Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

First up is @stolenbrocoli's Danica!! I was told to be on the lookout for stereotypical punk-ness, so I'l keep an eye out for that! Top down…

Okay, first up is her bipolar disorder. (DISCLAIMER: I haven't written anyone with bipolar disorder to date, so I haven't done extensive research on the condition. So if you've done more than me and think I'm being dumb, feel free to ignore this critique–or, better yet, tell me what I'm doing wrong! Learning things is spicy.) From what I understand about bipolar disorder, it's part 'manic episodes' (heightened emotion, recklessness, etc) and part 'depressive episodes' (depression, suicidal thoughts, etc). Reading through Danica's character sheet, I see a ton of the manic half–for example, her petty crimes, her aggression, her superiority–but far less about the depressive half. It's totally fine to give Danica bipolar disorder, and I think it's a genuinely interesting way to play off her ingrained prejudices, but remember to write both halves of it!! Mannerisms and outer personality, though perhaps not inner personality, will be drastically changed by bipolar fluctuations.

Next, motivations! Given that I peeked ahead and learned that she's living in apocalyptic world, I know you can take this critique with a grain of salt. But it's still good to think about! So Danica is described as immature, impulsive, and even occasionally naive. She acts superior and aggressive. There's little to no indication that this is a front for any inner turmoil–so why the motivation of fear? Even if she's not afraid of something within her or expressing herself, fear tends to temper actions. Someone acting out of fear would lose a lot of their impulsivity and recklessness.

Then I have a note that miiiiiiight be about 'stereotypical punk.' I have nothing against what's currently on Danica's sheet, but I feel something's missing. Why do people… like Danica? She seems to have no real redeeming qualities. Even when she opens up to people, she acts superior and aggressive. What about Danica draws people to her? What part of her is kind, or brave, or loyal? Danica right now is solid, but she needs something to make her appealing to the people around her–something that'll make them stuck around.

(Oh and as for her sexuality–you could likely characterize her as either bisexual or pansexual. You'll have to do a bit of reading to figure out which suits her better! This doesn't mean Danica has to USE a label, since she seems like the kind of person who wouldn't want to slap a word onto her sexuality).

Witchcraft is NEAT!!! I would only clarify how Danica uses magic. Does she ascribe to the Wiccan ideal of "do no harm," or is she open to hexes and other, darker forms of magic?

History is solid!! A couple things. One, I think you need to include a touch more about her bipolar diagnosis. How does she initially react? We know how she FELT, but was there lashing out? Was there depression? Did she close herself off or did she try to prove the doctors wrong? Did she break down? LOT of ways to go with this!!

And then there's her dependence on her brother. This is a super fun character dynamic to explore!! I actually have a character with dependence issues myself (but hers are… REALLY unhealthy). So what I have here really isn't a critique, just a fun suggestion! I find it interesting to explore some questions about dependent characters to examine how they act in a variety of situations:

1. How do they act when the person they've bonded to is somehow taken away?
2. How much does their personality depend on the person they've bonded to?
3. If it's a LOT, how do they act if they bond to a much more negative or much more positive influence?

The dynamics of dependence are SO INTERESTING to dissect, so I would really encourage you to dig deep with it!

And that's all I have for you!! Don't worry, I don't think Danica is a stereotypical punk–her conflict over prejudices is the already proves that she has WAY more depth than that. Please let me know if you have any questions, and as always, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

All right, @zims! Top down on Brodie…

OH YEAH BABY MINNESOTAAAAA (I am from MN, although y'all will never get more info than that. lovely state, quite lovely place to grow up! yeah I never intend to go back but sure was fun while it lasted).

Um–are you from MN? Because this slang is WAYYYYY too accurate. So he's from NORTH north huh?? I PROMISE I won't make too much of this critique about MN. I PROMISE! I'm just a little excited.

Okay, Nature is overall VERY solid. It's well-balanced and not overly confusing, so good job there! There's only one major clash I can see. A lot of Brodie's character is based on impulsivity and living life to the fullest. Yet he apparently tries to keep a level head. This doesn't make too much sense in character. I can understand how he would avoid things that would literally kill him, jeopardize his position at school, etc., but I don't see rationality bleeding into other aspects of his life. For example, I see him trying to be a chef 100%. But you know him better than me, so that's completely up to you!!

