Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

Nightly roundup – short one tonight!!

@stolenbrocoli - glad you liked it!!! You've become a bit of a regular for me, so it means a lot to hear (read?) you say that!! :DDD

@PaperCraneEnthusiast, you're my only person on the docket for tonight, so I'll get started right away! :D

Oh shoot!! I can't access Annike's character page!! I'll check in again in a half hour and an hour, but if you don't make her public tonight, no worries at all! I can hop back online tomorrow and write the critique. :D

these are my 4 favorite and most developed characters. they also happen to be the only ones open to the public eye.

it is important to note that all of the artwork and photos in the character gallery were not taken or drawn by me, I found them all on Pinterest. I would give credit if I could. all of these characters are of different fandoms of mine, but I don't think it will really hamper your ability to critique any of them. don't hold back, I am nowhere near sensitive and I promise I won't take anything to offense. I just really need someone else's opinions on them. that's why I gave so many options. just pick whatever one you'd like. or all of them if you're up for it.

also, the characters have few, in most cases no "relations" to any other characters I made so that might explain the sparse character sheet. it shouldn't take long and I'm totally fine if you don't have a lot to say. I get it, there's not much to critique. it's not that impressive. I'm not writing any book, I just like to detail my oc's and this website is fantastic.

Hi everyone!! Nightly round-up before I get going…

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - no worries at all!! She's first up tonight.

@/ Lauren - Critiquing OCs inserted into pre-existing universes is new to me, but I'm really excited to give it a shot!! If I know the universe/fandom, I feel like I'll be able to give a pretty solid critique, and of course I'll do my best for those I don't know as well. I plan to critique all four of your characters. I'll do one tonight (due to my whole two-critiques-a-night thing). If someone else drops a link by tomorrow night, I think I'll do one of your characters per night, just so you don't monopolize one whole night plus half of the next. But the thread's been a little slow lately. If no one else comes by, I can totally do two of your characters tomorrow night! :D

All right all right!! Top down on @PaperCraneEnthusiast's Annike…

(Question before I get into the real stuff - what are this lady's boot soles MADE of?? Are they metal? Just because of the knife-sharpening. Because that's one hell of an image, but I'm a bit confused).

Nature overall is very well-done and tells a story of a character learning to move past a personality born out of tragedy (which is just WONDERFUL). But of course, my job is to nitpick, and nitpick I shall! The first little problem I see is this idea of Annike picking fights. I get that she's young, but I feel like this is a trait Annike would have/will have grown out of, and here's why. She's a character who's seen tragedy and used it to fuel her own motivations. In doing that, Annike is suffering from trauma and some degree of tunnel vision. So in the initial stages of this, I could see her lashing out, picking fights for the sensation of adrenaline. But as it progresses, I'd expect her to shed some of that, learning to resist her impulses in favor of her ultimate goals.

I feel like something you need to touch on is Annike's regard for life. Since her trauma is based in the death of her parents, part of me feels like she'd obviously value life. But a lot of her characterization says otherwise. She's inherently distrustful, prone to picking fights, and places herself/her goals above others. This paints a picture of someone who's willing to throw people around like nothing, consumed with her own ends and uncaring of who she has to sacrifice to get there. Neither of those some 100% correct. I think you need to consider which side generally wins, or perhaps how Annike's regard for life changes along with her development.

Politics!! A couple things: how does she feel about being the authority when she hates authority? Does this eventually impact how she wants to run her country? Like, does she decrease the power of government in any way? Also, as always, I encourage you to rate Annike on a scale of liberal-to-conservative!! It really helps, especially when writing characters in positions of power. Also, maybe look into some versions of anti-authority ideologies (libertarianism, anarchy, communism, etc) and figure out which points of each work for Annike.

Also, question: If Annike is so distrustful of others, how could she possibly leave leadership to her advisors? I would think she's be too paranoid to trust others with that degree of power.

History caused me indescribable pain. I was so excited to read a long backstory!! But if nothing else, there's one thing I feel needs to be described REALLY well in backstory: Annike's distrustful nature. The only real reason for Annike to be so afraid of trusting those around her that I can think of off the top of my head is that the people who killed her parents were people she knew, perhaps knew well. If that's not it, fine, but something has to be. Raised as royalty, Annike would've had an incredible support system of teachers, servants, and friends, so her paranoia NEEDS a trigger. And of course, I'd encourage you to add more to this field overall!

