Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Hi everyone!!! Um, not to be the worst or anything, but I was thinking… maybe I'll have a break tonight?? I've been going nonstop at these for like two weeks now, and I haven't taken a single night off. @zims and @stolenbrocoli, you're the only two people in my queue right now. Would you guys be okay with waiting until tomorrow night? If you have deadlines or something (self-imposed or otherwise) and NEED this tonight, please let me know!!! I'd be happy to do it if it's urgent. But if not, I was thinking a quick Friday night off could be nice.

And if I can, I'll try to do your critiques during the day tomorrow, so you don't have to wait until nighttime!! Does that sound okay??

Seriously, if you need me, let me know!! But if you're okay with this, that's great too! :DD

(oh, and I promise I won't disappear!!! I love this thread and plan to keep it going at least through the summer). :D

(Hey, it’s me again. Just thought I’d let you know that I’ve been working on Victoria’s backstory. Your critique gave me the motivation, so thank you! It’s not done, I just thought I should let you know)

Yeah, for sure! Like no pressure dude! Take as long as you need!

@CinnamonRoll Thank you so much for the name suggestions. I ended up choosing Ana. Now I just need to think of one for her fiance. I was watching Road to El Dorado which is why I called them Tulio and Miguel

Hi everyone!!! Thanks for being awesome!! I'm going to take care of at least one critique right now, and do 1-2 more tonight!! (My break was lovely, but I missed helping out on this thread). :D

(oh real quick before I start– @ella_grace – that makes me so happy!!!! to think I gave you the motivation to work on your character is honestly uplifting to me. thank you!!! and of course swing by again when you're ready!! :D)

@zims, you're first up!! Okay, top down on Daniel…

First off, this nature page is EXCELLENT. Almost everything on here flows incredibly well–good job!! I only really have one minor issue (and I'll admit, I'm nit-picking here). Often in Danny's sheet, he's described as laid-back. But looking at a bunch of his other traits (overprotective, driven, stubborn). He's a debater and a competitive athlete. A guy like that is almost guaranteed to be working hard and highly active in many areas of life. That being said, I can see how he could be level-headed and/or generally stress-free. But for the level of drive I see in Danny's character sheet, the idea of him being laid-back seems somehow wrong.

Since you have such a smooth page here, I'm going to tell you what I think could be further explored! Nature, again, just DECIMATES. It's amazing. But for social, I'd be interested in seeing more buildup behind religion and politics especially. Religion–clearly he's Jewish, raised Jewish. But did his faith ever waver? How did his experience with the anti-semitic senior (whom I will gladly KILL) affect him/his faith? Why did he choose to continue in his faith? Which denomination of Judaism does he practice? Is it different from his family, or the same? Politics–how did he develop his views? Oftentimes, people of strong faith tend conservative (I thought this was just Christians, but I went to a speaker at a synagogue last year and my world was forever changed)–was this true for his parents, or did he learn his liberal views from them? I'm writing WAY too many half-rhetorical questions, but you get the picture!! Understanding origins for traits like these is incredibly interesting to consider as well as revealing about a character.

Backstory is solid!! You explained away a few of my half-rhetorical questions about religion. I generally try to nit-pick this section for at LEAST one note, so here it is: how is he so laid-back? Danny is obviously a busy student, struggling with anti-semitism and his sexuality. I see that you've explained his good relationships with his family in Relationships, but what about time? His parents may be able to make time for him, but that's only half the equation. How does Danny balance everything he does with alone time and family chats? Does he immediately open up about his sexuality? I feel like writing an incredibly grounded character under so much external stress is fine, but it has to be explained. Stress would be intrinsic in a character like this, and I feel like you need more basis in backstory to explain Danny's calm.

