Given these new prejudices, I'd expect that Brodie has slightly more difficulty coming to terms with his sexuality.

And I'm wondering–now that we know how his grandparents thought he wasn't good enough for Yale, how does he react to being called big and dumb? I feel like it would be a sensitive spot and interesting to consider.

Presbyterian is a solid choice and it has SO MUCH POTENTIAL!! Here's why. Presbyterianism is in a tough spot where churches are allowed but not required to be positive to LGBTQ couples/ideals (same-sex weddings, LGBTQ clergy, etc). So the LGBTQ narrative of the church depends a LOT on the pastor at the time. (I question my faith, happen to be gay, and love to do WAYYYYY too much research, so sorry for info-dumping)!! So I guess it just has tons of potential for Brodie's confidence versus bias!

Okay, backstory is solid!!! My major takeaway is that I HATE his grandparents. What can I say? They're mean. Other than that, my only note is just reiterating what I said before–biases versus self-confidence when he realizes his sexuality.

And that is all I can offer you!!!! Definitely major improvements from my previous critique, I'd say–Brodie somehow seems more real now, despite there only being a few changes. As always, please come back around the thread sometime, and I hope that my notes are helpful!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll Could you please critique my character? I haven't filled in all the questions yet. I haven't made any other characters on Notebook.ai yet. It would be much appreciated. Darina Silver

Oh wild, page 12!! I sure have done a lot of these. And it's time for one more!! @Isaac, top down on Zakiya…

Okay, nature is generally pretty solid, if a touch sparse. I can't quite put my finger on what she's missing, since you do have varied traits and a cohesive personality. I suppose I'd add more about what she's actually LIKE (e.g., how she acts, how she treats her friends, her little quirks, stuff like that) and less about what she LIKES (research, STEM, all that). Perhaps there's an imbalance on here–too much of what she likes, not enough of what she's like. You don't have to delete all of 'what she likes,' just balance it out!!

(oh and I did read the health page!!! To what I said above, I think it's more about the human traits, you know? Little things that make characters feel relatable).

I do also have one major note on her nature. Painting Zakiya as a good leader feels wrong for a LOT of reasons. She may be a commanding presence with her stubbornness, confidence, etc., but there are a bunch of traits that suggest she wouldn't necessarily be the best choice to lead. She's generally introverted, closing herself off, even emotionally–not a good trait for any kind of leader other than an actual dictator. She overworks herself–again, dangerous, because this combined with her perfectionism hints at an inability to delegate tasks. She'd tear herself apart as a leader.

(also, almost every character I've seen on this thread is INTJ. it's weird, because I'm INTJ-T. It's just so strange?? why does everyone like it so much??)

Just to address you little (?)–libertarian is definitely the right word for that!!! But keep in mind that libertarian ideals are actually more of an add-on, not a whole set of political beliefs. (Like, you can be a libertarian Republican, libertarian Democrat, libertarian Green Party, libertarian Independent… pretty much anything, although not so much with democratic socialism, socialism, communism, just by definition).

And as for favorite possession, don't worry about it too much!! It'll sort of just… present itself? Generally once a character's arc solidifies itself, you'll just draw something symbolic from a key point along that arc that just… works.

Backstory is solid, solid, SOLID. It's comprehensive and interesting, and you even filled in that one little hole I mentioned during my critique of Ikaika!! Nice!!! Just one small note: even with the college courses, how was Zakiya skilled enough to cyber-attack and take down a government facility? They don't exactly offer classes in hacking. When did she learn? How did she practice? And that kind of leads into the next issue: how did NO ONE find her? I understand that she's in a remote location, but to have the lab built would've required significant work from a variety of specialists, contractors, and sellers, certainly leaving a paper trail. And cyber-attacks can generally be tracked. Just for you to think about I suppose!!