Nothing major to say about religion–good explanation! However, I do wonder: which denomination of protestantism? Is it just general protestant, or Lutheranism, Baptist, Presbytarian, etc.? Depending on which one you choose, you can also set up any friction or lack of friction between religion and politically liberal alignment!

(Minnetonka simply is not a small town. It's quite urban!)

Backstory is a tiny bit sparse. However, all you'd need backing for is prejudices, which you're still thinking about, so I'm not too angry. But here's what you could do: write backstory first and draw prejudices from that. Examine smaller details of the Minnesota town (most are majority white, which could add some implicit bias that he recognizes when reaching the more multicultural environments of Yale and the East Coast). Or discuss the smaller details of his church and his pastor's preaching. Maybe talk about any toxic masculinity he encountered in his high school. You can derive prejudices by writing more detailed backstory!!

Not completely sure if it's a typo since it contradicts the preceding sentence a bit, but his father teaching Brodie to be closed-off could be an interesting flaw/potential prejudice! Brodie working to overcome an ingrained idea that he shouldn't express himself is super interesting.

And that's all I can offer you!! I know it's not a ton, but Brodie is a really well-developed character! And before I go, may I say: I really admire what you're doing here, making stereotypical hockey boy characters with far more depth and character that most writers would offer them. It's interesting and fresh, and I love the way it's playing out so far!! And with that, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

Hey! I'm not from MN but I am from the midwest! :)) Yeah my thing was he obviously needs to be smart and like level-headed enough to get into an Ivy League school, but I still wanted to make him reckless dumb hockey boy. Yeah! So I don't know too much about Protestantism, I didn't even know there were branches to it until I decided Brodie would be Protestant so I'll definitely look into that! Thanks for letting me know, 'cause I didn't really look too much into Minnetonka, I just looked up Minnesota towns and was like that's definitely a small town, which looking it up now 53,000 people definitely isn't a small town so I'll fix that. Yeah, it was actually a typo, but now I'm thinking of changing it so that Brodie's dad might be a little more like "you're my only son and you're gonna act like it". Thanks! Hockey has always been one of my favorite sports, but it definitely doesn't leave much room with diversity and most of the guys in the majors seem to kinda sleazy I guess is the word. So I thought it would be cool to like try and do a like these guys have a lot more going on under the surface and how they deal with being in such toxic environment. And your notes are always super helpful!! I usually just have a base idea for these guys and you've been so awesome with figuring out how to develop them further. You're the best! So like thanks again! 😃

AAAHHHHHHHHH as usual, you literally have the best advice in the entire world :D

Skimming through Nature, I can tell that this is a VERY well-developed character. Kudos!!! (you totally lied to me, man. sparse??? PLEASE!) But of course, there are a couple minor issues. The first sentence of his personality type is of course a contradiction, but i feel like that one is easily explained away so long as you establish when Rig transfers from quiet to open. The more major contradiction is between his subdued social patterns and his actual actions. Someone reserved and subdued likely wouldn't be SUGGESTING new ideas around people they don't know, even if they're willing to TRY new ideas. And recognizing an authority that is anyone BUT who he's talking to speaks to a level of confidence that doesn't quite gel with his lack of openness.

eeee thank-you!! :D Yeah, I'm hoping I can pull it off, Rig really strikes me as a less talkative person, but I don't want him to be cold or unfriendly ^^ I guess what I mean with the whole 'quiet' side of his personality is that he just generally doesn't have much to say. I think I might change that to laid-back, since that's what I'm picturing xD Quiet might be the entirely wrong word.
For the contradiction between the soft boi quiet man and the reckless mad-lad, yeah, that's one Imma need to think about, that's pretty wildly in opposite directions xD Thanks for bringing it up!