And I do believe that's all I can offer you!! You'll notice it's not a ton. I'm so sorry I can't give you more, but seriously, this is a very well-done character!! He seems like a genuinely nice guy with plenty going on below the first layer of personality. You should be proud. And although your characters are difficult for me to critique (they're just… good) I'd love to meet some more!!! Drop back by the thread anytime. And of course, I hope that these few notes can help you!! :DDD

Dude! Thank you so much! These critiques are so helpful!!! I 100% get the laid-back thing and the whole time I was writing it I was thinking that it didn't really sound right. Level-headed is definitely a better word for what I was trying to convey.
I'll make sure to delve into his and his family's faith more. I usually shy away from religion a little with my characters since I'm not really sure how most religions work, and I don't want to accidentally write something stereotypical or offensive, but I felt more comfortable making it a bigger part of Danny's identity since I'm Jewish.
Yeah, so I wanted Danny to be more of a grounded, secure kind of character, but I need to explain how he got there. And even if he is well adjusted he's not gonna be immune to stress.
And just like, thank you so much! You're too nice 👉👈

@zims - I'm so happy you liked it!!! Helping y'all out absolutely FUELS me. Exploring religion is so, so interesting–never be afraid of it, even if it's not your religion! Ask for advice, try your best, and make it clear that you have no intention of being offensive. Good helpers will support you in your efforts, not tear you down. And come on–you're too nice to ME!! Come back by the thread sometime :DD

After SEVERAL hours, it's time for today's second critique - @stolenbrocoli 's Garret (take two!) @PaperCraneEnthusiast, you're first up tomorrow night!!

I jumped back and re-read my previous Garret critique. I'll try not to repeat myself, but sorry if I do! Okay, top down…

Going back on what I said already???? It's more likely than you'd think!! So I know I already brought up how his manipulative nature doesn't make sense, but now, with the edits you've made, the explanation given makes it more confusing. Let me explain. Garret has become a character who's silently obsessive. He's watching and fantasizing without opening up in any way. I don't recall exactly what about Garret was different before, but suddenly he seems MUCH more prone to manipulation. I'm still not convinced he'd be good at it–again, charisma–but I think he'd be the kind of guy who sends texts with incredible premeditation.

On the flippety-flip, he also seems strangely emotionally driven. He lashes out at others for his own mistakes, takes everything personally, and has dangerously obsessive tendencies. And, of course, his main hobby of making conspiracy theories is a manifestation of chronic overthinking. It seems like he'd also be the kind of guy to write rage texts, whether or not they ever get sent.

Ultimately, this either makes him an unstable, polar character, or a fundamentally flawed one. His quiet obsession and manipulation is one flavor of flaw, but his apparent emotional vulnerability and volatility is another one entirely. I'm not saying these two can't coexist, because they absolutely can. But that will take a lot of explanation, and more likely than not lead to a character who is highly polar and unstable.

Also, I know you have Garret as an MC, but I feel like I should warn you–it feels more and more like you're starting to write a villain/antagonist/gray character. He's either a silent manipulator or a volatile, emotion-driven character. Or he's both and wildly unstable. He doesn't fully confide in anyone, to the point where he overidealizes relationships in his obsession. This doesn't feel like the guy we should be cheering for. Which is fine!!! Because if there's one thing I adore, it's watching my characters make their own way as they grow. I mean, my former protagonist actually developed to the point where her arc led her down a wildly dark path, making her an antagonist, much to my surprise. But she's still my MC. So I guess just know that Garret may be a main character, but right now, he's veering away from the role of 'protagonist.'

(Note: I'm glad you filled out a bunch more on Social!! The "have you ever seen a dirty deer?" bit in particular is helpful to getting to know Garret).

OOOOOOH backstory is COOL! A blend of insecurity and narcissism… I love to see it. (In some circles, people know me as someone with 'a god complex and chronic validation issues,' which is hilarious, sad, and absolutely true). That's a wonderful and interesting way to explain how his personality developed!! I would still like to see more about how his obsessive nature developed, however. Since he had a great relationship with his mother, he is aware of healthy relationships–so what went wrong? I can make some assumptions, but I refuse to type them out because I intend to make you do that.

And that is all I can give you!!!! I actually had a great time with this critique. It's always fun to have a front-row seat to character development!!! Garret has already come so far (in, like, what, two days???) which is super impressive!! If you want to keep swinging by for more Garret critiques, I'd love that (but be warned: I always find something to nitpick). For now, I hope my notes can help you out a bit!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll thanks for critiquing amari and ikaika! it helped me out a lot (especially with amari). i've updated them with the notes you gave me, and they're both much stronger characters now!