And that's all I have!! Sorry for such a long wait, with all the issues and me waiting until nighttime and all that! But I really, really hope this was worth the wait! Annike is a very well-thought-out character, and I'm super excited to see her grow!! I hope my notes can help you with that! :DD

@/ Lauren - here we go!! I'll get started with Akane. I'll admit I know nothing about Beastars, but I'll do my best here! Top down…

Okay, sike. Before I get started, here's a little aside: "It's not that impressive." You told me that when you dropped your links, and I think you're wrong. I deeply believe character creation is a form of art, because you're literally making a person from the ground up. And if that's in a pre-existing universe, fine! Whatever! It's still your art, because the magic is in the character, not the setting. However much or little you choose to put on this website is up to you, so don't feel bad about only writing a bit! It's all about how YOU want to organize YOUR thoughts.

NOW let's do this! Starting, of course, with Nature. Like you told me, it's a bit sparse, but everything gels really well! I only have a couple comments. First one is about flaws. A fear isn't really what I'd call a flaw, UNLESS it's debilitating to the point where it affects Akane's ability to function or alters her personality. I'd encourage you to extrapolate some of her other traits into natural flaws–for example, examine how her passive nature harms Akane's decision-making abilities or something along those lines.

Next, prejudices. You may have to disregard this critique, since the quote you have as a prejudice right now might make perfect sense to someone who's seen Beastars. But to the untrained eye, this doesn't look like a prejudice, just a belief. While the two are fairly similar, it's helpful to think of prejudices as negative ingrained beliefs and treat them more like subconscious flaws. For Akane, this could mean something like "thinks all predators who use their power to bully prey are irredeemable."

Politics!! Oh!! Okay, so I have this thing where I feel like explaining a character's political stance is wildly important, even if they're not politically active. Most helpful is rating your character on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. This helps explain if your character is more open to change or more traditional. When you look at it that way, everyone has a political stance, even if they don't really voice it.

Backstory is solid!!! I actually don't have any notes here. Since Akane's main 'thing' is that she is strongly against the casting of predators as evil, the framing of her father is a really good origin point for that belief!

And that's all I've got!! I wish I knew Beastars better so I could be of better help. But as for now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you, and I'll be back tomorrow for the next 1-2 critiques!! :DD

(Hi, I've been lurking this thread since page 1, and I just wanted to say that I really respect and admire all the work being done here, both by the people making these characters and the analysis being done on them. Keep it up!)

Ok, He's not super polished. This Nature page isn't where I want it to be and His Background isn't as fleshed out as I would like it to be… But It's finally to a point where I can share him so here is Eyamir's page for when he is a wee bab. I will finish Adult Eyamir, soon, just not yet.

henlo qvq
can u take a look at my boye? qvq

@CinnamonRoll Thank you so much!!! its pretty boring in quarantine, and i'm so glad i have something to work on!!! i deeply appreciate it!!!! i totally see where you're coming from, and now i can try to really get into the character more!!!

Wow! Hi, everyone! Nightly round-up will be slightly longer tonight…

@Urby - wow! thank you!!! That's weirdly high praise, to know that someone completely removed from all the action still respects and admires what I do and the art people bring to this thread. Thank you!!!! :DD And of course, my thread is your thread–drop a link if you ever feel inclined to!

@/ Lauren - glad you enjoy!!!! I TOTALLY feel quarantine boredom. I'm happy I could help! And I'll get to one more of your characters tonight! :D

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - don't worry about it!!! Your character sheet, your business. I'm just a sucker for walls of text, so it's all me, not you, you know? I really hope you liked it anyway, and please don't hesitate to bring more characters around! :D

@Relsey - Welcome back!!! I've been hyped for Eyamir! I'll get him tonight after @/ Lauren's charater.

@Kinarymo - Of course!! Since I already have two characters on the docket for tonight, I'll critique your character first thing tomorrow night! :D

All right all right, @/ Lauren, let's do this! Same issue as before–I haven't read/watched/listened to Renegades. Unlike with Beastars, I have NO idea what it is, so I'm sorry if that affects the critique in any way! Okay, top down…

I'm tearing myself apart trying to pick at flaws in this nature page. It's really solid!! But of course I must nitpick, so if any of these seem just objectively wrong, go ahead and disregard. First off, I notice that the mannerisms described are of stress or nerves. Which is cool, because all characters get stressed. But this sheet is distinctly lacking in description of what stresses Alexander out. He's impulsive and reckless, focused by revenge and ambition. That's the perfect storm for a character who doesn't have time to stress about his choices before he makes them. So what is it that stresses Alexander out? Is it the afterthought? Does he struggle with plans more complex than 'take them all down in a blaze of gunfire?' I feel like that side of his character needs a little bit more love.