Then there's his ease to judge. Rig does not seem like the kind of character to become entrenched in quickly formed opinions. He's friendly, he likes working with people, and although he doesn't like to talk about his own past, there is no indication that he doesn't care about what others have to say. I don't understand how he would become entrenched in quick judgements. Based on his other prejudices, sure, but not as much for people he doesn't know anything about.

fffffff yep, that needs to go or be reworked xDD That's a dinosaur of a characteristic, it's from his initial concept, definitely does not match who he turned into xD Thank you so much for talking about that one!! :D

I'm surprised there isn't anything about politics on this page. Rig strikes me as a guy with strong opinions about slavery (duh), and also potentially the wealthy class in general. I would expect him to have formed some fairly strong opinions about justice and injustice in the world around him.

Yep, I have no idea what the political climate is in this world, and I got lazy so I left that one blank for now, since I didn't want to rag on the slavery thing to no end xDD I'm hoping as I uncover more about the world, I can start to fill that in ^^ Rig's definitely a very [[politically opinionated person, it would be wrong of me to leave it blank forever ^^

Backstory seems to cut off abruptly, but that's okay because I already got a TON of great information!!! Really wonderful job here. The worldbuilding in this campaign is TOP NOTCH. I do have a note or two, but they're really small!! You don't need me to focus on backstory, come on! You've already given it so much love. But for starts–how on earth does this kid not have some degree of paranoia/trust issues? He basically lived on the run, always hiding from others, up until he's at least 12-ish. He was always going it alone, watching people die for him. I didn't see too much of that manifesting in his personality.

Crap, I have no idea how that happened, there was a bunch of stuff in there xD I'll just sum it up for you so you don't have to wade through a huge block of text xD
Basically, after Shukk found him and brought him to the tribe, he started making friends and eventually really coming out of his shell a lot more. He really admired and emulated Shukk, and eventually the two of them grew incredibly close, to the point where Shukk basically considered him a son. Shukk renamed him to help him escape his past, and taught him how to fight, how to harness his trauma and turn it into the anger the barbarians use to rage while they fight. The Cua clan eventually caught up with them again, but long series of battles short, they were soundly whipped by Rig's new family. Rig stayed with them until Shukk died of a illness that ravaged the orcish members of the tribe, at which point his daughter took over. Rig, though still close and loyal to the tribe, was especially aggrieved by this, and decided to leave the tribe for a while at least, to pursue a growing in interest in professional ring fighting and recover. The 'Shauk' part of his name he gave himself to commemorate Shukk, and that's where he is at the start of the campaign.

Okay, now that I've taken up all that space… xD HOW COULD I NOT GIVE HIM TRUST ISSUES HOLY– Yep, adding that in xDD I think when I first made him I was too scared of making him an angsty lone-wolf, so I neglected the repercussions of his past. I really need to fix that, thank you SO MUCH for bringing that up <3 <3 I really woulda just kept right on trucking without changing that at all xD

Next up, let's discuss this idea of 'they kept looking for him.' The idea of comparing escape to murder totally works, and I get how that works in the culture. However, that same example kind of confuses things for me. After a trail goes cold long enough in a murder case, it just sort of… slows down. People might keep looking, but it's much less active and more based on clues. Plus, the position of a slave seems kind of confused in this culture. On one hand, they're so valued that the search for escaped slaves rages for years. But on the other hand, when one was encountered in battle, it was seen as a free kill. So is that meant to be a blow to the owner, or is it genuinely the idea that slaves have no value? Because there's a clear contradiction there. So I suppose I'd just keep that in the back of your mind!

ffffff yeah, that was supposed to have been covered more in Shukk's tribe's era, buuuuut xD Also, good point with the soldiers who would have just killed him. Again, something from dino-age Rig xD I'll go back and clear up the whole slave/owner relationship thing, I can totally see where that would be confusing as hecc. Thank-you!!

Aaaaaand I think that's all I have for you!!! As always, it was a joy to meet your character. I really hope you enjoy your campaign, and that my notes can help in your character's development!! :DDD

Thanks so much!! :D I'm always so excited to see what you've got for me with my babies, at this point I trust almost no one else xDD i'm glad you had fun reading about Rig! Now I'm even more excited to play him than before xD

Hi guys!! Tonight is break night, but I figured a quick round-up couldn't hurt!!

