Please let me critique characters!!! [CLOSED - SORRY!]

My reaper boi Grimm

@CinnamonRoll ayyy, big wall of text :"D i love it
And ye, i did the art (except the one without color, someone else did it for me)

Yea, i know Virion's relationship is a bit questionable, but i ended up leaving it that way. Most might find it weird, but Virion never did anything inappropriate towards Hiryur, the latter being the one who's still childish enough to hug him or kiss him - i need to word it better maybe even change it up a bit. Idk if Virion would qualify for a father figure, more like a mentor type (i've also seen the mentor x pupil thing done somewhere else so imma try to make it better) :">
His motivation kinda got lost somewhere in there, i dont think i even gave a solid enough one in the first place :"> i need to fix this, cuz i did some recent changes to the story.

Politic wise, i never understood what to put there, mostly cuz my little pea brain hates politics XD But i will do my best to try add something in there, to make it more clear - right now i would say he's open to change, given the newly added race disputes that are going on in his area, fact which could also play in with his motivation (proving an elf can adapt to the human world and even make it high up).

Ty for the critique, it didnt bother me, it just pointed out the holes and thank u for doing so :"> May i come back with another character in the near future? :"D

im posting him now so i dont forget qvq

WOW, y'all are giving me TRAFFIC!! Thank you!! Here's tonight's round-up…

Tonight's critiques are going to @/ Lauren and @Ash-has-an-arachnid-aversion.

Tomorrow's go to @PaperCraneEnthusiast and @ella_grace (could you perhaps drop the link again? I have NO idea where to find your character. But I will if you don't read this in time so don't worry too much!)

Night after that (the 16th), it's time for @amber_is_a_starchild and @Divine-Irish-Potato!

And on the 17th, first slot goes to @Kinarymo! (Note to you–I'm so glad I didn't offend you and that you liked the critique!! I can't wait to meet your next character!!)

Thank you guys so much for coming by my thread!!! It means a lot to me. I miiiiiiight need another break soon (by which I mean one night, don't worry, I won't ghost y'all) but that can wait for when there's a lull in links. Okay, I'll get started now! :D

All right, @/ Lauren, last day of four!! I'll miss your characters :((( But no time for me to be sappy–top down on Samuel!

Personality is overall very well done. He strikes me as a 'special kid' dealing with the realities of life without that kind of constant doting (which I can personally relate to. it's tough, man). There are just a couple things I'd like to point out. The first one is his motivation. It seems… wrong, given what I just read. You tell me he has this deep, hidden desire to live a normal life. Why doesn't that play into his motivation? Sure, he basically feeds off attention, and he needs that validation, but is it really what he wants most out of life? I'm not saying his entire motivation has to be "become a yuppie with a studio apartment, a cat, and crippling credit card debt" but I really think some of that subconscious craving for normality would bleed into his motivations a little more.

Next up is that lack of empathy. I struggle a bit with this one, not because it doesn't make sense, but mainly because it doesn't appear across the rest of his nature sheet. How does his lack of empathy manifest in his life? Does he struggle giving advice? Receiving it? Does he struggle to make friends or maintain friendships? Right now, his lack of empathy feels slapped onto his sheet, making it appear out of place. Just add some backing for it and you should be okay!!

Religion and politics being well filled out made me smile :D

Backstory is solid, but it kind of also reinforces the previous note about his motivations. How does he balance his superficial motive of attention (which I would assume manifests at least some ambition) with his deeper motive of normality in his life, particularly in his career? I think that split is easy to explore in journalism (actively gunning for an editor position, volunteering for everything, etc., versus stopping at the same coffee shop every Thursday and smiling every time he sees the pigeons outside the office. little things I guess!)

And that's all I have!! Like I said earlier, I'll miss having your characters around the thread, so come back any time!! And I believe it goes without saying that Samuel is a wonderfully developed character with an interesting duality of personality. For what it's worth, I hope my notes are helpful!! :DD

All right, @Ash-has-an-arachnid-aversion !! Top down on Azami…

Note: I have never seen (I think it's a show?) One Piece, so I'm sorry if there are a couple things that go over my head!!