Also, 'calm' seems a touch out of place. Perhaps it would fit in with further explanation, but the level of reckless ambition seen in Alexander doesn't usually led itself to calm. Maybe a front of calm. That word is just a bit confusing.

Another thing I think you may need to explore is how his relationships are impacted by his limited life experience. He's distrustful (likely because someone broke his trust), but young children tend to trust more easily. How does that duality harm Alexander? And what is he like when he forms a relationship? Like children or people with limited experience, does he model his personality based on the influence of those around him?

History is a whole lot of bee talk that I don't understand (I'm just gonna go ahead and chalk that up to my lack of Renegades knowledge). I have one quick question and one critique. Question first: why was he so popular while comatose? Did everyone hear about him somehow? And then critique: what's the origin for Alexander's trust issues? Does it come from the actions of the Queen Bee–was she previously someone he knew and trusted, or a leader he respected? I'm picky, but I feel that characters with trust issues need an origin point for that trait.

(wait a second Renegades is by Marissa MEYER??? oh I gotta order all of these books)

And that is all I have! Solid character, solid story, wildly interesting universe that you may have just gotten me into! In any case, I hope that you enjoy and that my notes can help you with your character development!! :DD

Oh hello @Ash-has-an-arachnid-aversion !! Caught me just after the round-up. There are a couple people ahead of you and I've got a slightly longer thing going with @/ Lauren, so I'll get to Azami in a couple days (on the 14th!) Thanks for coming by the thread!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll As always, thank you!!!! you once again have given me a lot to adjust which I greatly appreciate!!! i understand the confusion, the character went through many passes, and I guess there are just things I missed, thanks for pointing them out!!!! and you should DEFINITELY buy the books!! 10/10 would recommend. a must-read, and will provide ample entertainment for quarantine ;)

Okay, @Relsey, let's do this!! Super excited to meet Eyamir! Top down…

(main character in my heart) -me every time I overdevelop a minor character and end up outlining 3 more offshoot stories

First red flag I see: prejudices!!! So I guess there are a couple schools of thought on this, but I have some strong opinions on character prejudices. I firmly believe every character HAS prejudices. If they're rational and mature like Eyamir is, they might not ACT on those prejudices. But prejudices are ingrained or subconscious feelings that you can recognize and resist, not fully get rid of. If I remember right from Azizia's pages, Eyamir faced a lot of discrimination due to his human blood–you can go a lot of ways with that in developing prejudices!

Another small issue is his bluntness. Eyamir is described as a negotiator and a listener, but that would be dangerously undermined if he were to bluntly voice his opinion whenever asked. But to your point, he's not perfect, and makes mistakes in negotiations. I think it could be interesting to frame his bluntness as the thing that causes these slip-ups. But to do that successfully while keeping his negotiator characterization, I feel that you'd have to rework when his bluntness jumps out. Just an idea, though!! But be aware that bluntness and negotiation skill are conflicting traits. They can work together, but only with a bit more explanation.

OH YEAH BABY BUCKLE UP IT'S TIME FOR THE RELIGION AND POLITICS RANTS

i get way too hyped about these. ANYWAY. For religion, I think everyone needs to note exactly what religion their character ascribes to, even if they're non-affiliated. That's because it can tell you a LOT about how your character sees the world. Are they religious because their parents raised them that way? Probably a character who thinks the world is a lovely and safe place. Religious because of their own beliefs? Probably optimistic, someone who cares about changing the world little by little. Religious for show? Image-obsessed, manipulative, etc. And for non-affiliated, distinguishing atheistic or agnostic helps explain if your character is more nihilistic or hopeful!! Of course, these traits aren't specific to religious affiliation (someone with deep personal beliefs can still be image-obsessed and manipulative), but sometimes you can use religion as a tool to reveal character! Which is awesome. And for politics, I STRONGLY believe every character should be ranked somewhere on a scale of liberal-to-conservative, whatever that means in your world. It's so so so important, because it helps show us how open your character is to change. Plus, for politically involved characters, it's always helpful to define their stance on a few major issues in their kingdom/country.

OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH THAT'S WHAT I CALL A WALL OF TEXT–

give me a moment to soak it in :D

Backstory is GREAT!! Tons of good info here. But of course, I have a couple notes. First and most importantly: why does everyone hate Eyamir? Like, sure, he looks different. But his family is a magical lineage, and he was born as the steward to the Senvien Great Tree. He's the only one who can do it. He lives in the palace. That makes him special, not super different. Why does everyone hate him so much when he's in a position of high esteem? It's a bit confusing.