Tomorrow, I'll be giving critiques for @kanemoto_asuga and @Musical_Queen!!

@zims - I'm so glad you liked it!! You really do have a great story concept! And if I may: look into small towns in northern MN, since that's where the accent really shines through!

@stolenbrocoli - Super happy I was helpful!! I'm sure as you keep developing, she'll only get better!! Seriously, dependence is just… ugh. It's SO fun to write.

@Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull - THANK YOU!! 'trust almost no one else–' oh! my heart! my SOUL! thank you!!! What an ACTUAL honor!! It's just a gift that you and so many other folks keep coming back so I can read all about your characters!! I'm super glad my notes were helpful to you, as always (like, I'm always glad–no guarantee that my notes are ALWAYS helpful!) :DDD

haii :"D mind if i toss in a new kid of mine?

thankie qvq

@CinnamonRoll Of course!! :D It's always a treat to see your helpful words ^^

What's up folks!!!

Tonight it's time for @kanemoto_asuga and @Musical_Queen !!

Tomorrow, first slot goes to the lovely @Kinarymo !!

A quick round-up tonight!! I'll get right to it! :D

This is my OC Cake Invalid Character

All right, I'll start with @kanemoto_asuga !! Top down on–

(um, brief aside–I don't actually know how Korean names work? As in whether the given name or family name comes first. I'm like 80% sure it's family name first, but if I'm wrong, I'm so sorry!!! And please correct me!)

–Yoojoon!

Nature seems generally smooth, but there are a couple big question marks. First and I would say most importantly, let's address how his motivations gel with his personality. He's motivated by the idea of acceptance in the eyes of those around him, making them happy with his actions or words or whatnot. It doesn't make sense that Yoojoon would allow himself to appear harsh and competitive when he first encounters people, given that he cares so much about their opinions.

Next up is the bipolar disorder. NOTHING wrong with the fact that he has it (or at least tendancies), but I think it needs to be better explained. Given my (VERY limited) research into bipolar disorder, someone afflicted will have two very distinct sides of their personality depending on the episode they're having. When writing a character with bipolar disorder, it's incredibly important to write out both sides of their personality, examining how manic and depressive episodes will galvanize and dampen their core personality, respectively.

Okay, politics!! I get that Yoojoon can't EXPRESS political opinions, but that sure doesn't mean he doesn't have any. In my humble opinion, all characters deserve placement on the political spectrum, because it can be used as a tool to define how open they are to change! I like to rate my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative as a baseline, since it works even for characters who aren't at all politically active.

History is generally solid! Any critiques I have here are going to be small notes. One, his sexuality–how did he overcome his parents' views? Ingrained homophobic views can wreak HAVOC on a person, leading them to be uncomfortable with themselves or reluctant to come out to friends. How does Yoojoon deal with his parents' projected opinions? Two, his band group–how did they make friends so quickly? Most of his character page tells me that Yoojoon is standoffish at first, competitive and kind of grating. So how is he able to make fast friends with everyone in his group?

And that's all I can offer you!! I'll admit I don't know too much about the K-Pop scene, but I really hope I did all right anyway!! And of course, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DD

Oh hello @/ walter!! Looks like you'll get the second critique tomorrow night, after @Kinarymo ! :D

All right, @Musical_Queen, here we go! Top down on Mari…

(Side quip–is that your art???? it's so beautiful!!)

First up, let's talk about the racism! Totally fine to include that in your character, because it's true that environmental factors can lead to implicit race bias, and good on you for drawing attention to that. But I do think it's important to qualify how Mari acts or does not act on her prejudice. Is she aware of her race bias? If so, does she work against it? Because whether or not she does will obviously have a HUGE impact on the morality of her character.

(quick aside again–look into imposter syndrome!! it sounds like what you're describing here and could be cool to read up on).

As I read, the more I feel that Mari's nature page is a bit sparse for an MC. I feel like I should know WAY more about how she acts around her friends, how she deals with tough situations, etc., etc. Right now, all I know about Mari is that she's a nice person who wants to spread the love. And that's great! She sounds really nice! But to be a full-fledged MC, I feel that she needs to have WAY more nuance to her characterization.