Guys, I genuinely can't explain how much these responses mean to me. To think that I helped y'all improve your art is so amazingly flattering and uplifting. And I don't want to sound like I'm saying the same thing over and over, but seriously–it always makes me happy!!! Every time y'all swing by to say thanks makes me smile so much. And again, I'm TOTALLY a broken record here, but please come back by the thread sometime!!!! 'Regulars' make me SO happy!! And I'd love to see more of your universes!!! And I don't want to seem like I'm generalizing all of you, so here are some individual responses:

@stolenbrocoli - getting to know your characters is AMAZING!! I'm so glad I helped you do that!! It's wild when they start literally living in your head, and their arcs just write themselves. God, I love that so much!!

@Foxxglove - I'm really glad I could help motivate you!!! Never give up on even the smallest of universes. I mean, my current main grew out of a one-shot collab online–who knew??? I'm sure yours will go so far!!!

@Isaac - I'm so happy my notes were helpful!! Your worldbuilding around those characters was honestly amazing! It's great that the characters are now even stronger than they already were to fill out that incredible universe! :D

Okay, @PaperCraneEnthusiast, you're my only critique of the night!! Top down on Evie…

(Quick note: is that your art????? it's amazing!!!!)

Before I do real stuff, quick question about her mannerisms. As a gardener, why would Evie ever tear up leaves??? It strikes me as odd–like a bookworm who dog-ears library books.

A lot of Evie's nature page flows very well (it also makes me cry, but that's definitely not because it's bad, it's because I want her to LOVE HERSELF). I do see a thing or two that could use further explanation. First is her persistence. While I really want Evie to be persistent as a kind of saving grace from her insecurity, it doesn't really… fit. For someone who seems to care so deeply about the opinions of others, you'd think that Evie would be the type to slam her mouth shut as soon as someone expresses the slightest bit of disinterest in her ideas. This is even more true given her indecisiveness. I think here, it's important to distinguish what brings out her persistence. What situations are so dire that Evie is willing to push through her insecurity and fight for her plans/ideas?

I also feel like her excitability needs to be further explained. To me, that seems like a kind of inner Evie, someone who loves bouncing around, venting about her latest intellectual conquest. If that's who she is at her core, it should play out more in mannerisms and flaws especially. When Evie's not smothering herself, who does she become? And, of course, the eternal question: when does she feel comfortable being herself? Is there a certain kind of person who makes her feel more confident? This can be a certain trait or vibe that she gets, or something else entirely (for example, I'm pretty shy, but when I have to speak to a bunch of people YOUNGER than me–not even by that much–I'm instantly fine).

Also, conditions. Honest question here: has Evie ever shown signs of depression? Or did something happen in her past to change her worldview? Because this whole idea of "I'm worthless" shouldn't just come from nowhere.

Okay, politics!! For starts, I always find it helpful to place my characters somewhere on a scale of "liberal-to-conservative" to explain how they see political issues, not just the government. But I have a major question here. You say that Evie will be a leader if she has to. How? This is a character who's deeply insecure, indecisive, and overly dependent on what others think. Even in her hyper-up nerd special form, those traits don't just go away. How could Evie make a good leader? And more importantly, why would she ever accept that position, rather than simply handing it off to someone she thinks is better suited? I've seen no indication of ambition in Evie up until now, so this threw me for a bit of a loop.

Backstory is solid, but not exactly comprehensive. Nothing's out of place or anything, but I'll admit I was hoping for an explanation for Evie's insecurity. Nothing BAD happened to her (at least none that's written here). She seems to have had a happy and lucky life–nothing that I'd expect to give rise to an insecure pessimist. I think that's the most major thing you need to develop further in the backstory!

And I do believe that's all I have!! Evie's a really, really solid character (who makes me cry but that's FINE. a lot of things make me cry) who flows very smoothly overall. I only found a couple areas to be picky about, and I hope those notes can help you develop Evie further!!! :DDD

Its me again, but with another character this time as I’m still trying to make Marie’s backstory coherent enough even for myself haha. Like Marie, I’ve put a lot of work into this character and i really wanna see how everything pays off. Just the same as last time, harsh criticism is appreciated !

