"Lord Farquad gave me a really hard math problem and I didn't like it"
"I ate expired croissants for dinner"
"This is all hypothetical, like if I hypothetically blew up the moon how many bombs would I need how much would it cost and where would I buy them. It is all hypothetical mom."
Do fuck with me, you hysterical hedgehog
What if I ate the empire state building?
What if you didn't
The cat says moo the dog says bark the wolf says howl and the fox says homicide
communists took my grandpa's yaoi collection
“If they don’t have souls you can’t impregnate them. If ya know what I mean.”
BREAKING: Mother Nature is canceled due to homophobic attack on Gaylord
"What is this I hear? Are you trying to diss whipped cream? Is that what your words say?"
"Actually, my granddad's dying wish was for me to not run in the corridors."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
language
"what primary school did you go to?"
"I'm not, I'm fixing my leg."
Me: NOOOOO in tears my ice cream
Mom: what happened?
Me: I ws sniff scopng de ice cream and I-I I ht it of da tble and-and it fel fcng dwn tear
Mom: internally What the FUCK did this kid just say? externally oh now that's too bad.
Anyways I'm going to shit on the neighbor's lawn
She got red hair, Bitch want to be Sonic the hedgehog so bad
Hurt me don't hurt my barbie
"Yes, it is. There's no doubt about it. The entire universe would implode, and all because of your failure to use contraception, Setsuna-san."
group
"a happy, friendly little guy with extra toes"
"Noah and Sakari are gay they literally slept together in my bed," -rando kid on the bus
"Sounds gay I'm listening" -me
"It's okay we support you :)" -same rando kid
That moment when u hate somebody so much Texas breaks-
The only way to have an honest relationship is to lie
"See I took my shirt off and look at me I am completely fine"
Now senpai could never SMACK MY ASS LIKE A DRUM
group
"Austism actually makes you invincible and that's why the anti-vaxxers are so afraid of us."
Can confirm, I am invincible
"Please Mr. D" "okay Sadie I love you but stop ruining my favorite book"
uke (uk enhabitant)
(I have a whole quote book for this stuff)
My grilled cheese skills cannot outweigh my faults
They essentially ruined a man's life over the course of 800 whip cracks (or 1 day) for no fucking reason.
How am I going to say the n-word now?!
John Smith just killed Mufasa
Kylo Ren getting his ass kicked by a taco.
"You can't use lasagne as a plate!"
"I CURSE YOU! I CURSE YOU WITH 'BALLS-FALL-OFF' DISEASE!"
"My maturity is above your comprehension."
"You can't expect me to take you seriously whilst you're holding a beanie boo unicorn."
"It's for emotional support, you damp sock."
"What, you don't get it? Let me dumb it down. When I think of you, I get an angle on my dangle.."
Take that! Otaku Kick! Fist of Social Anxiety!
"Apparently, Kazuomi's chin and Yuzu's pelvis are excellent specimens."
Don't owo me!
The way you're touching that thing…man, I wish I were a smartphone…