Nature is just a tiny bit sparse. Big gaping holes are Flaws and Prejudices. Every character has these, even if they recognize and actively work against them!! I think going deeper into the darker side of Azami's personality will take her to the next level.

That being said, I can still offer a note about her personality!! It's about her recklessness. There's a very clear clash between her recklessness and a couple other traits–namely, how she's willing to follow orders and how she doesn't let her emotions control her in battle. Recklessness is practically defined by someone who defies orders in favor of their emotions. So how is Azami a reckless character? I'm not saying you have to scrap the trait, but at the very least, you need to draw some lines. In what situations will Azami allow her emotions to get the better of her and become reckless?

Okay, Social!! I've got this pet peeve about religion and politics. I'm not sure how well these apply in the One Piece universe, but I guess I'll say them anyway! For religion, the first distinction is made between religiously affiliated and non-affiliated. Affiliated (as in, part of a church or organized faith) generally lends itself well to characters who prefer order and ritual. Non-affiliated is the opposite. These characters are generally averse to structure, or they're soul-searchers who can't quite settle into any one faith. Plus, if needed, the distinction between agnostic and atheistic is important as well, since it defines a character's worldview as hopeful or nihilistic! And as for politics, the absolute BASELINE is ranking your character on a scale of liberal-to-conservative. This just gives a general guide for how open your character is to change!

History!! I'd love to see a LOT more backstory here. Like a lot. Something I used to say a lot is that nothing happens in a vacuum. There's a cause for every character trait, and that must be rooted in backstory. I'm sure you have it all in your head, which is cool, but know I can't do my best without that basis! At the very least, it could be helpful to write down the story of her brother's death, as it seems to have had a huge impact on her personality.

And that's all I have for you!! Azami is a character with a strong basis who really just needs a bit more transcription to be great. To that end, I hope my critiques can help you a little bit!! :DD

Here ya go :)

@CinnamonRoll as always, the advice you give is amazing and thorough. it really shows how much you care. this has been a great journey, and thanks to you i think my characters have really developed for the better. i couldn't imagine doing this without you. this has been great. and who knows, i'll probably come back with more ;)

Hi! I'm back yet again! If you could take a look at my D&D character? I'm jumping in for the first time, and I want to make sure his backstory is solid mainly. I've left the rest of his sheet fairly blank so I can develop him as I play him, so don't mind that, but if there's any tips or anything that stands out to you, please let me know! Thank-you!!

Hi guys!! Here's tonight's round-up…

Tonight's critiques are for @PaperCraneEnthusiast and @ella_grace!

Tomorrow's are for @amber_is_a_starchild and @Divine-Irish-Potato!

Day after that (the 17th) I'll be critiquing @Kinarymo and @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull (welcome back!!!)

@/ Lauren - Thank you so much!!! I'm so happy that you can see how much I care through my words. It's nice to know that that comes across well! And please do come back with more–your characters are wonderful, and they've given me amazing practice in critiquing within pre-existing worlds!! :DD

@PaperCraneEnthusiast - let's do this!! Top down on Arissa…

Okay, nature!! Generally I like it, since the concept of writing a 'doormat' character isn't done enough and has SO MUCH arc potential. But there are a couple holes. The first one is her impulsivity and this idea that she doesn't take stuff seriously. Arissa is described as someone who is EXTREMELY self-conscious, with low self-esteem and a constant need to prove herself and gain outside validation. So why wouldn't she carefully think about each of her actions before they're taken? This seems glaringly inconsistent, so perhaps there are certain situations where Arissa is willing to move past her need to be accepted and act out of base emotion. But right now, those situations aren't clear.