Hi guys!! @PaperCraneEnthusiast , real quick: would you like me to re-check Evie tonight, or do you want to drop a link later on? I just ask because I generally do two critiques a night, so I could look over Evie again tonight–but I don't want to unless you think she's ready for a second critique!! If you don't respond, I'll hold off until tomorrow just to be safe. Thanks for coming back again so quickly!! :DDD

@/ Destinee- let's do this!! I will do my best to be harsh, but I'm in a great mood today, so I guess I'll have to play some Ruelle to infuse my bloodstream with Edgy. Okay, top down…

(note before we get going: I don't recall if you said you did the art for Marie or not, but WOAH is that art for Ruuben AMAZING!!! Was it you???? It's so impressive!! And she's beautiful!!)

WOW. This is a maddeningly well-developed character, so I'm going to have to work REALLY hard here. Fair warning: these critiques may be tiny things, or they may be irrelevant since they're based in wording on the sheet versus your image of Ruuben. But I'll do my best!!

The most major issue I see in Ruuben's character sheet is the conflict between her spoiled upbringing and her exhausting decorum. She's constantly trying to prove herself as a good princess, but at the same time, she's been raised in an environment that serves her every whim. While some of the nobility may look down upon her, I would assume her expansive staff gave her a sense of superiority. As she struggles with how others perceive her as she grows, I would expect some of that to come out–as in, she'd pull rank a LOT, reminding people that they are below her, not the other way around. It could EASILY be a phase that she grows out of once she matures and realizes that treating others as they've treated her solves nothing. But I am a little surprised that I don't see even a hint of that in her sheet.

Pulling rank could also be a quick and easy outlet for her pent-up aggression. Looming over anyone who happened to spark her suppressed emotions well would be a PERFECT way to work through her anger. You said she can become very vengeful–this is where I'd expect to see it. And as a bonus, this could be a kind of pseudo-self-confidence–acting like you're self-assured because you're 'so much better than all of them,' when really, you're distrustful and self-deprecating. Just… given a lot of what I'm reading here, I'm REALLY surprised there isn't more elaboration on her hostility.

Also, I wish I could see more of Ruuben's joking, always-laughing self here!! I feel like she doesn't get to express herself often, and that's why it's not all over the sheet, but it's still part of her! What kind of people make her more comfortable? Is it only specific people, or is there a certain trait? What kind of jokes does she make? Are they self-deprecating? Dad jokes? Crazy, Gen Z-esque humor? Are there any mannerisms that show through when she's comfortable, something that she otherwise actively suppresses?

Okay, party! time! If I'm known for ANYTHING on this site, I want it to be ~the religion rant.~ It means… so much to me. Too much. (politics is good tho!) So here it is: I feel like explaining a character's religion is weirdly revealing about their character. If they follow an organized religion, perhaps they crave structure and ritual. If it's the same one their parents followed, perhaps they care about tradition. If it's one they converted to, maybe they're the kind of person who searches for the truth endlessly–or they joined the religion as a political play. If they don't follow an organized religion, it's also helpful to specify if they're atheistic or agnostic (read up if you haven't already! it's kinda neat actually), since that can define their worldview as nihilistic or hopeful. Anyway, it's not the MOST important field on Notebook, but I feel like it's practically another Nature trait because of how much it can tell you about your characters!!

(could you… drop… seraphina's link sometime…? even if not for a critique man I just want to MEET HER. desperately. she kinda sounds like the kind of character i'd fall in love with in a tv show, since i have VERY destructive taste in women. and i've got this thing for well-written lady villains, what can I say)

Backstory is solid and honestly INSANELY interesting. The worldbuilding here is just amazing. There's only one little point of confusion: the anti-siren sentiments. It's written like they just arose when Cloelia started getting popular, but how does that work? From what I'm scraping together, one mistress would have to be queen anyway. So why did everyone hate Cloelia enough to basically found a brand-new flavor of racism? Or was this a sentiment that was revived, not created, by the prospect of having a siren queen? I'm just ever so slightly lost.

Also, I have to say, committing a secret murder as a child is kind of a big deal. How did this affect her? Since it was so long ago, I wouldn't expect HUGE impacts on the Nature page, but I think it could be beneficial to explain how she reacted to the idea that she killed someone.