"Old enough to have actual personalities" man you just looked my middle school self in the eyes and shot her on SIGHT you're so correct and it's causing me pain

Okay, that's all I have for you!! I think I told you before, but I really love the premise of your story because GOD do I miss classic sci-fi. Zakiya is a character with a compelling backstory and solid characterization that just needs a spice more depth to be great!! As always, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Oh hello @Emmapen !!! Missed you in tonight's round up. The thread's a touch busy at the moment, but you get the first slot the night of the 27th!! (I limit myself to two critiques a night for the sake of my sanity and to preserve their quality). And welcome to Notebook!! We try to be nice around here (at least, I do). Thanks for dropping by the thread! :DD

@CinnamonRoll Hi! So first and foremost, thanks! So yeah, I was trying to stick him up in a small northern town, but still make sure that his highschool wasn't a one-room schoolhouse. It's awesome to get feedback from someone who actually knows the places you're trying to make a story in. State pride is definitely a fitting trait for Brodie, (and being from the midwest people are definitely like that about the cold here too. It's always a competition in school to see who can make it furthest into the year wearing shorts) I can definitely see how the upbringing vs acceptance conflicts, so I'll be sure to change that. I'll also make sure to look further into Presbyterianism and different pastors' teachings to see how I should further develop that part of him. (And info-dumping is awesome! It just gives me more to work with!) Yeah, I figured that someone needs to be the villain/obstacle in Brodie's life, and I felt like passive-aggressive, know it all, grandparents were fitting. So yeah, as usual, I'm super thankful for your critiques and I'll probably be back sometime soon! 😃

@zims - Oh! You must've posted as I was typing–almost missed you there!! So so glad you enjoyed!! I wasn't sure if my constant stream of MN lore was annoying, but I'm super glad you find it helpful!!! Oh GOD I remember the shorts thing. Mean grandparents are a wonderful villain figure, and I gotta say, I already find them repulsive! Perhaps they have a redeeming quality or two, but I think it's the kind of character that will strike a chord with anyone who's struggled at home, so it's a perfect choice. Absolutely come back!! I do so adore having regulars! :DD

@CinnamonRoll i thought zakiya felt a little stiff too and adding more human traits/how she behaves has helped. i worked out all the other issues, and she feels like a stronger character now. thank you!

Hello everyone!!! Round-up time…

Tonight, I'll be critiquing @/ Inari K and @Kinarymo.

Tomorrow, it's time for @tiredandconfused and @Emmapen! (Sorry I told you the 27th–I guess I have a free spot the 26th!!)

@Isaac - I'm really glad I could help!!! I know I say this to a lot of people, but I swear I mean it every time–come back by the thread whenever! :DD

Okay, @/ Inari K, let's do this!!! Top down on Aro…

As a disclaimer here, I have never critiqued a character this young. Since she's five years old, she wouldn't have had a high level of life experiences to actually build up her personality. So I'll do my best, but I can't get too harsh with a kindergartener… not MORALLY, just logically.

Okay!! That being said, let's talk prejudices. Generally speaking, prejudices develop due to the environment you're in as you develop, so that they become like a part of you. A five-year-old wouldn't have had time to develop such levels of prejudice, so basically, prejudices must be directly imposed. Essentially, someone has to specifically tell Aro something along the lines of, "Oh, don't play with him, he's not smart enough." To develop a prejudice that young, the source has to be REALLY specific, so make sure to keep that in mind!!!

I'm sorry, KNIFERY?? Who exactly gave the kindergartener a KNIFE? I do not care how powerful she is, no responsible adult should be giving Aro a knife even once, and certainly not often enough for her to develop a talent.

Clarifier for religion–is that how she's being raised or what she believes? I sincerely hope it's how she's being raised, since no five-year-old is mentally adept enough to ponder theological realities.

And again, the knife!! Who gave this CHILD a KNIFE?? I'm seriously concerned about this. Kids are dumb. Don't give them sharp stuff.

Usually I'd pick on backstory for being sparse, but since she's five, it's not as though you need tons of detail. But I do think you need a lot more explanations for her alleged powers (I believe they were touched on in backstory), the whole knife situation, religion, and her prejudice (since I noted how it must be direct). Also, she's described as the face of the Changers group. What does that mean? Do people transform into her image? Is she on the flag? How is Aro involved with this group?