Then I have to pick at her flaw. Self-consciousness doesn't strike me as a character flaw that can fly solo in an MC. Like, it's definitely bad, but it's not quite a character flaw. Let me explain. In a major character, it's important that their flaws are external. Not as in appearance–the flaws need to impact the people AROUND the MC. Flaws are there to cause minor conflict between an MC and their supporting cast, so something as internal as self-consciousness doesn't quite cut it. Now, you can design Mari's flaws to spiral off of that core concept–maybe she refuses to listen to outside opinions since she's so ingrained in a negative view of her work, or she constantly self-deprecates to the point where the people around her are genuinely uncomfortable, or she cuts people off when she falls into self-conscious depression. Stuff like that!

Politics!! Okay!! In my humble opinion, all characters deserve placement on the political spectrum, because it can be used as a tool to define how open they are to change! I like to rate my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative as a baseline, since it works even for characters who aren't at all politically active. (This critique is literally copied from another one, but it's so so so universal, I promise!! It's really important!)

Okay, backstory. I can't offer any help here, since there's nothing for me to really critique. My number one note would be to flesh it out more!! The most important things to ground in backstory are prejudices, motivations, and flaws, with personality hopefully becoming evident without explicit note. I'd really encourage you to write out some more on Notebook so I can offer some notes! (I'm sure you know her backstory, it's just not on here for me to see).

And that's all I can offer you!! I really hope my notes are helpful to you, and come back any time if you'd like me to take another look!! :DD

Hi guys!!! Fairly simple round-up tonight - I'll be critiquing @Kinarymo and @/ walter!!

Okay, @Kinarymo, here we go!! Top down on Rin…

(DAMN that's some art!!! I can never keep track of who's an artist on this thread, but in any case, if that was you, amazing job!!)

(oh it WAS provided by you!!! incredible!!!!!!!)

Nature is, overall, very solid. So I'm going to be a touch nit-picky here! First off, this idea of him having no reactions to people other than Narion. This feels wrong, considering Rin's overall curiosity and excitement for life. Given that, I'd expect him to have positive or at least neutral reactions to everyone around him, potentially tempered by a dash of paranoia over Narion's well-being. Full-on negativity and 'no reaction' seem kind of wrong.

Also, there's a tiny bit of conflict between 'no hesitation to kill' and 'curious, exploring new emotions.' How does Rin deal with his first dose of remorse? Shame? Hesitation? No doubt he'd default to murder-happy, but having consciousness comes with side effects!

Also, honest question–how far does his responsiveness to commands go? Clearly he lashes out under extreme emotional stress, and now that he has consciousness, he very likely has things he WANTS or does not want to do. So can Narion's commands just stop him in his tracks, or are they something that can be resisted? Is there a line?

Religion and politics!! Okay, given that this is a character who JUST gained sentience, I get how he would have none for both. But I feel like it could be really neat to explore how Rin's views develop on each subject. And if that's way too much for Notebook, I get it!! Just something that I think would logically occur given Rin's curiosity and that would be fun to consider.

"A small mistake was made that allowed the Morphidae to escape–" AVATAR??????? there's so much lore I'm in too deep–

Backstory has virtually NO problems–great job!!! I only have one plot-point question, which you probably already know and don't have at ACTUALLY answer. Just to think about if you have't already. So if Rin was created using a soul, why is he literally soulless for so much of his life? I am just a touch lost there.

And that's literally all I have?? I know it's not a ton–I'm sorry!!! Rin's a really well-developed character!! And in any case, I hope these few notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

Oh crap!! @/ walter, your character is on private mode!! As soon as you make him/her/them public, I'll take a look. And if you need help, just ask and I'll tell you exactly how to change privacy settings! :DD

(ayyy, ty ty qvq 'tis fine, i usually provide my own art cuz im too broke to commission people XD)

Okay, that bit makes sense, i was initially planning him to be totally devoid of reactions to anyone aside from Narion, but gradually warms up and develops an interest for the world.
Despite developing a sense of awareness, he is still very much a weapon. He's done it countless times before and will do it again. He needs powerful triggers to experience a new emotion, but when he will understand death is wrong, he will have some internal emotion crysis =]

Well, with Narion being his master, every word is law. He may have been granted freedom of will but he is still very much obligated to follow orders he is given - thats how he was created, so that were is no room for second thoughts.