Next up–prejudices!! She needs some!! EVERYONE has prejudices, whether they realize it or not. If Arissa treats everyone with respect, it's likely that she acknowledges her prejudices and works hard not to act on them. But they're still there, because prejudices aren't the choices you make–they're just subconscious pre-inclinations.

And lastly, I feel the idea of her accepting the role of 'doormat' has to be expanded more into her personality. How does that affect Arissa? It's not easy to resign yourself to being support for everyone else and rarely getting the appreciation you deserve for it. Is there an underlying anger there? A sadness? I think you really need to examine how that bleeds into the rest of her personality.

Re that last note–she acts as secondary fighter in her group!! That's another point that would weigh on her as the story goes. I'm not saying she has to snap and go rogue or anything, but it could be a great arc or story point to discuss how a life of being second-best comes to a head during her journey with Annike.

Backstory is solid and honestly really cool!! Writing a patriarchal culture is hard, but realistic and interesting to explore from a woman's perspective. I only have one note. You describe Arissa as highly ranked in the military, but also describe her as below others. This is totally fine, but it speaks to an ambition in Arissa. She's not okay with being a highly validated high rank, but she wants to be the BEST. And that's cool, but I didn't see a hint of that kind of ambition in her personality. Even if it's a subconscious thing, I would recommend writing more backing for it!

And that's all I can offer you!! Arissa is a very interesting character from a well-built culture, and I'm excited to see where you go with her from here!! And of course, I hope my notes can help you along that road!! :DD

Because God hates me personally, I just refreshed this page and deleted my whole critique. Spicy. So as I re-type, it may get a little condensed (due to Rage). So if anything doesn't make sense, feel free to ask for an explanation!!

Since I already critiqued Victoria, I'll be focusing more heavily on backstory than on nature, but of course I'll glance at personality as well! So here we go–top down…

Prejudices are WONDERFUL. You added tons of raw nuance that hints at the traumatic event and resolves many former critiques. Really nice job!! And listing her triggers was a nice (if painful) touch as well.

The only note from my previous critique I think stands is the conflict between her goal of escapism and her inability to say no. It's just a matter of connecting herself to people versus distancing herself from them. Which wins in which case? Are there situations where she prefers connection to distance or vice versa?

OH YEAH BABY. OH THAT'S A W A L L OF TEXT. I am very excited (and honestly a bit scared) to read this!!!

WOW. Really really well done!!!! Her story is beautifully written and breaks my heart. It's a masterful blend of fantasy elements and real-world issues. Of course, I have a note or two! The first one is a small plot point. Why did Victoria decide to stay at Braeden's (EW) for a couple of days? They hadn't yet had time to grow close again after his outburst, and his request seems… out of the blue.

Next is an actual critique. Victoria says she doesn't want to raise her son like her parents raised her, but I find that confusing, since her dad seems great. Her mother is clearly awful, but what confuses that further is the idea that her parents stayed together. There was clearly a huge schism between them over how to handle Victoria's magic, and her mother literally became abusive. Why wouldn't her incredibly loving and supportive father leave her in favor of his daughter? I get that it might not be in her backstory, rather his, but it's SO key. Because from what I'm seeing, the only reason Victoria would have to resent her father is that he didn't save her from her mom. He didn't have the courage. Even so, I wouldn't expect her to totally throw out his parenting style, because it seems generally good.

And that, my dear, is all!! I am SO GLAD you took the time to type out Victoria's backstory, because it was a joy to read. Thank you so much, and I hope that the couple notes I could pick out are helpful to you in some way!! :DD

Also, everyone–I think I'll take a break this Friday, the 19th!! (Maaaaaaaaaybe). For now, I won't schedule anyone on that evening. There are still slots open for Thursday the 18th, though, and of course everything after the 19th. :D

Because God hates me personally, I just refreshed this page and deleted my whole critique. Spicy. So as I re-type, it may get a little condensed (due to Rage). So if anything doesn't make sense, feel free to ask for an explanation!!