Final note–under Notes, you say that she wants people to understand her. Keep in mind that as a five-year-old, that's not exactly a hard impulse to satisfy. She's not old enough to crave some kind of deep emotional understanding–it's more of people validating her drawings and remembering her favorite foods. As she gets older, this small desire for understanding can absolutely grow into something deeper, but for now it'll be fairly surface-level.

And that's all I have!! Critiquing someone so young was a new one, but I think that by and large you made it easy for me! Aro is a fairly smooth character who just needs a touch more work to be perfect. In that pursuit, I hope that my notes are helpful!! :DD

Time for @Kinarymo !!! Top down on the Oracle….

(i literally cannot stress enough how much i adore your art)

(also, this is me coming back at the end to apologize for letting the pronouns in here vary wildly between 'it,' used on the page, and 'they,' which was noted on the page. I… promise you I tried).

The overarching sense I'm getting from the Oracle's nature page is that this is a creature that plays the long game. Personality is SOLID as all hell (per the usual for you), and there's actually only one main thing I want to call into question. It's the idea of cowardice. This creature is OLD old, frighteningly skilled at its hunt, and calm under pressing circumstances. I can't quite understand how it would abandon everything to just… cut and run. NOW, I can understand how it would run away–showing some level of cowardice for sure, like that's a valid flaw, just not complete cowardice. Shying away from fights is in character, but just leaving feels wrong. Does the Oracle have a secondary location they can flee to? Multiple bases? Other personas they can slip into? Basically, the long game they're playing is just TOO LONG for this to be a creature chill with uprooting and restarting whenever something terrible happens.

I'm not going to yell at religion and politics, because I'm like 99% sure this is a primordial being WELL above such petty conventions.

Backstory is SO INTERESTING and I love the character concept (I'm envisioning 'therapist from hell' and I LOVE it). However, there's one HUGE question I feel needs answering: how are they still… around? Like, everyone knows about the Oracle. They fear them. The Morphidae are probably well aware that this being is destroying their reputation. And there are probably some Oracle survivors roaming around and saying how yeah, it was scary, but they just walked right out. So how has no one, no army, no nation, tried/succeeded to capture or kill the Oracle? You could tie this into the idea of 'super long game,' where the Oracle has like a dozen personas and possible bases, if you wanted. But in any case, I feel it has to be addressed.

I know this isn't a lot, but it's all I can offer you!! The Oracle is an INSANELY interesting character concept, and I have a strange belief that I would fall in love with them in any media form? I don't really know, I have issues. But anyway, they're crazy well-done and only need the slightest touch more explanation given!!! And even though there aren't a ton, I hope my notes are helpful!! :DD

(Awawa, tysm man 😭😭 i try my best ❤ i have like,,, an IG/Twitter page if u wanna see more also, tis fine dw uwu)

Well, by cowardice i meant she doesnt have the gut to face a real Morphidae, shes just "nope". I mean, she kinda ruins them, but at the same time fears them - i might change this aspect tho, cuz of plot changes.

Also ye, shes above politics and religion :')

Omg, therapist from hell, thats just great, i love it 😂😂😂 One reason no one is killing the Oracle is prolly cuz

1. she was and still is a trickster, illusions are like, her main thing
2. shes the Oracle, she knows if someone is coming for her :'))

and besides that, she's a walking well of information, why kill her? she doesnt attack or cause trouble, only noms ppl who fall alseep on her lap. She's dangerous yes, but very damn useful, so most times its worth the risk. Most who fall asleep r noobs who dont know how to resist her or are just weak/ unaware :')

But ayyyy, tysm man 😭 these notes made my day, thank u, and im glad u like the Oracle :')) i almost feel bad for not drawing her more. Tysm for the critique, i'll come back with another character soon ^^

Hi guys!!! A little late to the round-up tonight, but I am here nonetheless!

Tonight's critiques are for @tiredandconfused and @Emmapen !!

No one on the docket after that–I think I'll plan for a night off tomorrow, but I'll be back to schedule people for the nights after that!!