Ayyy, there it is :')) Part of my lore huhu

As for the soul part, he was made from the essence of a soul, not the life source itself. Its kinda like taking a person, taking out its life force and reconditioning their body to be your slave - thats what demons are to Morphidae, repurposed corpses if u will.
Rin lacks a life force of his own, he would die of his sword ever got broken. You need to read some Morphidae lore to understand how a soul works :')))

Ayoo, ty for the advice, it always brightens my day to see ur reply ^^ I'll prolly keep coming back with characters if thats oks :')

Thx again a bunch! ❤❤❤

That was really helpful!! Thanks so much!!

To answer some questions, I'm not sure how far into the future this will take place and what the government will be like (or even the state of the country in general) so I kinda used a cop-out answer because I haven't figured out the year yet.

Also for his bi-polar tendencies: I used "tendencies" because it's not very severe, mostly causing mood swings or memory gaps, but still could be categorized within the family of "bi-polar." i'll need to research that more.

about his family: he's only slightly overcome internalized homophobia by coming out to his band mates by accident, to which he was (generally) accepted with open arms. Before feeling a sense of security around his band mates though, he was a complete mess and his only coping mechanism was to busy and distract himself with work.

about appearing harshly to others upon meeting them, that's also a coping mechanism from his childhood. he's less harsh than he is standoffish and guarded because he wants to protect himself from others' opinions. once he's clarified whether or not he'd be accepted he's generally a warm (ish) person. to adults and people of importance he's much more agreeable, even is he has to just grit his teeth and force a smile.

also, after training for 2 years and being grouped with the others, he still trained for another 2 years with them before debuting. that's pretty fast for idol standards but long enough for yoojoon to become comfortable around them. also this story will take place another year after debut so he's been around them for a while.

Lastly, I really need to revisit Yoojoon more because i need to mend those glaring inconsistencies. I didn't even think about that so thanks soo much for pointing those out. this was very helpful and i'll probably be coming to you with more characters soon because this is very insightful.

I’m back! I hope you’re doing well! And this time with a boy!

Again, any criticism is met with open arms!

Good evening folks!! Kind of quiet on the thread recently, so I guess I can relax some of the formalities… but not all of them!!! Everyone still gets their own line!

@/ walter, please let me know as soon as you've updated those privacy settings! I'm not going to check the link until you confirm that it works and you're still active on this platform/thread.

@Kinarymo - Glad you liked it!! PLEASE keep coming back with characters (whenever you're ready, no pressure) because I love reading about your incredible characters and staggeringly impressive worldbuilding!

@kanemoto_asuga - Similar to above–really happy you enjoyed it!! My whole job here is pointing out stuff y'all didn't catch, so I'm really glad that's coming across!! Absolutely come back with more characters any time! :DD

Oh wow! Hi @/ Destinee!! You commented right as I was typing the round-up - wild! I am doing wonderfully and will critique this guy right away, since there's no one in line right now! :D

All right!! Absolutely NO waiting period! Top down on Abel…

For starts: nature is WILDLY solid. Seriously. I'm going to have to nit-pick really hard, and even then, there might not be much for me to find!

First little thing: this thing with nosy people. I absolutely understand how he would get annoyed at them (god, don't we all) but growing defensive and even aggressive seems wrong. Everything else about Abel's public personality is carefully schooled and controlled with a conservative kind of politeness. I could fully expect a bit of shortness and for him to shut down the nosy person's topic with a slightly more sharp politeness. But full-on defensive aggression seems out of character for Abel, unless the person is poking at something REALLY personal.

Oh you already KNOW it's time for me to pull out the broken record and rant about religion!! So in case you've managed to avoid this critique, I care about the religion field a LOT. It can be used as a field for characterization to the point where I practically consider it another personality field. And for Abel, it's even MORE important, because it specifically tells us whether a character is more traditional or more flexible and resistant to tradition/structure. If Abel stuck with whatever his parents taught him, or even tended toward organized religion, you can use that as a point to his traditional side. But if he tends more spiritual and non-affiliated, you can use that as a point to his artistic, modern side!