Ok, first off, I feel as though I had the same problem, in the sense that I rushed through things. I really wanted to finish her character and get my ideas on the page, and to share them. In doing so, I might have rushed through important details. But, what are critiques for? (Also, I feel the pain)

Prejudices are WONDERFUL. You added tons of raw nuance that hints at the traumatic event and resolves many former critiques. Really nice job!! And listing her triggers was a nice (if painful) touch as well.

Thank you!

The only note from my previous critique I think stands is the conflict between her goal of escapism and her inability to say no. It's just a matter of connecting herself to people versus distancing herself from them. Which wins in which case? Are there situations where she prefers connection to distance or vice versa?

Idk, I guess it was one of those things that made more sense in my head. I thought the fact that she was a Quaker could explain this too. But thank you for pointing this out. I don’t know if I can make an exact remedy for this, other than taking inspiration from my own experiences, because honestly it’s a struggle for me too.

OH YEAH BABY. OH THAT'S A W A L L OF TEXT. I am very excited (and honestly a bit scared) to read this!!!

A WALL OF TEXT INDEED, MY FRIEND

WOW. Really really well done!!!! Her story is beautifully written and breaks my heart. It's a masterful blend of fantasy elements and real-world issues. Of course, I have a note or two! The first one is a small plot point. Why did Victoria decide to stay at Braeden's (EW) for a couple of days? They hadn't yet had time to grow close again after his outburst, and his request seems… out of the blue.

First, thank you! Second, sorry if that wasn’t clear, but she was only meant to stay at Braeden’s for the night or at least evening. Plus, I imagine they still spent time with each other in between his outburst and that night, Braeden just let off with the romantic gestures. Idk, somehow I don’t think it would be out of the blue to Victoria. But of course, it’s something to think about.

Next is an actual critique. Victoria says she doesn't want to raise her son like her parents raised her, but I find that confusing, since her dad seems great. Her mother is clearly awful, but what confuses that further is the idea that her parents stayed together. There was clearly a huge schism between them over how to handle Victoria's magic, and her mother literally became abusive. Why wouldn't her incredibly loving and supportive father leave her in favor of his daughter? I get that it might not be in her backstory, rather his, but it's SO key. Because from what I'm seeing, the only reason Victoria would have to resent her father is that he didn't save her from her mom. He didn't have the courage. Even so, I wouldn't expect her to totally throw out his parenting style, because it seems generally good.

Ok, yeah, this is what I meant by rushed. Thank you for pointing this out. I went ahead and said “Parents!” instead of “Mom!” I agree with you, her dad wasn’t a bad guy, and that his relationship with his wife probably changed in that time. I think that since both of them are religious people, they would see divorce as a wrong choice. On Victoria’s end, I don’t think she’d resent him either, but they’d still be distant. But I do think that she’d subconsciously mirror his parenting, I guess? The main thing she’d want to change is not making her child feel like a monster like she felt. But again, thanks for this.

And that, my dear, is all!! I am SO GLAD you took the time to type out Victoria's backstory, because it was a joy to read. Thank you so much, and I hope that the couple notes I could pick out are helpful to you in some way!! :DD

Thank YOU! You are so amazing, so helpful! You got me thinking. I’m definitely coming back with more characters. Also, side note, I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m better at building worlds than characters…..

Hi guys!! Round-up time!!

Tonight I'll be critiquing @amber_is_a_starchild and @Divine-Irish-Potato!!

Tomorrow, it'll be @Kinarymo and @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull!

Day after that (the 18th) @stolenbrocoli has the first slot!!! Peak harshness will either be very difficult or worryingly easy for me to do. We'll see how the mood is on Thursday!

@ella_grace - So glad you liked it!!! You worldbuilding is in fact incredible, but I wouldn't say your characters are too far behind, if they are at all. And I can't wait to see your characters on the thread in the future!!! :DDD

(hey!! we broke 10 pages!! cool!!!)