"Twin Sacred Beasts" YOUR WORLDBUILDING. OH MY GOD I JUST–

it's so good!!!!!!!!!

And that is all I have!! Seriously, you have an AMAZING character here. She's clearly well-developed, and I had a really hard time being harsh!! But in any case, I hope the notes I could come up with are helpful in some way. :D

@/ Destinee- let's do this!! I will do my best to be harsh, but I'm in a great mood today, so I guess I'll have to play some Ruelle to infuse my bloodstream with Edgy. Okay, top down…

(note before we get going: I don't recall if you said you did the art for Marie or not, but WOAH is that art for Ruuben AMAZING!!! Was it you???? It's so impressive!! And she's beautiful!!)

WOW. This is a maddeningly well-developed character, so I'm going to have to work REALLY hard here. Fair warning: these critiques may be tiny things, or they may be irrelevant since they're based in wording on the sheet versus your image of Ruuben. But I'll do my best!!

The most major issue I see in Ruuben's character sheet is the conflict between her spoiled upbringing and her exhausting decorum. She's constantly trying to prove herself as a good princess, but at the same time, she's been raised in an environment that serves her every whim. While some of the nobility may look down upon her, I would assume her expansive staff gave her a sense of superiority. As she struggles with how others perceive her as she grows, I would expect some of that to come out–as in, she'd pull rank a LOT, reminding people that they are below her, not the other way around. It could EASILY be a phase that she grows out of once she matures and realizes that treating others as they've treated her solves nothing. But I am a little surprised that I don't see even a hint of that in her sheet.

Pulling rank could also be a quick and easy outlet for her pent-up aggression. Looming over anyone who happened to spark her suppressed emotions well would be a PERFECT way to work through her anger. You said she can become very vengeful–this is where I'd expect to see it. And as a bonus, this could be a kind of pseudo-self-confidence–acting like you're self-assured because you're 'so much better than all of them,' when really, you're distrustful and self-deprecating. Just… given a lot of what I'm reading here, I'm REALLY surprised there isn't more elaboration on her hostility.

Also, I wish I could see more of Ruuben's joking, always-laughing self here!! I feel like she doesn't get to express herself often, and that's why it's not all over the sheet, but it's still part of her! What kind of people make her more comfortable? Is it only specific people, or is there a certain trait? What kind of jokes does she make? Are they self-deprecating? Dad jokes? Crazy, Gen Z-esque humor? Are there any mannerisms that show through when she's comfortable, something that she otherwise actively suppresses?

Okay, party! time! If I'm known for ANYTHING on this site, I want it to be ~the religion rant.~ It means… so much to me. Too much. (politics is good tho!) So here it is: I feel like explaining a character's religion is weirdly revealing about their character. If they follow an organized religion, perhaps they crave structure and ritual. If it's the same one their parents followed, perhaps they care about tradition. If it's one they converted to, maybe they're the kind of person who searches for the truth endlessly–or they joined the religion as a political play. If they don't follow an organized religion, it's also helpful to specify if they're atheistic or agnostic (read up if you haven't already! it's kinda neat actually), since that can define their worldview as nihilistic or hopeful. Anyway, it's not the MOST important field on Notebook, but I feel like it's practically another Nature trait because of how much it can tell you about your characters!!

(could you… drop… seraphina's link sometime…? even if not for a critique man I just want to MEET HER. desperately. she kinda sounds like the kind of character i'd fall in love with in a tv show, since i have VERY destructive taste in women. and i've got this thing for well-written lady villains, what can I say)

Backstory is solid and honestly INSANELY interesting. The worldbuilding here is just amazing. There's only one little point of confusion: the anti-siren sentiments. It's written like they just arose when Cloelia started getting popular, but how does that work? From what I'm scraping together, one mistress would have to be queen anyway. So why did everyone hate Cloelia enough to basically found a brand-new flavor of racism? Or was this a sentiment that was revived, not created, by the prospect of having a siren queen? I'm just ever so slightly lost.

Also, I have to say, committing a secret murder as a child is kind of a big deal. How did this affect her? Since it was so long ago, I wouldn't expect HUGE impacts on the Nature page, but I think it could be beneficial to explain how she reacted to the idea that she killed someone.