Backstory–woah. Why am I not seeing any of this playing out in his personality?? Is he worried about entering a relationship? Does he struggle to believe all rape allegations in the news given his own experiences? Does he shy away from 'clingy' people? I just don't feel like a lot of the impacts of an emotionally abusive relationship and a false rape allegation are playing out in his personality when they really should be. There are touches of it for sure, but not the impact I'd expect. Actually, his personality seems distended from his backstory, since I know nothing about the traits that ARE on his nature page–where did his love for art develop? How was his upbringing–obviously it gave him politeness, patience, and courtesy, but was it a positive environment to learn those traits in or a negative one? How did he become so responsible? It's not as though you need to list stuff like "Abel grew responsible when…" but just going back further is MADLY helpful to contribute to understanding.

And I know that's not a lot… but it's literally all I have!! You have a seriously well-developed character here, and just a touch more connection between personality and past will make him amazing!! Thank you for dropping by and as always, I hope that my notes are helpful to you! :DD

https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/956567/edit Here's Cake again, I believe he's public now, sorry for the mistake!

Curiosity has struck me, I'm still kinda new to Notebook, but anyways, here
Brooke: Invalid Character

Hey! So I made some changes to Brodie and I think he's more on par with the other guy you've seen now, so if you don't mind taking another look I'd appreciate it! Invalid Character also, since you're from MN, d'you think Two Harbors in northern enough or should change that?

Could you take a look at Zakiya? Zakiya

Hello and good evening, everyone!! Here's tonight's round-up…

@/ walter and @_Dazed_Confused_, y'all are getting critiques tonight!! (And @/walter, no worries! Thanks for the updated link! :D)

Tomorrow, critiques go out to @zims and @Isaac !! :DD

Hi! Not done with this character but I hope you like her! Aro D'miss I'm new here so this is a first for me

All right, @/ walter, top down on Cake!

First up is nature, and most of this generally works well! While everything flows fine, I'll warn you that it seems a touch sparse. Right now, a lot of Cake's personality is built around the central trait of 'chronically friendly.' That's great, but it leaves Cake looking a bit simple. You did very well making sure conflicting traits (like flaws and strengths) are natural results of each other, which is ideal, but you have to make sure to add other points as well!! The core should be based around chronic friendliness for sure, but make sure to add non-related stuff in there for depth!!

Working with what's here, there's one thing that sticks out: his prejudice. Why exactly does Cake hate extreme extroverts so much? By all accounts, he's an extreme extrovert–never knows when to stop talking, dedicated to being an inspiring figure, etc. Is it a manifestation of self-loathing? Given that his extroversion tends to cause a struggle in forming friendships, I could see how that would work, but having a prejudice based in self-loathing would manifest in other areas of his personality as well (like insecurity or toxic levels of self-control) and I don't really see that.

Okay, backstory!! I only have one major point of issue here, and that's Cake's age. It raises a ton of questions about his personality and, honestly, his life. How did Cake survive???? If he's 7, he's still prone to being dumb since he's a child. Sure, he can make food and stuff, but who's to stop him from pushing ALL THE GLOWING BUTTONS and accidentally releasing all the oxygen or something? It's just slightly confusing.

And then more importantly, let's consider how this impacts his personality. He spent HIGHLY formative years, and potentially early puberty, alone in space. It made him more extroverted (not exactly intentionally), but what else? How did he not lose his mind? What does his nearly inevitable arrested development look like? Has he grown depressed? Overly anxious? Seven years is a LONG time, and I feel like it should've taken a much larger toll on Cake's personality.

And that's all I've got!! Cake seems like a genuinely sweet and admirable character, but I think he needs a dash more development to make him great. I hope that my notes can help you in that pursuit!! :DD

Oh what's up @/ Inari K!! I've got slots for tomorrow all filled up, but the day after that (the 25th) you'll have the first spot!! (And welcome to Notebook!! We're nice here, I promise! :D)