@amber_is_a_starchild - let's do this!! Top down on Kohmir…

Nature is overall VERY solid. I'm nit-picking here to find some issues, so if they don't apply perfectly, that's why!

There's actually just one major note that I have here: Kohmir's emotional expression. He's described as a person who can't deal with extreme emotion, isolating himself whenever it occurs because he has no idea how to cope. But that clashes with HUGE swaths of his character, since a lot of his actions and connections appear to be based off extreme emotion. He's supported by a relationship of deep platonic love, and he acts recklessly and is prone to making scenes when he feels the situation demands it. Kohmir doesn't keep his emotions in check, and he's certainly used to strong emotion. It feels a bit off to portray him as a person who doesn't know how to deal with strong emotions.

Okay, let's talk about my FAVORITE thing: religion and politics!! I think both are MAD important. For religion, it's helpful to delineate whether your character ascribes to organized religion or not, as well as why they're following that religion. This tells us how partial characters are to structure, as well as what motives that may have (tradition-based, faith-based, ambition-based, etc). And for non-religious characters, it's also nice to make the distinction between agnostic and atheistic, since it defines worldviews as more hopeful or nihilistic.

Then there's politics!! You already have some great characterization here, so DEFINITELY keep that stuff, but perhaps move it from politics. It's more morality. As for politics, I find it very helpful to rate each character on a scale of liberal-to-conservative. This works for all characters, even those who aren't politically active. And it can be used as a tool to define how open characters are to change!!

History and backstory is generally solid! I feel like there are just a couple things that need better roots. First one is prejudices. Since his village was raided, why doesn't he have a stronger prejudice against whichever group was responsible? And if he raised himself, how did his other prejudices develop? And then I also feel that you need a stronger basis for how his relationships formed. There's no hint of trust issues on Kohmir's page, but given how he raised himself, that's a little shocking. How willing was he to open up to the people around him?

And that is all I can offer you!! Seriously, this is a very well-written character, and I had to nitpick quite a bit to get some good critiques. Please come back by the thread again!! I love getting regulars. And of course, I hope that my notes can help you!! :DD

@Divine-Irish-Potato's turn!! Top down on Grimm…

Skimming through Grimm's sheet, I already know that this will be a sparse critique. He's a background character, so he doesn't have tons of depth, so I don't have much to work with. So I'm sorry if I have little to nothing to say!!!

I get that Grimm's whole thing is neutrality, but I feel like his politics could be taken WAY further. As someone who values neutrality, how does Grimm feel about war? How does he feel about government corruption? How does he feel about LOBBYING? You definitely don't have to give him a party, since I feel that would be a little wrong for him, but I think giving him a stance on a couple issues could be really neat!

A couple clarifications for Nature… first up, what's with the motivation of boredom? Does he want to be bored or does he want to escape boredom? And then the depression. How does that work for the immortal personification of death? Is it intrinsic to who he is, or is it a condition that influences his personality like with human characters?

"BEGINNING OF TIME" this gave me serotonin

I think that's all I can offer you!! I'm really sorry that it's so sparse–honestly, I've never critiqued a background character before, so I hope this is what you'd hoped for!! Please let me know if you'd like me to try and dig deeper!! And for now, I hope that these notes are helpful to you!! :DDD

(hey!! we broke 10 pages!! cool!!!)

@amber_is_a_starchild - let's do this!! Top down on Kohmir…

Nature is overall VERY solid. I'm nit-picking here to find some issues, so if they don't apply perfectly, that's why!

There's actually just one major note that I have here: Kohmir's emotional expression. He's described as a person who can't deal with extreme emotion, isolating himself whenever it occurs because he has no idea how to cope. But that clashes with HUGE swaths of his character, since a lot of his actions and connections appear to be based off extreme emotion. He's supported by a relationship of deep platonic love, and he acts recklessly and is prone to making scenes when he feels the situation demands it. Kohmir doesn't keep his emotions in check, and he's certainly used to strong emotion. It feels a bit off to portray him as a person who doesn't know how to deal with strong emotions.