"Twin Sacred Beasts" YOUR WORLDBUILDING. OH MY GOD I JUST–

it's so good!!!!!!!!!

And that is all I have!! Seriously, you have an AMAZING character here. She's clearly well-developed, and I had a really hard time being harsh!! But in any case, I hope the notes I could come up with are helpful in some way. :D

Uh oh oh boy , I’m getting the ruelle kind of experience lol
YOU ARE THE SWEETEST LMAO THANK YOU yeah most of the art for my characters is done by yours truly so thank you, it really means a lot !

Not a problem whatsoever ! I just want to see different perspectives on Ruben as she’s got a bunch of stuff to deal with thanks to me haha

I can definitely see how her background and upbringing can lead to thoughts like that, but Now that you mention it, I’ve actually added that kind of mentality to her older sisters Stella and Arrabella 😂 Ruuben’s was suppose to be more aware that everyone around was ultimately ordered to be around her ( save for a family relative) which makes her more withdrawn from them , as none of them had actually wanted to take the time to understand the girl, prompting her to feel very alone and abandoned. But I definitely see some of that “ I’m a princess so blah blah blah” in her as some sort of defense against her staff even if she doesn’t really believe that her birth or that fact is truly something spectacular . Her internal struggle of Accepting both her elven and siren roots was more prominent to me but looking at your reasoning, I really have to start paying attention to that part of her as well

Ah all these things and I literally put them in other characters WOW well, Coming from somewhere so chaotic, I believe that Ruuben would crave for structure and given the assassination of her older sister and the evasiveness of her father, she would slowly move towards wanting truth

AND YOU’RE RIGHT I just need to find a starting point of the mentality towards sirens so it’s back towards the drawing board with me
And for a murder, I should really put what I ha down in her history rather than explain it with friends, but thanks for pointing that out 😭

Everything’s so immersive even if you did have a problem being harsh, I couldn’t really tell!

And you can totally have the Seraphina link LMAO she’s not as fleshed out as Ruben and if I could type as fast as I think, she would be
But go harsh on her as well , be she’s exactly the kind of woman you believe she is
I’ve just got no patience when it comes to writing these kinds of characters for myself, they’re just so mean sometimes and her insecurities are just ARRRRRRGH but I swear I want her to be the well written lady villain she was meant to be

Hi everyone!! Nightly round-up here…

@/ Destinee - thank you for taking my notes so seriously!! It means a lot to me when people think through what I have to say :DD I'm so so so excited to meet Seraphina (thank you!!!!) and she'll be first up tonight!

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - sounds good!! whenever you're ready–it is not my job to rush your creative process!

@stolenbrocoli - of COURSE I'm up for it!! You'll be after @/ Destinee tonight (or perhaps very, very early tomorrow morning by my time. I feel like staying up… late).

Oh dear @PaperCraneEnthusiast I missed your second post there! And here I thought my refresh button was good for something. Absolutely I can!! (and THANK YOU!!!!!!!! :DDD) Since there were two links ahead of you and I finish two critiques a night, you'll probably have to wait until tomorrow. But I don't work tomorrow, so maybe I'll meet Annike in the morning sometime, rather than at midnight! :D

Okay, @/ Destinee, it's the moment we've all been waiting for!! Or at least, I have. Thank you so much for letting me see her!!!!! Before I spaz too much, top down on Seraphina…

(yeah I can guarantee this is the TV show character I'd fall in love with. but also i hate racism and she's a wee bit racist. everything hurts)

Nature!! Just like with Ruuben, everything here is astoundingly well-developed. There's honestly only one thing I don't fully understand about Seraphina's personality, and it's pretty small. You characterize her as uptight under flaws, but that doesn't feel right. Seraphina clearly believes she's above everything around her–her siblings, the law, etc. She's a two-faced public speaker. She appears refined, but is actually controlling. Case in point… she's a politician. Everything about her character screams that she's constantly at ease in tense situations, not uptight. Seraphina's interesting because she's a controlling character so self-assured in her position that she lacks a lot of the paranoia that usually comes with that nature. That paranoia is generally what causes controlling characters to act reserved and uptight, so that's why I think it feels out of place for Seraphina.