@Kinarymo - I am BEGGING you to drop the art instagram. please. please. Thanks for your explanations, and I'm sorry I couldn't find better notes–seriously, it's a really well-developed character!! BUt I'm glad you still enjoyed despite that!! :DD

Could you critique this character? Aderyn

All right, @tiredandconfused, your turn!! Top down on Sarus…

(before I start–I like your art!!!!! it's so cute!!!!)

Nature is overall quite solid. I do take slight issue with the lying, but it has fairly solid basis so I think I can mostly get behind it. I do feel like you need a touch more about how he feels when he thinks too much about his lies. This is a highly compassionate and kind character, and while lying might be easy in the moment, it's likely that he faces some regret looking back on things. This is especially true given his crisis over moral issues. And that can be cool to explore!

Then let's talk about his ease to trust. Given that Sarus is a character who constantly lies and realizes how easy it is to do so, how can he trust the people around him easily? He knows intimately how simple it is to mislead the people around him. Why doesn't he think others are capable of that?

And then there's the theft. I understand that he generally steals what won't be missed, but that's an outsider's perspective. You never really know what small things will be missed. That seems like the kind of thing that would give Sarus pause when he commits small crimes. Obviously when he does it out of necessity, that's different. This is basically the same as above–add more explanation to the emotional repercussions!!

Social page is super solid and really well-developed–love it!!

Backstory is solid and really interesting!!! One thing. So a lot of Sarus's backstory lends itself well to trauma and its effects on personality–smuggled away from home, growing up alone on the streets, constantly living a lie, manipulated into playing out a charade. The main shock here is that not much of that plays out on Sarus's personality page. He's a compassionate, easily trusting person. How does that connect to his experience growing up? You don't need to scrap his kindness for "gritty and damaged" by ANY means, but it is important that you add little traits that hint at his life experiences.

Aaaaand that's all I can offer you!! Overall, Sarus is an annoyingly well-developed character placed in a clearly well-built world! Thanks so much for swinging by, and I hope that my notes are helpful to you, even if only a little bit! :DD

Oh hi there @/ Chloe Jones!! Missed you for the round up. Like I said there, tomorrow is break night for me, but I'll get to your character first thing the night of the 29th!! :DD

All right, @Emmapen, let's do this!! Top down on Darina…

I know you're new to Notebook, so I'm not going to be super harsh here. However, know that this nature page is a touch sparse for me to critique. Now, if it's enough for YOU, that's your business–it's not my character! But if you want me to pick up on the vibes of Darina the way you can, I need a bit more. Things that generally help are describing a character's public persona versus how they act with their friends, going deeper into the origins of traits, especially flaws and prejudices, and adding some lighter traits (like, does she like dry humor? dad jokes? little things like that).

Going off of what's here, I do notice one small point of contradiction. Darina cares about making her crew proud of her. So why does she lose her temper and act insensitively? Given that she wants to make the people around her proud, I would expect her public persona at least to be more controlled and potentially theatrical. I can't say too much more without details, but right now that's a bit of an issue.

Okay, let's talk religion and politics!! So if you've seen any of my other critiques, you'll know that I yell about this a lot. Religion can be used as a vehicle to describe how traditional and structure-oriented characters are (if they ascribe to an organized religion). And it can define deeper traits–are the conniving, following religion for appearances? Or are they spiritual, seeking out the true faith that fits for them? Even for non-affiliated characters, this is helpful. Agnostic characters are more hopeful, atheistic characters more nihilistic. And as for politics, it's always helpful to rate characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever those terms mean in your world. This works for characters who aren't politically active as well! Political stance is helpful, as it can be used to demonstrate how open characters are to change!

I can't help you too much with backstory, just because there's not a ton there. Backstory should have a basis for major traits (flaws, prejudices, even some personality traits). It doesn't have to be a big list of "and that's how this trait happened!" but it should provide basis for your character's personality. Like if a character has trust issues, their backstory should have some kind of traumatic event or betrayal.

And I'm afraid that's all I can offer you!!! Darina has a solid foundation here, but until you fill out more fields in depth, I won't be able to get to know her well enough for a proper critique. If you'd ever like a round two, please swing back by the thread sometime!! And for now, I hope that my notes are helpful!! :DDD

(my art Instagram is Kinarymo but complex pieces go on Twitter)

Hi guys!! Like I said, no critiques tonight, but I am dropping a quick round-up!!