Okay, let's talk about my FAVORITE thing: religion and politics!! I think both are MAD important. For religion, it's helpful to delineate whether your character ascribes to organized religion or not, as well as why they're following that religion. This tells us how partial characters are to structure, as well as what motives that may have (tradition-based, faith-based, ambition-based, etc). And for non-religious characters, it's also nice to make the distinction between agnostic and atheistic, since it defines worldviews as more hopeful or nihilistic.

Then there's politics!! You already have some great characterization here, so DEFINITELY keep that stuff, but perhaps move it from politics. It's more morality. As for politics, I find it very helpful to rate each character on a scale of liberal-to-conservative. This works for all characters, even those who aren't politically active. And it can be used as a tool to define how open characters are to change!!

History and backstory is generally solid! I feel like there are just a couple things that need better roots. First one is prejudices. Since his village was raided, why doesn't he have a stronger prejudice against whichever group was responsible? And if he raised himself, how did his other prejudices develop? And then I also feel that you need a stronger basis for how his relationships formed. There's no hint of trust issues on Kohmir's page, but given how he raised himself, that's a little shocking. How willing was he to open up to the people around him?

And that is all I can offer you!! Seriously, this is a very well-written character, and I had to nitpick quite a bit to get some good critiques. Please come back by the thread again!! I love getting regulars. And of course, I hope that my notes can help you!! :DD

Thank you this is excellent!! I’ll definitely be back, thank you!

Hey! When you get the chance could you check out Brodie? Invalid Character

@CinnamonRoll could you please dig deeper? Just wondering…

시 기생 (Shi Kisang) please critique this because i really need a second opinion.

Hi guys!!! rrrrrround-up time!!

Tonight's critiques go out to @Kinarymo and @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull.
(Also @Divine-Irish-Potato! I'll do a bit more on Grimm tonight as well. Sorry–I wasn't quite sure how to critique a background character!! But I'll add a couple more notes, no problem).

Tomorrow, it's time for @stolenbrocoli and @zims (hello again)!!

Day after that is the 19th and therefore BREAK DAY!! I am quite excited.

But of course I'll be back right away on the 20th to critique @kanemoto_asuga!!

And @amber_is_a_starchild - I'm really glad you liked it!! And I can't wait to meet more of your characters!! :DD

I'm actually going to start with @Divine-Irish-Potato, since I guess I kind of did you dirty last night. I'm really sorry!!! So not really top down, I guess, but here's Grimm round two!

I found his awkward nature slightly off-putting. Grimm's been around since the dawn of time. In theory, he would've had PLENTY of time to develop solid people skills or shed self-consciousness entirely. As someone tasked with his job since his creation, it's not as though he would feel guilty in any way for death. In fact, he dislikes people who cheat death, so there's no reason for him to be uncomfortable around people due to ideas about the negative connotations of his job. I get how you may want to make an awkward death, but understand that you'll probably need some more precedent for that given the length of his life.

That's the same reason I don't fully understand the idea of death with depression. Given the length of his life, I would have expected him to have sought help or developed healthy coping methods. Not exactly that he would 'heal' his depression, because mental illness doesn't really work like that, but I feel like it could be interesting to explore how his response to depression has developed through the centuries.

I didn't mention backstory before because he's a background character, but I do feel you need a touch more. Most importantly, I think you have to establish how Grimm reacted to his position as a reaper of neutral souls. I feel like explaining how he feels/felt about his station will have a massive impact on his personality. I feel like I'm picking up hints of it, but not too much is shining through yet.