Also, mini-tangent (I said I only had one nature critique, so this is like a half-note? Who knows). Good at management–from her own perspective? Or from others'? Because I feel like Seraphina would be a horribly domineering, control-freak manager… not the kind who's enraged at everyone for being incompetent, but who seems surprised when they don't do EXACTLY what she told them to, and then flips out and takes over the whole project.

Politics!! Okay!! As I believe I said with Ruuben, religion and politics are WILDLY important fields to me. So now you get the politics rant! Here it goes: I think that explaining a character's political stance, even with broad strokes, is insanely important. As a general rule, I try to rank my characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative. This even holds up in fantasy worlds, so long as you explain a bit what 'liberal' means in that culture. Maybe it's basic racial equality; maybe it's full-on anarcho-communism. This explains a lot of things, similar to religion (is your character more traditional or open to change? are they more likely to play it safe or take risks?) For characters like Seraphina, in government positions, it's also interesting to talk about some basic policy–for example, where would her money go? Welfare, military spending, infrastructure, education, trade, something else entirely? How would her society look? Would there be reforms or changes made to existing laws?

Backstory is solid!! I literally only had one note, and you already put it there for me: "(remember to explain Sera's childhood a lil)." Super important!! I think it's here that you can start to lay the foundations for her eventual sense of superiority. But I'm not super worried, since you already have a note to. write that out!!

just now realized she's 170. damn. That's a LOT of time to build rage or develop toxic traits. Remember to have a solid reason as to why she hasn't snapped once up until now, because that's a hot minute to be a kid with a complex. Also, I'm suddenly mildly confused, because I feel like I read Ruuben was 19? But I do a lot of these critiques so that could've been someone else.

And that is all I have!! Thank you so so so much for dropping Seraphina's link–this was really fun!! She's an annoyingly well-written character, much like Ruuben, and I struggled to pick out some critiques. But I sincerely hope that these notes will be helpful to you in some way!! :DD

All right, @stolenbrocoli, party time!! Top down on the lovely Ana…

Ana's nature sheet is a touch sparse, but since she's a side character, that's fine! I only mention it to tell you that my notes may be limited as well.

The most major issue I have with Ana is this internalized sexism. Not the fact that it exists (I actually think it's really interesting to explore the idea of a female character with internalized sexism–it's a real thing and we don't mention it enough!!) but just how it gels with the rest of her personality. Although you never explicitly say that Ana is ambitious, per se, a lot of signs point towards something similar. She's a proud perfectionist, intellectual, dedicated, and stubborn. These are generally traits you'd find in a leader. And she's competitive, which generally hints at a splash of ambition. It's not like you have to rework her whole character or anything–that's the thing with internalized biases–they clash with personality sometimes. The issue is that I'm not seeing that clash communicated in Ana's personality. I would expect a bit more evidence of a conflict between her strong personality and her implicit bias. This is like setting the stage for an arc. I think it could be very helpful to explore what these two traits mean for Ana's personality as a whole.

i've read your character sheets like 5 times and this whole time I fully believed Cult was an actual cult, as in a group of people

oh how wrong I was

Backstory is solid, but I see one point of minor clash. It's VERY small, since you can easily overwrite these issues with the idea of "he's her kid," which is a completely valid excuse. But her parenting style seems a little off. Ana learned the hard way that living for fun can have awful consequences, so why would she coddle her son? If anything, I'd expect her to be a bit more like Neo. Not NO support, but certainly not spoiling her son. Given her introverted and distant nature, I'd see her more as a shoulder to cry on, available when Garret needs her, but not there to coddle him at all times. But like I said, the magic of motherhood can change a person, so it's completely cool to use that as an explanation for her somewhat altered behavior! I think it could also be helpful to make some notes (whether in Nature or somewhere else) about her her personality changes when she's with her son.

(oh! oh! oh! her becoming a leader could be layered with a personality arc where she begins to overcome her sexism!!! you don't have to because my job is by NO means to tell you how to write your plotline but idk just an idea!)

And that's all I have!! Sorry it's a bit sparse, but I hope it's a solid level of detail for a side character! It was also hard because her personality was strong and coherent (the bane of my existence, you know?) But seriously, wonderful job!! I hope my suggestions are helpful to you in some small way! :DD