Tomorrow, first critique goes to @/ Chloe Jones!!

@Kinarymo - Immediately followed. And if "user[string of numbers]" follows you on Twitter in the next couple of days, once I unearth my password, assume it's me!!!

@tiredandconfused - I'm glad you liked it!!! It's always nice to hear that I've inspired you in some little way. Thank you for your explanations, too!! They're always fun to read, and I do the same thing when I get critiques, so I don't know, that's nice! Anyway, come back anytime you'd like–I adore meeting new characters!! :DDD

Hi guys! Kind of quiet on the thread recently. I'm going to keep checking it nightly, and potentially posting once in a while to keep it near the top, but I won't round up unless there's something to say. Tonight, there is one thing to say–@/ Chloe Jones, tonight's critique is for you!

Okay, party time, @/ Chloe Jones! Top down on Aderyn…

Aderyn's nature is really, REALLY well-developed. This is obviously what I love to see, but it means I'll have to nitpick to find notes. So if any of these are just objectively wrong due to your understanding of your character, sorry about that!! And of course feel free to disregard is they're irrelevant in that way.

Aderyn seems like a genuinely nice person from her nature sheet, but that's just vibes, not really words. The missing piece here is what Aderyn does to make people stay. She appears to have an attractive personality–rebellious, confident, unapologetic, fun, and relaxed around you once she gets to know you. But 'relaxed once she gets to know you' isn't quite enough to tell me what kind of friend she is. How does Aderyn act around her friends? Is she honest? Trustworthy? Loyal? Funny? Because although relaxed is good, for Aderyn right now, that would just allow her confidence to shine through, which could border dangerously on arrogance.

(also, I think you could do quite a bit with arrogance here, given that she's a confident, 14-year-old rebel child. totally don't have to, i am NOT telling you what to do with your character, but I guess I felt like I would say it!)

History is also solid!! The only questions I have to raise are about Aderyn's family. Firstly, her sisters. If I recall, two of them (the older ones?) are the heirs to Winter and Summer. (I have no idea if the fourth sister is Spring, but if she is, this also applies to her. Maybe you said she is and I'm blind). So we know that Aderyn can't really connect with her sisters, and she'll ascend when she's 16, a very emotional time. So how is that emotional rift going to affect her style of ruling and diplomacy? Will the rebel child start to like her power as a queen of a season, especially when one sister annoys her or they have a fight? And then there's her father. So I get that he wants her to be a proper lady, and he suppresses her education out of his own personal beliefs. That's clearly bad/somewhat abusive behavior, but it's like RIGHT on the line. I think it's really important that you make the distinction between 'cold, distant, oppressive father who pushes his daughters down due to a flawed worldview' and 'overprotective but kind father who fallaciously puts a dampener on his daughters' lives, since he never grew out of the idea of controlling their live and thinks this is better for them without recognizing that that's not his choice to make.' Because given Aderyn's reaction, both could be possible? And I think it's important to make the distinction, because they're two VERY different character paths.

And I'm afraid to say that is all I can offer you!! I'm sorry it's not too terribly much–you have a very well-developed character here!!! Thank you for coming by the thread, and please bring more characters back any time!! And of course, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

hewwo, im bacc with another bby qvq

@CinnamonRoll Thanks for the critique! It gave me a lot of good stuff to think about. You brought up a really good point about wondering how Aderyn makes people stay and how she acts around friends. As for her father, I haven't really done a lot of development on him yet, but I see him as more of the cold, distant and oppressive type. Thanks again, I really appreciated it. I'll probably bring more characters back as I finish them :)

Hi guys!!! Glad to see this thread isn't dying like I was afraid of! Here's tonight's round-up…

@Kinarymo and @tiredandconfused, tonight's critiques are for you two!!!

@/ Chloe Jones - so glad you liked it!!! Well-developed characters like yours make my job difficult, but Im really happy my notes were helpful anyway! :D And please do come back whenever you'd like!!