I really hope this helps you a bit more!! I'm sorry my previous critique was a little sparse. But may I say–please don't feel you need to overdevelop you background characters! I do this a LOT, and it kind of oversaturates my main cast. If you want to, please go crazy, of course, but don't be afraid to have background characters!! Anyway, rant over–I hope that this notes are helpful!! :DD

Okay, time for @Oakley-is-Oaken-Bull's Rig! Top down…

Skimming through Nature, I can tell that this is a VERY well-developed character. Kudos!!! (you totally lied to me, man. sparse??? PLEASE!) But of course, there are a couple minor issues. The first sentence of his personality type is of course a contradiction, but i feel like that one is easily explained away so long as you establish when Rig transfers from quiet to open. The more major contradiction is between his subdued social patterns and his actual actions. Someone reserved and subdued likely wouldn't be SUGGESTING new ideas around people they don't know, even if they're willing to TRY new ideas. And recognizing an authority that is anyone BUT who he's talking to speaks to a level of confidence that doesn't quite gel with his lack of openness.

Then there's his ease to judge. Rig does not seem like the kind of character to become entrenched in quickly formed opinions. He's friendly, he likes working with people, and although he doesn't like to talk about his own past, there is no indication that he doesn't care about what others have to say. I don't understand how he would become entrenched in quick judgements. Based on his other prejudices, sure, but not as much for people he doesn't know anything about.

I'm surprised there isn't anything about politics on this page. Rig strikes me as a guy with strong opinions about slavery (duh), and also potentially the wealthy class in general. I would expect him to have formed some fairly strong opinions about justice and injustice in the world around him.

Backstory seems to cut off abruptly, but that's okay because I already got a TON of great information!!! Really wonderful job here. The worldbuilding in this campaign is TOP NOTCH. I do have a note or two, but they're really small!! You don't need me to focus on backstory, come on! You've already given it so much love. But for starts–how on earth does this kid not have some degree of paranoia/trust issues? He basically lived on the run, always hiding from others, up until he's at least 12-ish. He was always going it alone, watching people die for him. I didn't see too much of that manifesting in his personality.

Next up, let's discuss this idea of 'they kept looking for him.' The idea of comparing escape to murder totally works, and I get how that works in the culture. However, that same example kind of confuses things for me. After a trail goes cold long enough in a murder case, it just sort of… slows down. People might keep looking, but it's much less active and more based on clues. Plus, the position of a slave seems kind of confused in this culture. On one hand, they're so valued that the search for escaped slaves rages for years. But on the other hand, when one was encountered in battle, it was seen as a free kill. So is that meant to be a blow to the owner, or is it genuinely the idea that slaves have no value? Because there's a clear contradiction there. So I suppose I'd just keep that in the back of your mind!

Aaaaaand I think that's all I have for you!!! As always, it was a joy to meet your character. I really hope you enjoy your campaign, and that my notes can help in your character's development!! :DDD

All right, @Kinarymo !!! Let's go top down on Avatar…

(also, if my critique is a touch sparse, please harass me for more!!! I am slightly tired tonight, so if this isn't up to scratch, let me know and I'll dig a little deeper tomorrow night! :D)

[the art in the gallery was provided by me] go off. go OFF. GO OFF. (I love when I get to see amazing art on this thread!!!! :D)

For starts, this is a WILDLY well-developed character, and any of my critiques will be nit-picks. Here's the first one: Prejudices. I am SO GLAD you included one, do NOT get me wrong, but I feel like you need to discuss how Avatar acts on his prejudice. He strikes me as grounded and self-aware, so it could be interesting to explore how he recognizes his prejudice and then acts or does not act upon it. Either way you go would be really neat, but I think you do need to talk about how Avatar acknowledges his biases.

Next: absent-mindedness. Given how firmly grounded Avatar seems, this feels out of place. He cares deeply about everyone around him. I feel like you could make absent-mindedness work, but you have to establish in what sense. For example, you could play it like his tendency to prize others above himself–he could grow absent-minded when the people around him require his full attention.

HUGE fan of that political description!!