Next up, let's talk about his pacifism. I'd gotten to know Eyamir as this passive but strong-willed character who cares about his own ideals but won't start a WAR over them. However, his backstory paints him as someone full of pent-up rage, lashing out at the people who'd loudly and quietly acted cruelly towards him in the past. Where does his pacifist nature come from?

And that is all I can offer tonight!! Eyamir is definitely a well-developed character. All you really need to work on is solidly nailing down his characterization in his backstory, and you should be good to go!! For now, I hope that my notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

@/ Lauren - I'm glad you still like my critiques!! I like your characters, too, and I'm super hyped to meet two more over the next two days!! :DDDD

(and I think I actually will??? this might be an impulse purchase but WHATEVERRRR)

@CinnamonRoll impulse purchase or not, you wont regret it!! :)

@CinnamonRoll , Thank you for your Comment, Like I said I' not totally sold on his backstory yet so critiques in that Area are very much appreciated. I'll be going in and messing with things so I can do his older self with a solid foundation of where he came from. The basic fact's will be the same but his reactions to things and such will most definitely change, It's the first time I've actually written out his backstory so yeah.
As for Politics, I'm never really sure what to put just because I have no Idea of any Political terminology, I live (Almost literally) Under a rock and Politics kinda scare me, also it's very confusing. One day I will take the time to educate my self on on the fancy words and what they mean. I definitely can and should include information on where he stands within his own world so I shall.
As for his Bluntness and Negotiating conflict. I actually have thought about that and something i must not have updates in his younger self and did put in his older self is his double sided Personality. He has a 'People' Personality and an 'everyone else personality'. Kinda like an At home verses at school or at work kind of thing. I will definitely explore that conflict.
I based a lot of His behaviors on my middle school self actually because I really want to explore the kind of damage having a double sided personality can have. I've done that for a lot of Character's in this Story I'm working on, each of them represent's a part of my life that I found struggles in and the different mental thought process. I'm that one person that thinks way to much about the meaning behind characters. Anyway the point is he is a character built out of contradictions.
I explained Eyamir's backstory from Eyamir's point of view, or as close to it as I could get with out writing an Auto Biography as him. Not everyone hates him, But those in power are directly pointing out that he is different and that he is to be to be hated, It's being encouraged. It's also a shock for him because before this there was no torment at all and now there is. So in reality, no not every one hates him, In his mind however, he is a Teenager with raging Hormones, he most definitely thinks every one hates him.
Thank you again for you comment's I was actually kinda stumped on how to move forward developing him because I was just struggling, but you're helping out so thank you!

Hello, everyone!! Nightly round-up before I get into it…

Tonight's critiques are going to @/ Lauren and @Kinarymo.

Tomorrow, it's @/ Lauren again and @Ash-has-an-arachnid-aversion.

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - Hi!! Of course I can, but since I'm slightly booked out, looks like this character will have to wait for a couple days (until the 15th). Sorry!!! Traffic on this thread spiked out of the blue (which I am very happy about! Just makes timelines a bit trickier).

@Relsey - Really happy you liked it!!! The idea of a dual personality is super fun to explore, and I feel it makes for some of the most realistic characters. Sorry I didn't pick up on that! Now that I know, though, Eyamir is even more interesting!! :D

I'll start with @/ Lauren's Charlotte! And at long last, this is a show I'm familiar with!! Not sure how that'll impact my critique, but I don't know, I guess it's nice? Anyway, top down…

First thing I have to yell about: prejudices!! So I guess there are a couple schools of thought on this, but I have some strong opinions on character prejudices. I firmly believe every character HAS prejudices. They're ingrained or subconscious feelings that you can recognize and resist, not fully get rid of. Mature or grounded characters who recognize their prejudices can actively choose not to act on their prejudices, but that's about as good as it gets.

I'm also a touch confused about the split between her motivations and her flaws. Charlotte is described as someone who wants to push the limits of her power, no matter what the cost. But her motivation of saving Five (at least for a significant period of time) is in direct contrast to this. Five's disappearance is a horror story of pushing the limits of power and facing the consequences. If she spent so long devoted to finding him, that idea would've wormed its way into her head, no questions about it. It's just a bit confusing to place that level of devotion to a flashing neon warning sign preaching the dangers of pushing the limits next to a deep desire to push those limits.

Religion! And! Politics! Rants! Having critiqued two of your characters now, I feel like you've heard them both? Therefore I've elected not to type them out here. But if you haven't heard one/both of them, let me know!! They're not character-specific so I can type them out for you in tomorrow night's roundup.