History time!! Generally very solid, but of course I have a note or two. First, this human experimentation thing (or…. Morphidae experimentation). After that experience, HOW did he escape with just a strong distrust of humans?? I'd expect him to be actively waging war. Second, the loss of his wife and child. It doesn't make much sense that Avatar would retreat to his home and shut down entirely, given what happened to him. His time in captivity was traumatic and scarring. So why wouldn't he tear the world apart looking for his missing family, at least for a time?

Note before I wrap up: the worldbuilding here is some of the best I've ever seen. This species you've created is wildly interesting and entirely unique. Just… INCREDIBLE job. Seriously. Outstanding. <3

And that's all I can give you!!! I'll admit I was slightly crippled by my sleepiness, but in all honesty, I don't know how much I could give you at full power. Avatar is an amazingly well-developed character, and I had a great time reading all about him and his wonderful world. Thanks so much!!! And of course, I hope that my notes are helpful to you in some way!! :DDD

I'm actually going to start with @Divine-Irish-Potato, since I guess I kind of did you dirty last night. I'm really sorry!!! So not really top down, I guess, but here's Grimm round two!

I found his awkward nature slightly off-putting. Grimm's been around since the dawn of time. In theory, he would've had PLENTY of time to develop solid people skills or shed self-consciousness entirely. As someone tasked with his job since his creation, it's not as though he would feel guilty in any way for death. In fact, he dislikes people who cheat death, so there's no reason for him to be uncomfortable around people due to ideas about the negative connotations of his job. I get how you may want to make an awkward death, but understand that you'll probably need some more precedent for that given the length of his life.

That's the same reason I don't fully understand the idea of death with depression. Given the length of his life, I would have expected him to have sought help or developed healthy coping methods. Not exactly that he would 'heal' his depression, because mental illness doesn't really work like that, but I feel like it could be interesting to explore how his response to depression has developed through the centuries.

I didn't mention backstory before because he's a background character, but I do feel you need a touch more. Most importantly, I think you have to establish how Grimm reacted to his position as a reaper of neutral souls. I feel like explaining how he feels/felt about his station will have a massive impact on his personality. I feel like I'm picking up hints of it, but not too much is shining through yet.

I really hope this helps you a bit more!! I'm sorry my previous critique was a little sparse. But may I say–please don't feel you need to overdevelop you background characters! I do this a LOT, and it kind of oversaturates my main cast. If you want to, please go crazy, of course, but don't be afraid to have background characters!! Anyway, rant over–I hope that this notes are helpful!! :DD

Its more like nihilism than depression but its still depression-like

@CinnamonRoll (Ayyy, thankie, i try to add some bits of art to all my characters :"> And dw, the critique is gud, and i lov it u3u)

Imma try work on those things u mentioned, prejudices and flaws are usually my weak points, i do a terrible job there :")))
As for the history thing, i think i kinda left out one or two things, but him being left only with his distrust of humans would be caused by him being a kind being, who held no grudge and him not seeming too affected by it would be because his mind just deleted those memories. Also him not searching for his loved ones is sorta cuz he no longer felt their presence anywhere (which usually means said person is no more)

Tysm for the critique, i rlly appreciated it cuz it pointed out the things i left out. Dont be afraid to critique them down to the bone, the more merciless the critique the better :")))

Hey, I was curious if you could critique this character? I started working on her story again and was wondering if you found any flaws. She isn't 100% complete though and she isn't my best. Thank you so much

What's up folks!!! Here's tonight's round-up:

Tonight I'll be critiquing @stolenbrocoli and @zims!

Tomorrow is BREAK DAY!! (I'm a touch excited, can you tell? :D)

Day after that (the 20th), it's time for @kanemoto_asuga and @Musical_Queen!!

@Divine-Irish-Potato - thank you!! The main issue with that point was my lack of understanding, so thank you for explaining!! I hope you enjoyed the critique overall :DD

@Kinarymo - I'm so glad you liked it!!! Believe me, I went hard–you just have an excellent character here. :D