Background is solid!! The only thing I can think to mention here isn't really about her past, more so about her power. It seems dangerously OP–kind of? Here's what I mean. Charlotte's mad powerful, able to see LITERALLY everything. And sure, that takes a physical and mental toll, but I'm not seeing a lot of that in her sheet. Can she turn her sight on and off? What's it like when she abruptly turns it on? And are there any limitations? Like, does she have to BE in a location, or see a photo of it or something, to see what happened there? I feel like her power has a HUGE dark side that could be really cool to explore!!!

And that is all I've got!! As usual, a very well-developed character here!! Let me know if you need the religion/politics notes, and I'll see you again tomorrow for the last critique!! Until then, I hope these notes are helpful to you!! :DD

@CinnamonRoll okay, let me just say… thank you… for everything. your speed when answering your critique requests and how thoroughly you read the characters, its all so amazing. I truly believe I can take your input and really better my characters, to make them more solid and human-like. I'm sorry if you feel you're giving the same notes often, they're just usually subjects I struggle with writing and/or creating. I cannot put into words exactly how thankful I am, but it means a lot to me and I'm sure many others, that you are doing this.

@Kinarymo - let's do this!! Top down on Virion…

(before I go - is that your art????? did you do that art???? it's really good art!!!!)

Before I get into the actual personality critiques, I have a tiny little note about Virion's relationship. Him and his lover are TOTALLY cute, but given your description here, there are also some… strange vibes. You say it's almost a parent-child relationship, and that Virion practically raised Hiryur. Just be aware that things like that can confuse the morality of any relationship. It could be a word-choice thing, but I just thought I'd let you know!!

The one thing that REALLY gets me about Virion's Nature page is his motivation. Clearly, he's a character with huge capacity for ambition and greed. He's charismatic, clever, powerful, etc., etc. I would expect that to manifest itself in some form of ambition (even if that is just upward mobility in whatever organization he works for). The idea that Virion got the job he currently has and stayed there because he was having a fun time doesn't quite sit right. I can totally understand how he would grow somewhat complacent in his work due to his enjoyment of it, but over time, I'm shocked that we aren't seeing ambition.

Also, this idea of doing what he does because it's fun doesn't gel well with his philosophy that he just does what he's told. What happens when he's told to do something that he wouldn't like to do? Does he just squash down all his impulses and do what he's told? It seems slightly off, but of course, you know him better than me!! Things the writers don't transcribe onto character sheets are often critique bait for me even though you guys have it all figured out, so sorry if I'm doing that at all!

OH YEAH IT'S POLITICS RANT TIME

So I have a politics rant! And here it is: I strongly believe that every character deserves to have some semblance of political stance on their page. Most helpful is rating characters on a scale of liberal-to-conservative-ness (whatever that means in your universe). Politics like this are so baseline that they can even apply to characters who don't consider themselves politically active. Plus, they can tell us a lot about character–ex. whether they're more open to change or more traditional.

Backstory is solid!! Some of my earlier concerns about ambition have been somewhat assuaged, and you even explained the slight sexism! However, this only strengthened my concerns about his relationship. It's clearly a deep emotional connection by the time it reaches maturity, so I'm not telling you to scrap it or anything like that. Just please know that from what I'm reading, this has an unsettling vibe of a kid dating his dad. Which is weird. And I'm so so so sorry, because I try to critique characters, not plotlines, but I feel like I have to say this one.

Okay, and that's it!! In case you couldn't tell, not a ton–I had to work hard here! Virion's character is really solid and clearly well-developed! Sorry if I stepped on your toes a bit with any plotline critiques. And in any case, I hope my notes can help you as you continue developing Virion!! :DD

@/ Lauren - THANK YOU!!!! Thank you so much. Validation like this makes me feel all warm and fuzzy so thank you so much for your praise. I genuinely care about the characters I get to meet on this thread, and I try my best to offer helpful advice. To know that the artists on the receiving end of that feel they can accept my critiques and sometimes even enjoy them means everything to me. I love the positive experience I've had on this thread and I'm so thankful for the feeling of mutual respect everyone on here seems to have for each other. Thank you for your kind words–you've made my night!!!

And I don't plan to close this thread anytime soon, just because I love doing this so much!! I plan to be quick and helpful for as long as I can. :DD

@CinnamonRoll it’s 3am but I finished!!! I just wanted to write this down now before I forget. I finished Victoria’s backstory and added to her character a bit. However, I am unsure if there’s other ways her backstory informs her character, as well as about the backstory itself, as I don’t have experience with writing traumatic events of that nature.
But other than that, I’m excited to see what you think! Of course, be as nit picky as you like. Do you need the link again?
Oh, btw, the whole petrification thing is a part of the magic system/world building. Just a heads up.

Hey, here's my boy Kohmir! Kohmir